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legaldiva · Jun 18th, 2009, 04:41 PM

Ugh. We have the SAME problem. In the 5 years we've been together, we've always lived about 1.5 hours from his mom. She's come to visit us twice ... we ALWAYS have to drive to see his family. BF would go every weekend if he could.

I, however, am a homebody and resent the fact his dad, brother & family and mom just expect we will travel for family events.

BF also has an 8-y.o. son and MIL-to-be is OBSESSED with him, and spoils him rotten (he's a sweet kid, but c'mon). She literally ignores everyone, even her own son when her grandson is around. For the first few years of our relationship, she even kept an old photo up of when they all went to Florida or something together with bio mom (who is crazy). THAT burned me so bad!

NIUiceprincess · Jun 18th, 2009, 04:47 PM

I agree about the grandchildren issue. My SIL has the only grandchild and my MIL is obsessed with the baby too. She goes there once or twice a week during the weekday (my SIL is SAHM for now) and then SIL has to "endure" the weekend visits too. Now SIL moved away further in the opposite direction as us, so she's like 40-45 mins away from her parents...and my MIL was "devastated" that she and her hubby chose to buy a house out by the area where my BIL grew up (me and DH bought a condo in the suburb in between my mom and inlaws). So i guess she is jealous that my SIL's inlaws are closer to them or whatever. But I'm thinking, well SIL must have made that decision for a reason, right? I do see my MIL's point, but SIL is grown up and it's her and her DH's own money that they bought their house with so no one has a say where they should settle.

Anyway SIL's husband works as a pipe fitter so from my understanding that is physical labor and understandably he gets out of these weekend visits...so some weekends it's only SIL showing up with the baby with her DH at home. So I dont know why my own DH and I cannot have the same deal.

It makes me think that when I'm ready to have kids, they're gonna be over all the time too. I do agree that you want bonding time with your child with just you and hubby and no grandparents, no aunts/uncles, no one else.

NIUiceprincess · Jun 18th, 2009, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by Elara

NIUiceprincess, I feel your pain- we've got the only grandchild, and my MIL is OBSESSED with seeing her. My husband and daughter (who is almost 4) spent the entire weekend there weekend before last when I went to see my sister, and she (mil) called Tuesday wanting to know when she could come see my daughter again. When my husband told her maybe the weekend after July 4th, she said she didn't think she could wait that long. Argh. She'd be here (or we'd be there) every weekend if she had her way! My husband and I both work full time, and it's rare that we get a weekend where we have nothing to do other than relax and play with our daughter. MIL can't understand this, since she's been a SAHM all her life (and still is, even with her 2 boys grown up). It drives me crazy- when we DO go up there, I spend the entire time sitting on the couch watching TV, since that's all anyone wants to do (except MIL who just wants to have my daughter to herself).

Don't get me wrong, I love my MIL, but she does not understand that we want our space. She also has a problem understanding that our daughter is not HER daughter, and we have some serious boundary issues sometimes. But that's a WHOLE different post, haha! MIL means well, but just doesn't know when to stop. At least my husband feels the same, and is pretty good at handling her.

Oh, here's a good MIL story- my MIL decided to buy our daughter some books about being a big sister since our next is arriving in September. Check this one out: http://www.amazon.com/Moms-Having-Ba...2676161&sr=8-4

Read the editorial review, and keep in mind my daughter is almost 4. It disappeared very quickly. Luckily my husband was listening when his mom decided to read it to our daughter, and made her stop before she got to the REALLY interesting part.

"Through very direct language and clear illustrations, children will learn about a man's testicles where sperm are made and the fallopian tube where an egg is fertilized. Rather than ending at this clinical description, Mom answers Elizabeth's big question, "how do Dad's sperm and your egg get together?" As part of her measured response, she explains,..."

WHOA and this is for four year olds?

Elara · Jun 18th, 2009, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by NIUiceprincess

"Through very direct language and clear illustrations, children will learn about a man's testicles where sperm are made and the fallopian tube where an egg is fertilized. Rather than ending at this clinical description, Mom answers Elizabeth's big question, "how do Dad's sperm and your egg get together?" As part of her measured response, she explains,..."

WHOA and this is for four year olds?

Yeah, that's about when we made her stop reading and took the book away, LOL!

agile · Jun 18th, 2009, 04:58 PM

Since we're on the topic of visiting in-laws, let me put this out there since I'm always debating about this just for the heck of it.

My DH and I always talk about how agonising it is when his parents come over for a visit (he knows I can't stand them and he can only manage them in small doses). Since they live so far away, they come see us maybe once or twice a year and stay for 3 weeks. To us, those few weeks are like FOREVER when you have to spend it with people you don't like and you have to put up with them under your own roof.

My sister stays 30 mins from her in-laws and she can't stand them either. Like all the rest of you, she sees them pretty frequently like once every couple of weeks or once a month etc for a few hours.

So what do you think is worse - seeing your in-laws every other weekend for a few hours or not seeing them for 6 months and you get them staying with you for 3 weeks?

NIUiceprincess · Jun 18th, 2009, 05:03 PM

Three weeks? The only reason I would accept that length of visit is if they are coming from OVERSEAS. As in Asia or Europe, that far. lol.

I think I would rather have frequent, hours long visits rather than once or twice 3 week long ones. Because at least you don't have to see them like this:

- before you had your morning coffee first thing in the morning (nothing worse than getting a bad start to your day)
- having to deal with them after a long day of work. Instead of getting to unwind, you have to be annoyed to the point you'd wanna stay at work.
- having to worry about entertaining them and taking them around. very hard if you don't like them.

heat97 · Jun 18th, 2009, 06:27 PM

my future in laws (i am getting married one month from today) i believe actually dont care at all about our wedding. DF and I have tried everything to get them involved and they are just so blaaah. I dont get it at all. I guess we shouldnt take it personally considering this is how they act about everything else, but geez I feel bad for DF, his parents are just basically going to be guests. I come from such a warm involved loving family, who want to help with everything and couldnt be more excited for DF and I so its sooo hard for me to accept how they are. DF is 1 of 4 boys, he is number 3, and we were looking to dig up pictures of him for our photo montage, and i asked his mom for their albums and guess what -- not one photo album. DF and I were lucky if we found about 30 undeveloped slides of him in a box in the basement with other junk. I dont get it.

ProfNot · Jun 18th, 2009, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by NIUiceprincess

My MIL is a wonderful woman and I do love her dearly. We get along great so I kinda feel bad about ranting the below...

Okay I work full time 5 days a week as a super boring business analyst. the job is so blah but it pays the bills so I think Ill stick around for awhile. Anyway we live in the 'burbs and my job is in the city so I have this train commute back and forth...when the weekend comes, I am drained. I just want to do what I've been looking forward to all week...my figure skating lessons, shop with my mom or friends, hang out with friends,squeeze in chores like laundry and housecleaning, or chill with my hubby watching movies or our shows on Tivo...and of course since i got married, visit the inlaws.

the problem with visiting the in-laws. they practically expect us to come EVERY weekend.

I just cannot fathom why we have to visit every weekend. We live 30 minutes away so she figured it's not a big deal, but I just want to relax with me and hubby since we work opposite hours (he has first shift) so we hardly see each other during the week.

Me and DH actually had a big fight about this and he said I was just being mean because I am using the "work excuse" and just don't want to see his family. Ummm his parents are both retired, his sister got pregnant and quit her job after the birth, so I guess no no can sympathize with me who works a full week. Even DH only works 25 hours a week (and i'm nice enough not forcing him to get a second job just cuz we dont need it). DH thought I was just super lazy (hello how can I be called lazy when I put up with a job I don't like for 45 hours a week) for wanting to "relax" on the weekends.

Well he saw I wasn't giving in so eventually he told his mom that we would only visit every other weekend because NIUIcePrincess needs her relax time...so for awhile MIL thought that I do not like her just coz of this

(we still get along but now she gets worried that I would get upset...arrrghh).

And the visits themselves...they drag...from like 11 am to like 4 pm seriously. It's not just like lunch or anything. And no wonder we return to our condo and I'm tired at 7 pm on a sunday.

By the way, we don't have kids so it's not like I'm keeping the grandchildren away from them or anything. Apparently they just want to "see us". My family doesn't make us visit every weekend like that, just his.

Anyone else agree with me that there should be a limit to such visits?

Totally agree with you!

How about if your DH went over once a week on a weekday for dinner there without you? That could be the night you watch a girly movie and take a long bubble bath. Once a month, you go with him on a weekend visit. But take separate cars so you can leave after a couple of hours.

sweetdreamer16 · Jun 18th, 2009, 08:36 PM

omg at that book!! i'm in shock that they would suggest it for four year olds!!!

MarneeB · Jun 18th, 2009, 08:49 PM

Thanks so much for showing me I'm not the only one with the 'MIL from Hell'. I don't know where to begin...should I tell about the time my MIL bought me an outfit, then told me she thought it was the right size, but after seeing me she knows she should have gotten one a lot bigger.

Or...when my ds was about 2 yrs old we found out my dh's brother was expecting a child with his gf. My MIL, very excited, says 'I'm so happy! I'm finally gonna be a grandma'.

Or...when she calls (which isn't much anymore) and finds out dh isn't home, so hangs up on me. Not a goodbye, nothing!

Or...when she told my dh about one of ex's being 'newly divorced and still looking great, why she's even still kept her shape after 4 kids!' Then proceeds to give him her address.

I'll stop there, but there's more. I now only 'get' to see my MIL about once a year, around Christmastime. That reminds me...did I mention she's been to ONE of my ds' b-day parties? And he's almost 12 years old! Oh, I was gonna stop!

heat97 · Jun 18th, 2009, 08:56 PM

omg marnee i am sooo angry for you!!

leothelnss · Jun 18th, 2009, 09:42 PM

Wow Marnee, I'd stop seeing her altogether. She sounds like a terror

NIUiceprincess · Jun 19th, 2009, 10:59 AM

That is terrible!!! I'm glad you have kept your distance, it is better that way. What does your DH say about how she treats you and your son?

oogiewoogie · Jun 19th, 2009, 12:35 PM

As much as this is embarrassing to say.. I find this thread really therapeutic~!

tiffanystar · Jun 19th, 2009, 12:42 PM

I'm very fortunate to have a lovely MIL. As a mother of boys I know that I may become a MIL myself one day.

I think some women should take an honest look at their behavior towards their MIL's. It sometimes seems that MIL's can do no right.

Jun 18th, 2009, 04:41 PM	#31
legaldiva Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,447	Ugh. We have the SAME problem. In the 5 years we've been together, we've always lived about 1.5 hours from his mom. She's come to visit us twice ... we ALWAYS have to drive to see his family. BF would go every weekend if he could. I, however, am a homebody and resent the fact his dad, brother & family and mom just expect we will travel for family events. BF also has an 8-y.o. son and MIL-to-be is OBSESSED with him, and spoils him rotten (he's a sweet kid, but c'mon). She literally ignores everyone, even her own son when her grandson is around. For the first few years of our relationship, she even kept an old photo up of when they all went to Florida or something together with bio mom (who is crazy). THAT burned me so bad!
legaldiva Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,447	__________________ Desperately seeking: - CL Black Suede Monica thigh high boots (size 39); - CL Gold Bling Bling pumps (size 39.5). PM me if you have a lead!

Jun 18th, 2009, 04:47 PM	#32
NIUiceprincess Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 224	I agree about the grandchildren issue. My SIL has the only grandchild and my MIL is obsessed with the baby too. She goes there once or twice a week during the weekday (my SIL is SAHM for now) and then SIL has to "endure" the weekend visits too. Now SIL moved away further in the opposite direction as us, so she's like 40-45 mins away from her parents...and my MIL was "devastated" that she and her hubby chose to buy a house out by the area where my BIL grew up (me and DH bought a condo in the suburb in between my mom and inlaws). So i guess she is jealous that my SIL's inlaws are closer to them or whatever. But I'm thinking, well SIL must have made that decision for a reason, right? I do see my MIL's point, but SIL is grown up and it's her and her DH's own money that they bought their house with so no one has a say where they should settle. Anyway SIL's husband works as a pipe fitter so from my understanding that is physical labor and understandably he gets out of these weekend visits...so some weekends it's only SIL showing up with the baby with her DH at home. So I dont know why my own DH and I cannot have the same deal. It makes me think that when I'm ready to have kids, they're gonna be over all the time too. I do agree that you want bonding time with your child with just you and hubby and no grandparents, no aunts/uncles, no one else.
NIUiceprincess Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 224

Jun 18th, 2009, 04:58 PM	#35
agile Member Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 268	Since we're on the topic of visiting in-laws, let me put this out there since I'm always debating about this just for the heck of it. My DH and I always talk about how agonising it is when his parents come over for a visit (he knows I can't stand them and he can only manage them in small doses). Since they live so far away, they come see us maybe once or twice a year and stay for 3 weeks. To us, those few weeks are like FOREVER when you have to spend it with people you don't like and you have to put up with them under your own roof. My sister stays 30 mins from her in-laws and she can't stand them either. Like all the rest of you, she sees them pretty frequently like once every couple of weeks or once a month etc for a few hours. So what do you think is worse - seeing your in-laws every other weekend for a few hours or not seeing them for 6 months and you get them staying with you for 3 weeks?
agile Member Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 268	__________________ "Black as the devil, Hot as hell, Pure as an angel, Sweet as love" ~ Charles Maurice de Talleyrand, speaking of the perfect cup of coffee

Jun 18th, 2009, 05:03 PM	#36
NIUiceprincess Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 224	Three weeks? The only reason I would accept that length of visit is if they are coming from OVERSEAS. As in Asia or Europe, that far. lol. I think I would rather have frequent, hours long visits rather than once or twice 3 week long ones. Because at least you don't have to see them like this: - before you had your morning coffee first thing in the morning (nothing worse than getting a bad start to your day) - having to deal with them after a long day of work. Instead of getting to unwind, you have to be annoyed to the point you'd wanna stay at work. - having to worry about entertaining them and taking them around. very hard if you don't like them.
NIUiceprincess Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 224

Jun 18th, 2009, 06:27 PM	#37
heat97 Member Joined: Nov 2006 Location: NYC Posts: 1,883	my future in laws (i am getting married one month from today) i believe actually dont care at all about our wedding. DF and I have tried everything to get them involved and they are just so blaaah. I dont get it at all. I guess we shouldnt take it personally considering this is how they act about everything else, but geez I feel bad for DF, his parents are just basically going to be guests. I come from such a warm involved loving family, who want to help with everything and couldnt be more excited for DF and I so its sooo hard for me to accept how they are. DF is 1 of 4 boys, he is number 3, and we were looking to dig up pictures of him for our photo montage, and i asked his mom for their albums and guess what -- not one photo album. DF and I were lucky if we found about 30 undeveloped slides of him in a box in the basement with other junk. I dont get it.
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Jun 18th, 2009, 08:36 PM	#39
sweetdreamer16 Member Joined: May 2008 Location: Vancouver Posts: 2,035	omg at that book!! i'm in shock that they would suggest it for four year olds!!!
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Jun 18th, 2009, 08:49 PM	#40
MarneeB Taking it all in. Joined: Mar 2009 Location: Missouri Posts: 849	Thanks so much for showing me I'm not the only one with the 'MIL from Hell'. I don't know where to begin...should I tell about the time my MIL bought me an outfit, then told me she thought it was the right size, but after seeing me she knows she should have gotten one a lot bigger. Or...when my ds was about 2 yrs old we found out my dh's brother was expecting a child with his gf. My MIL, very excited, says 'I'm so happy! I'm finally gonna be a grandma'. Or...when she calls (which isn't much anymore) and finds out dh isn't home, so hangs up on me. Not a goodbye, nothing! Or...when she told my dh about one of ex's being 'newly divorced and still looking great, why she's even still kept her shape after 4 kids!' Then proceeds to give him her address. I'll stop there, but there's more. I now only 'get' to see my MIL about once a year, around Christmastime. That reminds me...did I mention she's been to ONE of my ds' b-day parties? And he's almost 12 years old! Oh, I was gonna stop!

Jun 18th, 2009, 08:56 PM	#41
heat97 Member Joined: Nov 2006 Location: NYC Posts: 1,883	omg marnee i am sooo angry for you!!
	__________________ "I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet" WISHLIST: 1. Nude Patent Wallis -37 2. Nude VP w/ nude or gold tip -37 3. Ivory Champus - 37 - got them thanks to meggy!!! 4. Roccia Python Simple - 37-37.5

Jun 18th, 2009, 09:42 PM	#42
leothelnss sun in moderation Joined: Jan 2008 Location: Oceanside, CA Posts: 5,994	Wow Marnee, I'd stop seeing her altogether. She sounds like a terror
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Jun 19th, 2009, 10:59 AM	#43
NIUiceprincess Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 224	That is terrible!!! I'm glad you have kept your distance, it is better that way. What does your DH say about how she treats you and your son?
NIUiceprincess Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 224

Jun 19th, 2009, 12:35 PM	#44
oogiewoogie is eNjoyin Life :) Joined: Mar 2007 Location: Beachy SoCAL...♥ Posts: 4,123	As much as this is embarrassing to say.. I find this thread really therapeutic~!
	__________________ " Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else" - Last edited by oogiewoogie; Jun 19th, 2009 at 01:02 PM.

Jun 19th, 2009, 12:42 PM	#45
tiffanystar Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Near Selfridges Posts: 1,053	I'm very fortunate to have a lovely MIL. As a mother of boys I know that I may become a MIL myself one day. I think some women should take an honest look at their behavior towards their MIL's. It sometimes seems that MIL's can do no right.

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