Oh the Drama...Livid at my in-laws

fakename · Jun 9th, 2008, 01:19 PM

First let me say that I am a regular poster on the forum, but am not using my regular name, as I never know who might be viewing!!
About a month ago....my niece and nephew were playing at my house. When my niece (2 yrs. old) left...she wanted to take one of my daughters stuffed animals with her. I asked my daughter (6 years old) who said she was fine letting her borrow it although it was a toy that she had purchased with her birthday $$$ and did like. Fast forward to a few days ago...I went to my SIL's house, and my daughter asked to take her toy back. My niece wasn't upset about it...and I heard my SIL say to her, "you were just borrowing it, now XXX wants it back!!"
This morning I get a call from my MIL saying how hurt and dissapointed my SIL was with my daughter. That my SIL has bought my kids new toys...but when we give her kids hand-me-downs....then we take them back. This is the first time that we have ever lent a toy...usually we pass on tons of hand-me-downs, as her kids are smaller, but this was not given...but lent.
There is a ton of drama now swirling around this toy, which I think is ridiculous. If my daughter had given it to her...I would have insisted she let her keep it...but it was not given. But for my SIL to say that she is "hurt and dissapointed" with my daughter is beyond me. If the situation was reversed...and even if the toy was given...I wouldn't give a flip about it!! I guess I am just baffled, and feel like I have done something wrong...even though I haven't.
And as an add-on....although my SIL has occasionally bought toys for my kids...I have never asked her to do that...and had she asked me first...I would have said that they didn't need them!!!

fakename · Jun 9th, 2008, 01:19 PM

P.S. I need advice...did I do something wrong???

caxe · Jun 9th, 2008, 01:34 PM

The forum owners and mods basically don't allow regular posters to come in and start a thread under a new assumed name. So your thread might be closed. FYI.

fakename · Jun 9th, 2008, 01:41 PM

OH... :(....my regular name is also my actual name....so I didn't want to broadcast this family spat on the web!! Sorry...mods, close this if you need too!!!

Mrs. MC · Jun 9th, 2008, 01:55 PM

I don't think you did anything wrong. Her mother should have set a limit with her own child for asking for something that belongs to someone else, not to mention getting mad about it afterwards that the item is requested to be returned. Your SIL should also realize that your daughter and her daughter are 6 and 2, they don't understand these concepts yet. I would get over it and move on, there will be many more aggravating things to come I am sure because that is what happens when people who you don't choose to be in your life are so you just have to deal with whatever happens, get aggravated and move on as hard as it is. HTH

LadyLinda · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:05 PM

You did nothing wrong. In fact, you and your daughter were very generous to let your niece take the toy with her. You also say the niece was not upset to give the toy back. So my take is that something else is going on here with the SIL. I've been in similar situations, big blow ups about basically nothing, and usually there's some other issue at the bottom of the conflict, completely separate from the supposed "cause" of the fight. Has there been some other tension between you and SIL, or between her and another relation? That might well be it.

Veelyn · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:09 PM

I would just straight up call my sis in law and ask her whats up? Is there a problem? Talk it about it, then move on from there.

bagnshoofetish · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fakename

There is a ton of drama now swirling around this toy, which I think is ridiculous.

you're right. It is ridiculous. Is it more important for you to be right or for there to be peace in your family? Let them have the darn toy and buy your daughter a new one of the same thing. It isn't worth it. Let it go and never mention it again. Seriously, there are more important things to worry about than a misunderstanding about a toy. You all should be setting a good example to both those kids about forgiveness and generosity.

fakename · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:16 PM

^^^Thanks so much for the advice!! There is no underlying issue, or should I say there is ALWAYS an underlying issue...I just don't know what it is!! It doesn't take much in this family to cause drama. This was such a non-event to me, that the returning of the toy barely registered on my radar!!
We are having some pretty tough financial issues...and do not have extra $$$ for non-essentials. Every once in a while...I will take the kids to the .99 store, or Dollartree, and let them pick out a small toy (I also get something for my niece and nephew). This has been brought up...when my SIL took my kids and bought them each a toy...my MIL said, "you would never do that...her kids would be lucky to get the Dollartree!"
Everyone is aware of our financial trouble...and I don't believe in having to spend $$$ on the kids for them to be happy!! The only "luxury" we have had this year, was to go to Great Wolf Lodge (waterpark) a few months ago...and we paid for her son to go with us. It is not that we are spending $$$ on our own kids, and not doing things for her...right now in our family...no one is getting extras!!
That they would bring this up...when I feel like we are fighting for survival (to quote my SIL), "I buy new toys for my kids, and all they give us is hand-me-downs!" is beyond insensitive in my opinion!!!
I am going to let this pass....but right now...I just feel like the whole thing is so unbelievably ridiculous!!! Thanks for letting me vent!!

fakename · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

you're right. It is ridiculous. Is it more important for you to be right or for there to be peace in your family? Let them have the darn toy and buy your daughter a new one of the same thing. It isn't worth it. Let it go and never mention it again. Seriously, there are more important things to worry about than a misunderstanding about a toy. You all should be setting a good example to both those kids about forgiveness and generosity.

Agree with all of this!! Then my MIL said to me, "some parents just never teach their kids how to share!" My daughter did share!!
I do not need to be right...I never can be in this type of situation...so that is not even on my mind. I just have such a hard time seeing how this can even be a problem, when there are such bigger issues in the world to be concerned about...and we are seriously going to have a problem over a toy????

bagnshoofetish · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fakename

^^^(to quote my SIL), "I buy new toys for my kids, and all they give us is hand-me-downs!" is beyond insensitive in my opinion!!!!!

let her own her own crappy malfunction. I swear all families are like this. I don't even speak to one of my sister-in-laws because it is futile and the other one lives far away so I don't have to hear her backhanded insults on a daily basis. As hard as it is, just seperate yourself emotionally as much as you can and concentrate on your own immediate family.

bagnshoofetish · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fakename

Then my MIL said to me, "some parents just never teach their kids how to share!" My daughter did share!

you should have said, "your right. but stick around cause next week, I'm gonna teach her how to steal."

fakename · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:26 PM

GUCCI_COOCHIE · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:35 PM

^^You should stop giving them hand-me-downs altogether.

stellamaried · Jun 9th, 2008, 02:36 PM

Were they aware that your daughter had purchased the toy for herself with her b'day money and still liked it? Was it clear to everyone that the niece was only being allowed to borrow it? IMO, it's probably a lot to ask a 2 yr old to understand "borrowing" something, but it sounded like she was okay with giving it back (and if her mom thought she wouldn't have been, she shouldn't have let her borrow it in the first place). It was your daughter's toy. She was generous to let a toddler borrow it and should get it back. She's 6!! She does know how to share -- she let the little girl borrow it (and honestly, at 6, I don't know if I'd have let a 2 yr old who puts everything in her mouth borrow a toy I liked, so good for her!). It also wouldn't be a bad idea for your niece to learn she can't get everything she wants (though she may be a little young for that :)). Is your SIL your MIL's daughter? In any event, I don't think the MIL should have gotten involved at all, and if it was that important to either of them, they could have bought the toy for the 2 yr old. I'm sorry this happened, and I wish you the best.

Jun 9th, 2008, 01:19 PM	#1
fakename Sofa King Banned	Oh the Drama...Livid at my in-laws First let me say that I am a regular poster on the forum, but am not using my regular name, as I never know who might be viewing!! About a month ago....my niece and nephew were playing at my house. When my niece (2 yrs. old) left...she wanted to take one of my daughters stuffed animals with her. I asked my daughter (6 years old) who said she was fine letting her borrow it although it was a toy that she had purchased with her birthday $$$ and did like. Fast forward to a few days ago...I went to my SIL's house, and my daughter asked to take her toy back. My niece wasn't upset about it...and I heard my SIL say to her, "you were just borrowing it, now XXX wants it back!!" This morning I get a call from my MIL saying how hurt and dissapointed my SIL was with my daughter. That my SIL has bought my kids new toys...but when we give her kids hand-me-downs....then we take them back. This is the first time that we have ever lent a toy...usually we pass on tons of hand-me-downs, as her kids are smaller, but this was not given...but lent. There is a ton of drama now swirling around this toy, which I think is ridiculous. If my daughter had given it to her...I would have insisted she let her keep it...but it was not given. But for my SIL to say that she is "hurt and dissapointed" with my daughter is beyond me. If the situation was reversed...and even if the toy was given...I wouldn't give a flip about it!! I guess I am just baffled, and feel like I have done something wrong...even though I haven't. And as an add-on....although my SIL has occasionally bought toys for my kids...I have never asked her to do that...and had she asked me first...I would have said that they didn't need them!!!

Jun 9th, 2008, 01:34 PM	#3
caxe I has ur gif. Location: The Southeast, US	The forum owners and mods basically don't allow regular posters to come in and start a thread under a new assumed name. So your thread might be closed. FYI. __________________ Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy.

Jun 9th, 2008, 01:55 PM	#5
Mrs. MC Member	I don't think you did anything wrong. Her mother should have set a limit with her own child for asking for something that belongs to someone else, not to mention getting mad about it afterwards that the item is requested to be returned. Your SIL should also realize that your daughter and her daughter are 6 and 2, they don't understand these concepts yet. I would get over it and move on, there will be many more aggravating things to come I am sure because that is what happens when people who you don't choose to be in your life are so you just have to deal with whatever happens, get aggravated and move on as hard as it is. HTH __________________

Jun 9th, 2008, 02:09 PM	#7
Veelyn ♥LONDON♥ Location: The Zou!	I would just straight up call my sis in law and ask her whats up? Is there a problem? Talk it about it, then move on from there. __________________ ANIMAL CRUELTY IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE!! *PLEASE HELP GET JUSTICE FOR KARLEY!* *SIGN THE PETITION TODAY!* http://justice4karley.com/upcoming_events_3.html

Jun 9th, 2008, 02:26 PM	#13
fakename Sofa King Banned	^^^^

Jun 9th, 2008, 01:41 PM	#4
fakename Sofa King Banned	OH... :(....my regular name is also my actual name....so I didn't want to broadcast this family spat on the web!! Sorry...mods, close this if you need too!!!

Jun 9th, 2008, 02:05 PM	#6
LadyLinda Member Location: Philadelphia	You did nothing wrong. In fact, you and your daughter were very generous to let your niece take the toy with her. You also say the niece was not upset to give the toy back. So my take is that something else is going on here with the SIL. I've been in similar situations, big blow ups about basically nothing, and usually there's some other issue at the bottom of the conflict, completely separate from the supposed "cause" of the fight. Has there been some other tension between you and SIL, or between her and another relation? That might well be it.

Jun 9th, 2008, 02:16 PM	#9
fakename Sofa King Banned	^^^Thanks so much for the advice!! There is no underlying issue, or should I say there is ALWAYS an underlying issue...I just don't know what it is!! It doesn't take much in this family to cause drama. This was such a non-event to me, that the returning of the toy barely registered on my radar!! We are having some pretty tough financial issues...and do not have extra $$$ for non-essentials. Every once in a while...I will take the kids to the .99 store, or Dollartree, and let them pick out a small toy (I also get something for my niece and nephew). This has been brought up...when my SIL took my kids and bought them each a toy...my MIL said, "you would never do that...her kids would be lucky to get the Dollartree!" Everyone is aware of our financial trouble...and I don't believe in having to spend $$$ on the kids for them to be happy!! The only "luxury" we have had this year, was to go to Great Wolf Lodge (waterpark) a few months ago...and we paid for her son to go with us. It is not that we are spending $$$ on our own kids, and not doing things for her...right now in our family...no one is getting extras!! That they would bring this up...when I feel like we are fighting for survival (to quote my SIL), "I buy new toys for my kids, and all they give us is hand-me-downs!" is beyond insensitive in my opinion!!! I am going to let this pass....but right now...I just feel like the whole thing is so unbelievably ridiculous!!! Thanks for letting me vent!!

Jun 9th, 2008, 02:35 PM	#14
GUCCI_COOCHIE 90 day ban! 6/1-8/31 Location: OC.	^^You should stop giving them hand-me-downs altogether. __________________ *CURRENTLY ON A 90-day BAN! http://90dayshoppingrehab.blogspot.com/

Jun 9th, 2008, 02:36 PM	#15
stellamaried Happy Happy Joy Joy	Were they aware that your daughter had purchased the toy for herself with her b'day money and still liked it? Was it clear to everyone that the niece was only being allowed to borrow it? IMO, it's probably a lot to ask a 2 yr old to understand "borrowing" something, but it sounded like she was okay with giving it back (and if her mom thought she wouldn't have been, she shouldn't have let her borrow it in the first place). It was your daughter's toy. She was generous to let a toddler borrow it and should get it back. She's 6!! She does know how to share -- she let the little girl borrow it (and honestly, at 6, I don't know if I'd have let a 2 yr old who puts everything in her mouth borrow a toy I liked, so good for her!). It also wouldn't be a bad idea for your niece to learn she can't get everything she wants (though she may be a little young for that :)). Is your SIL your MIL's daughter? In any event, I don't think the MIL should have gotten involved at all, and if it was that important to either of them, they could have bought the toy for the 2 yr old. I'm sorry this happened, and I wish you the best.