Paranoid?

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by dallas

I have to ask. Is this the ex you had a horrible and mentally abusive relationship with?

Yes, although I was by no means innocent in the relationship.

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by karmenzsofia

Not nuts, but very anxious. Perhaps something happened, but chances are it's nothing worth being out of your mind with worry. Whether you're this anxious about the relationship because of how you are and/or how he is, in my experience it's impossible to have a healthy relationship under these circumstances. If I were you, I would commit to working on myself -- the insecurities and self-hatred -- as soon as possible because you won't be able to have a functional relationship with anyone if you're overwhelmed with fear. This might be besides the point, but why did you text him when he told you that he would be texting you? That can get on people's nerves, and desperation is not attractive.

I text him because it was fairly late on and suprised he hadn't text yet.

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by redney

I may be old school because I cannot understand why people rely so heavily on texting. Why not call his cell phone and try to talk with him live???

I phoned a while after getting no replies, only for it to ring and ring until it went to voicemail.

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by Bella

Shelley... I remember your threads. Please. You need support to get you to the place of truly loving yourself. You are worth it! To read you say that you hate yourself is heartbreaking. Trust me when I say this, no one can ever love you more than you love yourself. Believe me I know this.. we cannot look to someone else to fill that void. We have to look in the mirror and value who's looking back at us.. before anyone can be a healthy partner in our lives. Do that and you'll be amazed at what else will just fall right into place. Love yourself sweetie.. there is nobody in this world that deserves that love more.

Thank you and thanks to everyone else. I guess I think I'm not worth the effort because sometimes the distance he has to travel seems like an effort for him. In honesty though, he's only been like that because of my recent crazy spells, before that he seemed fine about travelling to see me.

[dallas]

Originally Posted by ShelleyBaby

Yes, although I was by no means innocent in the relationship.

Okay, you may not have been innocent, but why would you want to go back to that toxic place?

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by dallas

Okay, you may not have been innocent, but why would you want to go back to that toxic place?

I know you're right. I thought maybe things would have changed 2 years on. It's not even him that is the problem this time, it's me. I know he's not a cheater and never would cheat, yet my opinion of myself is so low that I wouldn't blame him if he did.

[vuittonamour]

^^^ i agree with the other ladies. he can't love you the way you want him to until you love yourself! listen to yourself! if he cheated on you, you would blame yourself?? that's seriously so sad :( i hate to see threads like this. i used to feel like you, i was just so depressed and sad over a guy. it's just not worth it. from what i see he hasn't given you any reason to be so paranoid. you will drive him away if you don't learn to pick yourself up off the floor. i know how hard it is to think about anything but your situation sometimes. trust me, i have been there, as many of us have. just these past couple weeks i have been doing too much thinking and analyzing, and i have to tell myself to stop because it's getting me NOWHERE. if anything, it just makes things worse when you start looking for reasons or meanings behind everything. it sounds like you two haven't been back together long...please don't give him any reasons to remember why you guys broke up in the first place. just give him his space. make him worry about YOU for a change. i think about my BF all the time when i am not with him and wish i was with him, wondering what he's doing and if he misses me. but i realized that maybe i don't give him a chance to do those things with me. let him wonder about you. being paranoid is something he will sense. trust me. even if you're not, make yourself sound busy. like your mind is anywhere but on him. and better yet, find things to do! something that doesn't involve him. in the long run it will be so much healthier for the both of you!

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by vuittonamour

^^^ i agree with the other ladies. he can't love you the way you want him to until you love yourself! listen to yourself! if he cheated on you, you would blame yourself?? that's seriously so sad :( i hate to see threads like this.

I'm sorry. :( I don't want people to think I'm saying it for attention, 'cause I'd never do that.

I think I may have to go back to my doctor who can refer me to a psychiatrist.

[merika]

THAT guy? Again???? The guy who slammed you all over the internet??

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by vuittonamour

^^^ i agree with the other ladies. he can't love you the way you want him to until you love yourself! listen to yourself! if he cheated on you, you would blame yourself?? that's seriously so sad :( i hate to see threads like this. i used to feel like you, i was just so depressed and sad over a guy. it's just not worth it. from what i see he hasn't given you any reason to be so paranoid. you will drive him away if you don't learn to pick yourself up off the floor. i know how hard it is to think about anything but your situation sometimes. trust me, i have been there, as many of us have. just these past couple weeks i have been doing too much thinking and analyzing, and i have to tell myself to stop because it's getting me NOWHERE. if anything, it just makes things worse when you start looking for reasons or meanings behind everything. it sounds like you two haven't been back together long...please don't give him any reasons to remember why you guys broke up in the first place. just give him his space. make him worry about YOU for a change. i think about my BF all the time when i am not with him and wish i was with him, wondering what he's doing and if he misses me. but i realized that maybe i don't give him a chance to do those things with me. let him wonder about you. being paranoid is something he will sense. trust me. even if you're not, make yourself sound busy. like your mind is anywhere but on him. and better yet, find things to do! something that doesn't involve him. in the long run it will be so much healthier for the both of you!

That's great advice, thank you. :)

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by merika

THAT guy? Again???? The guy who slammed you all over the internet??

Yes and to be fair, I did the same. I never ment anything I said though, I was just so heartbroken and with this being my first proper relationship, I didn't know how to deal with it.

I'm suprised people remember these things, there's so much goes on in this forum.

[dallas]

Originally Posted by ShelleyBaby

I know you're right. I thought maybe things would have changed 2 years on. It's not even him that is the problem this time, it's me. I know he's not a cheater and never would cheat, yet my opinion of myself is so low that I wouldn't blame him if he did.

But sweetie, nothing will change unless you do. Your life doesn't have to be filled with fear and self-loathing. It's a choice you know, and you can choose to honour, respect and love yourself. You are worthy of it, you deserve it, and you can do it.

[ShelleyBaby]

Originally Posted by dallas

But sweetie, nothing will change unless you do. Your life doesn't have to be filled with fear and self-loathing. It's a choice you know, and you can choose to honour, respect and love yourself. You are worthy of it, you deserve it, and you can do it.

I never used to be this way. The devistation and heartache I felt last time has just stuck with me and I don't know how to shift it. I know people think he's bad news and they may be right, but I can't help that I love him.

I think I'm just not going to contact him anymore and try and work on myself. If he wants me so bad he'll contact me I hope.

[gacats]

Shelley, dear, I don't even know what to say to you. One guy is not worth losing yourself over, EVER!
Please take care of yourself.

[juneping]

^^i actually did a quick search on your previous threads you started.....were they all about this same bf? he has caused you enough anxieities...
regardless with him or without him, i suggest you find a professional to talk to. you should find solutions to make yourself happier instead of looking for someone else to make you feel better.
GL!!