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ShelleyBaby · Sep 18th, 2009, 08:40 PM

So I've started seeing my ex again. He was going to come and see me tonight, but couldn't really afford to and has his car insurance to renew, so I understood. That's all fine. So tonight after he finished work, we talked for alittle while, then he went to the gym, but he said he's text me or talk to me later. All good. So I sent him a text a good few hours later, no reply. Now I know him inside out, if he gets a text, he's on it right away unless he's in a situation where he can't, like at the movies or something. So I sent him a text again about half an hour later to ask if he was ok, still no reply. So I'm sitting here going out of my mind with worry. I'm thinking:
A) he's out drinking with mates, despite having no money to even come and see me.
B) He's with some other girl.
C) He got injured at the gym and he's been taken to hospital.

I know, I sound crazy, but he knows that I'm a worrier and my imagination goes into overdrive when I get no reply whatsoever.

I really wish I was more laid back about this stuff. I'm sure there's an innocent explanation. Am I nuts? :(

Green Zebra · Sep 18th, 2009, 08:48 PM

I'm not sure why he couldn't afford to come see you....(gas prices??) but I would say (C) is the least likely explanation. Sorry....but then that's only one opinion...

ShelleyBaby · Sep 18th, 2009, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by Green Zebra

I'm not sure why he couldn't afford to come see you....(gas prices??) but I would say (C) is the least likely explanation. Sorry....but then that's only one opinion...

He lives about an hour away. He has his car insurance to renew and they want quite a bit just for the deposite. He lives at home still and has a little bit of debt, so he doesn't have much money just now. Something that doesn't bother me, 'cause I love him for him, not his cash flow. My cash flow is non-existant, as I recently lost my job. So I couldn't afford to go and see him either.

madamefifi · Sep 18th, 2009, 08:54 PM

Well, he used to be your ex. Is that because he has a history of lying to you and/or sneaking around with other girls? If so, no you are not nuts for being paranoid but you ARE a bit nuts (sorry) for letting him back into your life again,

ShelleyBaby · Sep 18th, 2009, 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by madamefifi

Well, he used to be your ex. Is that because he has a history of lying to you and/or sneaking around with other girls? If so, no you are not nuts for being paranoid but you ARE a bit nuts (sorry) for letting him back into your life again,

No, he never cheated on me, he's so totally against it. My head knows that he would never do that. He's been with 1 girl since me and he was as loyal to her as he was to me. She messed him about. he was also seeing some other girl, who turned out to have a BF. So he's been abused in that way. I don't know what it is. It's not him, it's me. I'm just so insecure about myself, to the point that I really hate myself sometimes and he gets the backlash of that. I just feel that he can do and deserves so much more than me.

madamefifi · Sep 18th, 2009, 09:04 PM

Well, then, try not to worry about it, Maybe his phone isn't charged or something, And don't be so hard on yourself, love. He's with you of his own free will isn't he so you are more loveable than you think!

dallas · Sep 18th, 2009, 09:54 PM

I have to ask. Is this the ex you had a horrible and mentally abusive relationship with?

plain jane doe · Sep 18th, 2009, 11:39 PM

^^ I also remember reading about your ex. And it's him, not you.

karmenzsofia · Sep 18th, 2009, 11:55 PM

Originally Posted by ShelleyBaby

So I've started seeing my ex again. He was going to come and see me tonight, but couldn't really afford to and has his car insurance to renew, so I understood. That's all fine. So tonight after he finished work, we talked for alittle while, then he went to the gym, but he said he's text me or talk to me later. All good. So I sent him a text a good few hours later, no reply. Now I know him inside out, if he gets a text, he's on it right away unless he's in a situation where he can't, like at the movies or something. So I sent him a text again about half an hour later to ask if he was ok, still no reply. So I'm sitting here going out of my mind with worry. I'm thinking:
A) he's out drinking with mates, despite having no money to even come and see me.
B) He's with some other girl.
C) He got injured at the gym and he's been taken to hospital.

I know, I sound crazy, but he knows that I'm a worrier and my imagination goes into overdrive when I get no reply whatsoever.

I really wish I was more laid back about this stuff. I'm sure there's an innocent explanation. Am I nuts? :(

Not nuts, but very anxious. Perhaps something happened, but chances are it's nothing worth being out of your mind with worry. Whether you're this anxious about the relationship because of how you are and/or how he is, in my experience it's impossible to have a healthy relationship under these circumstances. If I were you, I would commit to working on myself -- the insecurities and self-hatred -- as soon as possible because you won't be able to have a functional relationship with anyone if you're overwhelmed with fear.

This might be besides the point, but why did you text him when he told you that he would be texting you? That can get on people's nerves, and desperation is not attractive.

plain jane doe · Sep 19th, 2009, 12:08 AM

^^ Shelley, normally I would agree with this. But again, having read your other thread, you are not crazy or desperate. Dump him.

dallas · Sep 19th, 2009, 12:23 AM

Originally Posted by karmenzsofia

Not nuts, but very anxious. Perhaps something happened, but chances are it's nothing worth being out of your mind with worry. Whether you're this anxious about the relationship because of how you are and/or how he is, in my experience it's impossible to have a healthy relationship under these circumstances. If I were you, I would commit to working on myself -- the insecurities and self-hatred -- as soon as possible because you won't be able to have a functional relationship with anyone if you're overwhelmed with fear.

This might be besides the point, but why did you text him when he told you that he would be texting you? That can get on people's nerves, and desperation is not attractive.

I wholeheartedly agree.

redney · Sep 19th, 2009, 01:17 AM

I may be old school because I cannot understand why people rely so heavily on texting. Why not call his cell phone and try to talk with him live???

BagLadie · Sep 19th, 2009, 07:47 AM

If you're constantly worried about where he is or why he's not replying - is it worth it??

Sounds exhausting to me.

vhdos · Sep 19th, 2009, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by BagLadie

If you're constantly worried about where he is or why he's not replying - is it worth it??

Sounds exhausting to me.

Agreed. And relationships can be hard some times, but they shouldn't be exhausting..

Bella · Sep 19th, 2009, 10:04 AM

Shelley... I remember your threads. Please. You need support to get you to the place of truly loving yourself. You are worth it! To read you say that you hate yourself is heartbreaking. Trust me when I say this, no one can ever love you more than you love yourself. Believe me I know this.. we cannot look to someone else to fill that void. We have to look in the mirror and value who's looking back at us.. before anyone can be a healthy partner in our lives. Do that and you'll be amazed at what else will just fall right into place.

Love yourself sweetie.. there is nobody in this world that deserves that love more.

Sep 18th, 2009, 08:40 PM	#1
ShelleyBaby OP Member Joined: Jul 2008 Location: UK Posts: 1,241	Paranoid? So I've started seeing my ex again. He was going to come and see me tonight, but couldn't really afford to and has his car insurance to renew, so I understood. That's all fine. So tonight after he finished work, we talked for alittle while, then he went to the gym, but he said he's text me or talk to me later. All good. So I sent him a text a good few hours later, no reply. Now I know him inside out, if he gets a text, he's on it right away unless he's in a situation where he can't, like at the movies or something. So I sent him a text again about half an hour later to ask if he was ok, still no reply. So I'm sitting here going out of my mind with worry. I'm thinking: A) he's out drinking with mates, despite having no money to even come and see me. B) He's with some other girl. C) He got injured at the gym and he's been taken to hospital. I know, I sound crazy, but he knows that I'm a worrier and my imagination goes into overdrive when I get no reply whatsoever. I really wish I was more laid back about this stuff. I'm sure there's an innocent explanation. Am I nuts? :(

Sep 18th, 2009, 08:54 PM	#4
madamefifi cat hoarder Joined: Aug 2006 Location: virginia Posts: 4,020	Well, he used to be your ex. Is that because he has a history of lying to you and/or sneaking around with other girls? If so, no you are not nuts for being paranoid but you ARE a bit nuts (sorry) for letting him back into your life again,
	__________________ Since each of us is blessed with only one life, why not live it with a cat? --Robert Stearns Or 10! --Mme Fifi join me at goodreads! http://www.goodreads.com/madamefifi

Sep 18th, 2009, 09:04 PM	#6
madamefifi cat hoarder Joined: Aug 2006 Location: virginia Posts: 4,020	Well, then, try not to worry about it, Maybe his phone isn't charged or something, And don't be so hard on yourself, love. He's with you of his own free will isn't he so you are more loveable than you think!
	__________________ Since each of us is blessed with only one life, why not live it with a cat? --Robert Stearns Or 10! --Mme Fifi join me at goodreads! http://www.goodreads.com/madamefifi

Sep 18th, 2009, 09:54 PM	#7
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	I have to ask. Is this the ex you had a horrible and mentally abusive relationship with?
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Sep 18th, 2009, 11:39 PM	#8
plain jane doe Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,574	^^ I also remember reading about your ex. And it's him, not you.
plain jane doe Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,574

Sep 18th, 2009, 08:48 PM	#2
Green Zebra funemployed for now Joined: Oct 2008 Location: Second City Posts: 931	I'm not sure why he couldn't afford to come see you....(gas prices??) but I would say (C) is the least likely explanation. Sorry....but then that's only one opinion...

Sep 19th, 2009, 12:08 AM	#10
plain jane doe Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,574	^^ Shelley, normally I would agree with this. But again, having read your other thread, you are not crazy or desperate. Dump him.
plain jane doe Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,574

Sep 19th, 2009, 01:17 AM	#12
redney Lovin' Life! Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,754	I may be old school because I cannot understand why people rely so heavily on texting. Why not call his cell phone and try to talk with him live???
redney Lovin' Life! Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,754

Sep 19th, 2009, 07:47 AM	#13
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 7,002	If you're constantly worried about where he is or why he's not replying - is it worth it?? Sounds exhausting to me.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Sep 19th, 2009, 10:04 AM	#15
Bella Earth to Bella Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,348	Shelley... I remember your threads. Please. You need support to get you to the place of truly loving yourself. You are worth it! To read you say that you hate yourself is heartbreaking. Trust me when I say this, no one can ever love you more than you love yourself. Believe me I know this.. we cannot look to someone else to fill that void. We have to look in the mirror and value who's looking back at us.. before anyone can be a healthy partner in our lives. Do that and you'll be amazed at what else will just fall right into place. Love yourself sweetie.. there is nobody in this world that deserves that love more.
Bella Earth to Bella Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,348	__________________

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