Physically pushed by a friend-what would you do??

jillybean307 · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:10 AM

Hey ladies and gents!

So I'm studying abroad in Russia for the summer. I'm here with a girl from my home university, and she hates it here. Absolutely hates it. I've tried being sympathetic. I've tried showing her around (I've lived here before), I've tried being silly with her in hopes of getting her to enjoy herself, and I'm met with behavior that is absolutely disgusting. She's managed to insult several of our classmates here, make horrifically racist comments (the latest one? "All asians are rude." said in front of an Asian lady. Lovely, right?) and she seems to enjoy hurting my feelings because I like it here.

It sort of came to a head yesterday. I came into an internet cafe with a friend, and I saw our classmate *hysterically* crying, talking to someone on SKYPE. I mean hysterical to the point people were staring. Being concerned, I went over to see if she was okay, and she screams at me, "GO AWAY" and physically pushes me. My friend that I came with stared in shock.

I cannot believe I was pushed by a freakin' adult. Who does that?

I have absolutely no clue how to handle this situation. I really would love to call her on her absolutely disgusting behavior, but I also have to deal with her for an entire year after this & our department is very small (only 15 or so people). She doesn't feel it's her fault because she's so miserable here, she can't control herself. I'm sorry, but that doesn't fly with me.

What do I do? How do I handle this without resulting in popping her one in the nose?

lolitakali · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillybean307

Hey ladies and gents!

So I'm studying abroad in Russia for the summer. I'm here with a girl from my home university, and she hates it here. Absolutely hates it. I've tried being sympathetic. I've tried showing her around (I've lived here before), I've tried being silly with her in hopes of getting her to enjoy herself, and I'm met with behavior that is absolutely disgusting. She's managed to insult several of our classmates here, make horrifically racist comments (the latest one? "All asians are rude." said in front of an Asian lady. Lovely, right?) and she seems to enjoy hurting my feelings because I like it here.

It sort of came to a head yesterday. I came into an internet cafe with a friend, and I saw our classmate *hysterically* crying, talking to someone on SKYPE. I mean hysterical to the point people were staring. Being concerned, I went over to see if she was okay, and she screams at me, "GO AWAY" and physically pushes me. My friend that I came with stared in shock.

I cannot believe I was pushed by a freakin' adult. Who does that?

I have absolutely no clue how to handle this situation. I really would love to call her on her absolutely disgusting behavior, but I also have to deal with her for an entire year after this & our department is very small (only 15 or so people). She doesn't feel it's her fault because she's so miserable here, she can't control herself. I'm sorry, but that doesn't fly with me.

What do I do? How do I handle this without resulting in popping her one in the nose?

I'm sorry but SHE needs a spanking for being a brat!

Honestly, I have zero tolerance for people like her & would just physically DUMP her ass, friend or not. Just leave her, why do you need to babysit her?

Call her mom & say she is doing herself "physical danger" being here... send her home, bye-bye!

merika · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:21 AM

Since the department is small and you have to deal with her even after you get back to the US, my advice would be for you to avoid her as much as possible, both here and after you get back.

She's an adult, just because she doesn't like it where you are doesn't mean she has the right to insult anyone who does or behave badly. She's not a 5 year old - she must be in her mid to late twenties if she's in a graduate program!!!

ShimmaPuff · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:27 AM

This one is simple: Spend your time with other people!

Sweetpea83 · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:29 AM

Just stay away from her and don't even acknowledge her immature ways...I really hope she at least apologizes to you for her bad attitude.

mooks · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:30 AM

Tell the miserable cow to go home!!! What an amazing opportunity and she's just ruining the experience for you and probably others. Some people just can't be helped and get a warped enjoyment from being miserable.

As for pushing you, no excuses for that behaviour. Try one last time to be a comforting shoulder and if you get shunned again then leave her to get on with it.....life is too damn short!!

lolitakali · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:38 AM

Oh and if she physically push you again.... take pictures of where she pushed you (any physical evidence "finger marks" "black & blue marks" etc.), show the pics (by sending them) to your friends (first), then tell her that you'll be suing her ass.

If you are "putting up" with abuse, might as well make some money off it. But if you are not, either punch her in the nose (while she sleeps, claiming you are sleep walking) or push her back (be sure there is audience to see that SHE pushed you first).

heartnaspade · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:48 AM

I think you need to do your best to avoid her. She's obviously too wrapped up in feeling sorry for herself to have any consideration for those who are trying to help her, so let her wallow in her feelings. Don't let her have any impact on the experience you're enjoying!

lovinalotofbags · Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:54 AM

Pretend she is not even there. She does not deserve your kindness. Do not feel sorry for her. If she says something racist in your presence again, speak up and say something.

exotikittenx · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:10 AM

I would not associate with her whatsoever, and if for some reason you cannot avoid her and her behavior continues, I would contact your department at home and explain the situation and see if they could perhaps send her home and report her behavior and what she did to you. She's not three years old. That is so embarrassing that she would behave like that!

Go to all costs to avoid her and do not let her ruin what could be one of the most memorable experiences of your life!

rainrowan · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:19 AM

I wonder if it's possible to sign a petition or discuss with the department head her hysteria and callousness towards others (specifically her laying her hands on you) and have her removed from the summer session.

It's ironic that she applied to summer school in Russia, she basically made her bed but refuses to acknowledge and make the best of it. She also sounds mentally unstable and very stupid to be attacking people physically and verbally on foreign ground. In my old neighborhood, if she went there insulting the locals, she might find herself beaten up pretty badly!

IntlSet · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:22 AM

jillybean, you are such a sweetheart, and you were only trying to help... she seems REALLY out of her league in Russia, wow, poor girl... I'm proud of you for being able to drudge up some sympathy. Hopefully she apologizes but frankly, if I were her, I'd run away never to be seen again because I'd be so ashamed of my behavior!

I'd just stay away from her from now on... she's clearly got some issues going on. A grown woman who can't handle it in a foreign country doesn't get a lot of sympathy from me, but we feel what we feel... guess she can't help it.

Sorry she pushed you... just glad you're okay. Stay away from that crazy person!

bagnshoofetish · Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:04 PM

she needs to go home. why is she staying if she's so miserable?

KristyDarling · Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:08 PM

You are so kind-hearted and I know she's your friend, but she's clearly hostile. There's a time for sympathy and understanding, but this is not one of them. She got PHYSICAL with you?? Best to just avoid her. People come upon hard times ALL the time...I can totally understand someone losing it and going on a verbal tirade, but to physically push you? It indicates a major loss of control. She's a loose cannon and should be avoided.

If for whatever reason she does approach you (in a calmer state), just tell her that you think she needs help, or to go home, or something. And walk away. I'm sorry you're dealing with this all the way over there! Hugs!

stellamaried · Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:18 PM

Yikes. That is just so bizarre. As others have suggested, I think you should keep your distance from her. Be polite but distant, and don't feel compelled to be her sounding board or to try to make her feel better. Clearly she has no desire to be anything but totally miserable. At least now you won't feel the need to make her feel better -- just hang out with people you like and who aren't disrespectful to you and others, and enjoy the rest of your time!

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:10 AM	#1
jillybean307 Wanderlust Location: Charlottesville, VA	Physically pushed by a friend-what would you do?? Hey ladies and gents! So I'm studying abroad in Russia for the summer. I'm here with a girl from my home university, and she hates it here. Absolutely hates it. I've tried being sympathetic. I've tried showing her around (I've lived here before), I've tried being silly with her in hopes of getting her to enjoy herself, and I'm met with behavior that is absolutely disgusting. She's managed to insult several of our classmates here, make horrifically racist comments (the latest one? "All asians are rude." said in front of an Asian lady. Lovely, right?) and she seems to enjoy hurting my feelings because I like it here. It sort of came to a head yesterday. I came into an internet cafe with a friend, and I saw our classmate hysterically crying, talking to someone on SKYPE. I mean hysterical to the point people were staring. Being concerned, I went over to see if she was okay, and she screams at me, "GO AWAY" and physically pushes me. My friend that I came with stared in shock. I cannot believe I was pushed by a freakin' adult. Who does that? I have absolutely no clue how to handle this situation. I really would love to call her on her absolutely disgusting behavior, but I also have to deal with her for an entire year after this & our department is very small (only 15 or so people). She doesn't feel it's her fault because she's so miserable here, she can't control herself. I'm sorry, but that doesn't fly with me. What do I do? How do I handle this without resulting in popping her one in the nose? __________________ You say "handbag addiction" like it's a bad thing. "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." -Albert Einstein http://www.savedarfur.org

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:21 AM	#3
merika Sac Himalaya Location: In front of a computer	Since the department is small and you have to deal with her even after you get back to the US, my advice would be for you to avoid her as much as possible, both here and after you get back. She's an adult, just because she doesn't like it where you are doesn't mean she has the right to insult anyone who does or behave badly. She's not a 5 year old - she must be in her mid to late twenties if she's in a graduate program!!! __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:27 AM	#4
ShimmaPuff Sentient Post Whore Location: Earth	This one is simple: Spend your time with other people! __________________ http://www.tzuchi.org/ http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/chooseagift.aspx http://www.commongroundrelief.org/ Your Friendly Resident Poor Person Embrace Inspired Pride!

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:29 AM	#5
Sweetpea83 Love Fall!	Just stay away from her and don't even acknowledge her immature ways...I really hope she at least apologizes to you for her bad attitude. __________________ “The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge.” ~Bertrand Russell

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:30 AM	#6
mooks Cool Britannia! Location: On The Thames	Tell the miserable cow to go home!!! What an amazing opportunity and she's just ruining the experience for you and probably others. Some people just can't be helped and get a warped enjoyment from being miserable. As for pushing you, no excuses for that behaviour. Try one last time to be a comforting shoulder and if you get shunned again then leave her to get on with it.....life is too damn short!! __________________

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:38 AM	#7
lolitakali Mira Location: Maryland	Oh and if she physically push you again.... take pictures of where she pushed you (any physical evidence "finger marks" "black & blue marks" etc.), show the pics (by sending them) to your friends (first), then tell her that you'll be suing her ass. If you are "putting up" with abuse, might as well make some money off it. But if you are not, either punch her in the nose (while she sleeps, claiming you are sleep walking) or push her back (be sure there is audience to see that SHE pushed you first). __________________ *Best way to diet is to eat what you hate, not eat what you love.* *$$$$$ / GOLD = "my precious".* -ME to be a dragon hoarding gold-

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:48 AM	#8
heartnaspade Ali Location: back in NYC	I think you need to do your best to avoid her. She's obviously too wrapped up in feeling sorry for herself to have any consideration for those who are trying to help her, so let her wallow in her feelings. Don't let her have any impact on the experience you're enjoying!

Jun 23rd, 2008, 09:54 AM	#9
lovinalotofbags Fashion disaster Location: Carolinas	Pretend she is not even there. She does not deserve your kindness. Do not feel sorry for her. If she says something racist in your presence again, speak up and say something. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:10 AM	#10
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper	I would not associate with her whatsoever, and if for some reason you cannot avoid her and her behavior continues, I would contact your department at home and explain the situation and see if they could perhaps send her home and report her behavior and what she did to you. She's not three years old. That is so embarrassing that she would behave like that! Go to all costs to avoid her and do not let her ruin what could be one of the most memorable experiences of your life! __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:19 AM	#11
rainrowan INFJ	I wonder if it's possible to sign a petition or discuss with the department head her hysteria and callousness towards others (specifically her laying her hands on you) and have her removed from the summer session. It's ironic that she applied to summer school in Russia, she basically made her bed but refuses to acknowledge and make the best of it. She also sounds mentally unstable and very stupid to be attacking people physically and verbally on foreign ground. In my old neighborhood, if she went there insulting the locals, she might find herself beaten up pretty badly!

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:22 AM	#12
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	jillybean, you are such a sweetheart, and you were only trying to help... she seems REALLY out of her league in Russia, wow, poor girl... I'm proud of you for being able to drudge up some sympathy. Hopefully she apologizes but frankly, if I were her, I'd run away never to be seen again because I'd be so ashamed of my behavior! I'd just stay away from her from now on... she's clearly got some issues going on. A grown woman who can't handle it in a foreign country doesn't get a lot of sympathy from me, but we feel what we feel... guess she can't help it. Sorry she pushed you... just glad you're okay. Stay away from that crazy person! __________________ http://drinkmorechampagne.wordpress.com/

Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:04 PM	#13
bagnshoofetish napping.	she needs to go home. why is she staying if she's so miserable? __________________ click here.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:08 PM	#14
KristyDarling Member	You are so kind-hearted and I know she's your friend, but she's clearly hostile. There's a time for sympathy and understanding, but this is not one of them. She got PHYSICAL with you?? Best to just avoid her. People come upon hard times ALL the time...I can totally understand someone losing it and going on a verbal tirade, but to physically push you? It indicates a major loss of control. She's a loose cannon and should be avoided. If for whatever reason she does approach you (in a calmer state), just tell her that you think she needs help, or to go home, or something. And walk away. I'm sorry you're dealing with this all the way over there! Hugs!

Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:18 PM	#15
stellamaried Member	Yikes. That is just so bizarre. As others have suggested, I think you should keep your distance from her. Be polite but distant, and don't feel compelled to be her sounding board or to try to make her feel better. Clearly she has no desire to be anything but totally miserable. At least now you won't feel the need to make her feel better -- just hang out with people you like and who aren't disrespectful to you and others, and enjoy the rest of your time!