[Cristina]

I should preface this by saying that I work in public relations, so I have no idea why I should feel this way. I'm to the point now where I can talk to a brick wall if need be

But this is more about making friends than having the ability to socialize, which I do quite well. Growing up, and especially now in my life, I always see girls who have tons of girlfriends, whether it be a small or large circle of close friends. They go out together, do things together, etc. I don't know what it is, but I've never, ever had that in my life. To be blunt, I don't get along well with other women. It seems as if I don't have anything in common with them? Sure, shopping is a fun thing to do, but it's not my end all and be all.

Take last night for example. I went downtown with a co-worker. She was meeting her girlfriends for drinks and dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and invited me to come along. She assured me that it would be great if I accompanied her, after I made sure that I wasn't intruding. I have met these girls before - we went to an outdoor festival a few months ago. From the minute they arrived to the restaurant, I felt out of place. These are women who are at least my age (26) and older, and it felt as if they were staring me down and judging me. I ended up feeling socially awkward, downing a beer and a couple of tacos, and quickly leaving.

I just feel like I don't have anything in common with women around here. Everyone is so focused on "going out" and looking good, meeting men or gossiping about other women (something I cannot stand). I'm not interested in doing any of that! Honestly, I'd rather be outdoors - running, hiking or going for a long walk in a park or the beach, fishing or whatnot. Or, I'd rather be curled up at home with a glass of wine and a good book, CNN in the background, alone with the cats. Or going to a concert and seeing live music, etc.

I honestly have one girlfriend I can count on, and that's my cousin. She lives in Austin, and we talk a couple of times a week. She and her younger sister are the only two women in my life with whom I feel comfortable and can be myself around. Other than that, I feel like I have to put on an act or something

It seems that at my age, girls should have that whole "Sex and the City" group of girlfriends and this hot and heavy social life. LOL, I'm far from it, and I don't even want that type of life. Is that normal?

Someone else has to identify with me

[savhgirly]

I am right there with you! I too can talk to a brick wall LOL I am not shy at all but I only have 1 girlfriend. I have known her since I was little we grew up across the street from each other. We are both married and have kids, I have 2 and she has 3 so we dont get together as much as we would like because her husband is in Iraq. I dont work right now so that may be part of my problem I guess Im just not meeting new people. Sometimes I feel lonely and Like you said SATC Is my all time favorite show and I think how come I dont have a group of friends like that?

[merika]

I'm older than you, but I never had the 'group of girlfriends' thing. When in school and college and even later in life I've met many such groups and sometimes asked myself why I never had such a group, or was not part of such a group.

I figured out that it was just me. I'm not into fashion. I'm not into 'meeting men' going out to bars etc, I'm a bit nerdy, I like to read, I like animals. The funniest thing is even on tPF I've found myself making friends with people who share those interests, and not just handbags or shopping.

I've given up thinking of it as a lack in myself, and prefer to think that life is short, why waste your time hanging around with people that have a social life that doesn't make you comfortable? For me this doesn't include women who like to shop, meet men etc but also ubercompetitive moms who hang out in groups and socialize that way while gossiping, comparing how everyone else brings up their kids and so on.

My best friend now lives in Australia. We talk to each other a couple times a week over the phone or on Skype and I'm perfectly happy. There is the occasional acquaintance (or a fellow 3rd grade mom) I might go shopping with, but that's about all.

I'm content, and I'm happy.

[mundodabolsa]

I am 100% like you. I've never felt comfortable with a group of girlfriends or like I belonged with a group of friends at all. I have one best friend and I do perfectly fine going out to dinner with her and her husband, but every time they try to invite me to group gatherings at their house or other things with their friends I'm feel extremely awkward and out of place. I won't shut up when with one other person, but stick me with five and it's like I have nothing to say all night long.

And I'm ok with this. It's taken years and years for me to realize this is just how I am and I prefer to be this way. Just recently I was working for two months out of town in a situation where everyone was very social, and I participated and was more social than I had been in years. But gradually, after a few weeks, all the old insecurities started coming back. If people are doing things in groups and not inviting me, I freak out that they must not like me. I constantly think people are judging me and/or would rather spend their time with someone else if they're not including me in every last thing.

So all that experience taught me was again, I was happier with the occasional social thing but mainly smaller group/more personal interactions with people instead. And really, I'd rather be home with my tv, a book, a computer, etc.

[Cristina]

Originally Posted by merika

I've given up thinking of it as a lack in myself, and prefer to think that life is short, why waste your time hanging around with people that have a social life that doesn't make you comfortable? For me this doesn't include women who like to shop, meet men etc but also ubercompetitive moms who hang out in groups and socialize that way while gossiping, comparing how everyone else brings up their kids and so on.

I'm right there with you on this, Merika. I'm still figuring out that it's me, not the fact that people don't like me or judging me. For the most part, I learned very early on not to care what others think, after terrible experiences in a cliquey and catty high school. However, in instances such as these, those old insecurties come back and ruin things for me, and I end up feeling a lot like you said, mundodabolsa - constantly thinking people are judging me and that they don't like me.

Also, I think it's because I'm stuck here in South Florida, land of the superficial I've never seen such a population without depth or interest in what's going on in the world today, or interest in anything but themselves. But that is a different story altogether.

When I feel like this, I need reassurance every now and then that it's normal to feel this way and not have that social circle and such a busy life. I need to remind myself that I'm busy in other ways - work, grad school, half marathon training, family, wine and beer drinking, etc.

[leothelnss]

I am totally in your shoes when you say you don't feel like you get along with other girls, and I just relate to boys better. I am so sick after years of listening to my girlfriend's talk about all their boy drama that I don't even feel sorry for them anymore. In fact, I don't talk to them anymore. Did you ever have girlfriends? When you were younger maybe? Ever feel like it was a completely unbalanced relationship?
I really appreciate that my guy friends don't constantly ask me for advice (and then not listen). Or expect me to pay for their meals. Or just fail at life in general.
I plan on starting over in 6 months when I move to the other side of the country. I'm hoping that a few thousand miles might help me broaden my range and meet new people, maybe even some girls that I might like.
It's so easy to get along with and relate to people on the internet, wish it were like that IRL.

[ilovepinkhearts]

well i had one close friend...and then stabbed me in the back. so i guess there are trust issues now with meeting new people. i've never had a gaggle of friends either. and right now i have my sister, we hang out often.

i guess i should get out there and try to make new friends....or i could just read a book...lol :]]

[cascratchfever]

I had the circle of friends in high school and college but not anymore. It's so hard for me to make friends because I end up feeling awkward and out of place. I have 3 sisters and they're the only people I can hang out with and feel comfortable.

[IntlSet]

Cristina, I know exactly how you feel. If I don't immediately "click" with other girls (has happened a few times, but they ended up moving out of Chicago!), I really don't bother exerting further effort in order to force a friendship to happen. I realize some people naturally fall into friendships -- I am not one of them.

I'm an only child and have always been independent... yet throughout high school and college, I had a large group of girlfriends. I was even in a sorority! But I've also always had steady boyfriends... like one after another since I was 15. I think that put a damper on my girlfriend-life.

Now that I live on my own in a new place, I keep very much to myself. One of my good friends from home now lives here and I don't feel nearly as close to her as I did when we were both in California. I have my boyfriend and that feels so complete to me. Probably unhealthy, I know.

I just have a lot of inner resources to entertain myself. I'm never bored, I don't mind doing things alone like shopping, and I don't especially enjoy urban nightlife... when I do participate in nightlife, I find "girl's night" practically unbearable. I have to go with a group of guys or a mixed group.

[PetiteChaton]

Im like that too..but i think the problem isnt so much in US.. its the fact that maybe we dont get opportunities to get closer to people enough to make them our girlfriends. Im at University and my friends are girls i met at my two part time jobs.. I cant make friends at school as easily because every class has different people, its hard. Cristina if thats you in your profile pic i can see why you have trouble with women

What i have done is...just basically learnt to over come my judgements and If i meet a girl and she has some issues..(like I know one girl who seriously ONLY talks about make up), I put up with it..I mean..I may not see her as often.. but shes ok to catch up with once every blue moon for a movie.

I have given up my search for that "best friend", like you see in sex and the city for an example.. because its very hard to find people that are just.. great friends..that you have lots in common with..and i dunno..that are on the same wave length as you

I also think theres a LOT of jealousy and competition with women too...and as stated by the OP.. often you get a negative vibe from a group or a few girls..and you just know its that..

[heartnaspade]

I think maybe you're just finding the wrong people in the wrong places. You enjoy running, hiking, being outdoors - you could probably meet a ton of women who share your passions if you joined a running or hiking club. I was a competitive runner for years including being on a Division I team in college, and I formed a lot of close bonds with girls who I met at road races during summer breaks or at small running groups. Even if you're not looking to make girl friends, you might really find that you just haven't been meeting the right types.

[lovinalotofbags]

Besides CNN and the cats, I can relate. Except to say that I make friends easily both women and men but I am a loner. Being social and up on the latest fashion, gossiping, not my cup of tea and I will not be around people like that. I have friends who are not like that and I also hang with my two sisters. I have always been that way. I do not like parties or going to clubs, never have. I do not need to be a social butterfly or prove anything to anyone. If I were with a small group and someone new came along, I would never ostracize them, instead I will try to make them feel comfortable. I never put on a act and say what is on mind.

[chessmont]

I, too, had a career where I dealt with people, all the time. I was good at dealing with them, knew the right things to say and do, but it never came naturally to me.

I only have 4 close girlfriends, and 2 of them live a few thousand miles away. The other 2 are fifty miles away (sheesh, I am weird!)

Not everyone has the nature to go out a lot and have a huge number of friends. Sometimes I wondered what was wrong with me, but I am what I am, so I made peace with it.

I did sometimes go out with people I worked with, but we didn't actually become close friends, and after I quit there, I never saw them socially.

I am a loner, too - actually was with one of my friends last weeekend and told her, my maximum length of time to socialize either at home or elsewhere is about 4 hours max. Then, it's like I jave sensory overload and have to go home!

There's nothing wrong with you - everyone's psychological make-up/- is unique.

[Purses]

I also have a lot of similarities as you. I am also in public relations.

I have three friends right now and I know for a fact that I am going to lose them, unless I already have. Because I moved to a different city and ditched my car. One of them does not have a car and always relied on me to go and pick her up. I can't do that anymore and no, I will not ask my bf to be our chaufer!

I've always made the effort to go to her place before we go out, now it is her time to come to me, and I know that won't happen.
The other two friends have cars, but one is married with kids and another is chasing a man in another country and decided to really pinch her pennies so she can travel there whenever she can.

I am starting a new life, literally. I want to take this opportunity to meet new people, but now that I am paying rent, I can't afford gym memberships and those yoga memberships. I don't know how much more I could get involved in my community.
I can go to church, which is not so bad to go to, but I am not very religious and don't want to make friends with people from there...if I do, it would be kept at arms length.

I really want to make new friends...we don't have to go out every single week, once a month or ever other month is fine with me and staying in touch by phone, and e-mail.

[lolitakali]

Originally Posted by Cristina

I should preface this by saying that I work in public relations, so I have no idea why I should feel this way. I'm to the point now where I can talk to a brick wall if need be

But this is more about making friends than having the ability to socialize, which I do quite well. Growing up, and especially now in my life, I always see girls who have tons of girlfriends, whether it be a small or large circle of close friends. They go out together, do things together, etc. I don't know what it is, but I've never, ever had that in my life. To be blunt, I don't get along well with other women. It seems as if I don't have anything in common with them? Sure, shopping is a fun thing to do, but it's not my end all and be all.

Take last night for example. I went downtown with a co-worker. She was meeting her girlfriends for drinks and dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and invited me to come along. She assured me that it would be great if I accompanied her, after I made sure that I wasn't intruding. I have met these girls before - we went to an outdoor festival a few months ago. From the minute they arrived to the restaurant, I felt out of place. These are women who are at least my age (26) and older, and it felt as if they were staring me down and judging me. I ended up feeling socially awkward, downing a beer and a couple of tacos, and quickly leaving.

I just feel like I don't have anything in common with women around here. Everyone is so focused on "going out" and looking good, meeting men or gossiping about other women (something I cannot stand). I'm not interested in doing any of that! Honestly, I'd rather be outdoors - running, hiking or going for a long walk in a park or the beach, fishing or whatnot. Or, I'd rather be curled up at home with a glass of wine and a good book, CNN in the background, alone with the cats. Or going to a concert and seeing live music, etc.

I honestly have one girlfriend I can count on, and that's my cousin. She lives in Austin, and we talk a couple of times a week. She and her younger sister are the only two women in my life with whom I feel comfortable and can be myself around. Other than that, I feel like I have to put on an act or something

It seems that at my age, girls should have that whole "Sex and the City" group of girlfriends and this hot and heavy social life. LOL, I'm far from it, and I don't even want that type of life. Is that normal?

Someone else has to identify with me

I am mostly a private person (9/10th), do have a public "party" image (abt 1/10th) OIABM. I do spend most off-times in the gym, going to hubby's races, bookstores, kayaking, hanging out at our own deck wining & dining (since hubby is BBQ king), read books (alas books never lasts me) etc.

My party mode is usually only brought out by my friends when we hang out or when I go out on dates with DH. I do love to dance & sing (karaoke), but my voice will scare most my friends away.... haha... LOL!