[Pursegrrl]

I'm feeling like an angry tiger trapped in a cage or a restless, impatient child. I'm about ready to explode and this is so not like me (and no, it's not PMS, ha ha):

- I went through a bad breakup and job loss last summer. So many of you supported me through all of that drama.

- I started a new job last september. I am not happy for many reasons and thinking of pulling up stakes after less than a year there which is so not like me.

- I started a new relationship last fall shortly after the new job. As many of you know through my posts, that didn't work out and I broke it off after about 6 months.

- I feel like selling my townhome and moving more downtown here (which means downsizing) or even leaving the Seattle area altogether for a fresh start. I should be pouring my hard earned $$ into updating my house yet I blow it on frivolous stuff like shoes or sunglasses [sunglasses in Seattle, hee].

- I am ANGRY. I am angry how g-d hard I've tried to make it as an adult and I feel like I've failed on the whole BF/marriage/kids issue. I should feel liberated and free that at 41 I can do whatever I please and pretty much have the financial means to do so but yet feel so unhappy that I pretty much have to take care of myself with no partnership .

- I'm very estranged from my parents even though they live 15 min from me. I feel a little guilty about that but we are just not on the page on so many levels as much as I love them. Today I found out about something my Mom has been doing for a few years now that is so hypocritical to the values I thought she had and how she raised my brothers and I that I am beyond pissed as much as I shouldn't be given we are not super close. I'm reluctant to share more about that because it's a rather controversial subject.

- What the heck is wrong with me? Should I just pull up stakes, buy a Porsche and start dating a 25 year old stud? I've never felt so unsure and uprooted, at least not since I was 22 and fresh out of school and didn't know any better .

[nataliam1976]

and dont forget to buy the cougar necklace Samantha had !

sorry, brain not working yet, will post seriously later..for now just and

[azhangie]

I'm kinda in the same boat...altho mine's more like quarter-life crisis.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is I still dont know what I want to do with the rest of my life...therefore I'm doing absolutely nothing towards a goal and wasting precious time. These thoughts used to be a montly thing that would bother me, now its more like weekly thing. Its annoying and I know I need to get my shit together and do something, but days go by and by and next thing I know another month has passed.

No advice...I could use some myself. But hang in there! You're not alone.

[VPT]

Originally Posted by Pursegrrl

- I am ANGRY. I am angry how g-d hard I've tried to make it as an adult and I feel like I've failed on the whole BF/marriage/kids issue. I should feel liberated and free that at 41 I can do whatever I please and pretty much have the financial means to do so but yet feel so unhappy that I pretty much have to take care of myself with no partnership .

.

Aww c'mere *patpat*
I don't think you have failed at all in the relationships department. If you never dated that might just be but you have! You just didn't look hard enough, for most of us, these things happen naturally, for the rest of us like you and me, love can be quite hard to come by we have to leave no stone unturned. Have you tried e-harmony? Lots of my friends in their late 30s and 40s have found their soul mates there. Do you like traveling? Maybe treat yourself to a nice spa trip in one of the Club Med resorts in Europe or Maldives? Certain Club Med locations focus on singles.

[QueenOfDa702]

Come to Vegas and party with me. Ill make you forget all about everything!

Seriously though, all I have is huge hugs for you. I wish I had amazing advice, but I dont.

Im sure Shoo, Shimma, Candice, SOMEONE will come and give some great advice.

P.S. Do you want kids? Have you thought about adopting?
Women dont need men! You havent failed at all, the right one just hasnt come around yet.

Ya know, some people just need a change. A new start. Think about it for a little while, it might be a good idea to start off fresh, in a new area, with a new job.

[mellecyn]

Aaawww Pursegrrl....going through some crisis happens to all of us, me it´s "hello 30´s...".
But think of all the things you´ve achieved !!! You have a career, own a house, can treat yourself, have had some meaningful relationships....and the things you can be greatful for, you seem to be a dead gorgeous woman.
Let´s stop comparing ourselves to others, maybe having kids is not everyone´s path of life, we can choose differently it doesn´t mean we failed ! and come on nobody is perfect !! It´s like in SATC "Can we have it all ???"
Follow your gut feeling, if moving closer to downtown is what you want, just do it, just do anything as long as it makes you happy ! It´s rather positive to feel you need a change !....

[queenvictoria2]

OMG! I just turned 40 last week and let me tell you, I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU GIRL!!! I know EXACTLY how you feel!

[IntlSet]

Pursegrrl, no advice but I just want to say that you are one of the kindest, most considerate members of tPF. I'm sorry things haven't been going you way lately.

I don't believe you've failed as an adult because you've failed to do the marriage/kids thing. After all, I always thought adulthood was defined by individual behavior: and your maturity, compassion and kindness which are so evident even through the internet signify to me that you're more than a successful human-being!

[LadyLinda]

Hey, Pursegrrl, it's okay. Mid-life crisis? Maybe. For what it's worth, I'm 50s now and, yeah, kinda been where you are. Happened around the time I turned forty and realized that half my life was lies and bs. It took time to sort out. You know what it sounds like you're going through? Too much **** hitting the fan. You've got a lot of unpleasantness going on in your job and family life and a girl can only handle so much.

Really, the human brain can only handle so many problems at one time. You reach a certain point where emotions and logic tangle and when you look at your life all you see is just a big ucking mess. But it's not as bad as it looks from the inside, and you can cope. Just do it one thing at a time. Pick something easy to start with. And remember, "This too shall pass." It does. It always does.

Until then, a big hug. You can count on your friends here, it looks like!

[kcf68]

Pursegrrl, At least you are single and not trapped....You need maybe a vacation and sort out your life...

[ShimmaPuff]

Somebody on here is going to tell you to read "What Color is Your Parachute?"

I won't. Read it if you want to, but the basic message is, sit down and think about what you want most to do, what your passion is.

Put aside for a minute the whole Finding Love thing, put aside whatever issues you have with your family, close your eyes and "give yourself permission" to imagine your fantasy life. What are you doing? Where are you doing it?

You are indeed VERY lucky to have the resources to follow your dream, once you find it. I think that may be a line from a cheesy 70s song, but it has a point.

The biggest obstacle you have to overcome is 100% within your control, and that makes you a very, very lucky person.

That obstacle, of course, is your focus on the whole relationship thing. That will happen, and when it does, you will be giving it a much better chance for success if you make sure that it happens to a person who is enjoying her life and enjoying herself!

If it is any consolation, I was almost 40 when I met Mr Puff, and if I were to attempt even a partial list of all the Mr Wrongs I went through before that happened - well, this place just thinks its seen me dump some long posts!

It does not matter when you find that Right One, what does matter is that you be ready for it when it happens, and that brings us once again back to you being a person who is enjoying her life, who is happy with herself, and thus in a position to allow someone else to be happy with her, too!

Another really important thing to put aside when you close your eyes and imagine and dream of things you would like to do, are any notions or ideas you may have picked up about this or that profession or job or field of endeavor vis a vis status or prestige.

Just as an example, in another thread on here the other day, someone made a comment indicating that they had a low opinion of some particular occupations, as if they were things people would only do temporarily or out of necessity but inherently undesirable somehow as careers.

Do NOT let any of that kind of thinking cloud your journey. Another great advantage of all those resources you have worked so hard to accumulate is that you are empowered to choose to explore diffrerent things without having to put "but how much does it pay?" at the top of the list.

That means that if, just as an example, in your contemplation, realize that somewhere under all the baggage that you have piled up on top of your heart, you have always thought it would be fun and interesting to walk peoples' dogs, you do not have to immediately sit down and figure out how many dogs you would have to walk in order to quit one of the multiple low-wage jobs you juggle in order to pay the light bill.

You can simply give it a shot! Go do it, see if you like it! And if you discover that you like it, but you are pretty sure you would really love it if you were doing it in Hawaii, buy yourself a big bottle of sunblock and call the airline!

What you do does not matter. The definition of wealth, of being rich, is if you love your work so much that you would do it even if you were paid nothing.

So get out your Bissel and vacuum all the garbage out of your mind, and plot your get-rich-quick scheme!

[candace117]

Sorry PG, I saw PORSCHE and STUD and couldn't think anymore....I think you should go for it, duh...
I agree with what IntlSet said. We are made to feel like marriage/kids/etc is what makes us successful. SO WRONG! I admire you a lot for WHO you are and not what you are doing. If you want to change it up, there's always room down here in Oregon for me to have a new lunch buddy.

I think that I got some insurance for myself by being in the military, because I do like to change things up all the time, and here there are always new opportunities to do a new job. It's almost expected.

Plus, if you come down here, I can hook you up with a pilot.

[TejasMama]

Shimma has given some wonderful advice. My favorite quote is "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" The answer to that question will tell you a great deal.

I know it's hard not to compare your life to the stereotypical standards of married/kids, etc., but each person's path is unique. You have some wonderful talents and many opportunities ahead to put them to good use. I wish you well.

Candace--I'm sure you know the punchline to this one:

Q: How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

[candace117]

[bagnshoofetish]

aww PGal. you don't measure success and/or happiness just by virtue of being in a relationship and having kids. measure it by how good you feel about yourself and your friends and family. and realize nothing, NOTHING in your life will ever be perfect. strive for peace and contentment. I am married and as much as I love my guy it is hard WORK. We don't have kids and don't plan to. Thats just us. But if I were single, I would still be content in my own skin because another person in your life will never define you, not even a family member. Surround yourself with good, positive, fun people. When you are down, pamper yourself. Do as much physical activity as you can cause those natural endorphins will lift you up every time. Allow yourself to be crabby. Cry when you want to. Just remember to pick yourself up, count all your blessings and remember how good you do have it compared to so many women in this world. And you have us....