My best friend and my Ex?

Ladybug09 · Jul 1st, 2008, 07:44 PM

Lose the friend...she broke the ULTIMATE girlfriend code.

Those are the main ones to watch out for, They talk bad about your man cause THEY want him.

You could never trust her in the future.

And whatever you do...DO NOT move in with her...you willl be miserable.

Remember, it takes TWO TO TANGO, he can't force her to be with him and hurt a friend. She is there by choice.

exotikittenx · Jul 1st, 2008, 07:45 PM

That's so horrible. What a betrayal by your friend! I am really sorry you have to go through this. It's probably best to no longer be friends with her, unfortunately. Give yourself some time to cool off and compose your thoughts before talking to her if you decide to do that, but a friend like that is no friend at all and you are better off without her.

rendodan110 · Jul 1st, 2008, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickkyvintage

its times like this that i hate facebook

he has an album called "nearest and dearest" and theres 3 pictures, one of which is her. Why does he have to take her from me.

I've spoken to her on the phone and she is really sorry about it all. I know that he is behind this because he is so manipulative and i would forgive her naiveity (sp?) in a split second. She is not the guilty one.

she is an adult I assume..... and she knew better unless she has a mental deficiency. dont let her off the hook, you miss her so much your making excuses for her behavior NOT GOOD! you can certainly forgive her, you can absolutly rekindle the friendship but dont blame it exclusively on her. It takes 2 to Tango.

nickkyvintage · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:02 PM

i do blame both of them for not telling me about it. I have spoken to her and she said it was nothing. Just a meet up with friends. I beleive her because i know she would put me first over any guy. She wasnt thinking straight and didnt think it was important to tell me. I suppose it was just unlucky we were at the same place at the same time.

However, i hold him mostly responsible. He know what buttons to press to pi$$ me off. and this time he has suceeded

stellamaried · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:31 PM

Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Please think seriously about not continuing this friendship with her. There is no possible way that she didn't know that it would hurt you for her to see your ex (in any capacity). In fact, it sounds like she actively lied to you about her plans. That doesn't sound like naivete to me, it sounds like sneaky and suspicious behavior. Please do not move in with her. And rely on someone else for a while for emotional support.

stellamaried · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickkyvintage

However, i hold him mostly responsible. He know what buttons to press to pi$$ me off. and this time he has suceeded

Don't let him have that power. The best revenge is indifference. Honestly.

VPT · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:38 PM

You are very naive. How could you forgive someone who has done this to you AND continue to befriend her?

Sorry you may regard her as your best friend but truth is she does not regard you as HER best friend! If she did, she would definitely tell you about her hooking up with the guy before the relationship begins, isn't that what best friends do? Gossip and news before the thing happens? Obviously she doesn't treat you as highly as you do her, and possibly she doesn't even regard you as her friend. You're just sitting in her way of things so I guess why not use you when you're more than a willing participant? And I bet she and him are talking bad about you behind your back. Such friends are not worthy to have. Please please do what is good for yourself, stop this friendship right now, do not tell her it's over, just lose contact. Erase her from memory, she is history.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nickkyvintage

i do blame both of them for not telling me about it. I have spoken to her and she said it was nothing. Just a meet up with friends. I beleive her because i know she would put me first over any guy. She wasnt thinking straight and didnt think it was important to tell me. I suppose it was just unlucky we were at the same place at the same time.

However, i hold him mostly responsible. He know what buttons to press to pi$$ me off. and this time he has suceeded

lovinalotofbags · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:44 PM

Not thinking right. What is wrong with some of you women that hold on these so-called best friends who stab you in the back. God gave us free will. No one can make you do anything. It was her choice. You definitely should not move in with her. OMG, stand up straight and rid of her ass. Good friends/best friends DO NOT

lovinalotofbags · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:45 PM

behave this way. GET RID OF HER.

sweetneet · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cristina

Lose both of them.

Like VPT said, quit contacting her. If she's smart, she'll get the picture.

ETA - I just saw your post about moving in with her. Don't. If you're harboring these feelings now, and she and your ex-boyfriend are actually dating or do end up dating, you'll resent her and the roommate situation will end up going to hell in a handbasket.

ITA! that was pretty low of her to do what she did. i wouldn't move in with her. i'd say try your best to move on.

lovinalotofbags · Jul 1st, 2008, 08:49 PM

There is absolutely no reason she should have been with him, zero, zilch, nada. Look at yourself and say I am worth more than this. No explanation she can give would be good enough. She would be talking to a wall if it were me. There is no law that says you have to continue being friends with her no matter how long you have known each other. Hypothetical, Would you forgive her if she married your ex husband, oh how about if she slept with your husband b/c he was so irresistible. At what point, will you draw the line?

SimplyMe · Jul 1st, 2008, 09:32 PM

Personally, I would forgive her. If I have had a friendship with her for 9 years, then I really wouldn't just "get rid" of her for a stupid guy. I know it's betrayal but if she had apologized and say she was being stupid, then I would accept the apology.

Before anything, there are different types of best friends. I have one that I've known for over 10 years and I call her my best friend, but really we're not best friends after all. I don't tell her everything and she doesn't either. The fact that we always hang out automatically puts us in the best friend category. Now on the other hand, I have a best friend who I don't hang out as much, also known her for over 10 years. I tell her everything, go to her when I'm sad, and we're always concerned about each other. With that said, if your best friend is like my first best friend, don't bother. Knowing a person for a long time does not mean much. However, if she's like my second best friend, then yes I would definitely forgive her.

One thing that caught my attention is that she went to you and got you to notice them. If she's being sneaky about it, then she wouldn't have done that. I don't know, if I was your friend, I would be embarrassed and ashamed. Given the scenario, I really don't think she had meant to hurt you. My true best friend is really important to me and I would believe that she would never intentionally try to hurt me. No one knows how deep the friendship is but you. If you think it's worth keeping, then keep it!

BTBF · Jul 1st, 2008, 10:26 PM

Depends on who dumped who, if I dumped him. I would have no problem with my best friend dating him. But if it's the other way around, I don't think I can be friends with her.

ilovepinkhearts · Jul 1st, 2008, 10:41 PM

im in your shoes. well mine are a different kind. my husband cheated on me with my best friend. so i know your pain. im so angry and hurt by the both of them. i haven't talked to her since the night that he told me about it.

you need to be able to confront her with it i think [i wish i had that] be it a letter, an email, a phone call...whatever it is. get the words out and then move on with your life WITHOUT her in it. she is not a friend. if she will lie to you about this, what else will she or has she lied to you about?? and yeah he is as guilty as she is. so throw a few words his way too if you think it might do any good.

im so sorry you are going through this...i feel your pain...and it sucks!!!!

Miyoshi637 · Jul 1st, 2008, 11:03 PM

WHAT?!? If she was any kinda friend, she wouldn't have done this at all! That's the girlfriend rule, you don't date your friends "trash" Plus she was bad mouthing him, so why is she with him? Maybe she wanted to be with him and thought you'd never find out about them.

I think you should email her, tell her how you feel, and let her go. I'm very sorry this happened to you.

Jul 1st, 2008, 07:44 PM	#16
Ladybug09 So Sweet! Location: Born in the USA	Lose the friend...she broke the ULTIMATE girlfriend code. Those are the main ones to watch out for, They talk bad about your man cause THEY want him. You could never trust her in the future. And whatever you do...DO NOT move in with her...you willl be miserable. Remember, it takes TWO TO TANGO, he can't force her to be with him and hurt a friend. She is there by choice. __________________ Ladybug Last edited by Ladybug09; Jul 1st, 2008 at 07:48 PM.

Jul 1st, 2008, 07:45 PM	#17
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper	That's so horrible. What a betrayal by your friend! I am really sorry you have to go through this. It's probably best to no longer be friends with her, unfortunately. Give yourself some time to cool off and compose your thoughts before talking to her if you decide to do that, but a friend like that is no friend at all and you are better off without her. __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.

Jul 1st, 2008, 08:02 PM	#19
nickkyvintage Bag Pervert! Location: UK	i do blame both of them for not telling me about it. I have spoken to her and she said it was nothing. Just a meet up with friends. I beleive her because i know she would put me first over any guy. She wasnt thinking straight and didnt think it was important to tell me. I suppose it was just unlucky we were at the same place at the same time. However, i hold him mostly responsible. He know what buttons to press to pi$$ me off. and this time he has suceeded __________________ Welcome to Ban-City...Population 1...

Jul 1st, 2008, 08:44 PM	#23
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	Not thinking right. What is wrong with some of you women that hold on these so-called best friends who stab you in the back. God gave us free will. No one can make you do anything. It was her choice. You definitely should not move in with her. OMG, stand up straight and rid of her ass. Good friends/best friends DO NOT __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jul 1st, 2008, 08:45 PM	#24
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	behave this way. GET RID OF HER. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jul 1st, 2008, 08:31 PM	#20
stellamaried Happy Happy Joy Joy	Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Please think seriously about not continuing this friendship with her. There is no possible way that she didn't know that it would hurt you for her to see your ex (in any capacity). In fact, it sounds like she actively lied to you about her plans. That doesn't sound like naivete to me, it sounds like sneaky and suspicious behavior. Please do not move in with her. And rely on someone else for a while for emotional support.

Jul 1st, 2008, 08:49 PM	#26
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	There is absolutely no reason she should have been with him, zero, zilch, nada. Look at yourself and say I am worth more than this. No explanation she can give would be good enough. She would be talking to a wall if it were me. There is no law that says you have to continue being friends with her no matter how long you have known each other. Hypothetical, Would you forgive her if she married your ex husband, oh how about if she slept with your husband b/c he was so irresistible. At what point, will you draw the line? __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jul 1st, 2008, 09:32 PM	#27
SimplyMe Racing With You. Location: Very foggy!	Personally, I would forgive her. If I have had a friendship with her for 9 years, then I really wouldn't just "get rid" of her for a stupid guy. I know it's betrayal but if she had apologized and say she was being stupid, then I would accept the apology. Before anything, there are different types of best friends. I have one that I've known for over 10 years and I call her my best friend, but really we're not best friends after all. I don't tell her everything and she doesn't either. The fact that we always hang out automatically puts us in the best friend category. Now on the other hand, I have a best friend who I don't hang out as much, also known her for over 10 years. I tell her everything, go to her when I'm sad, and we're always concerned about each other. With that said, if your best friend is like my first best friend, don't bother. Knowing a person for a long time does not mean much. However, if she's like my second best friend, then yes I would definitely forgive her. One thing that caught my attention is that she went to you and got you to notice them. If she's being sneaky about it, then she wouldn't have done that. I don't know, if I was your friend, I would be embarrassed and ashamed. Given the scenario, I really don't think she had meant to hurt you. My true best friend is really important to me and I would believe that she would never intentionally try to hurt me. No one knows how deep the friendship is but you. If you think it's worth keeping, then keep it! Last edited by SimplyMe; Jul 1st, 2008 at 09:40 PM.

Jul 1st, 2008, 10:26 PM	#28
BTBF Member	Depends on who dumped who, if I dumped him. I would have no problem with my best friend dating him. But if it's the other way around, I don't think I can be friends with her.

Jul 1st, 2008, 10:41 PM	#29
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Location: Texas	im in your shoes. well mine are a different kind. my husband cheated on me with my best friend. so i know your pain. im so angry and hurt by the both of them. i haven't talked to her since the night that he told me about it. you need to be able to confront her with it i think [i wish i had that] be it a letter, an email, a phone call...whatever it is. get the words out and then move on with your life WITHOUT her in it. she is not a friend. if she will lie to you about this, what else will she or has she lied to you about?? and yeah he is as guilty as she is. so throw a few words his way too if you think it might do any good. im so sorry you are going through this...i feel your pain...and it sucks!!!! __________________ Last edited by ilovepinkhearts; Jul 1st, 2008 at 10:45 PM.

Jul 1st, 2008, 11:03 PM	#30
Miyoshi637 Frankin-Stinks Location: Bay Area	WHAT?!? If she was any kinda friend, she wouldn't have done this at all! That's the girlfriend rule, you don't date your friends "trash" Plus she was bad mouthing him, so why is she with him? Maybe she wanted to be with him and thought you'd never find out about them. I think you should email her, tell her how you feel, and let her go. I'm very sorry this happened to you. __________________ All I need for Christmas is new tires for my car!