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CeCChanel · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by Hessefan

I totally disagree with everyone. My husband and I had the exact same issue when we first met and had a huge fight about it, which seems stupid, but it was intense at the time. The difference was that I found a nude picture of his Ex, not realising it was someone he knew (I thought it was downloaded), but he rushed up to delete it, and I got very upset, because he then deleted a bunch more. Of course it is about insecurity, we didn't know each other that long and had just moved in together. It was a big fight but I realised I was just jealous. It got worse when he asked for a memory stick to save some work and found pictures of my ex-boyfriends, which I hadn't realised were on there or that I even had them. He got upset this time and we eventually agreed to delete photos of our exes, because for us our relationship is now the most important one and we thought it is inappropriate to have pictures of exes around. This was a few years ago and I don't miss the photos, and there's no danger of stumbling upon them and causing us stress. This is abviously just us, and other people may be attached to their pictures and want to keep them as memories of a different time. Or just not think anything of it and find it no big deal.
But, I think it is a bit unfair to tell you that you are wrong and should get over it, because if it really upsets you maybe you guys could talk about it and see if it would bother you both. I also find it strange if he has hundreds of pictures from a 5 month relationship. If it was 5 years it owuld be different, but he could be still attached to her, or just not think anything of it. If it bothers you very much, I'd talk to him about it and see what he says.

Ditto! When I found such pictures on my DB computer, it didn't make me feel good at all. We didn't make a big deal over it thought since it was not that many pictures. I made him delete the pictures.

Firefly32 · Oct 28th, 2009, 08:53 AM

I would let it go, there just pictures.

sarasmith3269 · Oct 28th, 2009, 04:53 PM

i think no biggie...seems like the biggest/worst/saddest breakups make people delete everything immediatley so that theres no painful memories...maybe the pics dont bring any emotion at all, so he hasnt thought to delete them.

dallas · Oct 28th, 2009, 06:31 PM

I have to say, I don't know why being someone's girlfriend entitles us (general us) to demand that our boyfriend's pictures be deleted/destroyed. What gives us the right to do that? They're images for goodness sake, and destroying them does not destroy the memories.

exotikittenx · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:54 PM

Okay here's my perspective:

It sucks to see pictures of an SO and ex together. No denying that. But it's also a part of his life.

I went on some nice trips to Ireland, and have some really fun memories with my friends and an ex, and I'd be really sad to have to get rid of pictures like those, but I don't have any feelings behind those pictures. It doesn't mean I am in love with him or want to be with him. It's just a part of my life and that's all, but I've moved on.

karmenzsofia · Oct 28th, 2009, 07:59 PM

^ ITA.

This may sound harsh, but I think that people must really not have problems to consider this a problem.

amber11 · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:06 PM

^ i disagree... i think this topic bring up different things in different people and you shouldn't put down someone's feelings just because you do not feel the same way. i never said this was the biggest problem or issue going on in my life, but if it is something that bothers me why not address it?

me and my bf got into a conversation about it indirectly i tried to bring it up casually, he said pictures of past girlfriends are just part of your past and you should be able to reflect on those... and i can see his point i mean i don't want him to feel like he has to delete things because of me or hide things i want him to be able to trust me and not have to walk on eggshells around me, i suppose his past is what makes him who i like so much today so if she was a part of that then thats ok.... i think its just the initial shock of seeing them because you feel like hey thats mine why are you on him?! haha... but i'm feeling better about it and i realize the problem i have with the pictures are mine alone and have to do with my insecurities instilled in me from past relationships... so i'm just going to let it cool for a couple weeks and if im still thinking about it alot then i'll have a more in depth conversation about it but i really don't think it will come to that.

karmenzsofia · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:08 PM

I didn't mean to put you down, just the photos, and I didn't say it was your biggest problem in life.

amber11 · Oct 28th, 2009, 10:04 PM

oh ok sorry for the misunderstanding

karmenzsofia · Oct 28th, 2009, 10:32 PM

No problem. Sorry if it came across the wrong way...didn't mean to invalidate how you feel. It was my twisted way of saying that if this is the main objection about the SO, then it's not so bad. I should've explained it.

I think that if he has no feelings for her, if the photographs are just memorabilia, then I would try not to put so much emotional weight on it. But, then again, if you're unable to do that, if it still upsets you, then it would be fair to compromise. For example, he could get rid of all but one of the photos...something like that.

kristie · Oct 28th, 2009, 10:37 PM

I would not worry about it at all even though I know it bothers you in the back of your mind, it is normal

I have to see my DF's ex wife regularly IN PERSON and I have even gotten used to that, LOL

BagLadie · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:58 AM

While I think this is completely innocent and I understand why he still has them, this would bug the sh*t out of me.

kbela1 · Oct 29th, 2009, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by dallas

I have to say, I don't know why being someone's girlfriend entitles us (general us) to demand that our boyfriend's pictures be deleted/destroyed. What gives us the right to do that? They're images for goodness sake, and destroying them does not destroy the memories.

Girl, I'm going to quote you seven ways to Sunday...THIS post deserves a big

Our minds hold the memories...unless you can delete that, you'll forever be grasping at tangible items to throw away. If you have a foundation of love and trust, images are just images and they should not bother you. Let it go.

Rockysmom · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:15 PM

I still have pictures of boyfriends from 15 years ago. I see it as a part of my life and don't want to just throw them away because I get a new boyfriend. If they get offended then they are too insecure for me.
I would just let it go. If he wanted to be with her he wouldn't be with you.

MarneeB · Oct 30th, 2009, 05:43 PM

I can see both sides of this. BUT, if it bothers YOU, then by all means talk to him. How you and he feel about it is what matters.

Oct 28th, 2009, 04:53 PM	#18
sarasmith3269 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 688	i think no biggie...seems like the biggest/worst/saddest breakups make people delete everything immediatley so that theres no painful memories...maybe the pics dont bring any emotion at all, so he hasnt thought to delete them.
sarasmith3269 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 688

Oct 28th, 2009, 06:31 PM	#19
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	I have to say, I don't know why being someone's girlfriend entitles us (general us) to demand that our boyfriend's pictures be deleted/destroyed. What gives us the right to do that? They're images for goodness sake, and destroying them does not destroy the memories.
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Oct 28th, 2009, 07:54 PM	#20
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 6,106	Okay here's my perspective: It sucks to see pictures of an SO and ex together. No denying that. But it's also a part of his life. I went on some nice trips to Ireland, and have some really fun memories with my friends and an ex, and I'd be really sad to have to get rid of pictures like those, but I don't have any feelings behind those pictures. It doesn't mean I am in love with him or want to be with him. It's just a part of my life and that's all, but I've moved on.
	__________________ Check out my new and UPDATED collection!!!

Oct 28th, 2009, 07:59 PM	#21
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,892	^ ITA. This may sound harsh, but I think that people must really not have problems to consider this a problem.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Oct 28th, 2009, 09:06 PM	#22
amber11 OP Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711	^ i disagree... i think this topic bring up different things in different people and you shouldn't put down someone's feelings just because you do not feel the same way. i never said this was the biggest problem or issue going on in my life, but if it is something that bothers me why not address it? me and my bf got into a conversation about it indirectly i tried to bring it up casually, he said pictures of past girlfriends are just part of your past and you should be able to reflect on those... and i can see his point i mean i don't want him to feel like he has to delete things because of me or hide things i want him to be able to trust me and not have to walk on eggshells around me, i suppose his past is what makes him who i like so much today so if she was a part of that then thats ok.... i think its just the initial shock of seeing them because you feel like hey thats mine why are you on him?! haha... but i'm feeling better about it and i realize the problem i have with the pictures are mine alone and have to do with my insecurities instilled in me from past relationships... so i'm just going to let it cool for a couple weeks and if im still thinking about it alot then i'll have a more in depth conversation about it but i really don't think it will come to that.
amber11 OP Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711

Oct 28th, 2009, 08:53 AM	#17
Firefly32 Member Joined: Jul 2008 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,570	I would let it go, there just pictures.

Oct 28th, 2009, 09:08 PM	#23
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,892	I didn't mean to put you down, just the photos, and I didn't say it was your biggest problem in life.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Oct 28th, 2009, 10:04 PM	#24
amber11 OP Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711	oh ok sorry for the misunderstanding
amber11 OP Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711

Oct 28th, 2009, 10:32 PM	#25
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,892	No problem. Sorry if it came across the wrong way...didn't mean to invalidate how you feel. It was my twisted way of saying that if this is the main objection about the SO, then it's not so bad. I should've explained it. I think that if he has no feelings for her, if the photographs are just memorabilia, then I would try not to put so much emotional weight on it. But, then again, if you're unable to do that, if it still upsets you, then it would be fair to compromise. For example, he could get rid of all but one of the photos...something like that.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Oct 28th, 2009, 10:37 PM	#26
kristie "H" is for horses? Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,718	I would not worry about it at all even though I know it bothers you in the back of your mind, it is normal I have to see my DF's ex wife regularly IN PERSON and I have even gotten used to that, LOL
kristie "H" is for horses? Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,718	__________________ Uh oh...I think I may be more in danger of buying a Hermes saddle than a Birkin.......

Oct 29th, 2009, 07:58 AM	#27
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 7,002	While I think this is completely innocent and I understand why he still has them, this would bug the sh*t out of me.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Oct 29th, 2009, 07:15 PM	#29
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941	I still have pictures of boyfriends from 15 years ago. I see it as a part of my life and don't want to just throw them away because I get a new boyfriend. If they get offended then they are too insecure for me. I would just let it go. If he wanted to be with her he wouldn't be with you.
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941

Oct 30th, 2009, 05:43 PM	#30
MarneeB Taking it all in. Joined: Mar 2009 Location: Missouri Posts: 854	I can see both sides of this. BUT, if it bothers YOU, then by all means talk to him. How you and he feel about it is what matters.
	__________________ Please help stop puppy mills by not buying your next pet from any pet store!

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