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goodmornin · Jun 29th, 2009, 04:52 PM

Agree with the NOT taking her shopping part.

Certain Aunts and family friends I'd meet for the first time would try to take me shopping when I was about 10-12. I really didn't like it because they just took me to places that they thought I"d like (like build-a-bear, claires.. type of places), when in fact I really wanted to go to the department stores. These people would also really want to buy something for me but since we never went anywhere that I wanted to go, they'd just end up buying something for me that I didnt' really like.

At 11, girls are already pretty self-conscious and probably don't want to be doing anything trendy with an "older" person =)

I think taking her to play some mini-golf sounds like fun!

Roo · Jun 29th, 2009, 05:15 PM

Here's my advice, have her Dad take her on an outing. Meet up with them somewhere, maybe for lunch, and then leave, with him continuing the outing. Also don't expect her to be happy to meet you. She may not be and may continue to have jealousy. I don't know what the situation is with your BF's ex, but if it's not great, expect drama after the meeting once the ex finds out -- both from the child and the ex. This is when it all shifts so get ready because it may get weird from here on out. Hoping for the best for you, though!

shoegal27 · Jun 29th, 2009, 05:36 PM

^^^^^OH GREAT!!! Thanks for the heads up though.. that did go through my head, but I pushed it away b/c my BF is very level headed and protective and has a good relationship with his ex wife, and with his child. He has so far done things right by her involving me, and has spent a lot of time prepping her for us meeting. I am confident things will work out nicely, but then again you never know she is however an 11 year old girl. I am nervous.

Pursegrrl · Jun 29th, 2009, 05:55 PM

I remember meeting my now ex BF's 11 year old DD years ago and we went to a laser tag gaming place. It was something she loved to do and was fun, active and not just forced conversation like going to lunch (she was a little on the shy side.) Like Roo posted, she may or may not be happy to meet you, because let's face it - at that age moods can change hour by hour, LOL.

Glad he has a good relationship with her Mom. Believe me, that can make all the difference in the world.

Try not to be nervous - she may sense it...

Another random thought: a good friend of mine has 3 step-teens who are a handful. Know how she first met them? She gave them and her then-BF (now her DH) a ride to the airport! It was perfect...it was about 40 min in the car, BF saying hey this is <my friend's name>.

Whatever you decide, let us know how it goes and HAVE FUN!

shoegal27 · Jun 29th, 2009, 09:21 PM

thanks I will let you all know how it goes.

Roo · Jun 29th, 2009, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by shoegal27

^^^^^OH GREAT!!! Thanks for the heads up though.. that did go through my head, but I pushed it away b/c my BF is very level headed and protective and has a good relationship with his ex wife, and with his child. He has so far done things right by her involving me, and has spent a lot of time prepping her for us meeting. I am confident things will work out nicely, but then again you never know she is however an 11 year old girl. I am nervous.

It's hard to know how this will pan out. Even if your BF has a cordial relationship with the ex, the fact that there is a new woman in the picture could create unwanted drama. If I were you, I'd speak to your BF (albeit gently) about this possibility and how he plans to handle it. It has been my experience that there can be drama that places the parent in the middle between child and partner and it's not fun. HE needs to be ready for the possibility of crap being thrown at you- via HIM. Just be ready...and I'm sure things will be fine.

What worked for me was to make sure my husband's kids had a lot of alone time with him. I did not mind doing my own things while they hung out together. It's important, particularly for girls who may feel territorial about Dad. I hope it goes well!

zippymomo · Jul 1st, 2009, 01:03 AM

My boyfriend's 11 year old son is here visiting for the summer and just so much fun! Our meeting was quite different. Literally on my way to meet them for vacation where my BF's family lives, my BF's appendix decided it needed to come out. After rushing to the hospital straight from the airport, I met his family in the hall outside his hospital room where he was completely sedated. His little guy was so worried about his daddy and totally not into meeting daddy's girlfriend... he was interested in meeting a new friend though. Once DB got out of the hospital, his son and I had a great time playing while he just hung out and watched.

Any chance to meet a child and be involved in their life is really special. Just be yourself and have a great time. Don't set expectations of what it should or shouldn't be. My boyfriend and his ex are not on the greatest of terms and maybe there is some drama involved somewhere. Because I have been able to develop a friendship with his son though, my buddy respects me. Any weird drama stuff is chucked out because that isn't the focus of the situation... my boyfriend's 11 year old's happiness and fun factor are. :)

Sternchen · Jul 1st, 2009, 06:09 AM

I agree with what most said here. Meet in a neutral place and have a fun activity planned. Shopping is (IMO) not a good idea, because that's something where you need to know a person for to have fun with. But then again, that's just my opinion. What's there really to talk about in the mall anyway? Know what I mean??

Hope you have a nice time and that the meeting goes well

kristie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 02:08 AM

Listen to everything Roo says

.......she ALWAYS has the best advice

shoegal27 · Jul 3rd, 2009, 09:37 AM

So, I met her. It was a lovely meeting. I kept it short and sweet, approx 45 minutes at the mall. She is a lovely, smart, quite, complient little girl. I kept it short bc I didn't want to overwhelm her but am starting to think I should have stayed longer. I know that we will do this again soon, and it will be easier. Thanks all, and I will keep you up to date on everything.

divalicioust · Jul 3rd, 2009, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by shoegal27

So, I met her. It was a lovely meeting. I kept it short and sweet, approx 45 minutes at the mall. She is a lovely, smart, quite, complient little girl. I kept it short bc I didn't want to overwhelm her but am starting to think I should have stayed longer. I know that we will do this again soon, and it will be easier. Thanks all, and I will keep you up to date on everything.

I'm really glad it went well!!

fieryfashionist · Jul 4th, 2009, 02:17 AM

I think these ideas are fabulous.

ETA: So glad to hear the meeting went well!

Originally Posted by divalicioust

I think a fun day where you and your boyfriend are not the focus is a good idea, the zoo, the aquarium, day of shopping/lunch, all great ideas.

Nieners · Jul 4th, 2009, 06:43 AM

Glad it all went so well

shoegal27 · Jul 4th, 2009, 07:13 AM

the first went well, lets see how it goes from here.

divalicioust · Jul 4th, 2009, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by shoegal27

the first went well, lets see how it goes from here.

I'm hoping it goes well for me as well, my bf and I have decided its time I meet his 2 kids since we are getting quite serious and talking marriage. We're planning a day trip to the aquarium.

Jun 29th, 2009, 04:52 PM	#16
goodmornin yanko Joined: May 2006 Location: San Francisco! Posts: 2,268	Agree with the NOT taking her shopping part. Certain Aunts and family friends I'd meet for the first time would try to take me shopping when I was about 10-12. I really didn't like it because they just took me to places that they thought I"d like (like build-a-bear, claires.. type of places), when in fact I really wanted to go to the department stores. These people would also really want to buy something for me but since we never went anywhere that I wanted to go, they'd just end up buying something for me that I didnt' really like. At 11, girls are already pretty self-conscious and probably don't want to be doing anything trendy with an "older" person =) I think taking her to play some mini-golf sounds like fun!
	__________________ ~My Dream Lver List...~ 1) YSL Cage Bootie in Black Patent 38 2) Lanvin Flats in Patent Black 37.5 3) YSL Tribute Sandals in Navy 39 4) YSL Teal or Sky Anthracite Besace 5) Spring clothes!

Jun 29th, 2009, 05:15 PM	#17
Roo au courant Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,697	Here's my advice, have her Dad take her on an outing. Meet up with them somewhere, maybe for lunch, and then leave, with him continuing the outing. Also don't expect her to be happy to meet you. She may not be and may continue to have jealousy. I don't know what the situation is with your BF's ex, but if it's not great, expect drama after the meeting once the ex finds out -- both from the child and the ex. This is when it all shifts so get ready because it may get weird from here on out. Hoping for the best for you, though!
	__________________ When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. --Willie Nelson

Jun 29th, 2009, 05:36 PM	#18
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	^^^^^OH GREAT!!! Thanks for the heads up though.. that did go through my head, but I pushed it away b/c my BF is very level headed and protective and has a good relationship with his ex wife, and with his child. He has so far done things right by her involving me, and has spent a lot of time prepping her for us meeting. I am confident things will work out nicely, but then again you never know she is however an 11 year old girl. I am nervous.
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

Jun 29th, 2009, 09:21 PM	#20
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	thanks I will let you all know how it goes.
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

Jul 1st, 2009, 01:03 AM	#22
zippymomo Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 7	My boyfriend's 11 year old son is here visiting for the summer and just so much fun! Our meeting was quite different. Literally on my way to meet them for vacation where my BF's family lives, my BF's appendix decided it needed to come out. After rushing to the hospital straight from the airport, I met his family in the hall outside his hospital room where he was completely sedated. His little guy was so worried about his daddy and totally not into meeting daddy's girlfriend... he was interested in meeting a new friend though. Once DB got out of the hospital, his son and I had a great time playing while he just hung out and watched. Any chance to meet a child and be involved in their life is really special. Just be yourself and have a great time. Don't set expectations of what it should or shouldn't be. My boyfriend and his ex are not on the greatest of terms and maybe there is some drama involved somewhere. Because I have been able to develop a friendship with his son though, my buddy respects me. Any weird drama stuff is chucked out because that isn't the focus of the situation... my boyfriend's 11 year old's happiness and fun factor are. :)
zippymomo Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 7

Jun 29th, 2009, 05:55 PM	#19
Pursegrrl Oh no she di-int!! Joined: Jun 2006 Location: Seattle Posts: 19,262	I remember meeting my now ex BF's 11 year old DD years ago and we went to a laser tag gaming place. It was something she loved to do and was fun, active and not just forced conversation like going to lunch (she was a little on the shy side.) Like Roo posted, she may or may not be happy to meet you, because let's face it - at that age moods can change hour by hour, LOL. Glad he has a good relationship with her Mom. Believe me, that can make all the difference in the world. Try not to be nervous - she may sense it... Another random thought: a good friend of mine has 3 step-teens who are a handful. Know how she first met them? She gave them and her then-BF (now her DH) a ride to the airport! It was perfect...it was about 40 min in the car, BF saying hey this is <my friend's name>. Whatever you decide, let us know how it goes and HAVE FUN!

Jul 1st, 2009, 06:09 AM	#23
Sternchen Proud mama of 3! Joined: May 2006 Location: Bavaria, Germany Posts: 13,939	I agree with what most said here. Meet in a neutral place and have a fun activity planned. Shopping is (IMO) not a good idea, because that's something where you need to know a person for to have fun with. But then again, that's just my opinion. What's there really to talk about in the mall anyway? Know what I mean?? Hope you have a nice time and that the meeting goes well
	__________________ Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year and have worked very hard for my family, my school and my job. This year I would like to wish for only one thing: THE CUPCAKE CAR!!! Please and thank you. Love, Melanie

Jul 2nd, 2009, 02:08 AM	#24
kristie "H" is for horses? Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,677	Listen to everything Roo says.......she ALWAYS has the best advice
kristie "H" is for horses? Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,677	__________________ Uh oh...I think I may be more in danger of buying a Hermes saddle than a Birkin.......

Jul 3rd, 2009, 09:37 AM	#25
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	So, I met her. It was a lovely meeting. I kept it short and sweet, approx 45 minutes at the mall. She is a lovely, smart, quite, complient little girl. I kept it short bc I didn't want to overwhelm her but am starting to think I should have stayed longer. I know that we will do this again soon, and it will be easier. Thanks all, and I will keep you up to date on everything.
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

Jul 4th, 2009, 06:43 AM	#28
Nieners ❀ ♥ Loubounista ♥ ❀ Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Alaska in winter Posts: 2,340	Glad it all went so well
	__________________ ♥ ''If we never see each other again, and one day, you feel a certain presence beside you... that would be me loving you wherever I am.'' ♥ HG: ❀ Fiorellino's ❀ 39 - 39.5, nude VPs sz 38.5 - 39 UHG: - NP nude mini glitter/gold specchio - Black or Ivory Jaws sz 38.5 - 39

Jul 4th, 2009, 07:13 AM	#29
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	the first went well, lets see how it goes from here.
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

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