My best friend and my Ex?

Janos614 · Jul 1st, 2008, 11:54 PM

It would have been entirely different had you and she stopped being friends for whatever reason and then they started going together, but she didn't do that. He may be a master manipulator, but what about her? I let go of my best friend of 8 years and it hurts like hell, but as with any breakup, you will learn to adapt and be happy again someday. Do not let this affect your ability to trust anyone new in your life, but don't put all of your eggs in one friendship basket, either. What she did was very, very low and against the code of women, nevermind the girlfriend code, and she doesn't deserve you. Do not take her back! If you do, what else will she take from you next time?

amber11 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:09 AM

wow cut ties with her, she's only going to hurt you more- what a terrible thing for her to do... i'm so sorry

cristalena56 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:23 AM

isn't there a friend rule? dont date other friends exes.... sounds to me she was probably saying this stuff so she could get with him. she doesnt sound like someone i would want to be friends with..

MonkeyGirl · Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:25 AM

if i were you i would drop her as a friend. people who supposedly care about you dont do stuff like that. even if you guys had broken up she should have known that it would have upset you and stayed away. plus, you dont date your friends' ex's... thats just not cool.

nooch · Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:28 AM

Oh girl don't be naive like that :( She knew EXACTLY what she was doing! So did he! That is the ultimate show of disrespect. Like someone's sig on here says... living well is the best revenge. Screw 'em.

Deesie · Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:54 AM

You don't deserve this sort of disrespect from a best friend

I wouldn't even accept this treatment from any friend. I would get rid of her for sure. You don't need this

nickkyvintage · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:15 AM

Thank you for all the great advice! Im gonna take a few days out from talking to her or seeing her just to get everything straight.

Me and him broke up because he chose to go for a day out with his ex rather than me. Which left me at home, alone, crying over why im with him. Which was when she told me to get rid of him. So i did! She says they are only friends, but if this is true why not just tell me u were gonna go out for the evening? I wouldn't of been ok with it, but it would of been better than finding out about it like i did.

It seems im the type of person that just lets people use me. OMG i REALLY need to stop that!

angel143 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:36 AM

lose them both

she's a conniving bitch who backstabbed you, you dont need friends like this hun

just like any relationship, it might be hard at first, but you'll be better of losing the ex. In this case, the ex-friend.

Miss Evy Rocks! · Jul 2nd, 2008, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickkyvintage

its times like this that i hate facebook

he has an album called "nearest and dearest" and theres 3 pictures, one of which is her. Why does he have to take her from me.

I've spoken to her on the phone and she is really sorry about it all. I know that he is behind this because he is so manipulative and i would forgive her naiveity (sp?) in a split second. She is not the guilty one.

Nickky,

She is guilty. They both are.
It is naive to think otherwise

Think about it... If she wasn't feeling guilty about hanging out with him as just a friend (uhmm) then why would she lie to you saying that she was going to London when she was kicking back at the movies with your ex?

He can be as manipulative as you know him to be, yet I'm sure he did not force her to "befriend" him. She has done so willingly. And he's clearly never refused her "friendship." They are consenting adults, not children who do not know better...

I know it's hard to admit, especially when things are as fresh...
But this has happened, it is unfortunate and hurtful; but look at it with perspective:

You've ridden yourself of a lousy friend and a terrible BF.

Keep your chin up

Kenia · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:02 AM

I CAN'T believe your "best friend". I remember your break-up thread and let me tell you, you were obviously going thru a hard time.

That being said, I think you need to watch your back from this so called friend. I also think that if you let this slide like "oh she was just being naive", you have to prepare yourself because this will happen again.

Your friend of nine years obviously has no loyalty to you. You know what they say be afraid of the quiet ones.

I would not blame this on your ex, he is obviously a loser. She is the one who betrayed your trust. She is the one who went out with him. He doesn't owe you a thing. She does!

Was she not around when you were heart broken because of him? How could she forget about that so quickly. Also the fact that she lied to you about where she was going makes it clear that she knew she was going to hurt you but didn't care enough to not do it.

Drop her, like you dropped him.

BTW- Which one of them tapped you for you to see them?

sratsey · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:24 AM

I wouldn't shed a tear over him.
Her, a few, as I'm certain this hurts, and then I would move on and find a friend that has your better interest at heart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SimplyMe

Personally, I would forgive her. If I have had a friendship with her for 9 years, then I really wouldn't just "get rid" of her for a stupid guy. I know it's betrayal but if she had apologized and say she was being stupid, then I would accept the apology.

Before anything, there are different types of best friends. I have one that I've known for over 10 years and I call her my best friend, but really we're not best friends after all. I don't tell her everything and she doesn't either. The fact that we always hang out automatically puts us in the best friend category. Now on the other hand, I have a best friend who I don't hang out as much, also known her for over 10 years. I tell her everything, go to her when I'm sad, and we're always concerned about each other. With that said, if your best friend is like my first best friend, don't bother. Knowing a person for a long time does not mean much. However, if she's like my second best friend, then yes I would definitely forgive her.

One thing that caught my attention is that she went to you and got you to notice them. If she's being sneaky about it, then she wouldn't have done that. I don't know, if I was your friend, I would be embarrassed and ashamed. Given the scenario, I really don't think she had meant to hurt you. My true best friend is really important to me and I would believe that she would never intentionally try to hurt me. No one knows how deep the friendship is but you. If you think it's worth keeping, then keep it!

I'm not sure if I agree with this on a few counts.

If I had been betrayed by a friend of 10 years who was merely a "hang out" kind of friend, I don't think that would cut near as deep as being betrayed by the friend of 10 years who I share everything with. IMO, because THAT person was my truer friend, and that would be the bigger betrayal.

Take into account that this friend also LIED when she was invited out, saying she was going to be in London and instead she's at the movies with the EX. Why lie if there's nothing going on? Why lie to your best friend EVER? I could never trust someone like that again.

Mind you, this is also the friend that said to dump the guy. So if she feels like he's such an @ss, why pursue anything, even a friendship?

AT THE VERY LEAST she should have been honest and maybe even made sure that it was okay that she be meeting this guy out as "friends" just to avoid this kind of situation. That kind of courtesy wasn't even extended.
To me that's no kind of friend. That's a snake.

maddog · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickkyvintage

Me and him broke up because he chose to go for a day out with his ex rather than me. Which left me at home, alone, crying over why im with him.

You wrote about that before when it happened right? I remember someone posting about the same thing but can't search for old posts. If so, seems like a good thing for you that you broke up with him anyway whether he hooks up with her or not. He's her problem now!

She lied to you intentionally, whether she says sorry now that you accidentally found out or it "just happened", it doesn't matter. I hope you can back out of living with her. No point keeping someone who would do such a thing; a real friend, if what happened was unintentional, would've told you they ended up talking and clicked before actually seeing him. Besides, do you really want to be there when they end up more serious or when they fight and she wants your shoulder to cry on?

Jahpson · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:51 AM

what a ho-bag!! This ladies and gentlemen, is an extreme case of bitchassness caused by nickyvintage's former best friend.

Going behind her back to date an ex without warning. Even after she told her to drop him.

Well you need to drop her.

MissusB · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:02 PM

No excuse...it hits too close to home, and it will come back to haunt her!

gillianna · Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:18 PM

You do not own the exclusive rights on who your boyfriend or best friend can date. They are both adults. He is your ex-free to date anyone. She might be considered your best friend and she also has the right to date anyone but to me most true best friends would never do this. I did have friends in my younger days who broke up and dated each other ex's and they still were friends.
It sounds like you are NOT over your ex and that is bad if you let anything he does with another person upset you. You said he was a loser. So move on and look for the future and don't dwell in the past. As for your best friend I would not move in with her. I think you are making excuses for her and if they continue to date you know he will be over and that is not going to help you move on with your life.
I do think they have the right to date but she should have told you and not lied about things. If she can lie about one date what else does she lie about? I would drop them both--they are so not worth it.
HUGS.

Jul 1st, 2008, 11:54 PM	#31
Janos614 Member Location: NYC	It would have been entirely different had you and she stopped being friends for whatever reason and then they started going together, but she didn't do that. He may be a master manipulator, but what about her? I let go of my best friend of 8 years and it hurts like hell, but as with any breakup, you will learn to adapt and be happy again someday. Do not let this affect your ability to trust anyone new in your life, but don't put all of your eggs in one friendship basket, either. What she did was very, very low and against the code of women, nevermind the girlfriend code, and she doesn't deserve you. Do not take her back! If you do, what else will she take from you next time? __________________ On my wish list: 1. Damier Tate PM 2. Damier Neverfull MM 3. Palermo PM

Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:23 AM	#33
cristalena56 ~bethy-lame-o~ Location: phoenix,az	isn't there a friend rule? dont date other friends exes.... sounds to me she was probably saying this stuff so she could get with him. she doesnt sound like someone i would want to be friends with.. __________________ "A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, My CB Site MySpace But diamonds are a girl's best friend......" Wishlist My Little Collection Last edited by cristalena56; Jul 2nd, 2008 at 02:28 AM.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:25 AM	#34
MonkeyGirl ♥ Dwight ♥ Location: Dunder Mifflin	if i were you i would drop her as a friend. people who supposedly care about you dont do stuff like that. even if you guys had broken up she should have known that it would have upset you and stayed away. plus, you dont date your friends' ex's... thats just not cool. __________________ My Hopefuls LV Damier Ebene Speedy 30 [] Marc Jacobs Daisy Perfume [] Tiffany & Co. Elsa Peretti Starfish Pendant [] Rebecca Minkoff Light Grey Matinee [] Chanel Le Vernis Blue Satin Nail Polish [] Louis Vuitton Monogram Key and Change Holder [] Please help bring justice to Karley! Sign the petition! http://justice4karley.com/news_4.html

Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:28 AM	#35
nooch bubblehead Location: new mexico via BROOKLYN NY	Oh girl don't be naive like that :( She knew EXACTLY what she was doing! So did he! That is the ultimate show of disrespect. Like someone's sig on here says... living well is the best revenge. Screw 'em. __________________ FAT AND FABULOUS! CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK NOT THE WAY YOU LOOK! http://www.natreasures.com Authentic American Indian jewelry & crafts All orders ship free PM me for discount codes

Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:15 AM	#37
nickkyvintage Bag Pervert! Location: UK	Thank you for all the great advice! Im gonna take a few days out from talking to her or seeing her just to get everything straight. Me and him broke up because he chose to go for a day out with his ex rather than me. Which left me at home, alone, crying over why im with him. Which was when she told me to get rid of him. So i did! She says they are only friends, but if this is true why not just tell me u were gonna go out for the evening? I wouldn't of been ok with it, but it would of been better than finding out about it like i did. It seems im the type of person that just lets people use me. OMG i REALLY need to stop that! __________________ Welcome to Ban-City...Population 1...

Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:09 AM	#32
amber11 Member	wow cut ties with her, she's only going to hurt you more- what a terrible thing for her to do... i'm so sorry

Jul 2nd, 2008, 02:54 AM	#36
Deesie Member Location: California	You don't deserve this sort of disrespect from a best friend I wouldn't even accept this treatment from any friend. I would get rid of her for sure. You don't need this

Jul 2nd, 2008, 03:36 AM	#38
angel143 Member	lose them both she's a conniving bitch who backstabbed you, you dont need friends like this hun just like any relationship, it might be hard at first, but you'll be better of losing the ex. In this case, the ex-friend.

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:02 AM	#40
Kenia Member	I CAN'T believe your "best friend". I remember your break-up thread and let me tell you, you were obviously going thru a hard time. That being said, I think you need to watch your back from this so called friend. I also think that if you let this slide like "oh she was just being naive", you have to prepare yourself because this will happen again. Your friend of nine years obviously has no loyalty to you. You know what they say be afraid of the quiet ones. I would not blame this on your ex, he is obviously a loser. She is the one who betrayed your trust. She is the one who went out with him. He doesn't owe you a thing. She does! Was she not around when you were heart broken because of him? How could she forget about that so quickly. Also the fact that she lied to you about where she was going makes it clear that she knew she was going to hurt you but didn't care enough to not do it. Drop her, like you dropped him. BTW- Which one of them tapped you for you to see them?

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:51 AM	#43
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	what a ho-bag!! This ladies and gentlemen, is an extreme case of bitchassness caused by nickyvintage's former best friend. Going behind her back to date an ex without warning. Even after she told her to drop him. Well you need to drop her. __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:02 PM	#44
MissusB Member Location: Leawood, KS	No excuse...it hits too close to home, and it will come back to haunt her! __________________ "If you can't be a good example ~ be a horrible warning!"

Jul 2nd, 2008, 12:18 PM	#45
gillianna Member	You do not own the exclusive rights on who your boyfriend or best friend can date. They are both adults. He is your ex-free to date anyone. She might be considered your best friend and she also has the right to date anyone but to me most true best friends would never do this. I did have friends in my younger days who broke up and dated each other ex's and they still were friends. It sounds like you are NOT over your ex and that is bad if you let anything he does with another person upset you. You said he was a loser. So move on and look for the future and don't dwell in the past. As for your best friend I would not move in with her. I think you are making excuses for her and if they continue to date you know he will be over and that is not going to help you move on with your life. I do think they have the right to date but she should have told you and not lied about things. If she can lie about one date what else does she lie about? I would drop them both--they are so not worth it. HUGS.