My family is breaking apart. SoCal fire, cancer, etc. (REALLY LONG)

[chinadoll724]

Originally Posted by oo0ehxtahcee0oo

we flew him and my grandmother up here (bay area, ca) because they were being evacuated and because of the bad air quality. my grandma used to live in sacramento but couldnt breathe because of the bad air, and the bad air in san diego she was getting ill. thank you for the evaucation list. i actually had a talk with him last night and i expressed my feelings towards him and his sickness. i dropped him off at the airport today. im on medication now, this week i went to the doctors because of all the stress. im breaking out, my hair is falling out, my skin is bad, and ive been restless. sleeping just an hour or two a night for the past week.

Yay! Finally. I think we were all being frustrated for you. Now that he's gone, that's one less thing to worry about and you can focus on much bigger things :)

[dearmissie]

It's been a while since I've written in here. Many things have improved. my San Diego family is out, one of my Great Aunt's finished her radiation treatments, but my Great Grandma is worsening by the minute. She no longer has control over her bowel movement. My Mom goes there just about every Sunday (if not she makes it up on another day) just to sit with my ggma and talk. Mom used to watch the thai comedy, soap operas, thai music video/karaoke, and movies that my ggma loves to watch. She used to sew, but her eyesight has gone terribley bad, and then she used to put puzzles together, but that even got too hard for her, and now, she can no longer watch tv because its too hard on her eyes. So she sits there, bored everyday. With no one to talk to. And now my Mom just sits there with her for hours, but with her bowel movement failing my ggma told my mom to just go outside to the living room to watch the music video/karaokes because she doesn't want my Mom to be in the unhealthy environment. My mom refuses to. It seriously just breaks my heart. My ggma has no company and is being so thoughtful and selfless.

My dear ggma is even saying that is she's going to pass on, she doesnt want to struggle like have a panic attack or heart attack. She either wants to be asleep, or realize it and just calmly start meditating with her beads. Her whole life she's committed to our religion and to helping people in other countries who are less off than we are. (this is when we were poor ourselves.) She says she feels like she wont pass on soon, and that she'll just struggle for a long time. It just breaks my heart.

I remember when we asked her years ago what she wanted for Christmas, she just said, "A simple sweater. From the second hand store." She didn't even want to bother us for money for a sweater. Obviously we got a nice new sweater. I remember when I was a little little girl, and we didnt have money. We would go there, and she would find such joy is getting used items. She was so fascinated with saving money. Even now, when money is no longer an issue, she still doesnt want us to "waste" money on her. She says she doesnt want US suffering from her still being alive. Because she thinks she's a burden to everyone.

I cant stop crying. This whole time I'm sobbing so loudly. No ones home. I've never felt so helpless in my life. I wish I could just have the power to let her peacefully pass on the way she wants it, she doesnt deserve this.

I'm so lost. Sorry, I just had to let my tears run.

[Speedy]

ooOexhtahceeOoo, I feel for you honey. I know it's hard knowing someone you love is dying, but please, don't be sad. Dying is just another step our souls take, a new journey to embark on. Yes, you will miss her, and you will cry, but think of her as being out of pain finally, no more needles, no more pokes and prods, she'll be free.

It's okay to cry. And feel sad. And hurt. But you learn and grow from each tear too, so never forget just how wonderful your greatgrandma and grandma are to you. And as some time slips by, all you'll really remember was the good times.

My prayers to you and your family.

[dearmissie]

Last night my Mom came home from my ggma's and I asked how it was, she said, "She's in the hospital now." I was asked since when and my Mom told me, Thanksgiving. I asked why no one even called us. My Mom said my ggma told everyone not to tell us because she didn't want to bother us. The night before thanksgiving ggma got some radiation treatment for her cancer and everything was fine. She ate dinner, and she was fine. At 11 pm my Great Aunt Dy went in to check up on my ggma and she realized she was stiff and unresponsive. She called 911. They said she was unconscious and took her into the hospital. She's there now.

My Mom said my ggma just like became unconscious, no pain from it. I wonder if at that time she was going to the light and my GA Dy woke her up??

Thanks Speedy for all your kind words (Not in just this thread either!). It's not so much of her passing that hurts, it's that she's struggling. I can't wait for her to be free from all this pain and just start her new journey.