My friends gf - weird situation.

sheishollywood · Dec 22nd, 2007, 03:40 AM

**SORRY FOR THE LONG POST! But this is a little...

to me haha*

I didn't think this was fitting for the "couples who argue in front of each other" thread. So I just thought I'd start another so I didn't hijack that one.

This actually happened last night (at a work Christmas Party). I have a really good friend at my company - let's call him Shane. Shane and I are like "partners-in-crime". We treat each other extremely professional however we're very much "brothers and sisters". There is a clan of 4 of us who have on going inside jokes about situations that arises with our clients.

A little background on Shane. He's super nice, very sweet, great sense of humor, easy to get alone with, and just an all around cool guy. I would say that he's in line with the type of guys that I've been able to call "best friends" since high school. Shane has a gf of about 5 years. They started dating when he was 20 - she is 6 years older (not that that should be an issue but it definitely showed some of her insecurities yesterday). He's now 25 and she's 31.

Yesterday at our Christmas party Shane and I sat back to back (we had three tables). I was in a conversation with some friends and he started to tug my hair (it was tied up in a ponytail). It wasn't anything out of the ordinary - a lot of us in the office tend to have some childish jokes when we're dealing with one another. So we started talking briefly, giving each other one liner jokes that are part of the 4 of us. This is when I noticed his gf (Let's call her Abby) was silent and she would just not look over. I felt a little bit of tension so I just turned around and continued to talk to my other co-workers. After we had our appetizers, Shane pulled my hair again. We started talking about a few issues with our clients and just little tie ups that we NEED to remember to do the next day before the holidays. Again, Abby said nothing and wouldn't turn around. So our main course came and we ate and after that he tugged my hair again. This time he grabbed her arm and said, "Abby, this is my good friend Melissa". She just stared at me blank and said "Hi." and turned around. She was pretty short with me and I had no idea why (?)

So I turned back around and started to talk with the friends I was sitting with again. After about 15-20 minutes. I hear this harsh voice calling my name. It was Abby straight out asking me, "Did Shane buy my Christmas present yet?" I thought she was joking and I just smiled and said "well you'll know on Christmas". But she was actually serious and quite short with me again. She asked whether or not I had gone shopping with Shane for her present (I did during our lunch and he picked out a very nice bag and watch for her). After that, she turned around and my girlfriend who I was sitting with and I just stared at each other blankly and was like

After desert we all decided to switch seats and start miggling with the rest of the tables. We sat on another table and Shane and Abby moved to the table we were sitting in. She was basically hanging over him not letting him out of her sight. She then came up to my girlfriend (who's the receptionist at my company) and I who was talking with our office manager about bad relationships. My girlfriend had just gotten out of a pretty rotten relationship and the office manager (who is like all of our mum's) and I was giving her some insight. Abby just joined into the conversation and I have absolutely no idea whether or not she was joking or not - but she basically went on a rampage.

"You see. Shane here doesn't get my xmas gifts until last minute. He usually gets me those thoughtless spa gift certificates last minute. How do I know this? Because the expiry date is always 1 year from when you purchase it. But for you, you're young. You are able to date around and from that, know in your next relationship what you want and what you don't want. Bad relationships is a learning experience to finding what you're wanting out of a relationship what you REALLY HATE and what you're willing to settle and compromise for. You see, I dated a bit before meeting Shane and Shane dated very minimal when he met me. So, I'm experiencing this RIGHT NOW!" She later on saying that you shouldn't be feeding his ego at all because his head is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. His ego is huge and he is not what he use to be.

I have absolutely no idea if she was trying to tell us that she hates Shane... or what. But it was just such an awkward place to be put in.

Zophie · Dec 22nd, 2007, 04:00 AM

Well, she definitely sounds like she has some issues, that's for sure. What kind of person starts getting pushy about what kind of gift they are getting? She sounds sort of self absorbed to me. I'd be totally happy if a guy got me a spa gift certificate, even if he bought it AFTER Christmas. Who cares.

However, it's his relationship, not yours, so I wouldn't worry to much about it. Just be a friend if he wants to talk about it, but overall, I'd stay out of it.

sheishollywood · Dec 22nd, 2007, 04:08 AM

Totally. I don't want a part of that drama. I just found it extremely fascinating. I've never been put in a spot like that after meeting someone who was short with me for a few minutes (possibly thinking because her bf and I are good friends) but then later on really just... ranting about the bad things in their relationship.

I had no idea how to react.

At the end of the night EVERYONE gave each other hugs. My boss gave our dates hugs, we gave each other (co-workers) hugs as well as their dates. When Shane hugged our table (me, my girlfriend, the co-workers there, the office manager - the people I hung out mostly with during the night). She just stood there, arms crossed, not wanting to acknowledge any of us.

VERY WEIRD.

pinkybear · Dec 22nd, 2007, 05:29 AM

abby is insecure!!! i was laughing the whole time i was reading your post coz i can juz imagine her hanging on to ur friend. im so sorry u have to encounter such an immature and have i said insecure (?) person in the office party.

infairness to abbie i think she got jealous that shane was bugging you and not her. im not sure if she knows that all of you are just friends (if shane's told her about his cool office gang) but if i saw my boyfriend pulling some random girl's ponytail whom ive just met, i would feel disrespected.

that being said, i think she has hidden resentments towards shane (the random outburst at ur friend's dilemna). playfull hair-pulling or buying presents last minute (most guys are like that anyway) would definitely not cause me to raise my voice at people i barely know. shes using shane's playfullness towards you as an excuse to get mad at him. i think shes hungry for attention from ur buddy and obviously seeing other people get it before she does got her mad.

i say ignore her. ur friends with shane. i agree with Zophie: be there for him but try and stay out of it as she might use u as an excuse to pick a fight etc.

Glamfoxx · Dec 22nd, 2007, 07:48 AM

She has every right to be upset, Shane pulling playfully on your hair (especially in her presence) was disrepectful to her. She should not have taken it out on you though, rather she should have talked to him about it after the party. Also, he should be buying his significant other's gifts on his own- a gift from your SO should be of their choosing, not their friend's choosing, so she may have been upset about that as well. She is just picking up on the obvious signs that he is not that into her.

keya · Dec 22nd, 2007, 11:48 AM

I agree that to her, it might seem like Shane was flirting with you by pulling your hair, especially if she wasn't aware of your friendship or the playful environment at your office. Maybe she felt that he was giving his co workers more attention than he gave her, and it made her uncomfortable (especially if she didn't know anyone at the party) Maybe they'd even had a fight before going to the party, who knows? Either way, I don't think you should worry yourself too much about it, it isn't your problem and your friend Shane will have to work out his relationship on his own

HubbaWubba · Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:02 PM

Was there alcohol involved? The way she went off in a tangent seems like that had something to do with it. Maybe she felt threatened by your friendship with him. A lot of women can't handle their bf having women as friends. I bet the relationship doesn't last.

fiatflux · Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:24 PM

From your description, it sounds like he took a long time to introduce her...shouldn't he have introduced her right up front before he started chatting with you? I think that probably started her off on the wrong foot, and it went downhill from there. But it does sound like she's got issues and her behavior will probably end up causing the demise of the relationship.

kissmyace108 · Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glamfoxx

She has every right to be upset, Shane pulling playfully on your hair (especially in her presence) was disrepectful to her. She should not have taken it out on you though, rather she should have talked to him about it after the party. Also, he should be buying his significant other's gifts on his own- a gift from your SO should be of their choosing, not their friend's choosing, so she may have been upset about that as well. She is just picking up on the obvious signs that he is not that into her.

ITA, if I was put in her situation, Id be upset with my SO too, but never would I have reacted the way she did and blow up at you!

chinadoll724 · Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:48 PM

Eek, maybe I'm immature, but I'd be PISSED at both of you . . . Even if you don't see it, there's some flirting going on, and for him to do it right in front of her, and for you to allow it to continue through the night . . . The inside jokes, i can understand, but if she's already insecure, I'm sure they made her feel more out of the loop. As his date, he should have been responsible for making her feel comfortable, so that wasn't your fault, but that flirting has got to stop if she's not ok with it, which she obviously isn't.

wordpast · Dec 22nd, 2007, 01:14 PM

Well... I would be a little like WTF too if my BF was pulling on his friend's hair!!! I have two best friends that are guys and wouldn't mess with their hair, especially around my BF. Too me it's an obvious sign of flirting. But you said that's the way you guys kid around, and that's fine I guess, but does SHE know this??

Besides that, because of her little outburst it does seem like they have some problems in their relationship. I agree with Zophie, don't worry to much about it.

fiatflux · Dec 22nd, 2007, 01:50 PM

I just don't know that sheishollywood can do much about HIS behavior. HE is pulling on HER hair...she would have to tell him to STOP doing that...which puts her in an uncomfortable spot. I agree that it is flirty behavior. Also, I think he was being rude "talking shop" so much....that really does exclude his girlfriend (not to mention the delayed introduction).

arireyes · Dec 22nd, 2007, 02:27 PM

I don't understand the tangent she went off on, BUT if I was with DH and he started pulling on some girls hair and it seemed like flirting, I would be pissed, I wouldn't say anything though, I'd just leave.

sheishollywood · Dec 22nd, 2007, 02:49 PM

No there was no alcohol involved what so ever. Our CEO of the company flew in and he didn't drink. We all just bought a few bottles of red and white wine so we all can have glass or two but there wasn't anything to get anyone rowdy.

I mean, I see how she could've felt a little bit disrespected but he was playful with everyone. Even the guys. That's just the way it was.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiatflux

From your description, it sounds like he took a long time to introduce her...shouldn't he have introduced her right up front before he started chatting with you? I think that probably started her off on the wrong foot, and it went downhill from there. But it does sound like she's got issues and her behavior will probably end up causing the demise of the relationship.

Well, in his defense he tried to introduce her to everyone (not just me). He would nudge her and give her a look and she wouldn't acknowledge it. I don't think he wanted to make her uncomfortable by introducing her to people she wasn't ready to talk to (mainly the women in the company).

Quote:

Originally Posted by chinadoll724

Eek, maybe I'm immature, but I'd be PISSED at both of you . . . Even if you don't see it, there's some flirting going on, and for him to do it right in front of her, and for you to allow it to continue through the night . . . The inside jokes, i can understand, but if she's already insecure, I'm sure they made her feel more out of the loop. As his date, he should have been responsible for making her feel comfortable, so that wasn't your fault, but that flirting has got to stop if she's not ok with it, which she obviously isn't.

Oh don't get me wrong we tried to include her in the conversation. I asked her how she's doing, what she's having for dinner, did she like it? All one word answers. I'm not going to bend over backwards to make this lady feel comfortable. Plus, sure if he was doing it to just me... it could be weird. But with his actions. I really don't think he's "flirting" because that means he'd be doing that to everyone in the office both men and female.

I just had no idea how to react being put in a situation like that.

jayjay77 · Dec 22nd, 2007, 06:39 PM

Well I don't think you need to get involved or worry about it. I have seen guys want to break up with a girl, but instead of doing it, just act badly hoping she will get upset and end it. Sounds like there are issues in their relationship. If he wanted to hang out with his co-workers, why did he invite her to the party? It doesn't sound like most people at the party had dates.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 03:40 AM	#1
sheishollywood INDEPENDENTBYCHOICE Location: Vancouver	My friends gf - weird situation. *SORRY FOR THE LONG POST! But this is a little... to me haha I didn't think this was fitting for the "couples who argue in front of each other" thread. So I just thought I'd start another so I didn't hijack that one. This actually happened last night (at a work Christmas Party). I have a really good friend at my company - let's call him Shane. Shane and I are like "partners-in-crime". We treat each other extremely professional however we're very much "brothers and sisters". There is a clan of 4 of us who have on going inside jokes about situations that arises with our clients. A little background on Shane. He's super nice, very sweet, great sense of humor, easy to get alone with, and just an all around cool guy. I would say that he's in line with the type of guys that I've been able to call "best friends" since high school. Shane has a gf of about 5 years. They started dating when he was 20 - she is 6 years older (not that that should be an issue but it definitely showed some of her insecurities yesterday). He's now 25 and she's 31. Yesterday at our Christmas party Shane and I sat back to back (we had three tables). I was in a conversation with some friends and he started to tug my hair (it was tied up in a ponytail). It wasn't anything out of the ordinary - a lot of us in the office tend to have some childish jokes when we're dealing with one another. So we started talking briefly, giving each other one liner jokes that are part of the 4 of us. This is when I noticed his gf (Let's call her Abby) was silent and she would just not look over. I felt a little bit of tension so I just turned around and continued to talk to my other co-workers. After we had our appetizers, Shane pulled my hair again. We started talking about a few issues with our clients and just little tie ups that we NEED to remember to do the next day before the holidays. Again, Abby said nothing and wouldn't turn around. So our main course came and we ate and after that he tugged my hair again. This time he grabbed her arm and said, "Abby, this is my good friend Melissa". She just stared at me blank and said "Hi." and turned around. She was pretty short with me and I had no idea why (?) So I turned back around and started to talk with the friends I was sitting with again. After about 15-20 minutes. I hear this harsh voice calling my name. It was Abby straight out asking me, "Did Shane buy my Christmas present yet?" I thought she was joking and I just smiled and said "well you'll know on Christmas". But she was actually serious and quite short with me again. She asked whether or not I had gone shopping with Shane for her present (I did during our lunch and he picked out a very nice bag and watch for her). After that, she turned around and my girlfriend who I was sitting with and I just stared at each other blankly and was like After desert we all decided to switch seats and start miggling with the rest of the tables. We sat on another table and Shane and Abby moved to the table we were sitting in. She was basically hanging over him not letting him out of her sight. She then came up to my girlfriend (who's the receptionist at my company) and I who was talking with our office manager about bad relationships. My girlfriend had just gotten out of a pretty rotten relationship and the office manager (who is like all of our mum's) and I was giving her some insight. Abby just joined into the conversation and I have absolutely no idea whether or not she was joking or not - but she basically went on a rampage. "You see. Shane here doesn't get my xmas gifts until last minute. He usually gets me those thoughtless spa gift certificates last minute. How do I know this? Because the expiry date is always 1 year from when you purchase it. But for you, you're young. You are able to date around and from that, know in your next relationship what you want and what you don't want. Bad relationships is a learning experience to finding what you're wanting out of a relationship what you REALLY HATE and what you're willing to settle and compromise for. You see, I dated a bit before meeting Shane and Shane dated very minimal when he met me. So, I'm experiencing this RIGHT NOW!" She later on saying that you shouldn't be feeding his ego at all because his head is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. His ego is huge and he is not what he use to be. I have absolutely no idea if she was trying to tell us that she hates Shane... or what. But it was just such an awkward place to be put in. __________________ "The best way to predict the future is to invent it" Wishlist 2009 [ ] Marc Jacobs - Airliner Jacquard Pilot Bag [x]Trip to NYC [ ] Gucci - Joy Tote, Medium Lilac [ ]Chanel - Quilted Jumbo Flap Bag [x] Trip to Vegas Last edited by sheishollywood; Dec 22nd, 2007 at 03:49 AM.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 04:00 AM	#2
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Location: New Orleans, LA	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. Well, she definitely sounds like she has some issues, that's for sure. What kind of person starts getting pushy about what kind of gift they are getting? She sounds sort of self absorbed to me. I'd be totally happy if a guy got me a spa gift certificate, even if he bought it AFTER Christmas. Who cares. However, it's his relationship, not yours, so I wouldn't worry to much about it. Just be a friend if he wants to talk about it, but overall, I'd stay out of it. __________________

Dec 22nd, 2007, 04:08 AM	#3
sheishollywood INDEPENDENTBYCHOICE Location: Vancouver	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. Totally. I don't want a part of that drama. I just found it extremely fascinating. I've never been put in a spot like that after meeting someone who was short with me for a few minutes (possibly thinking because her bf and I are good friends) but then later on really just... ranting about the bad things in their relationship. I had no idea how to react. At the end of the night EVERYONE gave each other hugs. My boss gave our dates hugs, we gave each other (co-workers) hugs as well as their dates. When Shane hugged our table (me, my girlfriend, the co-workers there, the office manager - the people I hung out mostly with during the night). She just stood there, arms crossed, not wanting to acknowledge any of us. VERY WEIRD. __________________ "The best way to predict the future is to invent it" Wishlist 2009 [ ] Marc Jacobs - Airliner Jacquard Pilot Bag [x]Trip to NYC [ ] Gucci - Joy Tote, Medium Lilac [ ]Chanel - Quilted Jumbo Flap Bag [x] Trip to Vegas

Dec 22nd, 2007, 05:29 AM	#4
pinkybear Member Location: SoCal baby!	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. abby is insecure!!! i was laughing the whole time i was reading your post coz i can juz imagine her hanging on to ur friend. im so sorry u have to encounter such an immature and have i said insecure (?) person in the office party. infairness to abbie i think she got jealous that shane was bugging you and not her. im not sure if she knows that all of you are just friends (if shane's told her about his cool office gang) but if i saw my boyfriend pulling some random girl's ponytail whom ive just met, i would feel disrespected. that being said, i think she has hidden resentments towards shane (the random outburst at ur friend's dilemna). playfull hair-pulling or buying presents last minute (most guys are like that anyway) would definitely not cause me to raise my voice at people i barely know. shes using shane's playfullness towards you as an excuse to get mad at him. i think shes hungry for attention from ur buddy and obviously seeing other people get it before she does got her mad. i say ignore her. ur friends with shane. i agree with Zophie: be there for him but try and stay out of it as she might use u as an excuse to pick a fight etc.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 07:48 AM	#5
Glamfoxx Member	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. She has every right to be upset, Shane pulling playfully on your hair (especially in her presence) was disrepectful to her. She should not have taken it out on you though, rather she should have talked to him about it after the party. Also, he should be buying his significant other's gifts on his own- a gift from your SO should be of their choosing, not their friend's choosing, so she may have been upset about that as well. She is just picking up on the obvious signs that he is not that into her.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 11:48 AM	#6
keya Member	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. I agree that to her, it might seem like Shane was flirting with you by pulling your hair, especially if she wasn't aware of your friendship or the playful environment at your office. Maybe she felt that he was giving his co workers more attention than he gave her, and it made her uncomfortable (especially if she didn't know anyone at the party) Maybe they'd even had a fight before going to the party, who knows? Either way, I don't think you should worry yourself too much about it, it isn't your problem and your friend Shane will have to work out his relationship on his own

Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:02 PM	#7
HubbaWubba Sofa King Banned	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. Was there alcohol involved? The way she went off in a tangent seems like that had something to do with it. Maybe she felt threatened by your friendship with him. A lot of women can't handle their bf having women as friends. I bet the relationship doesn't last.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:24 PM	#8
fiatflux Member	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. From your description, it sounds like he took a long time to introduce her...shouldn't he have introduced her right up front before he started chatting with you? I think that probably started her off on the wrong foot, and it went downhill from there. But it does sound like she's got issues and her behavior will probably end up causing the demise of the relationship.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:48 PM	#10
chinadoll724 Member	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. Eek, maybe I'm immature, but I'd be PISSED at both of you . . . Even if you don't see it, there's some flirting going on, and for him to do it right in front of her, and for you to allow it to continue through the night . . . The inside jokes, i can understand, but if she's already insecure, I'm sure they made her feel more out of the loop. As his date, he should have been responsible for making her feel comfortable, so that wasn't your fault, but that flirting has got to stop if she's not ok with it, which she obviously isn't.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 01:14 PM	#11
wordpast Member Location: Never Never Land	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. Well... I would be a little like WTF too if my BF was pulling on his friend's hair!!! I have two best friends that are guys and wouldn't mess with their hair, especially around my BF. Too me it's an obvious sign of flirting. But you said that's the way you guys kid around, and that's fine I guess, but does SHE know this?? Besides that, because of her little outburst it does seem like they have some problems in their relationship. I agree with Zophie, don't worry to much about it. __________________

Dec 22nd, 2007, 01:50 PM	#12
fiatflux Member	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. I just don't know that sheishollywood can do much about HIS behavior. HE is pulling on HER hair...she would have to tell him to STOP doing that...which puts her in an uncomfortable spot. I agree that it is flirty behavior. Also, I think he was being rude "talking shop" so much....that really does exclude his girlfriend (not to mention the delayed introduction).

Dec 22nd, 2007, 02:27 PM	#13
arireyes Member Location: IL	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. I don't understand the tangent she went off on, BUT if I was with DH and he started pulling on some girls hair and it seemed like flirting, I would be pissed, I wouldn't say anything though, I'd just leave. __________________ Don't let the memory of them drift away. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...625171,00.html http://www.iraqwarheroes.com/starcevich.htm

Dec 22nd, 2007, 06:39 PM	#15
jayjay77 Member Location: New York	Re: My friends gf - weird situation. Well I don't think you need to get involved or worry about it. I have seen guys want to break up with a girl, but instead of doing it, just act badly hoping she will get upset and end it. Sounds like there are issues in their relationship. If he wanted to hang out with his co-workers, why did he invite her to the party? It doesn't sound like most people at the party had dates.