My Significant Other's Father is sexist and rude!!!...

Jahpson · Jun 11th, 2008, 10:16 AM

Before me and my SO got together, his father was so nice to me. (Our families know each other)

Once we went to this banquet (my SO was a no show) and his father saw that I was by myself and asked me to dance. He use to be cool.

Now that im dating his son, he has been so cold and mean to me.

I come over, and say "Good Afternoon" or "Good Night" [standard greeting for West Indian households instead of hello] and he either doesnt look at me or gives me a weak "hi" [if even that]

If there is a general discussion with the family. When I open my mouth, I get [what i suspect anyway] eyes rolled or he walks out the room.

Case in point, yesterday. Im with my SO chilling at his parents house. We were in the Den talking and playing around with his niece. The television was on with some poilitcal commentator (CNN).

You know how some shows have like questions for the public that you can email to vote or call in? Well I was looking at one of the questions and answering a couple out loud.

By this time my SO's father was walking through the Den to look out the window (dont know why) and when he walked back toward out of the room, he muttered "what do you know about politics?!"

What the French Toast?

I was so hurt by that rude comment. It was very random and uncalled for. I wasn't even talking to him. I was talking to my SO.

What do I know about politics? I read the paper everyday, am well informed of whats going on in the world, nation AND locally (Im a Legislative Assistant). My freaking major in college was Political Science for goodness sake!!

Well after I heard that, I was completely shocked and turned off. I couldn't even finish my sentence. I felt like I was going to cry. I don't know what I did to make him hate me.

My SO sensed something was up and asked me what was wrong. I didn't want to tell him. (i was so angry, shocked and hurt) What could I do? Vent to my SO that I don't like how his father is treating me?

I called my mom and told her the situation. She says that he was always like that. He is very sexist and cold sometimes.

What the hell am I going to do? I don't even want to face this man anymore. I don't want to look in his face, talk to him, or even go to his house...or anywhere that he owns property [figurative and literally]

Jahpson · Jun 11th, 2008, 10:22 AM

Addition: I was not rude to his father in no kind of way. I have always kept the level of respect with him, even if he hasn't done the same with me.

just wanted to point that out.

merika · Jun 11th, 2008, 10:24 AM

You really can't do anything about it except try to avoid him a lot. There are some people like that,people who don't believe the younger generation, esp. women don't know anything and their opinions are useless.

Just try to be polite the best you can and ignore his remarks, I think that's about all you can do.

Veelyn · Jun 11th, 2008, 11:18 AM

I would just try to avoid him at all costs, and only say "Good Afternoon" when you walk into his house [to be polite of course]. Other than that, don't say anything to him. I dont think theres anything else you can do. KWIM?? I think you should tell your SO how you feel though and see what he says. Maybe he will offer advice or something.

Good luck Jahp

[& I love that saying, "What the French Toast?" LOL]

Kimm992 · Jun 11th, 2008, 11:36 AM

You can't do anything about his behavior towards you but you CAN control how you act.

If I were you I would just continue how you have been - be polite to him and courteous when you're around him. If he's going to be a jerk then just ignore the rude comments, don't respond, etc.

This way it will never come back to bite you in the behind. Everyone will see that you're being very nice and polite and he's acting like an ass. It will reflect better on you in the end if you remain classy about it.

kbell · Jun 11th, 2008, 11:51 AM

Just continue to be yourself & try not to take it personally. Since your mom told you he's always been that way - his behavior towards you is probably normal for him even if you never noticed till you dated his son. Feel better that your mom said this - it'd be worse if she were surprised and said he's always been such a wonderful man. He won't change - just try your best to ingnore his snide comments.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 11th, 2008, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Veelyn

I would just try to avoid him at all costs, and only say "Good Afternoon" when you walk into his house [to be polite of course]. Other than that, don't say anything to him. I dont think theres anything else you can do. KWIM?? I think you should tell your SO how you feel though and see what he says. Maybe he will offer advice or something.

Good luck Jahp

[& I love that saying, "What the French Toast?" LOL]

ITA! And since you say he was nice to you before you started dating his son maybe he's treating you differently now because you are dating his son. Maybe he's like some women are about their sons, you know the "no one is good enough" attitude that some MIL's have...

candace117 · Jun 11th, 2008, 12:11 PM

you can't change people, but you can set the example, so I agree with what everyone said above - take the high road and don't change your actions because your SO's father is being that way. Thank goodness you're with your SO, and not his father

Jahpson · Jun 11th, 2008, 12:20 PM

thanks for the words of comfort guys.

Im still a little steamed from the situation. I just REALLY cannot stand snobby people at all!!

I mean who does he think he is king of england? lol

it just amazes me how some people have so much nerve to act the way they do KWIM?

ChristyR143 · Jun 11th, 2008, 12:28 PM

The older I get, the more amazed I am at people's rudeness.

I tend to agree with the others...first of all, tell your SO in a calm and rational manner how his father is treating you, how it is making you feel, and see if he has any insight. Second, just be as polite and respectful as you can be when you are around him, even if it means biting a hole through your tongue. I know it sucks, but the bottom line is that if you want to stay with your SO, then you will have to do this. The ideal outcome will be that your SO will stand up to his father for you, but you cannot depend on that, unfortunately.

((((hugs))))

oogiewoogie · Jun 11th, 2008, 12:53 PM

Ewwww to your SO father! ... Jahpson... ((HuUUgg)).. that must be super tough for you. Like the others have said.. I wouldn't be rude back, try to tell your SO what happened.. but in a way where he won't turn defensive. This is going to be hard to swallow... (As I'm temporarily living with my in-laws.. and his mom is needy, rude and gross at times too.. and I can't stand her at times, so I can sorta feel what your feeling).. but take it with a grain of salt, because that mans got some issues. It's all him and not you. You're going to come out of this as the better person... hang in there!

babyjean06 · Jun 11th, 2008, 01:02 PM

I would just stay away from him. No point in adding fuel tot he fire. Although it has got to be hard on you and your SO.

caxe · Jun 11th, 2008, 01:30 PM

Maybe...just maybe...he wanted you for himself at first, and now he's hating and taking it out on you?

Shoot, I don't know, I'm not good with these situations.

RowanOak · Jun 11th, 2008, 02:14 PM

^^Caxe...That was the first thing I thought of, so if you're "not good with these situations," then I'm not either.

couture2387 · Jun 11th, 2008, 02:18 PM

Just ignore him. My SO's mother has been a b**** to me since day 1 and theres no use fighting with her. Avoid him as much as possible and when you have to interact with him just be normal.

Jun 11th, 2008, 10:16 AM	#1
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	My Significant Other's Father is sexist and rude!!!... Before me and my SO got together, his father was so nice to me. (Our families know each other) Once we went to this banquet (my SO was a no show) and his father saw that I was by myself and asked me to dance. He use to be cool. Now that im dating his son, he has been so cold and mean to me. I come over, and say "Good Afternoon" or "Good Night" [standard greeting for West Indian households instead of hello] and he either doesnt look at me or gives me a weak "hi" [if even that] If there is a general discussion with the family. When I open my mouth, I get [what i suspect anyway] eyes rolled or he walks out the room. Case in point, yesterday. Im with my SO chilling at his parents house. We were in the Den talking and playing around with his niece. The television was on with some poilitcal commentator (CNN). You know how some shows have like questions for the public that you can email to vote or call in? Well I was looking at one of the questions and answering a couple out loud. By this time my SO's father was walking through the Den to look out the window (dont know why) and when he walked back toward out of the room, he muttered "what do you know about politics?!" What the French Toast? I was so hurt by that rude comment. It was very random and uncalled for. I wasn't even talking to him. I was talking to my SO. What do I know about politics? I read the paper everyday, am well informed of whats going on in the world, nation AND locally (Im a Legislative Assistant). My freaking major in college was Political Science for goodness sake!! Well after I heard that, I was completely shocked and turned off. I couldn't even finish my sentence. I felt like I was going to cry. I don't know what I did to make him hate me. My SO sensed something was up and asked me what was wrong. I didn't want to tell him. (i was so angry, shocked and hurt) What could I do? Vent to my SO that I don't like how his father is treating me? I called my mom and told her the situation. She says that he was always like that. He is very sexist and cold sometimes. What the hell am I going to do? I don't even want to face this man anymore. I don't want to look in his face, talk to him, or even go to his house...or anywhere that he owns property [figurative and literally] __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jun 11th, 2008, 10:22 AM	#2
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	Addition: I was not rude to his father in no kind of way. I have always kept the level of respect with him, even if he hasn't done the same with me. just wanted to point that out. __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jun 11th, 2008, 10:24 AM	#3
merika Just me Location: In front of a computer	You really can't do anything about it except try to avoid him a lot. There are some people like that,people who don't believe the younger generation, esp. women don't know anything and their opinions are useless. Just try to be polite the best you can and ignore his remarks, I think that's about all you can do. __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you.

Jun 11th, 2008, 11:18 AM	#4
Veelyn ♥LONDON♥ Location: The Zou!	I would just try to avoid him at all costs, and only say "Good Afternoon" when you walk into his house [to be polite of course]. Other than that, don't say anything to him. I dont think theres anything else you can do. KWIM?? I think you should tell your SO how you feel though and see what he says. Maybe he will offer advice or something. Good luck Jahp [& I love that saying, "What the French Toast?" LOL] __________________ ANIMAL CRUELTY IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE!! *PLEASE HELP GET JUSTICE FOR KARLEY!* *SIGN THE PETITION TODAY!* http://justice4karley.com/upcoming_events_3.html

Jun 11th, 2008, 11:36 AM	#5
Kimm992 Member Location: Toronto, Canada	You can't do anything about his behavior towards you but you CAN control how you act. If I were you I would just continue how you have been - be polite to him and courteous when you're around him. If he's going to be a jerk then just ignore the rude comments, don't respond, etc. This way it will never come back to bite you in the behind. Everyone will see that you're being very nice and polite and he's acting like an ass. It will reflect better on you in the end if you remain classy about it. __________________ ~Kimmy~

Jun 11th, 2008, 11:51 AM	#6
kbell Member Location: MA	Just continue to be yourself & try not to take it personally. Since your mom told you he's always been that way - his behavior towards you is probably normal for him even if you never noticed till you dated his son. Feel better that your mom said this - it'd be worse if she were surprised and said he's always been such a wonderful man. He won't change - just try your best to ingnore his snide comments. __________________ Heal quickly & come back soon!

Jun 11th, 2008, 12:11 PM	#8
candace117 Pirate Trash Location: Hardcorvallis	you can't change people, but you can set the example, so I agree with what everyone said above - take the high road and don't change your actions because your SO's father is being that way. Thank goodness you're with your SO, and not his father __________________ "With so much drama in the L-B-C, it's kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double G."

Jun 11th, 2008, 12:20 PM	#9
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	thanks for the words of comfort guys. Im still a little steamed from the situation. I just REALLY cannot stand snobby people at all!! I mean who does he think he is king of england? lol it just amazes me how some people have so much nerve to act the way they do KWIM? __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jun 11th, 2008, 12:28 PM	#10
ChristyR143 But it was on sale!! Location: Texas	The older I get, the more amazed I am at people's rudeness. I tend to agree with the others...first of all, tell your SO in a calm and rational manner how his father is treating you, how it is making you feel, and see if he has any insight. Second, just be as polite and respectful as you can be when you are around him, even if it means biting a hole through your tongue. I know it sucks, but the bottom line is that if you want to stay with your SO, then you will have to do this. The ideal outcome will be that your SO will stand up to his father for you, but you cannot depend on that, unfortunately. ((((hugs)))) __________________

Jun 11th, 2008, 12:53 PM	#11
oogiewoogie iS eNjOyin Life :o) Location: Beachy SoCAL...♥	Ewwww to your SO father! ... Jahpson... ((HuUUgg)).. that must be super tough for you. Like the others have said.. I wouldn't be rude back, try to tell your SO what happened.. but in a way where he won't turn defensive. This is going to be hard to swallow... (As I'm temporarily living with my in-laws.. and his mom is needy, rude and gross at times too.. and I can't stand her at times, so I can sorta feel what your feeling).. but take it with a grain of salt, because that mans got some issues. It's all him and not you. You're going to come out of this as the better person... hang in there! __________________ " It is as easy to create a castle as a button. It's just a matter of whether you're focused on a castle or a button." - Abraham-Hicks."

Jun 11th, 2008, 01:02 PM	#12
babyjean06 Member	I would just stay away from him. No point in adding fuel tot he fire. Although it has got to be hard on you and your SO. __________________

Jun 11th, 2008, 01:30 PM	#13
caxe I has ur gif. Location: The Southeast, US	Maybe...just maybe...he wanted you for himself at first, and now he's hating and taking it out on you? Shoot, I don't know, I'm not good with these situations. __________________ Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy.

Jun 11th, 2008, 02:14 PM	#14
RowanOak Member Location: Deep South	^^Caxe...That was the first thing I thought of, so if you're "not good with these situations," then I'm not either.

Jun 11th, 2008, 02:18 PM	#15
couture2387 Member Location: Miami	Just ignore him. My SO's mother has been a b**** to me since day 1 and theres no use fighting with her. Avoid him as much as possible and when you have to interact with him just be normal. __________________ until I manage to pay off 1/2 of my Visa!