Mom wants to use my name to buy a condo!!!

[materialgurl]

Originally Posted by Roo

This is really tough, I'm sorry this is happening and you are being put in such an unfair position... I wanted to ask: how is your mom surviving now? If she is only making a small amount of money, how does she pay rent now? Does she live with relatives? Also, would it be helpful if your Dad called her and told her to back off? Or do you think that would make it worse?

Well rent is very cheap for her.. she lives in subsidized housing... and she has worked over the years so i guess she has money saved... in fact i know she does.. how else can she put 40% down payment? she is very frugal.. i doubt she even spends over $150 month on bills and food (no including rent).

She has no family or relatives here... I always tell her to move back to Asia but she refuses.. my dad think it's because once you come to Canada you never go back.. he thinks its a pride thing.. it would be an embarrassment.. seeing that her marriage failed... no friends here... terrible relations with daughter... etc etc. The only family she has here is my eldest cousin... (her sister's son)... but for whatever she hates him.. thought that he tried to take advantage of her or something.. so I know she hasn't seen him in years.

As for my dad.. she HATES him. Like I said she's still very bitter about the divorce (despite the fact that it's been about 15 years now).. she's not the type to forgive and forget... once you cross her, that's it; she will not give a shit about u or speak to u again. I can't change the way she sees the world... nor would i want to try. But I feel sorry for her.. she is going to be remembered by me as a manipulative, conniving, bitter human being.

[one fifty]

don't don't don't do it! she sounds like my MIL (DH is also an only child) and we were thisclose to mingling finances with her but after doing some research NO WAY!

also years later it isn't always 'he left her' KWIM? my MIL likes to play the victim too in their divorce many years ago but after DH grew up he finally saw that SHE played a big part in their split and his dad didn't just 'leave her'. You don't need this crap right now and need to focus on your own future.

[materialgurl]

^ I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one going thru this crap!! I seriously feel sometimes that I'm the only one with a mom I do not like or get along with!

And my mom totally always plays the victim role... "I did this for you.. and I did that for you and this is how you repay me??" If it's money she's worried about I'll give her everything she's ever put into me.. but as for raising me.. I know she always lied to me... lied to the government system.. so my morals and principles certainly were not taught by her.

A few months back... she even offered to GIVE me money for MY downpayment... I'm really glad I never took it (not that I was planning to), because it would be another "I did this for you" bullshit.. "so why cant u do this for me?"! ARGH makes me MAD! And she wonders why she is all alone...

[Ellie Mae]

hm.... she's on government subsidy but has $30-40K to put down on an investment property??? Granted I do not know anything about the laws in Canada, but in the US, I think if the govt found out about this money and this little scheme, she could be charged w/ defrauding the govt...??!! Another good reason for YOU not to get involved.

[materialgurl]

Originally Posted by Ellie Mae

hm.... she's on government subsidy but has $30-40K to put down on an investment property??? Granted I do not know anything about the laws in Canada, but in the US, I think if the govt found out about this money and this little scheme, she could be charged w/ defrauding the govt...??!! Another good reason for YOU not to get involved.

Exactly why she wants to put it under MY name.

[Ellie Mae]

Originally Posted by materialgurl

Exactly why she wants to put it under MY name.

And exactly why she WON'T go apply for a loan! She's willing to hang ya'lls ass out there, but not her own. Sorry darlin... RUN SCREAMING! YIKES!!
She's not asking you to HELP her, she's basically asking you to take the fall for her. And no matter WHAT she thinks you owe her, you do not EVER owe her that!

[materialgurl]

Originally Posted by Ellie Mae

And exactly why she WON'T go apply for a loan! She's willing to hang ya'lls ass out there, but not her own. Sorry darlin... RUN SCREAMING! YIKES!! She's not asking you to HELP her, she's basically asking you to take the fall for her. And no matter WHAT she thinks you owe her, you do not EVER owe her that!

I know.... everything everyone saying here is right... I told her she was being self-fish in doing all this last night.. all she did was scream at me... called me back... screamed some more and hung up on me!?

Well I am totally not feeling bad for her anymore... she needs to take responsibility for her life... instead of demanding her 23 yr old daughter to do so.


EDIT: I also have to add that... not all the money is hers.. she told me she is also borrowing from her siblings

[Roo]

^^ She is probably guilting the siblings too!!! People like this don't operate in a vacuum... god knows who else she's roped into this scheme. Good grief. The more you reveal about this, the worse it sounds!

[jpgoeth]

Great thread - I'm so glad you didn't give in, Materialgurl!

I'm in kind of a similar situation; my mother wants me to cosign a lease for her because she has terrible credit and no job (my parents are getting divorced and have serious financial issues and my mom hasn't worked outside the house in almost 30 years). We also have a strained relationship (although she thinks we're close, not sure why). I'm trying to figure out how to say no with a minimum of drama... I've been thinking that I would probably just end up giving in to avoid major conflict but you've given me courage!

[Ellie Mae]

Originally Posted by jpgoeth

Great thread - I'm so glad you didn't give in, Materialgurl! I'm in kind of a similar situation; my mother wants me to cosign a lease for her because she has terrible credit and no job (my parents are getting divorced and have serious financial issues and my mom hasn't worked outside the house in almost 30 years). We also have a strained relationship (although she thinks we're close, not sure why). I'm trying to figure out how to say no with a minimum of drama... I've been thinking that I would probably just end up giving in to avoid major conflict but you've given me courage!

DO NOT DO THIS.. PLEASE.. remember.. anything you "co-sign", you OWN. As if you had done it ALL BY YOURSELF, ON YOUR OWN. And YOUR credit is at risk 100%... becuase if she defaults, then they will come after your 100%, as if you were the only person on the lease.
So if this is NOT something you would have done ON YOUR OWN, DO NOT DO IT. I am sorry, but parent's issues are NOT a child's lifelong trauma... coming from an almost 50 year old MOM. Parent's should not co-sign for kids, and kids should not co-sign for parents. PERIOD.

[materialgurl]

Originally Posted by jpgoeth

Great thread - I'm so glad you didn't give in, Materialgurl! I'm in kind of a similar situation; my mother wants me to cosign a lease for her because she has terrible credit and no job (my parents are getting divorced and have serious financial issues and my mom hasn't worked outside the house in almost 30 years). We also have a strained relationship (although she thinks we're close, not sure why). I'm trying to figure out how to say no with a minimum of drama... I've been thinking that I would probably just end up giving in to avoid major conflict but you've given me courage!

ya there is no real easy way to say no without drama!! I'm still going through drama right now... just have been ignoring her calls.

wish you the best of luck!! I'm glad you found my thread helpful... and remember... you're not the only one going through this!!

[kavnadoo]

GL been following your thread, this is a difficult one. Family and money. Like others have said I wouldn't get involved.

You're doing the right thing by not helping her out with this. Just don't let her get to you by trying to make you feel guilty. You seem like a smart girl for your age so I'm sure you'll be alright. IMO I think it is selfish of your mother to put you in a situation like this.

jpgoeth definitely do not give in, unfortunately with things like this that could have repercussions later on in life, you have to stand your ground. You never know, but the worst case scenario is that it could financially ruin you and your credit rating.

My parents have done the same with me, i.e. asked me to sign to buy a place, but in a totally different way and I'm very thankful and grateful for all they've done. Good luck to both of you, I'm sure you will both pull out strong!

[RubyPrincess168]

Don't do it!!! Don't let her guilt you into doing it!!!!


The very fact that you are having so many reservations should be enough to tell you not to do it. (Trust your gut instincts!) If your name is on the lease, you would ultimately be responsible for paying the mortgage and it sounds like you can't afford to do that. Things never go according to the best case scenario.

[ShopGirl647]

If she stops paying the monthly amount owe to the bank, you are 100% liable, doesn't matter if you live there or not cuz the condo is under your name. The bank will come after u for pmts if she defaults. Based on your situation, can u afford two condos if she defaults??? Plus, she can skip out anytime she wants and no skin off her back cuz it's not under her name. Depends on how close and trustful u are towards your mom and based on your description, it doesn't seem like it. Good luck!!!

[KimN]

OMG..are you sure my mom and your mom are not sisters from far away?? I basically went through everything you did! Except, my dad was in the picture--but never got involved.

I've felt the way you did..guilty if I didn't do what she ask, but what if she defaults? Then it's my problem! But you know what, I went through with it.

I felt bad for my parents cause they moved 600 miles to start a business and failed. 1 year and half later, move back 600 miles to start another business..which ultimately was destroyed by a Hurricane...and to top that, no insurance!! So we were out hundreds of thousands...my parents had nothing left, so being the oldest one, I felt that it was my responsibility to help them as much as possible.

I gave them everything I earned since age 16, paid for my own college, gotten their house under my name, their two new cars under my name, and now a business that my mom is running, under my name. So far, everything is working out fine..she pays me every months. She will be late some months, which I will put out for and she eventually pays me back.

I'm not saying your situation will be the same as mines, but everytime I asked for others' opinions regarding family and money...they all say NO. But like you said, Asian cultures are different..and I felt obliged to do it and I did.