Making girlfriends and having a social life - not for me?

may3545 · Jul 6th, 2008, 03:38 PM

I have a strong set of girlfriends-- that I've known since I was 12 and 13. There's only 2 in this set. Most of the friends and acquaintances I know now are not really considered friends, but either college acquaintances or coworkers. I don't like nightlife, but I love home cooked meals and watching a great movie at home, or just talking with some fruit and wine.

I don't desire large amounts of socializing and I hate nightclubs and bars. I talk to friends either through email, online chat, or on the phone. I meet up with them maybe once a week or less. I believe having a boyfriend changes things, and I live with mine, so we have our own world going on so my desire to spend a lot of time with girlfriends is not as great.

It's normal for you to not want that "city" life, but is is completely wrong for these other ladies to judge and look down on you. Be proud of who you are and get away from those who make you feel lesser.

Flipper · Jul 6th, 2008, 09:04 PM

For most of my life I always thought I needed a set of girlfriends to shop with, eat out with, gossip to, confide in etc etc. But the girls I currently do "hang out" with, simply are not healthy for me. They constantly canceling meet ups, ditching me for other people, always late, pretty inconsiderate and unreliable, basically they just didn't feel like true friends to me.

So for the last few months, I've just stopped calling them all together. They are welcome to contact me, and if they fit into my schedule I'll see them, but no longer will I make room for them etc. I thought I'd be a wreck without having a set of gfs (kinda like SatC), but I'm actually a lot happier!

Most of my other friends are male, and they make me happy. It feels good to hang out with people you know will be there when they say they will, even if they aren't girls lol I even find myself to be a lot calmer now, because I'm not constantly thinking about how I got ditched or how unfair I was treated, I simply don't care about those girls anymore. I should have done this along time ago :)

caitlin1214 · Jul 9th, 2008, 04:50 AM

One of the bright sides to not having lots of girlfriends is there's a greatly reduced risk of us being asked to wear a hideous bridemaid's dress!

Purses · Jul 9th, 2008, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caitlin1214

One of the bright sides to not having lots of girlfriends is there's a greatly reduced risk of us being asked to wear a hideous bridemaid's dress!

Heath-kkf · Jul 10th, 2008, 06:14 PM

I always come back & read this thread when I'm feeling like an outsider or a little sad about being in a similar situation. Just remind myself that someday I'll at least have a family so it will take the edge off a little.

jellybebe · Jul 10th, 2008, 06:42 PM

I used to have a group of girlfriends in HS and university, but I noticed that I tended to truly be friends with only a few people (1-2) within these groups and now that time has passed and I've had a long-term bf, I hardly want to hang out with anyone anymore. I've changed a lot and while I'm not interested in getting married and starting a family, I'm also not interested in going out, meeting men and getting wasted. I've noticed too that although I can be friendly with people, I usually have low tolerance for spending tons of time together. I would rather be at home with my bf and bunny!

maddog · Jul 10th, 2008, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caitlin1214

One of the bright sides to not having lots of girlfriends is there's a greatly reduced risk of us being asked to wear a hideous bridemaid's dress!

LOL! I totally agree. So far so good for me!

kwongkittiroch · Jul 11th, 2008, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cristina

I'm right there with you on this, Merika. I'm still figuring out that it's me, not the fact that people don't like me or judging me. For the most part, I learned very early on not to care what others think, after terrible experiences in a cliquey and catty high school. However, in instances such as these, those old insecurties come back and ruin things for me, and I end up feeling a lot like you said, mundodabolsa - constantly thinking people are judging me and that they don't like me.

Also, I think it's because I'm stuck here in South Florida, land of the superficial I've never seen such a population without depth or interest in what's going on in the world today, or interest in anything but themselves. But that is a different story altogether.

When I feel like this, I need reassurance every now and then that it's normal to feel this way and not have that social circle and such a busy life. I need to remind myself that I'm busy in other ways - work, grad school, half marathon training, family, wine and beer drinking, etc.

I too am a loner/homebody and have a small group of friends I know I can really count on. That's ok with me and I welcome new friendships but am not out there searching for it either.

My DH on the other hand is very social - so I guess opposites do attract.

I think I should mention that I'm from the Palm Beach area

, consider it my home, and found that comment above to be inappropriate. I'm sorry you haven't found a connection with anyone down in S. FL but it's kind of harsh to generalize the entire population of S. FL as void of any "depth or interest in what's going on in the world today, or interest in anything but themselves."

I've lived in many places and trust me, you'll find those people everywhere. I found them in S. Florida, Chicago, New York, and I'm sure I'll find them in Philly (where I'm headed to next). It's a shame that those are the only types of people you have met in Florida, and if it were me, I would feel discouraged as well. But I assure you, there are many people down there that are not like this.

I totally agree that it is different from Ohio or TN, but that's all. Not worse, or better, just different, and I think just a matter of preference. I think it's clear that your preference is not S. Fla, but that doesn't make it the "land of the superficial." KWIM?

I thought this comment was hurtful to those that love the area, have family there, and consider it our home.

ShiShi · Jul 11th, 2008, 08:46 PM

I have the same problem. Except I'm a little shy. I meet new people all the time, even people I like. But when it comes to actually making plans with them I get all nervous and chicken out. :( And I can never initiate an outing. Fear of being rejected, I guess? :(

Jul 6th, 2008, 03:38 PM	#76
may3545 Happy living Location: NorCal	I have a strong set of girlfriends-- that I've known since I was 12 and 13. There's only 2 in this set. Most of the friends and acquaintances I know now are not really considered friends, but either college acquaintances or coworkers. I don't like nightlife, but I love home cooked meals and watching a great movie at home, or just talking with some fruit and wine. I don't desire large amounts of socializing and I hate nightclubs and bars. I talk to friends either through email, online chat, or on the phone. I meet up with them maybe once a week or less. I believe having a boyfriend changes things, and I live with mine, so we have our own world going on so my desire to spend a lot of time with girlfriends is not as great. It's normal for you to not want that "city" life, but is is completely wrong for these other ladies to judge and look down on you. Be proud of who you are and get away from those who make you feel lesser. __________________ Visit my website at www.TheConsciousSnob.com for a fun and mindful outlook about conscious living!

Jul 6th, 2008, 09:04 PM	#77
Flipper eXmotion Location: Melbourne, Australia	For most of my life I always thought I needed a set of girlfriends to shop with, eat out with, gossip to, confide in etc etc. But the girls I currently do "hang out" with, simply are not healthy for me. They constantly canceling meet ups, ditching me for other people, always late, pretty inconsiderate and unreliable, basically they just didn't feel like true friends to me. So for the last few months, I've just stopped calling them all together. They are welcome to contact me, and if they fit into my schedule I'll see them, but no longer will I make room for them etc. I thought I'd be a wreck without having a set of gfs (kinda like SatC), but I'm actually a lot happier! Most of my other friends are male, and they make me happy. It feels good to hang out with people you know will be there when they say they will, even if they aren't girls lol I even find myself to be a lot calmer now, because I'm not constantly thinking about how I got ditched or how unfair I was treated, I simply don't care about those girls anymore. I should have done this along time ago :) __________________ ~ http://www.waterscape.cc \| flipper's weblog ~ Always dreaming of the next bag...

Jul 9th, 2008, 04:50 AM	#78
caitlin1214 Santa Baby Location: Toronto, Canada (Eh?)	One of the bright sides to not having lots of girlfriends is there's a greatly reduced risk of us being asked to wear a hideous bridemaid's dress! __________________ And this above all: to thine ownself be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Polonius, Hamlet Act I, sc iii

Jul 10th, 2008, 06:14 PM	#80
Heath-kkf Needs to No-No.. Location: Southeast Michigan	I always come back & read this thread when I'm feeling like an outsider or a little sad about being in a similar situation. Just remind myself that someday I'll at least have a family so it will take the edge off a little. __________________ Report Counterfeit Bags On eBay

Jul 10th, 2008, 06:42 PM	#81
jellybebe Back to school! Location: Canada	I used to have a group of girlfriends in HS and university, but I noticed that I tended to truly be friends with only a few people (1-2) within these groups and now that time has passed and I've had a long-term bf, I hardly want to hang out with anyone anymore. I've changed a lot and while I'm not interested in getting married and starting a family, I'm also not interested in going out, meeting men and getting wasted. I've noticed too that although I can be friendly with people, I usually have low tolerance for spending tons of time together. I would rather be at home with my bf and bunny! __________________ Wish List: LV Farandole bracelet (WL) LV pink scuba pochette (WL) white Balenciaga City with GGH (?) Prada E/W Gauffre

Jul 11th, 2008, 08:46 PM	#84
ShiShi wa wa wee wa Location: Somewhere over the rainbow	I have the same problem. Except I'm a little shy. I meet new people all the time, even people I like. But when it comes to actually making plans with them I get all nervous and chicken out. :( And I can never initiate an outing. Fear of being rejected, I guess? :( __________________ I'm on a mission: To find a pair of CLs (in good condition) on *Bay for under $200. Rolando, Pigalle, Decollete, Ernesta, Clichy, Ronron, or anything similar. Size 37-38 depending on style. Mission impossible?