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juneping · Sep 23rd, 2009, 12:27 PM

^^take your time to mourn and after a while you'll feel better.
please do not take him back if he crawls back. it's a golden opportunity for your to meet a decent guy and live a healthy life.
GL!!

ShelleyBaby · Sep 23rd, 2009, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by juneping

^^take your time to mourn and after a while you'll feel better.
please do not take him back if he crawls back. it's a golden opportunity for your to meet a decent guy and live a healthy life.
GL!!

The thing is he still labelled us as single. We were seeing each other only though and wouldn't see anyone else, yet he still wanted to make it clear we were only seeing each other and not in a relationship. That's besides the point really. I just don't know how I could allow the same person to hurt me twice. I'm not going to claim I'm always innocent, 'cause I'm not and I know my insecurities didn't help, but I had no issue with his friend at all and would never go out of my way to cause trouble between then.

juneping · Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:14 PM

^^he wanted you to be exclusively to him and at the mean time he can see multiple women. he's very selfish and manipulative.
anyway, don't get back with him. after two months you'll be better.

ShelleyBaby · Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by juneping

^^he wanted you to be exclusively to him and at the mean time he can see multiple women. he's very selfish and manipulative.
anyway, don't get back with him. after two months you'll be better.

He didn't want to see anyone else though. :(

2 months? Lol, we originally broke up in December '07 and I was only just starting to feel better around March this year. We started seeing each other again around the start of August and all the old feelings came back. 2 months would be a miracle. :(

juneping · Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:44 PM

^^you don't know for sure. may be the kind of woman hasn't come around yet. please don't go back to a r/s that is so lopsided regardless there's another woman or not.

well...i didn't exactly mean 2 months is a magical number to heal. some takes longer and some takes shorter. but no matter how you feel you have to want to feel good yourself. it has some mental power too.

ShelleyBaby · Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:47 PM

I guess you're right. I feel so lost and lonely. I can't turn to my mum about any of this because she was there the first time and saw how much it killed me. She wasn't happy when she found out I was seeing him again either.

juneping · Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:56 PM

you can come here for the support you need. talk to your mom...she's a woman and she's your mom and she really loves you unconditionally.

ShelleyBaby · Sep 23rd, 2009, 02:00 PM

Thank you. :(

ShelleyBaby · Oct 19th, 2009, 11:36 AM

I don't know if anyone is really intrested, probably not but I thought I'd update you anyway. It's over now. He told me he didn't really love me and then said the next day he didn't mean it. Then when things came to an end he said countless times he couldn't wait to get rid of me, as if I were a piece of rubbish. It's been 3 years of mental and emotional abuse and I can't take anymore. He said himself I deserve better, yet he wasn't willing to treat me better. He clearly has deep rooted issues and at 27 years of age, is unlikely to change.
Anyway, I am going to see someone and get help to build up my self-esteem. My first appointment is on Thursday.
I can't wait to forget about all this, it's ashame I can't erase it from my memory.

Thanks for the advice, it was appreciated.

PurseAddict79 · Oct 19th, 2009, 12:11 PM

I'm so glad your toxic relationship is over and you're seeking help. Until you are able to fix your self esteem issues you're going to end up in relationships just as toxic (if not more so) as the one you were just in. Trust me, because I've been "that girl" for years.

I wish you all the best

ShelleyBaby · Oct 19th, 2009, 12:17 PM

I have no desire to be with anyone again. I know that sounds stupid and I may change my mind, but it doesn't seem worth while to me.

My self-esteem is low because of this guy, I wasn't like this before I met him and fell for him. His best friend is a female, same age as him and he says he loves her more than me. "Not in that way" he added, but still, he says she comes before any relationship, yet she doesn't give him the same treatment and she's also engaged to another guy. I find it to be extremely ****ed up. Am I wrong in thinking that a partner should come first, especially long term partners? Surely no female on the planet would stand for being second best?

Tammy518 · Oct 19th, 2009, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by ShelleyBaby

I have no desire to be with anyone again. I know that sounds stupid and I may change my mind, but it doesn't seem worth while to me.

My self-esteem is low because of this guy, I wasn't like this before I met him and fell for him. His best friend is a female, same age as him and he says he loves her more than me. "Not in that way" he added, but still, he says she comes before any relationship, yet she doesn't give him the same treatment and she's also engaged to another guy. I find it to be extremely ****ed up. Am I wrong in thinking that a partner should come first, especially long term partners? Surely no female on the planet would stand for being second best?

I think it would be wise not to jump into anything new too quickly, but you never know how you'll feel down the road. There could be a great guy somewhere in your future.

This guy sounds like a real piece of work, and you're well rid of him. Good luck with your therapy. Stay strong and positive!

nataliam1976 · Oct 20th, 2009, 04:37 AM

Originally Posted by ShelleyBaby

I don't know if anyone is really intrested, probably not but I thought I'd update you anyway. It's over now. He told me he didn't really love me and then said the next day he didn't mean it. Then when things came to an end he said countless times he couldn't wait to get rid of me, as if I were a piece of rubbish. It's been 3 years of mental and emotional abuse and I can't take anymore. He said himself I deserve better, yet he wasn't willing to treat me better. He clearly has deep rooted issues and at 27 years of age, is unlikely to change.
Anyway, I am going to see someone and get help to build up my self-esteem. My first appointment is on Thursday.
I can't wait to forget about all this, it's ashame I can't erase it from my memory.

Thanks for the advice, it was appreciated.

Shelley , ending this relationship is the best thing that could possibly happen to you. Have you seen this thread? You might want to read/participate.

Survivors of Mental &/OR Physical ABUSE from Spouse

Good luck, seeing a therapist is a great decision from your part. Please keep us posted!

juneping · Oct 20th, 2009, 07:40 AM

ShelleyBaby
it may be very hard for you now but it's really for the best. i am sure you are already one step closer to happiness. i really believe counseling helps a lot. GL!!

ShelleyBaby · Oct 20th, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

Shelley , ending this relationship is the best thing that could possibly happen to you. Have you seen this thread? You might want to read/participate.

Survivors of Mental &/OR Physical ABUSE from Spouse

Good luck, seeing a therapist is a great decision from your part. Please keep us posted!

Thank you and all you other ladies. You all are amazing to me. I admire your strength so much and can only hope to turn out like you all have.

I am going to read through this thread now. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.

I just have one question....am I wrong for thinking that a partner should come before a friend? Am I wrong to feel hurt that this friend means more to him than I ever did?

Sep 23rd, 2009, 12:27 PM	#46
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	^^take your time to mourn and after a while you'll feel better. please do not take him back if he crawls back. it's a golden opportunity for your to meet a decent guy and live a healthy life. GL!!
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:14 PM	#48
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	^^he wanted you to be exclusively to him and at the mean time he can see multiple women. he's very selfish and manipulative. anyway, don't get back with him. after two months you'll be better.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:44 PM	#50
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	^^you don't know for sure. may be the kind of woman hasn't come around yet. please don't go back to a r/s that is so lopsided regardless there's another woman or not. well...i didn't exactly mean 2 months is a magical number to heal. some takes longer and some takes shorter. but no matter how you feel you have to want to feel good yourself. it has some mental power too.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:56 PM	#52
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	you can come here for the support you need. talk to your mom...she's a woman and she's your mom and she really loves you unconditionally.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Oct 20th, 2009, 07:40 AM	#59
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	ShelleyBaby it may be very hard for you now but it's really for the best. i am sure you are already one step closer to happiness. i really believe counseling helps a lot. GL!!
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:47 PM	#51
ShelleyBaby OP Member Joined: Jul 2008 Location: UK Posts: 1,241	I guess you're right. I feel so lost and lonely. I can't turn to my mum about any of this because she was there the first time and saw how much it killed me. She wasn't happy when she found out I was seeing him again either.

Sep 23rd, 2009, 02:00 PM	#53
ShelleyBaby OP Member Joined: Jul 2008 Location: UK Posts: 1,241	Thank you. :(

Oct 19th, 2009, 11:36 AM	#54
ShelleyBaby OP Member Joined: Jul 2008 Location: UK Posts: 1,241	I don't know if anyone is really intrested, probably not but I thought I'd update you anyway. It's over now. He told me he didn't really love me and then said the next day he didn't mean it. Then when things came to an end he said countless times he couldn't wait to get rid of me, as if I were a piece of rubbish. It's been 3 years of mental and emotional abuse and I can't take anymore. He said himself I deserve better, yet he wasn't willing to treat me better. He clearly has deep rooted issues and at 27 years of age, is unlikely to change. Anyway, I am going to see someone and get help to build up my self-esteem. My first appointment is on Thursday. I can't wait to forget about all this, it's ashame I can't erase it from my memory. Thanks for the advice, it was appreciated.

Oct 19th, 2009, 12:11 PM	#55
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,234	I'm so glad your toxic relationship is over and you're seeking help. Until you are able to fix your self esteem issues you're going to end up in relationships just as toxic (if not more so) as the one you were just in. Trust me, because I've been "that girl" for years. I wish you all the best

Oct 19th, 2009, 12:17 PM	#56
ShelleyBaby OP Member Joined: Jul 2008 Location: UK Posts: 1,241	I have no desire to be with anyone again. I know that sounds stupid and I may change my mind, but it doesn't seem worth while to me. My self-esteem is low because of this guy, I wasn't like this before I met him and fell for him. His best friend is a female, same age as him and he says he loves her more than me. "Not in that way" he added, but still, he says she comes before any relationship, yet she doesn't give him the same treatment and she's also engaged to another guy. I find it to be extremely ****ed up. Am I wrong in thinking that a partner should come first, especially long term partners? Surely no female on the planet would stand for being second best?

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