Pay-to-come birthday parties

IntlSet · Jul 2nd, 2008, 10:40 AM

I am curious to hear your thoughts on this subject.

Example: Birthday-Boy rents out a bar. Asks everyone for $25 in order to come for all-you-can-drink beer. The $25 is meant to cover the liquor and the bar rental.

My mother always told me that when you entertain guests, you assume all costs. But maybe that's old-fashioned etiquette. I admit my mother is rather extreme... Example: she invited my boyfriend to an event in Beijing this August, during the Olympics, and when he accepted, she promptly purchased a plane ticket for him. She doesn't believe a guest should assume any costs associated with an event to which he is invited. I've always had the same line of thought, but maybe this has fallen out of style.

ImASadGiraffe · Jul 2nd, 2008, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntlSet

I am curious to hear your thoughts on this subject.

Example: Birthday-Boy rents out a bar. Asks everyone for $25 in order to come for all-you-can-drink beer. The $25 is meant to cover the liquor and the bar rental.

My mother always told me that when you entertain guests, you assume all costs. But maybe that's old-fashioned etiquette. I admit my mother is rather extreme... Example: she invited my boyfriend to an event in Beijing this August, during the Olympics, and when he accepted, she promptly purchased a plane ticket for him. She doesn't believe a guest should assume any costs associated with an event to which he is invited. I've always had the same line of thought, but maybe this has fallen out of style.

My sister did something similar for her 21st birthday. She arranged for a group of friends to go to a local Chicago bar/club and from 9pm to midnight, they paid $25 to get a wristband and hadas many drinks as they liked. She figured that if they drink more than 3 drinks (which most 21-24 year olds do), the wristband pays for itself. I paid for my sister's wristband as it was her birthday.

I don't think it's weird and she had a ton of people show up.

eviemarie · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:12 AM

It's a really hard one i think. You would of had to buy your drinks if you went out anyway this just seems like a cheeper way of doing it?
I don't know many people that would mind spening $25 on a night out.

QueenOfDa702 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:20 AM

Ya know, I used to be the one to always pay when I invite people, but now I do think its a little old fashioned.

Why should I pay for someone to drink all night for free? How do I know they arent coming just for the free drinks on my dime?

If it were a friend of mine, I wouldn't hesitate spending 25 bucks for a lovely night out!

You will get a lot of feedback saying its tacky, but IMHO the times are a changin' and its the norm nowadays.

purly · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:23 AM

In college we used to do keg parties. It was $5 entry "for your cup" for guys, free for girls. Some of the keg parties doubled as birthday parties.

IntlSet · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purly

In college we used to do keg parties. It was $5 entry "for your cup" for guys, free for girls. Some of the keg parties doubled as birthday parties.

lol I remember those! I guess now that my group of friends are not broke college students anymore, but working professionals in their early 20s and 30s, it suddenly feels funny to "pay for a cup." It's probably just me being old-fashioned, as QueenofDa207 said! I did happily pay $25 to go to a birthday party, but it felt a little amiss. Maybe it's just me.

brwneyedgrl · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:37 AM

I think it's pretty common to ask guests to pay for a fee to get into an all you can drink bar party, especially for those in their 20s/30s. I don't really feel like people start getting generous until they're a little older.

I have a couple of friends in which we are very generous to each other - I think it has to do with how we were raised.

Leah411 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntlSet

I am curious to hear your thoughts on this subject.

Example: Birthday-Boy rents out a bar. Asks everyone for $25 in order to come for all-you-can-drink beer. The $25 is meant to cover the liquor and the bar rental.

My mother always told me that when you entertain guests, you assume all costs. But maybe that's old-fashioned etiquette. I admit my mother is rather extreme... Example: she invited my boyfriend to an event in Beijing this August, during the Olympics, and when he accepted, she promptly purchased a plane ticket for him. She doesn't believe a guest should assume any costs associated with an event to which he is invited. I've always had the same line of thought, but maybe this has fallen out of style.

Your mother is very wise woman. If Narcissistic Birthday-Boy wants to have an all-you-can drink birthday party....then he needs to pick up the entire tab himself.

Cristina · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:02 PM

I have to say I'm traditional, too, in this sense. I wouldn't host a party for myself and ask everyone who would like to attend to chip in. Maybe that's why I don't have birthday parties

Even in college when we had keg parties, we never asked for money, and neither did friends who hosted parties.

Reminds me of someone I know who had a Fourth of July barbecue party last year at her home. She requested that attendees pay $5 per person to cover the cost of food, and they were asked to bring their own alcoholic beverages. If you're inviting people to your house, that's exactly what it is - an invitation. People were turned off by the fact she was requesting payment for the food.

maddog · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:04 PM

It seems a little iffy to me but I would probably go anyway if it's a good enough friend or I know it'll be a good party.

I would of course pay my own meal and probably part of the bday person's meal if it was a bday dinner party, for instance, which TBH parallels the situation, or if you go clubbing, you pay your cover. BUT this feels like you need to pay to get into a party, which doesn't sit right with me, even though technically, it's the same situation as the above. I guess it has to do with the idea that you HAVE to pay even if you don't drink. What happens to all the designated drivers at the party?

grayxie · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:04 PM

I can understand this if this group is a bunch of students on a limited budget.

Lyanna Stark · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:06 PM

I think it is alright as long as your guests get their money's worth for the drinks... maybe the birthday boy would buy some tibits and snacks and fingerfoods for his guests?

peanutbabycakes · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:13 PM

i agree with your mom too. also, i guess it depends on the event. if it's just a regular getogether with friends that you do every once in awhile, then no need to pay for everyone. if you're throwing yourself a birthday party, send out invites, make a big deal out of it, then you should pay the bill. if you throw a party at your own place, you'd still have to purchase drinks, food, etc. would you ask your guest to pay for their share if they come over?

i guess i've always been brought up believing that when you invite someone to celebrate something of yours, you pick up the tab. DH also feels the same way.

of course, if we want to go badly enough and know we have to pay, then no big deal we'll pay of course. it's not really about the money, but proper etiquette IMO.

shockboogie · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:25 PM

I think if you started the party, then you should pay for the bill and take care of your guests - not the other way around. It just feels like you're making people pay to come hang out with you but that's just IMO. Maybe Im just old fashioned like your mum.

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:20 PM

I am with others on here - if you have the party....you pay. I went to a cookout recently for my son's baseball team and the people having it asked everyone to pitch in....they were supplying the place to have it and paid for the majority of the stuff. In that instance I think it was ok to have everyone bring something. Otherwise...if you're just having a party...it's not right to ask people to pay imo.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 10:40 AM	#1
IntlSet Bonjour! Joined: Jan 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 10,552	I am curious to hear your thoughts on this subject. Example: Birthday-Boy rents out a bar. Asks everyone for $25 in order to come for all-you-can-drink beer. The $25 is meant to cover the liquor and the bar rental. My mother always told me that when you entertain guests, you assume all costs. But maybe that's old-fashioned etiquette. I admit my mother is rather extreme... Example: she invited my boyfriend to an event in Beijing this August, during the Olympics, and when he accepted, she promptly purchased a plane ticket for him. She doesn't believe a guest should assume any costs associated with an event to which he is invited. I've always had the same line of thought, but maybe this has fallen out of style. __________________ http://drinkmorechampagne.wordpress.com/

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:20 AM	#4
QueenOfDa702 Misunderestimated. Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Vegas where we let it all hang out. Your Vegas is showing! Posts: 5,339	Ya know, I used to be the one to always pay when I invite people, but now I do think its a little old fashioned. Why should I pay for someone to drink all night for free? How do I know they arent coming just for the free drinks on my dime? If it were a friend of mine, I wouldn't hesitate spending 25 bucks for a lovely night out! You will get a lot of feedback saying its tacky, but IMHO the times are a changin' and its the norm nowadays. __________________ Valeen ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Click HERE to visit my MySpace

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:23 AM	#5
purly IT'S Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,599	In college we used to do keg parties. It was $5 entry "for your cup" for guys, free for girls. Some of the keg parties doubled as birthday parties. __________________

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:02 PM	#9
Cristina Joined: Oct 2005 Location: South Florida Posts: 11,256	I have to say I'm traditional, too, in this sense. I wouldn't host a party for myself and ask everyone who would like to attend to chip in. Maybe that's why I don't have birthday parties Even in college when we had keg parties, we never asked for money, and neither did friends who hosted parties. Reminds me of someone I know who had a Fourth of July barbecue party last year at her home. She requested that attendees pay $5 per person to cover the cost of food, and they were asked to bring their own alcoholic beverages. If you're inviting people to your house, that's exactly what it is - an invitation. People were turned off by the fact she was requesting payment for the food. __________________ i found out recently that you are leaving, for good i hope i softly tell my ceiling it's better now to be alive, sleeping is my nine to five i'm having nightmares all the time, of running out of words that rhyme everything that you could never say, would never matter anyway i took a hammer and two nails to my eardrums long ago in case you're wondering, i'm singing about growing up about giving in

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:04 PM	#11
grayxie Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: PA Posts: 2,493	I can understand this if this group is a bunch of students on a limited budget. __________________ Wishlist L.A.M.B. Cheetah Mandeville- GOT IT! COACH Peony Black Sunnies Trying to stick to my BAN!

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:12 AM	#3
eviemarie www.designerclothing Joined: May 2007 Location: Stratford Upon Avon Posts: 1,151	It's a really hard one i think. You would of had to buy your drinks if you went out anyway this just seems like a cheeper way of doing it? I don't know many people that would mind spening $25 on a night out.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:37 AM	#7
brwneyedgrl Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Chicago Posts: 279	I think it's pretty common to ask guests to pay for a fee to get into an all you can drink bar party, especially for those in their 20s/30s. I don't really feel like people start getting generous until they're a little older. I have a couple of friends in which we are very generous to each other - I think it has to do with how we were raised.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:04 PM	#10
maddog Mmmkay Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,077	It seems a little iffy to me but I would probably go anyway if it's a good enough friend or I know it'll be a good party. I would of course pay my own meal and probably part of the bday person's meal if it was a bday dinner party, for instance, which TBH parallels the situation, or if you go clubbing, you pay your cover. BUT this feels like you need to pay to get into a party, which doesn't sit right with me, even though technically, it's the same situation as the above. I guess it has to do with the idea that you HAVE to pay even if you don't drink. What happens to all the designated drivers at the party?

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:06 PM	#12
Lyanna Stark Addict In Rehab Joined: Dec 2006 Location: SG Posts: 2,707	I think it is alright as long as your guests get their money's worth for the drinks... maybe the birthday boy would buy some tibits and snacks and fingerfoods for his guests?

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:13 PM	#13
peanutbabycakes who's ur H daddy??!! Joined: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,056	i agree with your mom too. also, i guess it depends on the event. if it's just a regular getogether with friends that you do every once in awhile, then no need to pay for everyone. if you're throwing yourself a birthday party, send out invites, make a big deal out of it, then you should pay the bill. if you throw a party at your own place, you'd still have to purchase drinks, food, etc. would you ask your guest to pay for their share if they come over? i guess i've always been brought up believing that when you invite someone to celebrate something of yours, you pick up the tab. DH also feels the same way. of course, if we want to go badly enough and know we have to pay, then no big deal we'll pay of course. it's not really about the money, but proper etiquette IMO.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:25 PM	#14
shockboogie Member Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Manila/Michigan Posts: 487	I think if you started the party, then you should pay for the bill and take care of your guests - not the other way around. It just feels like you're making people pay to come hang out with you but that's just IMO. Maybe Im just old fashioned like your mum. __________________ Are you ready to Shockboogie?

Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:20 PM	#15
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 4,147	I am with others on here - if you have the party....you pay. I went to a cookout recently for my son's baseball team and the people having it asked everyone to pitch in....they were supplying the place to have it and paid for the majority of the stuff. In that instance I think it was ok to have everyone bring something. Otherwise...if you're just having a party...it's not right to ask people to pay imo. __________________ She tucked her coral lipstick away and floated back to the party....