My friend is in love with my boyfriend

shasha17a · Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:51 PM

Sorry I just need to get this off my chest.
So after graduating college, my boyfriend and I moved back to my hometown because he got a great job here and I wanted to move back in with the parents and save $ on rent. I was so happy he was here and we weren't ready to move in together so I suggested that him and my friend move in together because they were both looking. She was a great friend and always there for the people around her and I didn't think anything negative would come out of it. I trusted both of them and I only lived a couple blocks away. Well fast forward to a couple years later. I found a great job in LA which is about 7 hours away from home and he found a job down there too. We still don't live together but see each other all the time. We moved down a month apart. Well he moved down after me and the things that have happened since have really upset me. She helped him move and stayed at his place and stayed with him for about a week. I only found out because he told me. Then a few months later, she was going to disneyland and stayed at his place, and again I had to find out from him that she was visiting. During this time his and my relationship got a little strained because we were fighting about other things and I would always bring this up. I know that he did not cheat on me though with her because whenver she was there, our other friend was also there and he lives with our bf. But I know that my bf only sees her as a friend and doesn't go out of his way to call her or text her. I am home at the moment for holidays and hung out with her and some other people. I told them that I thought she was in love with him and they were like um yea how do you not notice. They said that if she called their bf as much as she calls mine they would be really upset. She has even told her new roommate (while drunk) that she is in love with him and wishes he was single. Also I found out that she thought I was over there too much when they lived together and she didn't like it (which is stupid because most of the time when I was there she was at work or we were in his room). I have told my bf that shes in love with him for months but he just brushed it off. I was like whatever, they dont live in teh same town and don't see each other. Now that I know I'm 100% right and its been confirmed by other friends I am

. I called him last night and he was genuinely surprised. It is unrequited love for sure from her end. He says he has no feelings for her and he has never treated her in a way different from his other guy or gal friends.
I don't know what to do, whether I should say something to her or just let it go since we don't live here anymore and I KNOW that my bf has not done anything with her. Should I be upset with him as well?
Has anyone here been in that situation?

fiatflux · Dec 22nd, 2007, 02:42 PM

I guess the key question that comes up in my mind is -- do you have any reason to doubt his word? Do you feel you could ask him to go "no contact" with her and he would do it for the sake of your relationship?

cammy1 · Dec 22nd, 2007, 04:02 PM

Firstly that is no true friend, secondly if my bf did that to me I would not forgive him- I dont think it is right that your bf and best friend lived together/ spent so much time together- even if there was other friends around. I cannot tell you wheter to be mad at him as well- I am just letting you know how I would feel and you have to decide if you can forgive him/ trust him. Good luck

keya · Dec 22nd, 2007, 05:00 PM

I think you should tell your bf that knowing this makes you uncomfortable about her staying at his place, and that you'd prefer it if he said no in the future. If she no longer lives in the same town as you, and your bf is aware that you don't want him having as much contact with her or hanging out with her, I'd let it go. If you're 100% sure he has no feelings for her you don't really have anything to worry about.

LissiSays · Dec 22nd, 2007, 08:09 PM

Now that your boyfriend knows this bit of information... Is he going to maintain a friendship with her? Is he going to stop talking to her? Was this suggested by either of you two?

Laurie8504 · Dec 22nd, 2007, 08:28 PM

Woah! I would never suggest that my bf move in with another girl, no matter what my relationship was like with each of them. If you shove two people together like that, things are gonna happen (real world anyone?).

By coming down and staying with him and not telling you (her 'great friend'?), it definitely sounds like she's trying to move in on your man. To get out of this situation, you need to keep her away from him at all costs. Explain to your bf that her feelings for him are very strong, and it would really hurt you if he allowed her to come and stay with him. It's NOT ok for him to just "try to be nice" to her. They just need to be cut off completely if you want your relationship to survive.

wordpast · Dec 22nd, 2007, 09:02 PM

If I thought my "friend" was into by BF would I ask her about it? Hell yes. You can't really be upset with him, if he truly didn't know or reciprocate the feelings, but let him know that from this point on you are uncomfortable with them hanging out/talking/having sleep overs.

paintednightsky · Dec 22nd, 2007, 09:12 PM

Let it go at least on your b/fs part. You're lucky he didn't try anything, especially with an open opportunity so he OBVIOUSLY loves YOU. Most guys would probably jump on that open chance since they lived together. It really is not his fault if she is coming on to him. However, you should tell him if he wants to stay with you, he should COOL it off with her, OR ELSE lol If he cared about your feelings, he should do as you say, especially since it's so obviously that girl likes him in a totally different way! If they were just friends, I wouldn't care however it seems that girl wants to close in on him. That is NOT normal for her to be coming to him like that. He also should not have been allowing that. I hope they slept in separate rooms when she did come over! I'd totally be grilling him lol but I'd be paranoid about that honestly, but it does seem from what you are saying, he hasn't done anything with her.

But I would be PISSED with her! She really needs to control her emotions. I can see how he could GROW on her especially in that type of living situation. Any close quarters, things like that are kind of bound to happen. You should really think if your friendship with her is worth keeping after having a LONG talk with her. I really don't think what your friend is doing is right.

JAN! · Dec 22nd, 2007, 10:10 PM

If he didn't do anything wrong, how can you be angry with him? That would be irrational. Also, she can't help the way she feels. As long as she hasn't acted upon her feelings, you shouldn't be angry with her either. However, if it is true that she did express that she wished he was single, I think you need to have a chat with her because that is obviously not a pleasant thing to come from a supposed friend.

Bagluvluv · Dec 22nd, 2007, 10:22 PM

It wasnt a good idea to let your friend stay with your BF.....no matter how lovely or worthy a person is to be trusted, things happen when two ppl spend alot of time together.....

I would first confront your friend and let her know that your BF is surprised and is not interested, and that you are hurt and need to discontinue the friendship......cut things off and make sure that you are drawing the line very clear.....then let your BF know that things needs to change and you have made these efforts.....the rest of up to them.....

chelsae · Dec 23rd, 2007, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bagluvluv

It wasnt a good idea to let your friend stay with your BF.....no matter how lovely or worthy a person is to be trusted, things happen when two ppl spend alot of time together.....

I would first confront your friend and let her know that your BF is surprised and is not interested, and that you are hurt and need to discontinue the friendship......cut things off and make sure that you are drawing the line very clear.....then let your BF know that things needs to change and you have made these efforts.....the rest of up to them.....

ITA, i would never want my BF to live with another female, being it my best friend or not. I would definitly have a talk with your friend, and your BF as well. Also, make sure that you're boyfriend knows that your "best friend" isn't to stay with him anymore while she's vacationing. She can get a hotel room. simple.

shasha17a · Dec 23rd, 2007, 12:13 PM

Yea I realize it was probably stupid to suggest that they move in together now. I thought it would be fine since I know some of my other friends in relationships that live with the opposite sex and its been fine. Also the best of both worlds, she was someone I considered a best friend then and I could see her more as well. At the time we had not been together that long and my friend has a lot of guy friends and I trusted them both. I do trust his word that nothing happened and that he didn't know she felt this way and he has told me that he is definatly going to keep his distance because he does not like her like that and doenst want to ruin our relationship. I am feeling better about it today and will ask her tonight if I go over there tonight.

never-enough-LV · Dec 23rd, 2007, 02:32 PM

honey...she is not your friend in any way or shape of the word. I would confront her and let her know that you are aware of what she's been saying..and that if she was any kind of friend she would keep her distance from your relationship.

keodi · Dec 23rd, 2007, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by never-enough-LV

honey...she is not your friend in any way or shape of the word. I would confront her and let her know that you are aware of what she's been saying..and that if she was any kind of friend she would keep her distance from your relationship.

I agree

like never enough said,
I would confront her about it and I would definately keep my distance..

shasha17a · Dec 23rd, 2007, 03:00 PM

^^I am starting to agree too.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 12:51 PM	#1
shasha17a Now its a necklace.. Location: Hermosa Beach	My friend is in love with my boyfriend Sorry I just need to get this off my chest. So after graduating college, my boyfriend and I moved back to my hometown because he got a great job here and I wanted to move back in with the parents and save $ on rent. I was so happy he was here and we weren't ready to move in together so I suggested that him and my friend move in together because they were both looking. She was a great friend and always there for the people around her and I didn't think anything negative would come out of it. I trusted both of them and I only lived a couple blocks away. Well fast forward to a couple years later. I found a great job in LA which is about 7 hours away from home and he found a job down there too. We still don't live together but see each other all the time. We moved down a month apart. Well he moved down after me and the things that have happened since have really upset me. She helped him move and stayed at his place and stayed with him for about a week. I only found out because he told me. Then a few months later, she was going to disneyland and stayed at his place, and again I had to find out from him that she was visiting. During this time his and my relationship got a little strained because we were fighting about other things and I would always bring this up. I know that he did not cheat on me though with her because whenver she was there, our other friend was also there and he lives with our bf. But I know that my bf only sees her as a friend and doesn't go out of his way to call her or text her. I am home at the moment for holidays and hung out with her and some other people. I told them that I thought she was in love with him and they were like um yea how do you not notice. They said that if she called their bf as much as she calls mine they would be really upset. She has even told her new roommate (while drunk) that she is in love with him and wishes he was single. Also I found out that she thought I was over there too much when they lived together and she didn't like it (which is stupid because most of the time when I was there she was at work or we were in his room). I have told my bf that shes in love with him for months but he just brushed it off. I was like whatever, they dont live in teh same town and don't see each other. Now that I know I'm 100% right and its been confirmed by other friends I am . I called him last night and he was genuinely surprised. It is unrequited love for sure from her end. He says he has no feelings for her and he has never treated her in a way different from his other guy or gal friends. I don't know what to do, whether I should say something to her or just let it go since we don't live here anymore and I KNOW that my bf has not done anything with her. Should I be upset with him as well? Has anyone here been in that situation? Last edited by shasha17a; Dec 22nd, 2007 at 12:57 PM.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 02:42 PM	#2
fiatflux Member	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend I guess the key question that comes up in my mind is -- do you have any reason to doubt his word? Do you feel you could ask him to go "no contact" with her and he would do it for the sake of your relationship?

Dec 22nd, 2007, 04:02 PM	#3
cammy1 Member	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend Firstly that is no true friend, secondly if my bf did that to me I would not forgive him- I dont think it is right that your bf and best friend lived together/ spent so much time together- even if there was other friends around. I cannot tell you wheter to be mad at him as well- I am just letting you know how I would feel and you have to decide if you can forgive him/ trust him. Good luck

Dec 22nd, 2007, 05:00 PM	#4
keya Member	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend I think you should tell your bf that knowing this makes you uncomfortable about her staying at his place, and that you'd prefer it if he said no in the future. If she no longer lives in the same town as you, and your bf is aware that you don't want him having as much contact with her or hanging out with her, I'd let it go. If you're 100% sure he has no feelings for her you don't really have anything to worry about.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 08:09 PM	#5
LissiSays I <3 Coach =Þ Location: Miami, Florida	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend Now that your boyfriend knows this bit of information... Is he going to maintain a friendship with her? Is he going to stop talking to her? Was this suggested by either of you two? __________________ *LiSSi* Don't play games with a girl who can play better! Last edited by LissiSays; Dec 22nd, 2007 at 08:11 PM.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 08:28 PM	#6
Laurie8504 chocolate...where? Location: Italy	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend Woah! I would never suggest that my bf move in with another girl, no matter what my relationship was like with each of them. If you shove two people together like that, things are gonna happen (real world anyone?). By coming down and staying with him and not telling you (her 'great friend'?), it definitely sounds like she's trying to move in on your man. To get out of this situation, you need to keep her away from him at all costs. Explain to your bf that her feelings for him are very strong, and it would really hurt you if he allowed her to come and stay with him. It's NOT ok for him to just "try to be nice" to her. They just need to be cut off completely if you want your relationship to survive.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 09:02 PM	#7
wordpast Member Location: Never Never Land	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend If I thought my "friend" was into by BF would I ask her about it? Hell yes. You can't really be upset with him, if he truly didn't know or reciprocate the feelings, but let him know that from this point on you are uncomfortable with them hanging out/talking/having sleep overs. __________________

Dec 22nd, 2007, 09:12 PM	#8
paintednightsky Member	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend Let it go at least on your b/fs part. You're lucky he didn't try anything, especially with an open opportunity so he OBVIOUSLY loves YOU. Most guys would probably jump on that open chance since they lived together. It really is not his fault if she is coming on to him. However, you should tell him if he wants to stay with you, he should COOL it off with her, OR ELSE lol If he cared about your feelings, he should do as you say, especially since it's so obviously that girl likes him in a totally different way! If they were just friends, I wouldn't care however it seems that girl wants to close in on him. That is NOT normal for her to be coming to him like that. He also should not have been allowing that. I hope they slept in separate rooms when she did come over! I'd totally be grilling him lol but I'd be paranoid about that honestly, but it does seem from what you are saying, he hasn't done anything with her. But I would be PISSED with her! She really needs to control her emotions. I can see how he could GROW on her especially in that type of living situation. Any close quarters, things like that are kind of bound to happen. You should really think if your friendship with her is worth keeping after having a LONG talk with her. I really don't think what your friend is doing is right.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 10:10 PM	#9
JAN! <3 Location: Toronto	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend If he didn't do anything wrong, how can you be angry with him? That would be irrational. Also, she can't help the way she feels. As long as she hasn't acted upon her feelings, you shouldn't be angry with her either. However, if it is true that she did express that she wished he was single, I think you need to have a chat with her because that is obviously not a pleasant thing to come from a supposed friend. __________________ If you don't like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.

Dec 22nd, 2007, 10:22 PM	#10
Bagluvluv Think, Think, Think! Location: On my cell	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend It wasnt a good idea to let your friend stay with your BF.....no matter how lovely or worthy a person is to be trusted, things happen when two ppl spend alot of time together..... I would first confront your friend and let her know that your BF is surprised and is not interested, and that you are hurt and need to discontinue the friendship......cut things off and make sure that you are drawing the line very clear.....then let your BF know that things needs to change and you have made these efforts.....the rest of up to them..... __________________ Want for everybody, all that you want for yourself-----Wallace D. Wattles I'm soooo done....

Dec 23rd, 2007, 12:13 PM	#12
shasha17a Now its a necklace.. Location: Hermosa Beach	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend Yea I realize it was probably stupid to suggest that they move in together now. I thought it would be fine since I know some of my other friends in relationships that live with the opposite sex and its been fine. Also the best of both worlds, she was someone I considered a best friend then and I could see her more as well. At the time we had not been together that long and my friend has a lot of guy friends and I trusted them both. I do trust his word that nothing happened and that he didn't know she felt this way and he has told me that he is definatly going to keep his distance because he does not like her like that and doenst want to ruin our relationship. I am feeling better about it today and will ask her tonight if I go over there tonight.

Dec 23rd, 2007, 02:32 PM	#13
never-enough-LV Member Location: 10,000 LAKES and only ONE LV SHOP	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend honey...she is not your friend in any way or shape of the word. I would confront her and let her know that you are aware of what she's been saying..and that if she was any kind of friend she would keep her distance from your relationship. __________________ I LOVE MY BABIES!!!

Dec 23rd, 2007, 03:00 PM	#15
shasha17a Now its a necklace.. Location: Hermosa Beach	Re: My friend is in love with my boyfriend ^^I am starting to agree too.