My little sister..... (really long)

[alely]

Hey gals and guys,

I've been having problems with my little sister that finally escalated today and we ended having a huge fight in front of a friend of ours.

My little sister and I never got along, we have our moments when we're all calm and nice to each other but where so different that we just end up butting heads more often than not. I love her, but we just don't get along.

Well, a little back story. I had two essays due today on Monday,because procrastination is my best friend, and I stayed up all night to work on them and didn't get any sleep. So I turn my essays and my classes don't end until 3 so I finally go home and decide to get a few hours of sleep.

Now fast forward a few hours later my sister calls and wants me to pick her and a friend up because it was dark and she doesn't want to walk. So I get up and still in my pajamas (my outfit for the day) I get up and go to the dorms where she says she would be waiting.

As soon as I get in the car and start driving, I know I shouldn't be behind the wheel, I'm too tired and not alert enough and with only a few hours of sleep I just feel like shit, but I go anyways because she said she would be waiting outside. So I get to the dorms and I realize I forgot my cell phone, but still I decided to wait for her outside.

So I wait for around 15min and I don't see them anywhere. I think to myself that maybe they're inside the friends dorm, so I got to check that out but since they have a special keyed entrance I cant get in. So I go knock on her windows and start to yell out their names so maybe they might be able to hear me. I do this for a bit more but I can't see anyone and no one comes and opens the door, so I decide to leave because I'm tired and I don't feel like waiting any longer to get home.

I get home and my other sister tells me that the little sister called and asked where I was, I told her I came home because I had waited outside long enough and I saw no one. My little sister then starts to berate me and yell at me about how I should have waited for 20 more min and that I'm selfish because she does all of this "other" stuff for me (NEVER) and how she'll never do anything for me ever again, and I say fine because she never really does anything for me anyways and I had waited long enough outside and did everything I could to try to get their attention, or anyone's attention, but I didn't see anyone and my other sister even told her that I was there but she never came out. We hang up with her mad at me because she has to walk the long block back to our apartment (we live right in front of the university.)

She comes home with our mutual friend and continues to yell at me saying that now she knows how selfish I am, that why I couldn't have waited another 20 mins there, that I only think of myself. She then starts rambling about how she would always take me everywhere when I worked at mervyn's and when I had to get to work and be picked up, but the truth is I didn't have my license then and didn't know how to drive plus she would hardly ever come and pick me up, she would always rather wake up my mom, who worked all day as a housekeeper, from her afternoon nap to go get me than to trek to the store herself to come and pick me up because she was "tired"!

And after calling me all kinds of selfish she then says I'm no longer allowed to drive and that I'm a selfish person who never does anything for her! I guess she's gotten amnesia or something because I do everything for her! And I do it because I love her and she's my little sister, I'm supposed to take care of her, how could she say I'm selfish when I bought all of her school books this semester and I took her on a three hundred dollar shopping spree, and when she didn't have enough money for rent I put more than I had to, and when I was the only one with financial aide I was the one who paid for the weekends out and the movies and the bills, and when she asks for help on her essays I help her make up a thesis and help her with her research even though I have my own studies to think about. I'm always lending her money and I even though she promises to pay me back she never does! And even though I always pay for her when we got out and "she doesn't have cash", when we got out and I don't have cash it's everyone for themselves!

The worst part is I didn't even get to refute her! The only thing I was able to get in edgewise was that I had done all that I could think of to let them know I was there even though I didn't have a cellphone. And what's worse is that she got our friend to side with her and now that friend thinks I'm some selfish bitch because I didn't wait an extra 20mins for them when they said they would be waiting for me!

I don't know what to do about her! She my sister and I love her but she's just so selfish and I swore to her that I had done everything in my power to make sure she knew I was there and that I waited for her, but still she acts like I'm some bitch who just honked and left. I cried for a good hour about this and god I'm just not sure what to do about her anymore. One of my friends suggested I should kick her out but she's my sister and I don't know if I can do that to her and short of moving out myself I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this is so long girls I just had o get it off my chest. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Glamfoxx]

On occassions where you really need your sleep, unplug the landline and turn off your cell. Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat who needs to learn to fend for herself (call a cab).

[gillianna]

I would stop doing anything for her....including the money thing. Let her have a dose of reality and see how much you have done for her in the past....She really sounds like a spoiled brat..... You need to take care of yourself and your studies, you are doing her no favor by helping her out with her school work....thay is why she is in school to learn. But you really can't be taken advantage of unless you continue to let it happen.

[alely]

Thanks for the advice gals :) I'm going to have a talk with her and my parents because to be honest this isn't the first time something like this has happened, it's just one episode in a long list and I'm really just tired of her behavior.

[azia]

You can only let the fact that she's family string you along so far. At some point, it's no longer reason enough to be taking emotional abuse from her. She does it because she knows she CAN, because you don't set any boundaries for her. In situations like this, even though it's not your fault, it IS your own responsibility to put down your foot however. Instead of making rash claims like I'll never do anything for you again!, etc. show her through your actions. Next time she asks for help with something that she CAN do herself, let her do it on her own. Next time you go out with her, make sure she has some sort of funding. If she doesn't have her cash and she has a card, mention that and MAKE her pay.

[alely]

Originally Posted by azia

You can only let the fact that she's family string you along so far. At some point, it's no longer reason enough to be taking emotional abuse from her. She does it because she knows she CAN, because you don't set any boundaries for her. In situations like this, even though it's not your fault, it IS your own responsibility to put down your foot however. Instead of making rash claims like I'll never do anything for you again!, etc. show her through your actions. Next time she asks for help with something that she CAN do herself, let her do it on her own. Next time you go out with her, make sure she has some sort of funding. If she doesn't have her cash and she has a card, mention that and MAKE her pay.

Thanks azia, although knowing her if I do any of that she'll start calling me a selfish (b)witch again. But it is up to me to put a stop to this and even though the holidays are not a good time to bring up negativity about one's own family, I'm going to sit her down with our parents to talk about this. Hopefully they will be able to get through to her, if not then I'll just have move out or even she'll have to move out because I really can't seem to deal with any of these incidents anymore.

[Charles]

Good lord...are you guys 12?? If anyone of my friends asked me to do a favor by coming to pick them up, then wasn't outside within 10 minutes, you better believe I'd go back home, and if said friend had the nerve to say I needed to wait another 20, I'd tell him/her to f*ck off, and walk away.

You sound young and a bit weak to even allow someone to talk to you like that. Next time she guilts you for doing her a favor, tell her to shut up, then ignore her. Either walk away or don't say another word to her. From that point, don't ask anything from her, and don't do anything for her until she can learn to appreciate you.

[lilflobowl]

your sister's really been spoilt & is so ungrateful to have a sister like you! i agree with some of the others - stop supporting her in any way & next time don't agree to pick her up from school when she can just walk 20 minutes. why she couldn't go outside to find you when your other sister had told her that you had gone to the university to pick her up is beyond me. isn't that common sense?

& scolding you in front of a mutual friend? how horrid! i believe there's nothing worse than airing your dirty laundry in front of mutual friends. for your friend to believe & agree with her also doesn't reflect very well on him/her.

[alely]

Originally Posted by Charles

Good lord...are you guys 12?? If anyone of my friends asked me to do a favor by coming to pick them up, then wasn't outside within 10 minutes, you better believe I'd go back home, and if said friend had the nerve to say I needed to wait another 20, I'd tell him/her to f*ck off, and walk away. You sound young and a bit weak to even allow someone to talk to you like that. Next time she guilts you for doing her a favor, tell her to shut up, then ignore her. Either walk away or don't say another word to her. From that point, don't ask anything from her, and don't do anything for her until she can learn to appreciate you.

Close she's 18 and thinks that because she moved out of our mom's house and in with me that she's gained all of the "wisdom" of an adult.

I know I shouldn't really let her get to me, but she's my little sister and to my parents family is everything. But this episode has really taught me how much of a doormat I am and how I really need to be firm and put my foot down.

[Charles]

I don't let my son walk all over me, and it certainly doesn't mean I love him less. In fact, it's cause I love him that I don't let him do and say whatever he wishes.
Love yourself first and foremost, then love your family. Don't let anyone use you and talk down to you, family or not.

[SPOILEDkiwi]

SO's sister used to act exactly like this when she was 16, but once she learned to drive and went away to college she got a little bit of a reality check. By allowing your sister to treat you this way and continuing to do things for her, you're spoiling her and causing her behavior. Stop doing things for her and she may realize what a brat she is.

[Bubble Girl]

She needs to grow up a little. And you poor thing, need a few good nights of sleep!!!

[Speedy]

This reminds me of a saying- "Poor planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on my part". IN other words, your little sister is a spoiled brat who needs to be smacked upside the head and told how grateful she should be to HAVE an older sister to come rescue her when she stayed out too late til it got dark.

You already waited what, 15-20 minutes when she said they'd be waiting for you outside. Wanting you to wait an additional 20 minutes is beyond rude, and arguing in front of the friend just shows she's not nature enough. (You don't mention ages, but I take it she's a teen.)

If I were you, I'd refuse to assist her further in life until she grows up some and appreciates having an older sister who cares about her. There is nothing I hate more than a bratty child blaming someone else for their errors.

Good luck honey. This too shall pass.