Pay-to-come birthday parties

stellamaried · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddog

It seems a little iffy to me but I would probably go anyway if it's a good enough friend or I know it'll be a good party.

I would of course pay my own meal and probably part of the bday person's meal if it was a bday dinner party, for instance, which TBH parallels the situation, or if you go clubbing, you pay your cover. BUT this feels like you need to pay to get into a party, which doesn't sit right with me, even though technically, it's the same situation as the above. I guess it has to do with the idea that you HAVE to pay even if you don't drink. What happens to all the designated drivers at the party?

I think that's the difference for me, too. I have a close group of friends and we always go to dinner for someone's birthday, and everyone knows going in that we're all going to pay for ourselves and split the cost of the birthday boy/girl's dinner, but it's an unspoken rule. LOL, it's also usually coordinated by the non birthday person as it just feels less awkward.

I think the difference here is that the guy planned his own party and told everyone upfront that they needed to pay to get in. IMO that is pretty tacky. But I would feel differently if he told everyone to meet him at a bar and his friends bought him drinks all night. So I guess it is a bit of a fine line.

guccimamma · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:44 PM

they (the guests) probably would have paid that for a gift, so i think it all works out

no emily post would not approve, but go and have a good time.

i'd skip the gift, or bring something inexpensive

Elara · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:46 PM

I'm with most of the ladies here- if you do the invite, you do the paying. If you can't afford to pay for everyone, then you should be doing something cheaper. In this case, why couldn't he just have gotten a keg and had a party at home?

simseema17 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:49 PM

I wouldn't have a big problem with it, but personally I wouldn't do it, I just think its tacky. JMO.

merika · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutbabycakes

i agree with your mom too. also, i guess it depends on the event. if it's just a regular getogether with friends that you do every once in awhile, then no need to pay for everyone. if you're throwing yourself a birthday party, send out invites, make a big deal out of it, then you should pay the bill. if you throw a party at your own place, you'd still have to purchase drinks, food, etc. would you ask your guest to pay for their share if they come over?

i guess i've always been brought up believing that when you invite someone to celebrate something of yours, you pick up the tab. DH also feels the same way.

of course, if we want to go badly enough and know we have to pay, then no big deal we'll pay of course. it's not really about the money, but proper etiquette IMO.

That's how I've been brought up too. In my culture it is however, customary not to go "empty handed" for such an occasion especially if you are being invited to a home. I usually buy a good bottle of wine /some good chocolate for the hosts.

maggiie · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:56 PM

I was also raised with the mindset of pay for all expenses at my own parties. Once I was invited to a club for a friend's bday party and I went knowing that I would have to pay for my own drinks which she estimated at about 15- 20 dollars. I didn't know this girl too well and she invited me last minute and told me it was very casual like a get together almost. So I bought a nice bottle of bubbly and I headed over. Once I got there her sisters ordered mountains of food, like really expensive dishes and far more than the assembled party could get through. I had already eaten dinner since the bday girl had described it as a casual get drinks type get together. So pretty much I abstained on the food and had some fruit with my drinks. During the span of the party some of her friends kept filtering in and out eating and drinking as they went not paying ANYTHING. So I stayed almost till the end cos she asked me to stay for the cutting of the cake and by that time there were only about 10 people in the room when there had been at least 25 people there. And then the sisters proceeded to SPLIT the check between the remaining people, so each person had to pay 50 bucks! At that point I had about 1 martini, 2 shots and half a fruit cup, I was shocked but somehow unable to be like "Um excuse me WTFF?" even though thats what was running through my head. So I just paid, wished her happy birthday and left. I still speak to her but her and her sisters are far from classy in my book now.

ImASadGiraffe · Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:02 PM

I think it's different if the party is at a full-service bar/club vs. the birthday person's home. I would never pay to go to someone's home and attend a party.

scarlett_2005 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutbabycakes

i agree with your mom too. also, i guess it depends on the event. if it's just a regular getogether with friends that you do every once in awhile, then no need to pay for everyone. if you're throwing yourself a birthday party, send out invites, make a big deal out of it, then you should pay the bill. if you throw a party at your own place, you'd still have to purchase drinks, food, etc. would you ask your guest to pay for their share if they come over?

i guess i've always been brought up believing that when you invite someone to celebrate something of yours, you pick up the tab. DH also feels the same way.

of course, if we want to go badly enough and know we have to pay, then no big deal we'll pay of course. it's not really about the money, but proper etiquette IMO.

Excellent post. Ita!

Tefhel · Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:19 PM

I don't think that the guests should pay, seems weird and a bit cheap IMO.

digby723 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 05:06 PM

I'm old fashioned. If I'm holding a party, or, if I'm inviting others to my party, I would take care of the costs. Case in point, my 21st b-day, my parents wanted to take me to Atlantic City. they also invited my 2 best friends and my boyfriend. They paid for the hotels, the dinners and the breakfasts. Gambling was paid for by each person, and alcohol was free as long as we went to the casino (which is why we were there).

This is the same as weddings. I don't understand why a person has a wedding and then makes the bridesmaids and such pay for the parties. Its something for yourself, so, you should pay for it. The only thing a guest should pay for is airfair and hotel to come to your wedding and a gift if they choose to give one.

But, that's just my opinion. :)

illinirdhd · Jul 2nd, 2008, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutbabycakes

i agree with your mom too. also, i guess it depends on the event. if it's just a regular getogether with friends that you do every once in awhile, then no need to pay for everyone. if you're throwing yourself a birthday party, send out invites, make a big deal out of it, then you should pay the bill. if you throw a party at your own place, you'd still have to purchase drinks, food, etc. would you ask your guest to pay for their share if they come over?

i guess i've always been brought up believing that when you invite someone to celebrate something of yours, you pick up the tab. DH also feels the same way.

of course, if we want to go badly enough and know we have to pay, then no big deal we'll pay of course. it's not really about the money, but proper etiquette IMO.

I agree with you.

razorbackbelle0 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:03 PM

I'm the same as your mother. When I invite friends places (for example, to Florida last year) I assume the costs of the plane ticket and the lodging; I just ask them to pay for their food and any miscellaneous stuff they might buy. When I throw a party, I pay for everything. I think it's just proper etiquette.

Bella · Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:04 PM

My first thought was to say no, as I too feel I'm a little old fashioned in some ways...... but after thinking about it, I don't see a problem. Whatever works.

chercherry · Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:44 PM

My mom also always told me to pay for everything, otherwise they wouldnt be my guests. So all my parties have always been me paying for everything or almost everything.
Example: If I want to celebrate myself in a club I may not pay for the cover but I do pay for all the bottles needed to get a really good table and I pay the tip.

Vegas Long Legs · Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntlSet

maybe this has fallen out of style.

Class never goes out of style!

Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:02 PM	#22
ImASadGiraffe Relax... Location: IL	I think it's different if the party is at a full-service bar/club vs. the birthday person's home. I would never pay to go to someone's home and attend a party. __________________

Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:19 PM	#24
Tefhel aka Miss Marple	I don't think that the guests should pay, seems weird and a bit cheap IMO. __________________ Wish: Black MC Keepall Beaubourg Cerises Cles

Jul 2nd, 2008, 05:06 PM	#25
digby723 Member Location: Northern Virginia	I'm old fashioned. If I'm holding a party, or, if I'm inviting others to my party, I would take care of the costs. Case in point, my 21st b-day, my parents wanted to take me to Atlantic City. they also invited my 2 best friends and my boyfriend. They paid for the hotels, the dinners and the breakfasts. Gambling was paid for by each person, and alcohol was free as long as we went to the casino (which is why we were there). This is the same as weddings. I don't understand why a person has a wedding and then makes the bridesmaids and such pay for the parties. Its something for yourself, so, you should pay for it. The only thing a guest should pay for is airfair and hotel to come to your wedding and a gift if they choose to give one. But, that's just my opinion. :) __________________

Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:44 PM	#17
guccimamma guccimamma	they (the guests) probably would have paid that for a gift, so i think it all works out no emily post would not approve, but go and have a good time. i'd skip the gift, or bring something inexpensive

Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:46 PM	#18
Elara Member Location: Richmond, VA	I'm with most of the ladies here- if you do the invite, you do the paying. If you can't afford to pay for everyone, then you should be doing something cheaper. In this case, why couldn't he just have gotten a keg and had a party at home?

Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:49 PM	#19
simseema17 Homo sapien Location: NY	I wouldn't have a big problem with it, but personally I wouldn't do it, I just think its tacky. JMO.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:56 PM	#21
maggiie Member	I was also raised with the mindset of pay for all expenses at my own parties. Once I was invited to a club for a friend's bday party and I went knowing that I would have to pay for my own drinks which she estimated at about 15- 20 dollars. I didn't know this girl too well and she invited me last minute and told me it was very casual like a get together almost. So I bought a nice bottle of bubbly and I headed over. Once I got there her sisters ordered mountains of food, like really expensive dishes and far more than the assembled party could get through. I had already eaten dinner since the bday girl had described it as a casual get drinks type get together. So pretty much I abstained on the food and had some fruit with my drinks. During the span of the party some of her friends kept filtering in and out eating and drinking as they went not paying ANYTHING. So I stayed almost till the end cos she asked me to stay for the cutting of the cake and by that time there were only about 10 people in the room when there had been at least 25 people there. And then the sisters proceeded to SPLIT the check between the remaining people, so each person had to pay 50 bucks! At that point I had about 1 martini, 2 shots and half a fruit cup, I was shocked but somehow unable to be like "Um excuse me WTFF?" even though thats what was running through my head. So I just paid, wished her happy birthday and left. I still speak to her but her and her sisters are far from classy in my book now.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:03 PM	#27
razorbackbelle0 Sofa King Banned Location: Raiding PBC's closet... shh!	I'm the same as your mother. When I invite friends places (for example, to Florida last year) I assume the costs of the plane ticket and the lodging; I just ask them to pay for their food and any miscellaneous stuff they might buy. When I throw a party, I pay for everything. I think it's just proper etiquette.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:04 PM	#28
Bella just Bella	My first thought was to say no, as I too feel I'm a little old fashioned in some ways...... but after thinking about it, I don't see a problem. Whatever works.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:44 PM	#29
chercherry Member	My mom also always told me to pay for everything, otherwise they wouldnt be my guests. So all my parties have always been me paying for everything or almost everything. Example: If I want to celebrate myself in a club I may not pay for the cover but I do pay for all the bottles needed to get a really good table and I pay the tip.