Pay-to-come birthday parties

artich0ke · Jul 2nd, 2008, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shockboogie

I think if you started the party, then you should pay for the bill and take care of your guests - not the other way around. It just feels like you're making people pay to come hang out with you but that's just IMO. Maybe Im just old fashioned like your mum.

I agree.

artjen · Jul 2nd, 2008, 08:51 PM

I think the proper thing to do is to provide for your guests. That is how I was brought up too.

lovinalotofbags · Jul 2nd, 2008, 09:09 PM

I think if you are hosting a party, you should pay. Or it should be known up front that if you are inviting someone they should know if they will have to pay for anything or not. Money for all you can drink. Is there any food or entertainment provided and would the fee be less than if you went out on your own to drink. Most people like to drink and liquor is not cheap, so perhaps a small fee to cover part of it could be entertained to offset your out-of-pocket expenses.

bisousx · Jul 2nd, 2008, 09:33 PM

$25 seems good for open bar... when my friends and I go out we usually spend $100 each when we go clubbing so it sounds like a deal!

Charles · Jul 2nd, 2008, 10:19 PM

I think it kind of depends. I don't think this guy would have asked people to chip in if he had a party at his house. Renting out a bar is rather pricey. I'm assuming at least 2 grand, and we're talking open bar, not "Oh, I have a few bottles of vodka, rum, and gin on the counter...go help yourself to a drink". To me, they're two different situations. With the bar, you're getting unlimited drinks of pretty much anything, live dj, ambiance, and the carefree nature of not worrying about messing up someone's house. Besides, if he said he'll be at some other bar and to come hang to help celebrate, you'd probably spend more on drinks that way.
If it were me, I would have said "No need for a gift, but a donation to help pay for expenses would be nice but not required. It's more important that you attend" something along those lines.

ShimmaPuff · Jul 2nd, 2008, 10:34 PM

If you are charging people, they are not your guests, nor you a host, you are the organizer of a commerical event, and they are customers.

Thus if you receive an advertisement for such an event, and for whatever reason choose it as an entertainment purchase, the question of "gifts" is not really applicable.

One does not bring a gift to a restaurant or a bar, or a concert.

That would be if you were visiting someone's home - or even somewhere else - in a social context, in which case of course you would not pay anything - to do so would be insulting to your host, who is presenting YOU with the gift of his hospitality!

If the offer is not of hospitality, but an opportunity to purchase entry to an event, or food or drink, then your attendance is not a social act, but a business transaction.

SPOILEDkiwi · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:39 PM

I think it really depends on the ages of the people involved and the locations. All of my friends are early twenties with not much money. If a friend was having a party at a club I wouldn't expect them to pay for everyone. If everyone went out to dinner, I also wouldn't expect them to pay for everyone. If a friend had a party at their house, I think I would expect them to cover all costs. If it was a college party doubling as a birthday party, I wouldn't mind paying. Although, I think once you reach a certain age, if you want a party you should cover everything. I don't think I would pay to go to a 30 year old's birthday party.

I think etiquette rules saying the host should pay for everything comes about from a time when only older people would host parties, usually at a home or a hall. If a broke 21 year old wanted a birthday party, it was probably going to be thrown by the person's parents, who would never dream of asking guests to help out with the cost.

purly · Jul 3rd, 2008, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShimmaPuff

If you are charging people, they are not your guests, nor you a host, you are the organizer of a commerical event, and they are customers.

Thus if you receive an advertisement for such an event, and for whatever reason choose it as an entertainment purchase, the question of "gifts" is not really applicable.

One does not bring a gift to a restaurant or a bar, or a concert.

That would be if you were visiting someone's home - or even somewhere else - in a social context, in which case of course you would not pay anything - to do so would be insulting to your host, who is presenting YOU with the gift of his hospitality!

If the offer is not of hospitality, but an opportunity to purchase entry to an event, or food or drink, then your attendance is not a social act, but a business transaction.

Shimma you put to words something that has been bothering me for a WHILE now.

A friend of mine continued to hold pay-for-your-cup parties long after graduation. I don't like going to them anymore because I hold parties for my friends without charging them, so to be charged at his party feels so impersonal. We're supposed to be friends and he's treating me like a customer.

So yeah I actually began limiting my interactions with him. I just thought it was classless.

When you're inviting half the campus to an all night booz fest and you're a poor student, then pay for your cup makes sense. When you're inviting 50 people you know to a party it doesn't!

exotikittenx · Jul 3rd, 2008, 12:44 AM

I think if you invite people, they should not have to pay. If you can't pick up the tab, then don't have the party, or rather keep it cheaper and invite people to your house and provide the food and drinks. People tend to show up with alcohol anyway, it's bad etiquette to show up empty handed.

louis loves fendi 818 · Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:03 AM

I don't think thats unreasonable. Makes throwing parties fun for the host as well

Zophie · Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:23 AM

I once was invited to a "party" for a coworker I was friendly with. I then found out that it wasn't a party but more a dinner where everyone paid for their own food. If she had just said we are going out to dinner it would have been one thing, but I think if you call it a "party," whoever is throwing it should pay for it.

Emotus · Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:49 AM

Okay, i guess traditional in this way. As per, if its MY parties, i would totally absorb all costs as i believe its courtesy! And i think it should be a time to be generous as to commemorate a day or something.

If you have guests paying for their own or chipping in, the feeling is not the same, KWIM? But say if invites to a certain show or something else that is GENERAL. Pay for your own tickets pals!

Pursegrrl · Jul 3rd, 2008, 05:45 AM

OK...once we are out of the college days of $5 for keg cups to chip in, it's time to grow up and take care of our guests.

If you are hosting a party, you should NOT expect your guests to do anything other than show up and enjoy your party, unless it's something super casual like a potluck at your house. If you can't afford the venue offsite, don't have it there.

Let me quote a few quoteables from "it's just a dinner party" by Ron and Julie Malloy:
- When you're entertaining outside of your home, keep a few things in mind. Most importantly, even more so than in your home, in a restaurant or club, you need to lead. Your guests may be unfamiliar with the place; they may be intimidated or unsure of themselves. You need to help them feel at ease so they can enjoy themselves:

- If you're entertaining at a place with a dress code, be sure to tell your guests the dress code well ahead of time.

- Drinks: if your club works on a tab system, let your guests know this ahead of time so they dont' try to pay the bartender and look silly standing there with money. Similarly, in a restaurant or club, don't let your guests buy their own drinks. Just let them konw they can order freely and it's all been taken care of. Act generously and forget about the tab. You decided to come here, didn't you?

Anyway, the book goes on to suggest more about making guests feel at ease and that the tab is on you as host/hostess (which I fully support).

I guess I'm old school, plus inspired by an ex a few years back (prior to joining tpf) who was single, no kids and loved throwing huge, but casual parties...like bbq'd ribs for 100 guests and a live band, plus homemade salsa, potato salad, you name it. He and I would be up until 3am the night before getting things ready and believe me his place was never meant for 100+ but somehow it always happened and was incredibly wonderful...everyone was well fed and had a great time.

keya · Jul 3rd, 2008, 07:58 PM

If you want to throw yourself a big party, then you should pay for it, IMO.
I've never been to a pay-to-come birthday party (was invited to one once, though, but I didn't go) but if I was to attend one I don't think I would bring a birthday gift. It just seems weird to me to have to both help pay for the party and give the birthday boy/girl a gift, but maybe that's just me. I haven't celebrated my birthday in many years, but when I did I always paid to take my friends out.

bernz84 · Jul 3rd, 2008, 08:21 PM

I think it depends, but when you're already past the college age, the host should foot the bill. I think alcohol is an exception, but again, if wwwaaaayyy past the college age, one shouldn't make guests pay. IMO, I think it's really tacky to have guests pay for food at your party, regardless of age.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 09:09 PM	#33
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	I think if you are hosting a party, you should pay. Or it should be known up front that if you are inviting someone they should know if they will have to pay for anything or not. Money for all you can drink. Is there any food or entertainment provided and would the fee be less than if you went out on your own to drink. Most people like to drink and liquor is not cheap, so perhaps a small fee to cover part of it could be entertained to offset your out-of-pocket expenses. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 09:33 PM	#34
bisousx Chanel girl Location: Orange County	$25 seems good for open bar... when my friends and I go out we usually spend $100 each when we go clubbing so it sounds like a deal! __________________ Lusting after: Hermes Fuchsia Ostrich Kelly Chanel Starry Nights flap Chanel Blush Patent flap

Jul 2nd, 2008, 10:34 PM	#36
ShimmaPuff Sentient Post Whore Location: Earth	If you are charging people, they are not your guests, nor you a host, you are the organizer of a commerical event, and they are customers. Thus if you receive an advertisement for such an event, and for whatever reason choose it as an entertainment purchase, the question of "gifts" is not really applicable. One does not bring a gift to a restaurant or a bar, or a concert. That would be if you were visiting someone's home - or even somewhere else - in a social context, in which case of course you would not pay anything - to do so would be insulting to your host, who is presenting YOU with the gift of his hospitality! If the offer is not of hospitality, but an opportunity to purchase entry to an event, or food or drink, then your attendance is not a social act, but a business transaction. __________________ http://www.tzuchi.org/ http://www.commongroundrelief.org http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/chooseagift.aspx Your Friendly Resident Poor Person Embrace Inspired Pride! http://mangonocturna.blogspot.com/

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:39 PM	#37
SPOILEDkiwi not a kiwi! Location: NYC/Long Island	I think it really depends on the ages of the people involved and the locations. All of my friends are early twenties with not much money. If a friend was having a party at a club I wouldn't expect them to pay for everyone. If everyone went out to dinner, I also wouldn't expect them to pay for everyone. If a friend had a party at their house, I think I would expect them to cover all costs. If it was a college party doubling as a birthday party, I wouldn't mind paying. Although, I think once you reach a certain age, if you want a party you should cover everything. I don't think I would pay to go to a 30 year old's birthday party. I think etiquette rules saying the host should pay for everything comes about from a time when only older people would host parties, usually at a home or a hall. If a broke 21 year old wanted a birthday party, it was probably going to be thrown by the person's parents, who would never dream of asking guests to help out with the cost. __________________ “It is the unseen, unforgettable, ultimate accessory of fashion that heralds your arrival and prolongs your departure.” --Coco Chanel

Jul 3rd, 2008, 12:44 AM	#39
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper	I think if you invite people, they should not have to pay. If you can't pick up the tab, then don't have the party, or rather keep it cheaper and invite people to your house and provide the food and drinks. People tend to show up with alcohol anyway, it's bad etiquette to show up empty handed. __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 08:51 PM	#32
artjen Young @ Art Location: Arizona	I think the proper thing to do is to provide for your guests. That is how I was brought up too.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 10:19 PM	#35
Charles Sucks at budgeting Location: Jacksonville, Fl	I think it kind of depends. I don't think this guy would have asked people to chip in if he had a party at his house. Renting out a bar is rather pricey. I'm assuming at least 2 grand, and we're talking open bar, not "Oh, I have a few bottles of vodka, rum, and gin on the counter...go help yourself to a drink". To me, they're two different situations. With the bar, you're getting unlimited drinks of pretty much anything, live dj, ambiance, and the carefree nature of not worrying about messing up someone's house. Besides, if he said he'll be at some other bar and to come hang to help celebrate, you'd probably spend more on drinks that way. If it were me, I would have said "No need for a gift, but a donation to help pay for expenses would be nice but not required. It's more important that you attend" something along those lines.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:03 AM	#40
louis loves fendi 818 ~Avantay Garday~! Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota	I don't think thats unreasonable. Makes throwing parties fun for the host as well __________________ Quickly developing an unhealthy obsession with Hermès ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ and Latté Art 由三个方法我们也许学会智慧: 首先, 由反射, 是最高尚的

Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:23 AM	#41
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Location: New Orleans, LA	I once was invited to a "party" for a coworker I was friendly with. I then found out that it wasn't a party but more a dinner where everyone paid for their own food. If she had just said we are going out to dinner it would have been one thing, but I think if you call it a "party," whoever is throwing it should pay for it. __________________

Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:49 AM	#42
Emotus Member Location: Not so fine singapore	Okay, i guess traditional in this way. As per, if its MY parties, i would totally absorb all costs as i believe its courtesy! And i think it should be a time to be generous as to commemorate a day or something. If you have guests paying for their own or chipping in, the feeling is not the same, KWIM? But say if invites to a certain show or something else that is GENERAL. Pay for your own tickets pals!

Jul 3rd, 2008, 05:45 AM	#43
Pursegrrl Oh no she di-int!! Location: Seattle	OK...once we are out of the college days of $5 for keg cups to chip in, it's time to grow up and take care of our guests. If you are hosting a party, you should NOT expect your guests to do anything other than show up and enjoy your party, unless it's something super casual like a potluck at your house. If you can't afford the venue offsite, don't have it there. Let me quote a few quoteables from "it's just a dinner party" by Ron and Julie Malloy: - When you're entertaining outside of your home, keep a few things in mind. Most importantly, even more so than in your home, in a restaurant or club, you need to lead. Your guests may be unfamiliar with the place; they may be intimidated or unsure of themselves. You need to help them feel at ease so they can enjoy themselves: - If you're entertaining at a place with a dress code, be sure to tell your guests the dress code well ahead of time. - Drinks: if your club works on a tab system, let your guests know this ahead of time so they dont' try to pay the bartender and look silly standing there with money. Similarly, in a restaurant or club, don't let your guests buy their own drinks. Just let them konw they can order freely and it's all been taken care of. Act generously and forget about the tab. You decided to come here, didn't you? Anyway, the book goes on to suggest more about making guests feel at ease and that the tab is on you as host/hostess (which I fully support). I guess I'm old school, plus inspired by an ex a few years back (prior to joining tpf) who was single, no kids and loved throwing huge, but casual parties...like bbq'd ribs for 100 guests and a live band, plus homemade salsa, potato salad, you name it. He and I would be up until 3am the night before getting things ready and believe me his place was never meant for 100+ but somehow it always happened and was incredibly wonderful...everyone was well fed and had a great time.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 07:58 PM	#44
keya Member	If you want to throw yourself a big party, then you should pay for it, IMO. I've never been to a pay-to-come birthday party (was invited to one once, though, but I didn't go) but if I was to attend one I don't think I would bring a birthday gift. It just seems weird to me to have to both help pay for the party and give the birthday boy/girl a gift, but maybe that's just me. I haven't celebrated my birthday in many years, but when I did I always paid to take my friends out.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 08:21 PM	#45
bernz84 cute!	I think it depends, but when you're already past the college age, the host should foot the bill. I think alcohol is an exception, but again, if wwwaaaayyy past the college age, one shouldn't make guests pay. IMO, I think it's really tacky to have guests pay for food at your party, regardless of age.