Open up to me...

[Jeannam2008]

Today I noticed on myspace my boyfriend posted up a blog, very rare for him because he rarely ever uses myspace for anything. I'm going to post it.

"Well I've never wrote one of these before but I've had a lot on my mind.

I started my 3rd year of college recently, I can't believe I've been in college this long. Lectures, homework, tests, studying is kinda getting old to me to be honest. I can't help but think "why am I here?". But I forge on working to get my bachelors degree. I had to retake 2 classes this semester that I took last semester cause I slacked off. Now I'm a little behind on credits and might not make it to graduation in May 2011. I almost have to take summer classes but that means living on campus year round.

I've always managed my money well so I haven't worked during the fall or spring semesters. But money is tight, really tight, and I've been trying to get a job on campus. But I'm worried that I will fall behind on my school work trying to juggle a job and 6 classes. But I need some income to support myself.

I love working on my car. I've got it fixed up pretty nice so far with more plans. But every day I think that I should just put it completely back to stock and sell all my acquired parts. I picked up a used turbo kit over the summer through a amazing deal. I had a money cushion when I got it but now I don't and I'm afraid that I'm going to have to sell the turbo kit I just dropped money into to get.


So many things run through my mind everyday its hard to think straight. I guess I will just go along for the ride and see what the future will bring."

I don't understand why he just wouldn't come talk with me, if he's got so much on his mind bothering him, I'm the one that is there for him to open up instead of letting it bottle up inside him. That's part of a relationship right? To open up to each-other with problems and things that are bothering you? To try and help support the other and give them some kind of hope, to lift their spirits? I haven't brought this up with him yet, I feel I'm probably just making a big deal out a nothing so I wanted some advice.

[fashion1sta]

I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that he doesn't want to talk to you in particular (don't stress). He might be just embarrassed to talk about his situation, and perhaps just needs to let it out- like vent. Sometimes, it becomes pointless to talk about the situation when you know that it won't be resolved anytime soon. *I go through this* It's nice to have someone to tell you that things will be fine, but I feel like in this situation, he just wants to have people hear him vs. give him advice.

I think it might be better for you to just let him know that you're thinking about him, and that you care for him dearly.

[Jeannam2008]

Okay, I was just a little thrown by it, so I wasn't sure how to react or bring it up or not. So it's much better to get someone elses advice on something like This before reacting.

[Immi]

Let him know you want him to open up to you, it's a privilege for you when he does that and you like listening. Or simply just tell him he can talk to you about anything, and leave it at that. He'll understand.

I don't think you should be thrown however. Blogging and talking to you are different things, ie I don't think he's made a blog because he can't talk to you, more like because he wants to have a blog.

[fashion1sta]

Yes, I would be thrown off too, if my bf (who rarely uses myspace) suddenly decides to pour out his emotions online.

I think it is important to think logically and emotionally at the same time, that way you won't overreact or be misunderstood.

[olialm1]

How long have you two been together? Sometimes guys are weird about the stuff. I've been with my guy for 2 years and he STILL has an issue with opening up to me about emotional things .. he prefers to keep everything bottled up inside. I wouldn't take offense or be concerned about this though, clearly he's having a rough time and just viewed this as the easiest outlet to vent his frustrations. I don't see anything wrong with bringing it up though, just let him know you're there for him. GL

[ahertz]

Sometimes people need to spit something out immediately, KWIM? I wouldn't take this personally, but it is a little odd and worth a conversation. The conversation is NOT about why he wrote this instead of talking to you. The conversation is talking about his feelings.

[ami kio]

Originally Posted by Jeannam2008

I don't understand why he just wouldn't come talk with me, if he's got so much on his mind bothering him, I'm the one that is there for him to open up instead of letting it bottle up inside him. That's part of a relationship right? To open up to each-other with problems and things that are bothering you?

Look at it this way: instead of telling him this, you're here seeking advice. You're not doing this because you don't want to talk to and open up to your SO -- you just want an unbiased 3rd party's opinion. Maybe he's doing the same thing.

Or maybe he just needs to vent and let it out. He's looking for a pressure release, not answers.

If you feel the need to say something, just let him know that you're there if he ever wants to talk/vent/whatever, but leave it at that.

[turboflgrl]

Agree with the above posters completely. But to add on a little, I wouldn't bring it up to him - he sounds pretty stressed about life and you adding to it with nit-picking his brain isn't going to help. As others have said, just let him know that you're there for him and that you'll always be there to lend an ear. I think that is really all he needs right now.

[vhdos]

Don't take it personal OP. There are lots of reasons why some men don't open up. You can blame it on physiology, for one. The Corpus Callosum in our brains is larger in a woman than in a man, which means that women have the ability to feel & think at the same time. Men naturally separate their feelings from what they are thinking.
Also, many men feel intimidated when it comes to expressing their feelings. They feel like if they open up then women might go into their "psyche" mode and analyze everything. They are afraid that they might say something "wrong" and get in trouble.
If it were me, I wouldn't bring it up. I would instead just love and support him so that he feels comfortable talking to you in the future.
Best of luck.

[Jeannam2008]

We've been dating for almost 2 years, but I did just put it out there that I care for him a lot and love him very much, and that I wanna be there whenever he needs something even to just get things off his chest. I didn't bring this up to him, I just wanted some other womens opinions on it to see how they would handle. I definitely didn't want to over react and bring it up with him until I knew for sure if I should or not, but thank you ALL for the advice!

[bisousx]

Originally Posted by vhdos

Don't take it personal OP. There are lots of reasons why some men don't open up. You can blame it on physiology, for one. The Corpus Callosum in our brains is larger in a woman than in a man, which means that women have the ability to feel & think at the same time. Men naturally separate their feelings from what they are thinking. Also, many men feel intimidated when it comes to expressing their feelings. They feel like if they open up then women might go into their "psyche" mode and analyze everything. They are afraid that they might say something "wrong" and get in trouble. If it were me, I wouldn't bring it up. I would instead just love and support him so that he feels comfortable talking to you in the future. Best of luck.

Interesting! Thanks for posting this.

[juneping]

i don't think it's that big of deal. some men just don't want to share those non victory things with their gf/wife. they tend to internalize their thoughts of the problems. you can ask him but he might even be more withdraw.
like my father...he usually just thinks and thinks and he would tell my mom his decision after he made up his mind and see how my mom thinks. he usually makes good decision. i found once men made up their minds...even if you persuade them do otherwise..they usually go back to their original plans later. may be just the men i've met.
you can really express your feeling or about matters pros and cons...and at the end of the day it's their decision to to listen to you or share their thoughts with you. i just don't understand why men are so different from women.

[vuittonamour]

been with my boyfriend for almost two years. he kept stuff bottled up inside of him for 3 months, and finally let it out about two weeks ago. i was shocked about some of the things he had to say, they seemed so out of the blue. but i know he has a hard time talking about stuff like that in general, he's just pretty emotionally unavailable, and sometimes it really sucks because i KNOW when something's bothering him and i will drive myself crazy to the point that i start thinking i am the cause of his frustrations. so then i get a little paranoid. it's happened more than once, but in order for a relationship to work, you must communicate. he's going to deal with his thoughts and issues the only way he knows how, but the most you can do is be there to support him and make sure he knows that. but in the end, sometimes you have to realize that if he doesn't open up about certain things, it's just his way of dealing. i've had to try and teach myself to just let things go, even if i know something's bothering my bf. sometimes it's just best to let him be.

in your bf's case i don't think that's stuff he was hiding from you or anything, it's stuff you knew. he was just looking for a place to vent and sometimes it helps people to sort out their thoughts once it's physically down in writing. don't think too much of it.

[vuittonamour]

ps -- i'd be careful about posting too much info about your relationship here. even though i was just excited, i learned the hard way a couple years back. even though your bf posted a blog about this stuff on myspace, it still could be pretty protected if his profile only allows friends to read it. would he be too pleased to know you posted this on an online forum asking for advice? he may not care at all for all i know, but i'm just putting out there. remember it's the internet and what goes around comes around.