My mother has all the sensitivity of a rabid wolverine . . . .
Let me just start off by saying I'm really pissed off now, so I'm just typing my feelings.
Okay, so my parents came up on Thursday so we could all attend a family party on Saturday night.
I had lost some weight and she noticed when she saw me.
For the most part, my mother has been human, other than the little 'correcting' things that mothers do.
Sunday night, my aunt lays out some cheese and crackers and somehow my mother gets it into her head that I keep crackers in my apartment. She goes on to tell me how bad crackers are for me that that I shouldn't have any white flour in my apartment.
I reassure her that I don't keep crackers in my apartment. (I mean, I do, but what the hell business is it of hers?)
On Monday, we had to run some errands. Two of them being getting me groceries from Whole Foods and some things at the drug store.
We're shopping. (Rather, I let my mom lead the whole thing and then I pick out what I want). My mother brings up AGAIN how important it is for me to get rid of the crackers and white flour and eat more vegetables. I had to tell her to stop bringing that up. One, because I've heard it before and two, because weight is such a loaded issue between the two of us that I'd rather not deal with it.
I do Weight Watchers online and I haven't really been joining in the online conversations. My mother got it into her head that if I wasn't doing that, I wasn't doing the program 'correctly' and if I kept doing it "wrong" she and my dad would stop paying for it.
I told her I would post something in the chat groups and tried to cut off the conversation. She thought I was being short with her (I kind of was) and pounced on the opportunity to say it fifteen or sixteen more times.
My mother has the belief that if people don't do things exactly the way she wants them done, it's wrong.
Early this morning, my parents and I got up early, left my aunt's house and went to the train station. From there they would take their train and I would take the subway. My dad went ahead to check the train schedule and we're following behind him. As we're walking, she brings up the white flour and Weight Watchers again, prefacing it with, "I know you'll get mad at me, but I have to say . . . "
I couldn't really vent to my dad at that point because he doesn't like the fact that I seem to take every opportunity we're alone together to vent about my mom. We agreed that next time they come to visit me, my dad will pick the time to discuss things. I did tell him I'd e-mail him something later that night.
We had some time to get breakfast. In between the chat and the getting the breakfast, I tried to swallow my anger so that I could have something to eat, I could say goodbye to them and I would go home.
I started crying and my mother asked me if I was crying because of something she said. I told her of course it was. I told her she must be really self-centered or really stupid to say something like that, knowing it would upset me. I told her she often prefaces these things with "Let me just say . . . " and I want to scream, "Don't 'just say'! I don't want to hear it"
I told her that I was doing fine on Weight Watchers without her and that she should stop acting like her advice was the be-all and end-all of my weight loss.
She took the opportunity to answer that I have not been doing ffine on Weight Watchers. (Oh, yeah? Well, what the Hell do you call a 15 pound weight loss, hmm? Or does that not 'count' because it wasn't done on your time frame?)
The entire time I'm yelling at her, her tone is calm but she's never apologetic and she never says sorry for upsetting me like that. It's always 'Well, I had a reason to . . . ' And then she mentions those things fifteen more times!
I swear, I just wanted to jump across my dad and punch her in the face! I didn't because I don't want to get arrested for assault.
It was time for my parents' train and my mom went on ahead to get the paper. I say goodbye to my dad. I wanted to just leave but I was afraid if I did that, she'd complain to my aunt (whom she's brainwashed to believe that I've been the evil one and she's been the victim and that she's just doing her best) so I go up to where they are.
I stiffly tell her something along the lines of 'have a nice train.' She has the nerve to make a move like she's going to hug me so I stepped back and sharply said, "Don't touch me." Once again she tries to explain herself on why she's justified and I twice loudly told her to shut up.
It got to the point where my dad directed me to just go.
I just called home and left two very angry messages on my parents' machine. The first one was essentially what I wanted to scream at her in the train station and the second one said she had no right to make me feel this way and that if she wanted a relationship with me, she'd have to change her attitude. Otherwise, I don't want anything to do with her.
My parents' train went from Toronto to Albany, and from there, my parents will drive from Albany to Massachusetts. Only there was a snowstorm in Albany so they're in a hotel for the night.
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And this above all: to thine ownself be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
Polonius, Hamlet Act I, sc iii
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