Mother in laws & other in laws stories - Rant away!!!

[ouip98]

Originally Posted by ZippyWho

What is imao?

laughing my a** off

[ZippyWho]

Originally Posted by ouip98

laughing my a** off

[leothelnss]

My MIL is really sweet and I like her a lot, but damn can that woman talk!
That is a small issue, though. Especially in comparison to the thing she does that really bothers me...
I don't want kids. She knows this, as I have said it a couple of times, "I can't see myself having children", "Our dogs are our kids" etc...
But every time I see her she brings it up. It doesn't help that her other kid, my husband's sister, is in the process of making child number three.
"She and I went to shop for baby clothes and -- oh you and I can do that too someday!"
ugh. I know she's probably just trying to be nice but just because I married her son doesn't mean I'm going to be having her grandkids. I'm so glad my own mother respects my decision to not have them.
And my (probably irrational) problem with FIL... He is such a gentleman it makes my stomach turn. He is the sweetest man, and I think he's great, but every time I go to take luggage out of the trunk or pull a door shut behind me he is there to do it before I can. It really irks me.
I know some girls love the whole chivalry thing, but it makes me feel lesser when someone is always there doing those things. My DH does it too when he's around his dad, but he doesn't when we're alone together (thank god).
Anyway, they're probably all dumb reasons to be upset, but those are my gripes.

[leothelnss]

Originally Posted by natalie78

But the rest of the family is messed up. Last time we saw them (only once a year...thank god for the 900 miles between us), we all had dinner at a restaurant. DH says that he's going to write a book about the family. One sister scream out and points across the table at another sister, "Yeah, and she's the slut of the family!" That sister then points at another sister and yells, "Well, she's the wanna-be nun who is sleeping with a married man!" About a minute later, the server came over with a large margarita, patted me on the shoulder, and told me that it was on the house.

LOL... tbh, this sounds a bit like my family. When we get together we go crazy! I'd read a book about your husband's family

boxermom, that is terrible!! I'm sorry! Your FIL sounds like a really nasty person, I almost feel sorry for him that he would need to hold a grudge against you for so long, and for what?

[ampeefyed]

Originally Posted by boxermom

At a shower held by the in-laws before we got married, about 20 relatives went together to give us a plastic salad bowl with the price tag still on the bottom--$3.99. I'll never forget that After 25 yrs. of marriage, my fil called and refused to leave a message with me for dh because I wasn't part of the family. He's gotten worse since then.

LOL! That's barely twenty cents per person. $0.1995 to be exact (I counted).

[queenvictoria2]

Originally Posted by dearmissie

MIL and I were cool when we first met, then all hell broke loose and we didnt talk for 8 months. I didn't speak to anyone in his family, because of course they'd side with her. It was crazy for 8 months, then we patched things up for the sake of her son, whom we both love dearly. And I think it's actually made us 100x stronger. I cherish the relationship we now have together, and I'm so excited for her to become my mother in law and she is thrilled to have me become her daughter in law. I appreciate her so much and vice versa. She is so supportive of us and the relationship we've created together. I adore her and yes we both have our flaws but at least now we are able to detect each others weaker spots and learn to avoid it better. Things have definitely changed for the better.

Yes this was us 20 years ago and now.
I get along with her but I am well aware how we really stand with one another and if anything were to happen with my DH and me we would not be best friends I am sure.
Took me many years and a lot of growing up to realize this ( I was only 19 when DD was born) but I am completely fine with this now

[boxermom]

Originally Posted by ampeefyed

LOL! That's barely twenty cents per person. $0.1995 to be exact (I counted).

I never calculated it--that's funny. There's frugal and then there's insultingly cheap.

leothelnss, fil has always been a paranoid, stingy, isolated person. He's gotten worse as he's aged.

Our older son and his wife elected to not have children and her parents bugged them about it for years, like it was their duty to provide more grandchildren (they already had 2 from a son). It's none of my business whether they have children or not! It must be a hard thing to hear over and over. I hope she lets that go and will simply appreciate you as a lovely daughter-in-law.

[leothelnss]

^ Thanks, boxermom

[agile]

I've always disliked my MIL. She's the kind of person who never thinks before she speaks.

When DH and I were still dating (not engaged yet), she mentioned in a conversation one day, how glad that she has 3 sons and no daughters cus that meant that she didn't have to pay for any weddings. She said this in front of me and DH and I thought, "What kind of person says that in front of their future DIL?" DH (BF at the time) turns to her and proceeds to tell her that she shouldn't be too quick to jump to that conclusion cus I came from a family where the BOY pays for the wedding not the girl. She was very quiet after that, and what DH didn't say was that no one had to pay for our wedding as we already had enough money set aside for it.

When DH proposed about a year later, we both rang our parents to let them know. My MIL's first words were not congratulations or anything of that sort. Instead, she said, "Your father and I just want to know who will be paying for the wedding. If it's us, I suggest you elope. We don't want to know anything about it!"
I was actually quite upset that that was ALL she could think of when we first told them about our engagement.

Anyway, that's just 1 story and that's not even the worst. Thanks for creating this thread. I'm looking forward to hearing more MIL stories!

[NIUiceprincess]

My MIL is a wonderful woman and I do love her dearly. We get along great so I kinda feel bad about ranting the below...

Okay I work full time 5 days a week as a super boring business analyst. the job is so blah but it pays the bills so I think Ill stick around for awhile. Anyway we live in the 'burbs and my job is in the city so I have this train commute back and forth...when the weekend comes, I am drained. I just want to do what I've been looking forward to all week...my figure skating lessons, shop with my mom or friends, hang out with friends,squeeze in chores like laundry and housecleaning, or chill with my hubby watching movies or our shows on Tivo...and of course since i got married, visit the inlaws.

the problem with visiting the in-laws. they practically expect us to come EVERY weekend. I just cannot fathom why we have to visit every weekend. We live 30 minutes away so she figured it's not a big deal, but I just want to relax with me and hubby since we work opposite hours (he has first shift) so we hardly see each other during the week.

Me and DH actually had a big fight about this and he said I was just being mean because I am using the "work excuse" and just don't want to see his family. Ummm his parents are both retired, his sister got pregnant and quit her job after the birth, so I guess no no can sympathize with me who works a full week. Even DH only works 25 hours a week (and i'm nice enough not forcing him to get a second job just cuz we dont need it). DH thought I was just super lazy (hello how can I be called lazy when I put up with a job I don't like for 45 hours a week) for wanting to "relax" on the weekends.

Well he saw I wasn't giving in so eventually he told his mom that we would only visit every other weekend because NIUIcePrincess needs her relax time...so for awhile MIL thought that I do not like her just coz of this (we still get along but now she gets worried that I would get upset...arrrghh).

And the visits themselves...they drag...from like 11 am to like 4 pm seriously. It's not just like lunch or anything. And no wonder we return to our condo and I'm tired at 7 pm on a sunday.

By the way, we don't have kids so it's not like I'm keeping the grandchildren away from them or anything. Apparently they just want to "see us". My family doesn't make us visit every weekend like that, just his.

Anyone else agree with me that there should be a limit to such visits?

[ktheartscoach]

Originally Posted by NIUiceprincess

Anyone else agree with me that there should be a limit to such visits?

Yes. DH and I have a saying - "the highway runs both ways". Unless someone is disabled or ill, we don't shoulder the burden of constantly going to visit them. Another idea is that if your DH wants to visit more frequently, he can do that while you're visiting with your Mom and friends, or during the time when he's off work and you're at work, etc. Believe me, it's a whole lot easier to set those boundaries now - if you're planning to have kids, it only gets worse then - and even if you don't have kids, there's still the expectation. We had to set the boundaries about 8 years ago (before children), and it's worked out really well. We honestly enjoy the visits more, and we get to host visits in our own home instead of running up and down the road every weekend.

ETA: It took me 4 years to throw down the gauntlet, and by the time I did the resentment was pretty bad. Had I been firm earlier on, it wouldn't have been such a point of contention for me.

[agile]

Originally Posted by NIUiceprincess

Anyone else agree with me that there should be a limit to such visits?

I definitely agree with you on this. And I would put my foot down. When you're working full time and come home tired, I totally understand that you want some weekend time to yourself. I know what it's like working a busy job and when it comes to the weekend, time seems to go by so quickly and before we know it, it's Sunday night .

I live thousands of miles away from my in-laws and my own parents so I am lucky enough not to have to do this. But when I was growing up, my parents had to visit their parents EVERY weekend and because both sets of parents lived within 30 mins away, we had to alternate who we visited each weekend. When we moved away, my brother was the only one who stayed behind and got married in our hometown. And my parents asked his family to visit and have lunch every Sunday.

If I were you, I'll do a visit every other Sunday or once a month. And I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

[ami kio]

Originally Posted by NIUiceprincess

Me and DH actually had a big fight about this and he said I was just being mean because I am using the "work excuse" and just don't want to see his family. Ummm his parents are both retired, his sister got pregnant and quit her job after the birth, so I guess no no can sympathize with me who works a full week. Even DH only works 25 hours a week (and i'm nice enough not forcing him to get a second job just cuz we dont need it). DH thought I was just super lazy (hello how can I be called lazy when I put up with a job I don't like for 45 hours a week) for wanting to "relax" on the weekends. Anyone else agree with me that there should be a limit to such visits?

Wow, I actually think that your DH is being extremely unreasonable. If DH wants to visit them so much, he can, but I don't think that you should be required to visit them more than 1-2x/month. He was also being a bit petulant by blaming the reduction in visits on you.

[NIUiceprincess]

OMG i love you guys for seeing my point!

So right now we're doing the every other week kind of deal, which is good enough but sometimes I still feel like we should be entitled to two weekends in a row of relaxation but whatever...

Like last Sunday the inlaws came over to our place for a change for a lunch, only because I had ice show stuff (dress rehearsal thursday, performances on friday and saturday nights). Thank goodness they only stopped by for a quick lunch (3 hours is quick yup). So they said they "knew I wanted to kick back since I must be tired from skating". So that was the visit. This sunday is father's day and since my dad is in the philippines obviously we would celebrate by going to the inlaws' again for my FIL. And the following Sunday is my SIL's baby's baptism...so that's 3 weekends in a row of family bonding....yeah I know the holiday and the baptism schedule cannot be revolved around me...but still LOL.

I do agree that the weekend goes by fast and if you spend like over 5 hours "visiting" on a sunday, I keep thinking, geez i hardly got anything done and it's monday again. And I agree that he should be okay with going there by himself on a weekend and letting me lay around the house doing whatever I want.

And in reality I don't mind visiting on a Sunday or evn a Saturday...but do we reallllyyy need to spend that long a time? It's like working a full time shift on a weekend. And I thought I stopped working weekends when I got out of college!

[Elara]

NIUiceprincess, I feel your pain- we've got the only grandchild, and my MIL is OBSESSED with seeing her. My husband and daughter (who is almost 4) spent the entire weekend there weekend before last when I went to see my sister, and she (mil) called Tuesday wanting to know when she could come see my daughter again. When my husband told her maybe the weekend after July 4th, she said she didn't think she could wait that long. Argh. She'd be here (or we'd be there) every weekend if she had her way! My husband and I both work full time, and it's rare that we get a weekend where we have nothing to do other than relax and play with our daughter. MIL can't understand this, since she's been a SAHM all her life (and still is, even with her 2 boys grown up). It drives me crazy- when we DO go up there, I spend the entire time sitting on the couch watching TV, since that's all anyone wants to do (except MIL who just wants to have my daughter to herself).

Don't get me wrong, I love my MIL, but she does not understand that we want our space. She also has a problem understanding that our daughter is not HER daughter, and we have some serious boundary issues sometimes. But that's a WHOLE different post, haha! MIL means well, but just doesn't know when to stop. At least my husband feels the same, and is pretty good at handling her.


Oh, here's a good MIL story- my MIL decided to buy our daughter some books about being a big sister since our next is arriving in September. Check this one out: http://www.amazon.com/Moms-Having-Ba...2676161&sr=8-4

Read the editorial review, and keep in mind my daughter is almost 4. It disappeared very quickly. Luckily my husband was listening when his mom decided to read it to our daughter, and made her stop before she got to the REALLY interesting part.