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Chris2195 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 10:47 AM

Hey everyone,

Well first off I'd like to Hi, I've actually lurked these forums for a bit when I was shopping for a purse for my gf and I needed some information because I was lost lol.

Well I thought I'd ask for some insight about a relationship that ended about two and half months ago.

To start off with I got into a relationship with my now ex two and half years ago. We dated all through college and it was fantastic, you know the story, well she graduated earlier then I and we did long distance, we were both fearful but it actually ended up being a great experience, we were apart but we both made time to see each other every week and we always had things planned to keep the relationship fun and interesting the time we did spend together.

Well fast forward to this summer, I took the summer off to spend half of it with her, it was great, lots of fun, lots of laughs. One of the last weeks I saw her she sat me down and said that she was having doubts in our relationship and wasn't really feeling it anymore. So that week I worked hard and we had a lot of fun, we've had our ruts before because of the long distance, in fact I was feeling it too when she said it but it wasn't as bad as previous times. So the week goes great we feel better and I leave. I don't really hear from her for 2 days and on the third day I get a call and she simply says, "I don't think I'm in love with you anymore, I've been feeling this way for a month and I just don't feel in love with you" Well I was devastated and gave her time to think about, I didn't call or harass her at all, she needed space and well I thought she would settle in her decision one way or another.

So a few weeks go by, she starts calling more and more, we talk more and more and we make plans to see each other. Well she called me a day before I was supposed to meet with her and she told me she was dating someone else, I say well I guess I won't drive to see you and she responded that she really wants me to come visit anyway. I was honest with her and told her I was dating too.

I drive the next day but when I get there she sits me down and says she is in a relationship with another guy, I say I'm a little shocked because only a month has gone by but I respect her decision and say well I'm going to go visit my family which is close to where she lives. She asks me to stay and I do (bad idea). I stay and it was great, tons of laughs it was literally like being in the prime in our relationship only not in a relationship. Night time comes, she says stay the night, I do and laying in bed she turns to me and asks to have sex and we do (worse idea)

I leave, and she disappears for a week, I see more pictures come up on facebook with this guy (who is also long distance from her, a little bit shorter distance than me but I couldn't understand it, I mean I can understand her dating someone in the same town but long distance) and it hurts. I'm dating people but not in a relationship because I'm torn up over my ex still.

Well very recently she has started to contact me again, not on the phone but over the internet via aim and such, and all the convo's go like this "Hey how are you" I respond with "I'm great" and then she'll go into, so I see you're hanging out with sarah (a girl that I've been friends with for years, never any attraction just a good friend, my ex has always never liked her so I respected her opinions and I didn't hang out with sarah anymore) or she will ask about how my dating life is going, or she will say "I saw you've been going out and dancing and doing all these things you never did with me" which I told her I always tried to go dancing with her and cooked for her and other things she always wanted to stay at home and watch tv.

What should I do, she disappears for a few days and messages me, and then I get assaulted about what I'm doing and who I'm seeing, I don't contact her and I don't ask about her boyfriend at all. I know I shouldn't talk to her but it's very hard not to when she initiates.

I was really committed to this girl, I bought a ring a month before the break up and was planning on dropping the question in September, I never told her this but a mutual friend who I did tell eventually told her after the breakup that I was planning on proposing.

I mean I know I shouldn't be talking to her, but I dunno. There is that little voice that says keep up the hope, last time I talked to her she told me that she is still sexually attracted to me and that she loves me and thinks I'm great and blah blah blah. Our relationship was never bad, no infidelity, no abuse, shit I never even raised my voice to her, maybe once in the two years. I was always the patient one to her hot headness and stubborn ways. Respected her and her family loved me. What should I make of this contact, should I just politely say I don't really want to talk to you anymore? I love her still and like I said I never initiate contact but when she initiates with me I just can't resist.

Anyway, I know it's a long read but it's much appreciated, for any words that you may share with me.

Thanks

NLVOEWITHLV · Oct 22nd, 2009, 10:55 AM

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. Breakups are never easy especially long term ones. Ok, With that being said, If I were you I would cut off contact with her. After 2 years if she could just break up with you and rush right into a new relationship she didnt deserve you in the first place! Also because you still love her I think its probably torture everytime you talk to her. You were with her for 2 years so it will take time but eventually you will get over her!

keya · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:04 AM

Sounds to me like this girl is toying with you ("I love you still, have sex with me -btw, I'm in a relationship with someone else.") She needs to figure herself out, and you need a NCP (no contact policy) - for your own good. You'll never get over her as long as you keep in contact with her, and she'll never want you back as long as she can have you whenever she wants, even though she's already with someone else. Also, do you really want to be with someone who cheats on her new boyfriend after just a few weeks? If she didn't want to be exclusive with this guy, she shouldn't have committed to him. She needs to stop playing you -and him ! For your own sake, I recommend blocking her on your aim and facebook and where ever she can contact you. Change your phone number if you have to. Tell her you want to be friends with her, but you need some space to get over her before you can be. If she cares about you she will respect this.

Chris2195 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:08 AM

Yeah I'm thinking the same thing.

You know it was very hard for to come with the terms of our relationship ending, I was always kind to her, defended her to the end. I'd move my schedule around just to visit her, I was the type of guy who didn't call her all the time but I would call or write a letter just to tell her how much I loved her.

I always stayed in shape (I really feel bad for writing this but the guy she is dating now is very overweight), took her out, we had a great time together. It also wasn't one sided either, I put forth a lot of effort but she did as well. I guess with my past relationships I can see a where it went wrong point, or something I did that was a dealbreaker, not with this one. I'm well educated, fiscally responsible, I love to go out and party but do it very seldom just because she would stay at home and well I'm not a freshman in college anymore. I feel a little upset that everything I wanted to do with her like go out and have a few drinks with mutual friends she never did, but now she goes out. Last time I saw her, I could see that there was something there, but it felt like something was stopped her from progressing in our relationship.

I guess it's her pride, she is an extremely prideful person, she believes that if a relationship isn't working from day 1 it isn't going to work, to put it simply, if she were to ever call me and say sorry and she wanted me back I would know it was serious because that is like me waking up one day in a pool of money. She always worries about what her friends and family may think of her.

Anyway, I'm just rambling lol. Thanks for the post NLVOEWITHLV

saccharine · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:08 AM

It seems to me that she likes the idea of having you hang around, just in case. But, it's clear that she wants to date others so, she doesn't want you in the way you want her.

I would break off all contact with her. You should tell her that you don't want to have contact with her and delete her from you contact lists. This way, you won't suddenly feel sad when you see her name pop up on your phone or on Facebook.

Give yourself time to be free from contact with her. This distance is good for both of you. It'll give you time to have perspective in the relationship. Only once you've healed from this hurt are you truly able to open your heart to others... and see what you are deserving of.

Good luck. A broken heart is the biggest hurt of all... But, it makes our capacity for love even greater.

PurseAddict79 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:11 AM

I'm sorry you're going through this...

She sounds insanely immature. I mean, was she relying on you to make her life "fun"? She wasn't capable of doing that alone? Sorry, but I rely on no one other than myself to make my life fun and interesting. I have fun with my boyfriend, but he doesn't make my life fun. I do

I think you need to cut off contact with her... its not healthy to keep talking to someone with such blatant disregard for your feelings and emotions.

Chris2195 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by keya

Sounds to me like this girl is toying with you ("I love you still, have sex with me -btw, I'm in a relationship with someone else.") She needs to figure herself out, and you need a NCP (no contact policy) - for your own good. You'll never get over her as long as you keep in contact with her, and she'll never want you back as long as she can have you whenever she wants, even though she's already with someone else. Also, do you really want to be with someone who cheats on her new boyfriend after just a few weeks? If she didn't want to be exclusive with this guy, she shouldn't have committed to him. She needs to stop playing you -and him ! For your own sake, I recommend blocking her on your aim and facebook and where ever she can contact you. Change your phone number if you have to. Tell her you want to be friends with her, but you need some space to get over her before you can be. If she cares about you she will respect this.

yeah the whole playing around thing with me is kinda what is helping me get over her quicker, I mean after the break up she became another person, almost the opposite of the girl I knew and our friends knew, like she stopped contacting all her friends went out and started drinking and doing all sorts of out of character things, I guess she just wants a radical change. Hrmm, humans are so fascinating.

Hessefan · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:21 AM

First of all, sorry you are feeling blue about this and it will get better with time. As a girl who's been there, done that, I say you need to block her from whichever site she uses to see who you hang out with or what you do. Secondly, as much as I hate to say this, I very much doubt that she loves you the way you love her. She may love you, but it sounds like she isn't head over heels for you and at the moment needs her ego stroked, which screams egotism and immaturity to me. She may be sexually attracted to you, even have sex with you and initiate contact, but if she loved you as a partner loves you, she wouldn't have broken up with you for no particular reason and started dating right away. And do you really want to wait for someone who isn't sure about you and is dating someone else, who she cheated on with you?
Chances are, her new dating experiences aren't that great and she misses the comfort and adoration she had from you, so she periodically comes back to you because she knows you let her in.
As hard as it may seem, the ball is in your court and you should decide whether you want her to stop using you or whether you want to be stuck in this frustrating limbo.
I used to have an ex-boyfriend who I did love, but more as a very good friend. Even though I was attracted to him and we were on and off for a few years, there was always something missing so I broke it off. I have to admit that I was using him, even though I didn't see that at the time. I really wanted him to be the right guy for me, but he wasn't. It was insecurities on my part and it was easy to get him to flatter me or look after me, but not very nice for him. I still regret the way I handled his love for me, but fortunately he moved on with his life and we are now very good friends (I am married and he is engaged), so it doesn't mean that you can never talk to her again. Just limit what she finds out about you and if she phones for a chat to be friendly, good. If she wants to lecture you about who you hang out with or date or what you do, then she isn't really a friend.
Best of luck!

nataliam1976 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:25 AM

This is written for gals, but it is universal really

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/brea...rt-1/#more-930

and

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/brea...ontact-part-2/

Cut all the contact and move on, your ex does not deserve being a minute more in your life. She does not love you and she blatantly uses you period. Have you seen our single community thread here? If you get weaker you will get a lot of support there, too.

Good luck!

ricky11 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:29 AM

chris, you sound like such a great guy! i think you know that you need to cut off contact with her, as everyone else has said. she is toying with you even if that's not her intention. it's not fair and you need to cut ties. i'm sure you will find someone great who treats you with more respect than she is currently showing you. good luck, i know it's not easy!

Chris2195 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 02:16 PM

Thanks for the responses, I guess I do need to cut contact, there is always that little voice inside you that seems to have such a big hold saying no don't.

I mean for some time before June of this year we were both on the same page in what we wanted to do with our lives, we both felt dedicated to each other and very loving to one another but sometime in June she just started to change and didn't really put effort into it anymore.

I just had that small feeling in my mind, well she must still be interested to be contacting me but then when thinking about it reasonably there is really no reason to talk to her.

Kansashalo · Oct 22nd, 2009, 04:01 PM

I agree - she is toying with you. She is maintaining minimal contact with you because you are her "just in case" guy. I suspect she decided to do this once she found out that you were going to pop to question. In case things with her current guy do not work out (or in case the single life doesn't pan out like she wants) she wants to have you as the backup plan.

Sorry you're going through this because you do seem like a nice guy. As others have said, employ the "no contact rule". She needs to know that you are not going to be sitting around waiting on her.

Good luck OP!

petitechouchou · Oct 22nd, 2009, 04:22 PM

Hey Chris2195! I'm sorry things with your ex didn't work out and I know it is tough especially since it was a long distance relationship. It does takes lots of work to keep relationships interesting and lasting and unfortunately sometimes it just doesn't work. You sound like a terrific guy and I know whoever that gets the chance to win over your heart will thank your ex for letting you go. Hang in there and time will heal the wounds. I know from my personal experience and yes it takes time but there IS hope. Feel free to PM me if you like to know. Good luck!!!

Charles · Oct 22nd, 2009, 04:40 PM

It's real simple.

She's not in love with you, yet still likes the comfort and attention she gets from you.

Stop talking to her completely and move on with your life.

Cheetah7 · Oct 22nd, 2009, 06:02 PM

There's really nothing much I can add that hasn't been said already. Why would you want to settle being the "back-up" guy because this is what you are right now? All you're doing is allowing her to continue to use you. You need to completely cut ties with her and resist the temptation to talk to her. There's really no point to it as there isn't any relationship between the two of you anymore.

Oct 22nd, 2009, 10:47 AM	#1
Chris2195 OP Member Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 9	Need some insight and advice about a recent breakup Hey everyone, Well first off I'd like to Hi, I've actually lurked these forums for a bit when I was shopping for a purse for my gf and I needed some information because I was lost lol. Well I thought I'd ask for some insight about a relationship that ended about two and half months ago. To start off with I got into a relationship with my now ex two and half years ago. We dated all through college and it was fantastic, you know the story, well she graduated earlier then I and we did long distance, we were both fearful but it actually ended up being a great experience, we were apart but we both made time to see each other every week and we always had things planned to keep the relationship fun and interesting the time we did spend together. Well fast forward to this summer, I took the summer off to spend half of it with her, it was great, lots of fun, lots of laughs. One of the last weeks I saw her she sat me down and said that she was having doubts in our relationship and wasn't really feeling it anymore. So that week I worked hard and we had a lot of fun, we've had our ruts before because of the long distance, in fact I was feeling it too when she said it but it wasn't as bad as previous times. So the week goes great we feel better and I leave. I don't really hear from her for 2 days and on the third day I get a call and she simply says, "I don't think I'm in love with you anymore, I've been feeling this way for a month and I just don't feel in love with you" Well I was devastated and gave her time to think about, I didn't call or harass her at all, she needed space and well I thought she would settle in her decision one way or another. So a few weeks go by, she starts calling more and more, we talk more and more and we make plans to see each other. Well she called me a day before I was supposed to meet with her and she told me she was dating someone else, I say well I guess I won't drive to see you and she responded that she really wants me to come visit anyway. I was honest with her and told her I was dating too. I drive the next day but when I get there she sits me down and says she is in a relationship with another guy, I say I'm a little shocked because only a month has gone by but I respect her decision and say well I'm going to go visit my family which is close to where she lives. She asks me to stay and I do (bad idea). I stay and it was great, tons of laughs it was literally like being in the prime in our relationship only not in a relationship. Night time comes, she says stay the night, I do and laying in bed she turns to me and asks to have sex and we do (worse idea) I leave, and she disappears for a week, I see more pictures come up on facebook with this guy (who is also long distance from her, a little bit shorter distance than me but I couldn't understand it, I mean I can understand her dating someone in the same town but long distance) and it hurts. I'm dating people but not in a relationship because I'm torn up over my ex still. Well very recently she has started to contact me again, not on the phone but over the internet via aim and such, and all the convo's go like this "Hey how are you" I respond with "I'm great" and then she'll go into, so I see you're hanging out with sarah (a girl that I've been friends with for years, never any attraction just a good friend, my ex has always never liked her so I respected her opinions and I didn't hang out with sarah anymore) or she will ask about how my dating life is going, or she will say "I saw you've been going out and dancing and doing all these things you never did with me" which I told her I always tried to go dancing with her and cooked for her and other things she always wanted to stay at home and watch tv. What should I do, she disappears for a few days and messages me, and then I get assaulted about what I'm doing and who I'm seeing, I don't contact her and I don't ask about her boyfriend at all. I know I shouldn't talk to her but it's very hard not to when she initiates. I was really committed to this girl, I bought a ring a month before the break up and was planning on dropping the question in September, I never told her this but a mutual friend who I did tell eventually told her after the breakup that I was planning on proposing. I mean I know I shouldn't be talking to her, but I dunno. There is that little voice that says keep up the hope, last time I talked to her she told me that she is still sexually attracted to me and that she loves me and thinks I'm great and blah blah blah. Our relationship was never bad, no infidelity, no abuse, shit I never even raised my voice to her, maybe once in the two years. I was always the patient one to her hot headness and stubborn ways. Respected her and her family loved me. What should I make of this contact, should I just politely say I don't really want to talk to you anymore? I love her still and like I said I never initiate contact but when she initiates with me I just can't resist. Anyway, I know it's a long read but it's much appreciated, for any words that you may share with me. Thanks
Chris2195 OP Member Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 9

Oct 22nd, 2009, 10:55 AM	#2
NLVOEWITHLV Member Joined: Apr 2009 Location: Houston Posts: 742	First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. Breakups are never easy especially long term ones. Ok, With that being said, If I were you I would cut off contact with her. After 2 years if she could just break up with you and rush right into a new relationship she didnt deserve you in the first place! Also because you still love her I think its probably torture everytime you talk to her. You were with her for 2 years so it will take time but eventually you will get over her!
	__________________ "Marriage is like a roller coaster- at first you have butterflies or may be scared, at times you may wonder what you've gotten yourself into and if you can handle it, but once the ride begins its amazing and you would DEFINITELY do it all over again!!!!"

Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:04 AM	#3
keya Member Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,906	Sounds to me like this girl is toying with you ("I love you still, have sex with me -btw, I'm in a relationship with someone else.") She needs to figure herself out, and you need a NCP (no contact policy) - for your own good. You'll never get over her as long as you keep in contact with her, and she'll never want you back as long as she can have you whenever she wants, even though she's already with someone else. Also, do you really want to be with someone who cheats on her new boyfriend after just a few weeks? If she didn't want to be exclusive with this guy, she shouldn't have committed to him. She needs to stop playing you -and him ! For your own sake, I recommend blocking her on your aim and facebook and where ever she can contact you. Change your phone number if you have to. Tell her you want to be friends with her, but you need some space to get over her before you can be. If she cares about you she will respect this.
keya Member Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,906	__________________ No more shoes for me this year. Checking in to CCLO as of right now

Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:08 AM	#4
Chris2195 OP Member Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 9	Yeah I'm thinking the same thing. You know it was very hard for to come with the terms of our relationship ending, I was always kind to her, defended her to the end. I'd move my schedule around just to visit her, I was the type of guy who didn't call her all the time but I would call or write a letter just to tell her how much I loved her. I always stayed in shape (I really feel bad for writing this but the guy she is dating now is very overweight), took her out, we had a great time together. It also wasn't one sided either, I put forth a lot of effort but she did as well. I guess with my past relationships I can see a where it went wrong point, or something I did that was a dealbreaker, not with this one. I'm well educated, fiscally responsible, I love to go out and party but do it very seldom just because she would stay at home and well I'm not a freshman in college anymore. I feel a little upset that everything I wanted to do with her like go out and have a few drinks with mutual friends she never did, but now she goes out. Last time I saw her, I could see that there was something there, but it felt like something was stopped her from progressing in our relationship. I guess it's her pride, she is an extremely prideful person, she believes that if a relationship isn't working from day 1 it isn't going to work, to put it simply, if she were to ever call me and say sorry and she wanted me back I would know it was serious because that is like me waking up one day in a pool of money. She always worries about what her friends and family may think of her. Anyway, I'm just rambling lol. Thanks for the post NLVOEWITHLV
Chris2195 OP Member Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 9

Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:21 AM	#8
Hessefan Member Joined: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 145	First of all, sorry you are feeling blue about this and it will get better with time. As a girl who's been there, done that, I say you need to block her from whichever site she uses to see who you hang out with or what you do. Secondly, as much as I hate to say this, I very much doubt that she loves you the way you love her. She may love you, but it sounds like she isn't head over heels for you and at the moment needs her ego stroked, which screams egotism and immaturity to me. She may be sexually attracted to you, even have sex with you and initiate contact, but if she loved you as a partner loves you, she wouldn't have broken up with you for no particular reason and started dating right away. And do you really want to wait for someone who isn't sure about you and is dating someone else, who she cheated on with you? Chances are, her new dating experiences aren't that great and she misses the comfort and adoration she had from you, so she periodically comes back to you because she knows you let her in. As hard as it may seem, the ball is in your court and you should decide whether you want her to stop using you or whether you want to be stuck in this frustrating limbo. I used to have an ex-boyfriend who I did love, but more as a very good friend. Even though I was attracted to him and we were on and off for a few years, there was always something missing so I broke it off. I have to admit that I was using him, even though I didn't see that at the time. I really wanted him to be the right guy for me, but he wasn't. It was insecurities on my part and it was easy to get him to flatter me or look after me, but not very nice for him. I still regret the way I handled his love for me, but fortunately he moved on with his life and we are now very good friends (I am married and he is engaged), so it doesn't mean that you can never talk to her again. Just limit what she finds out about you and if she phones for a chat to be friendly, good. If she wants to lecture you about who you hang out with or date or what you do, then she isn't really a friend. Best of luck!
	__________________ My Wishlist: Botkier Nomad Botkier Bryant Foley & Corinna Bender Kooba Paige Raisin Kooba Dale Kooba Jacinda Miu Miu any Anya Hindmarch Cooper Mulberry Quilted Shimmy Tote Nude Chloe Edith Modalu Wilton Zadig & Voltaire Touly Christal Taupe

Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:08 AM	#5
saccharine Member Joined: Apr 2008 Location: NYC Posts: 88	It seems to me that she likes the idea of having you hang around, just in case. But, it's clear that she wants to date others so, she doesn't want you in the way you want her. I would break off all contact with her. You should tell her that you don't want to have contact with her and delete her from you contact lists. This way, you won't suddenly feel sad when you see her name pop up on your phone or on Facebook. Give yourself time to be free from contact with her. This distance is good for both of you. It'll give you time to have perspective in the relationship. Only once you've healed from this hurt are you truly able to open your heart to others... and see what you are deserving of. Good luck. A broken heart is the biggest hurt of all... But, it makes our capacity for love even greater.

Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:11 AM	#6
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,236	I'm sorry you're going through this... She sounds insanely immature. I mean, was she relying on you to make her life "fun"? She wasn't capable of doing that alone? Sorry, but I rely on no one other than myself to make my life fun and interesting. I have fun with my boyfriend, but he doesn't make my life fun. I do I think you need to cut off contact with her... its not healthy to keep talking to someone with such blatant disregard for your feelings and emotions.

Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:25 AM	#9
nataliam1976 Dior Goddess:-) Joined: Nov 2006 Location: all around Europe Posts: 12,707	This is written for gals, but it is universal really http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/brea...rt-1/#more-930 and http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/brea...ontact-part-2/ Cut all the contact and move on, your ex does not deserve being a minute more in your life. She does not love you and she blatantly uses you period. Have you seen our single community thread here? If you get weaker you will get a lot of support there, too. Good luck!
	__________________ PLEASE DO NOT PM ME FOR AUTHENTICATIONS Dear Dior fans ! >>> PLEASE READ THIS: Some guidelines/tips on authentication <<< before you post - if you dont provide REQUIRED PICTURES - especially clear close up of the front and back of the inside tag, your posts will not be replied to, thanks !

Oct 22nd, 2009, 11:29 AM	#10
ricky11 Member Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 650	chris, you sound like such a great guy! i think you know that you need to cut off contact with her, as everyone else has said. she is toying with you even if that's not her intention. it's not fair and you need to cut ties. i'm sure you will find someone great who treats you with more respect than she is currently showing you. good luck, i know it's not easy!
ricky11 Member Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 650

Oct 22nd, 2009, 02:16 PM	#11
Chris2195 OP Member Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 9	Thanks for the responses, I guess I do need to cut contact, there is always that little voice inside you that seems to have such a big hold saying no don't. I mean for some time before June of this year we were both on the same page in what we wanted to do with our lives, we both felt dedicated to each other and very loving to one another but sometime in June she just started to change and didn't really put effort into it anymore. I just had that small feeling in my mind, well she must still be interested to be contacting me but then when thinking about it reasonably there is really no reason to talk to her.
Chris2195 OP Member Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 9

Oct 22nd, 2009, 04:01 PM	#12
Kansashalo Memories! Joined: Sep 2006 Location: USA Posts: 3,606	I agree - she is toying with you. She is maintaining minimal contact with you because you are her "just in case" guy. I suspect she decided to do this once she found out that you were going to pop to question. In case things with her current guy do not work out (or in case the single life doesn't pan out like she wants) she wants to have you as the backup plan. Sorry you're going through this because you do seem like a nice guy. As others have said, employ the "no contact rule". She needs to know that you are not going to be sitting around waiting on her. Good luck OP!
	__________________

Oct 22nd, 2009, 04:22 PM	#13
petitechouchou "H" is for Hamster Joined: Jun 2009 Location: sleeping in my skybox Posts: 1,307	Hey Chris2195! I'm sorry things with your ex didn't work out and I know it is tough especially since it was a long distance relationship. It does takes lots of work to keep relationships interesting and lasting and unfortunately sometimes it just doesn't work. You sound like a terrific guy and I know whoever that gets the chance to win over your heart will thank your ex for letting you go. Hang in there and time will heal the wounds. I know from my personal experience and yes it takes time but there IS hope. Feel free to PM me if you like to know. Good luck!!!

Oct 22nd, 2009, 04:40 PM	#14
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,194	It's real simple. She's not in love with you, yet still likes the comfort and attention she gets from you. Stop talking to her completely and move on with your life.
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Oct 22nd, 2009, 06:02 PM	#15
Cheetah7 Member Joined: Aug 2009 Location: Here, there and everywhere Posts: 302	There's really nothing much I can add that hasn't been said already. Why would you want to settle being the "back-up" guy because this is what you are right now? All you're doing is allowing her to continue to use you. You need to completely cut ties with her and resist the temptation to talk to her. There's really no point to it as there isn't any relationship between the two of you anymore.
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