[luckygirl83]

Originally Posted by maddog

Do we have the same friend?! I agree with EVERYTHING you said, right down to the depressed pet! What the hell is that huh? After I experienced all that with my ex closest girl friend, I realized how a guy dating a clingy gf feels, the clinginess was so great that I'd start sweating when I see her on msn (for about 1 second before her window pops up with "what are you doing? Where have you been?".. 2 days after our last chat). With the same friend, every xmas/bday gift I've ever gotten from her is a "friendship" gift. Like, "We are friends" coffee books, friendship picture frames, candle holders with huge ass "friends" cut out, etc. Now, I'm sure I sound like an unappreciative friend, a gift is a gift of course, but this is over 10 years of extremely useless gifts that were all designed to remind me of our friendship. I don't think if you're a true friend that you need to remind someone of your status with one another 2 times a year.

I used to have mainly guy friends for their simplicity too, but sadly I now came to the realization that most guy friends I've had had a thing for me while I thought of them as bros. So I've distanced myself from most or they've gone away after my current bf showed up. I have very few close girl friends, who I appreciate a lot, but they all have their own sisters and other friends they're close to. I personally like a lot of me time, but I'd love to make some new girl friends to widen the circle and get new perspectives and experiences! Talk philosophy and political issues and life and such. It's always much more interesting to me than constant gossips and talks like "remember back in high school when ...", those drive me nuts.

We shall have to set our two "friends" up for a blind date. Maybe they can talk to each other to see how annoying it is!

[cristalena56]

i've always when been able to talk to people but outside of work, and even when i was n school, i never hung out with them. i was to shy to ask and they never asked me? i have a few i see maybe once a month if even that... its hard when they dont live close by... my mom and my sister are really the only people i have gone shopping with, besides louie haha and i have gotten pedicures with them and my friend maria 2 or 3 times, and that is it.... my friend candace in hs, well we actually hung out once in awhile, and we also worked together... but other then that nope.... louie always tells me i need to make friends that live cloder, that will go out and do dtuff he hates to do, like shopping, watching chick flicks at the movie, getting my nails done, etc.. all the girly things... he even talked to some ladies at his work about getting together and doing stuff with me

i though too have felt that other ladies judge me.... i always felt this even when i was in middle school and hs.... thats why i mostly talked to the guys in my classes now at least at work, everyone talks to me!! haha but havent hung out with any of them really.... my friend erin we do text when we arent at work, and mariah too! haha mariah wants to get my music career started, she even put a song i sang on her myspace haha i personally i always wished i had a couple close friends that i could hang out with, shop with, talk about stuff.... never had this though... :(

[lvuittonaddict]

i feel kind of the same way. i mean, i LOVE going out, but just by myself. and when i say "go out" i dont mean clubbing or anything, just go to the mall or go sight seeing or to a museum, but my "close" friends and i have kind of drifted apart idk, ive started talking with a couple of old "best friends" and we've hung out a couple times this summer, but not like we used to.

[Cristina]

Originally Posted by Jahpson

There should be a "TPF on tour" where a group of girls go arond different states of the country and visit local TPF girls. lol

im such a dreamer.

That would rock.

[TejasMama]

I understand what you're going through, and you're SOOO normal. I actually think the SATC phenomenon is more an exception than the rule when it comes to relationships-at least once you hit your thirties. I was an only child/air force brat and made friends pretty easily (sink or swim, right?) but often preferred to be alone. Now that I'm married and have three kids and have gotten a bit older (mid thirties) I'm very particular about who I spend time with--not because I think I'm so special but because I understand that it's okay to like certain things and not others.

I can kill hours alone in a bookstore and enjoy eating alone (although that never happens with little ones!). When my DH asked me where I wanted to go for my wedding anniversary, I said, "Sushi and a baseball game." I've been blessed to have several close girlfriends now, although we don't see each other much. Sometimes it's hard because women are packaged as these 'fashion-slave, love-starved, emotionally-needy and financially-vacant' creatures, when in truth, we're complex beings with a number of different needs and interests.

I agree that you should try meeting people who share the same interests--outdoors, hiking, basketball, whatever! That's when you'll discover other people you enjoy spending time with. And don't think you need a lot of people because in this world, one or two true friends are a real treasure.

Next time you visit your cousin in Austin, PM me! I'm not far from there!

[lostnexposed]

Originally Posted by luckygirl83

Yea! I found someone else like me. I am 24 and I haven't figured out the drinks thing quite yet. I know people go out for after work drinks. I haven't caught on to that either. I'd rather go for a hot chocolate.

omg totally! and i live in NJ! we shld totally hang out! I don't mind going for drinks occasionally, but some of my friends just wanna go have drinks every single night. i'd rather have hot chocolate too and a slice of cake, and just laugh the night away. lol!

[cristalena56]

mm peppermint hot chocolate i go out with my friends once a month, and they drink, and i drink either water or coca cola people though always have wondered what i would be like drunk, because i seem drunk with only drinking water. haha

[luckygirl83]

Originally Posted by lostnexposed

omg totally! and i live in NJ! we shld totally hang out! I don't mind going for drinks occasionally, but some of my friends just wanna go have drinks every single night. i'd rather have hot chocolate too and a slice of cake, and just laugh the night away. lol!

We should! Let me know if you're going to be in NYC! Cake and chocolate... what could be better? Maybe cheesecake, and creme puffs, and bubble tea. There are so many awesome alternatives to getting a drink!

mm peppermint hot chocolate i go out with my friends once a month, and they drink, and i drink either water or coca cola people though always have wondered what i would be like drunk, because i seem drunk with only drinking water. haha

Cristalena, I always order a Shirley Temple when I have to go out for drinks. My disguise for a "drink". Sometimes, my bf will ask the server to put Coke/Pepsi inside a beer mug. It makes it look like I am drinking a dark beer but I am just having soda.

[lostnexposed]

Originally Posted by luckygirl83

We should! Let me know if you're going to be in NYC! Cake and chocolate... what could be better? Maybe cheesecake, and creme puffs, and bubble tea. There are so many awesome alternatives to getting a drink!

Omg...I love cream puffs plus bubble tea! mmm, yummy!

[luckygirl83]

Originally Posted by lostnexposed

Omg...I love cream puffs plus bubble tea! mmm, yummy!

LOL. We are so drifting off topic...

We'll have to get together! Bearded Papa and Jacque Torres are a few blocks away from each other on the UWS. Those giant chocolate cookies at Bouchon Bakery are also a short walk away!

[pointie]

What a great thread!

I had a long period of not being able to trust people. So many of the women I knew in college and b-school seemed to put their men-relations before their friendships, and were incredibly competitive. So I became a bit of a loner -- I knew a lot of people but did not have a particular set. eventually I got to know some other individuals, men, women, gay, straight, who were as independent and sick of BS as I. You learn to recognize who you trust and can talk with, and the rest is meaningless. I am very lucky to have a small number of friends on whom I can rely, but it took a long time

The whole SATC thing is a fairy tale -- those four probably wouldn't stay so tight for so long given their lifestyle. Ugh ugh and ugh. that show gives NYC women a bad name.

oh, and Jacques Torres? I was 'trapped' in the one in DUMBO last weekend during the rain - if there's a TPF gathering at a JT store, count me in!

[e_serendipity]

There are so many things that I can relate to in this thread! I am 21 years old and still very lost about who I am and what I want to be. I have been with my bf for the last 4 1/2 years, and although he is so great, I do feel bad about losing many friends for it. There was a time when all I wanted to do was spend time with my bf, and after a while my friends didn't even bother asking me to do things with them.

When I realized how important my friends were to me, it was already too late. We had left high school and didn't see each other that often anymore. I would definitely describe myself as an introvert, and I just couldn't be the active one and contact my friends. It just doesn't come naturally to me. Now, I have drifted so far apart from these friends I used to have. I saw several of them in the spring and I felt like an outsider. It's not even that they had changed, it's more what they do. For them, it's all parties and having fun and drinking. It's just not something I like to do.

I like hanging at home, going for walks, cooking, watching movies and tv. I also like to read and I have my own special interests like bags. I also started exercising and losing weight, and have managed to get rid of 10 kg since February. My bf is really supportive and I love spending time with him. Sometimes I just wish I had someone else that would understand me in a different way than my bf does. Although I don't like to go drinking or clubbing, I do like girltalk. I would love to have a friend who I could talk about fashion and girly stuff, but also to be able to have meaningful conversations about life and the important things in our lives.

I have acquintances at uni and at work, but none that I spend my free-time with. I just don't seem to find a person who I could really relate to. I think I give up on people pretty fast too. I don't really make an effort, because I am so affraid that they would think I am some weirdo who has no friends and is desperately trying to find anyone to talk to. And that is how I feel sometimes...

[MichelleAntonia]

i'm a little late jumping into this thread, but to the OP- i'm right there with you. i'm your exact same age and i've NEVER had, gotten into, or even desired that typical "girl group" dynamic. i have nothing against it- for girls who feel like that fits their social bill and feel that it's the best way to connect with other girls, it's perfect. but i've never been able to feel or see myself a part of that sex&the city girl dynamic.

in high school, i had a pretty eclectic mix of girlfriends, some kinda nerdy, a few pretty off beat, basically a mixed bunch and we all sort of hung out together in bunches and had things to talk about, mainly common experience in school. but after high school, forget it. i haven't made any new girl friends in over a decade.

and it's not that i get along better with guys or anything like that. i LOVE girls, i've grown up with a twin sister so i absolutely know the ins and outs of handling a close relationship with another girl. really, she is the only "girl friend" i have now, i suppose i'm not completely by myself or forced to be someone i'm not to get friends because i've always got her.

but i really DO want close girl friends. but i feel like i'm from a different planet when i go amongst them. i don't have the same interests, i don't look like them, i don't even know how to start talking about the things most women my age talk about. i've been to a grand total of two clubs and two bars, and at my age, i'm told that strange, lol. i never think about getting guys, i never feel like discussing my relationship issues with ppl over drinks, etc. due to all this, it seems i am completely out in the cold

[ive_flipped]

wow I thought I was alone out there with this...It seems everywhere I look everyone has a ton of really close friends and I have very few and the ones I have really have no time to do much. I am also someone who can talk to anyone. I am super kind and nice to people and like so many of you the new group just doesn't seem to want to like me. My grandma says that a lot of it has to do with what I have in life and people like to hate.

It's great to find other people who know how I feel :)

[aklein]

Guess that I am the freak of the bunch. I have a fairly large mixed (male and female) social group that I regularly go out with. We all get along really well. Most of the people are probably not people that I would have been friends with if we were not in grad school together. Amazingly, we manage to still be able to do things that we all like and there seems not to be any drama. That being said, the girls try to get together once a week just to hang out and be girly. We didn't plan it that way, it just sort of happened. Now, we make a point to do it. It really is a lot of fun and I am glad that I have my girl nights.