[Zophie]

Originally Posted by Cristina

It seems that at my age, girls should have that whole "Sex and the City" group of girlfriends and this hot and heavy social life. LOL, I'm far from it, and I don't even want that type of life. Is that normal?

Someone else has to identify with me

I can totally identify with this! I sometimes feel like I'm some kind of outcast because I just don't have a little group of girlfriends like that. I feel like such a loser when I compare myself to that image. In reality I work a lot and usually just hang out with my brother.

[Sternchen]

I completely understand what you mean! I don't really have any friends that I go out and hang with. I have my Uni friends who I see during school and a couple of the moms in my baby play group that I will occasionally invite over for coffee just to be nice, but other than that I've really got no girlfriends. Basically my mom and my husband are my best friends. My mom is the one I can do girly stuff with (like shopping, talking about boys, etc) and my husband is just a great guy who I have fun with.

And you know what? I actually kind of like it that way!! I like not having to deal with the drama that other women tend to carry around and I like basically being able to do what I want and not having to plan around what my girlfriends might be interested in.

I don't know. That might come from the fact that I grew up as an only child and that my dad was in the army. We moved around a lot so I never got to keep friends for very long. Sure, I still keep in touch with some of them, but I don't see any of them on a regular basis. I had 2 good friends in High school...well, actually one. One of them slept with my (at the time) boyfriend. After our graduation in 2003 I didn't see either of them.

I made some friends in college, but when I moved to Germany in 2006 I had to say bye to them too. So basically, I've really got nobody here except for my mom and my husband. I've got one girl cousin who is a few years older than me that is pretty cool and that I can hang out with, but she's got her own girlfriends and I don#t wanna but in..

[cammy1]

Now that I am a mom- i dont speak to my friends as much as I used to. They are still very young, enjoying shopping and going out. However, that just aint me no more- I prefer staying at home looking afetr my son playing the housewife- going to uni and ocassionally going out for lunch/ dinner with a friend or my SO. Because I was not prepared to keep going out like I used to i suppose that the invites stopped coming in- i dont care- i am always busy and if i dont socialise as much and have lost touch with some friends-then so be it! I am secure and confident within myself and dont feel the need to socialise all of the time.
I feel some of my friends are lonely and socialise all the time- just to feel the void

[exotikittenx]

I just have a small handful of close girlfriends, and I hang out with them on a one-on-one basis. That is what I prefer. I have never been a HUGE social circle type of person, and there is nothing wrong with that! I prefer to have just a few more intimate friendships than having tons of "okay" friends and doing the whole social scene.

[daffie]

LOL, I love this thread. I've always felt this way. I have friends but not close friends. And I don't care for a group of girlfriends! I have a friend that keeps inviting me to hang out with her group and I am constantly saying, "No thanks!" I would rather spend my free time with my BF.

[Cristina]

Originally Posted by Sternchen

And you know what? I actually kind of like it that way!! I like not having to deal with the drama that other women tend to carry around and I like basically being able to do what I want and not having to plan around what my girlfriends might be interested in.

This is very true for me, too. Honestly, I'm quite selfish and like to do what I want, when I want I don't mind going along with others for a certain period of time - but after that, I usually start feeling "blah" and begin to crave my time alone.

Take today, for instance. Up at 5 a.m., completed a 10 mile run, came home to peacefulness, slept, cleaned my place, watched TV, and now I'm seated on my sofa with a glass of wine, posting on tPF, CNN in the background and the cats are lazing around. It doesn't get any better than that

Glad to know I'm not alone. I'm enjoying reading all of us loners' responses.

Megs - We are friends, duh! I know what you mean about having too many shabby friends. Even those I have reconnected with down the line, after high school and college, they're usually in a different world (i.e., married, children, etc.). Of course we can hang out. You and Vlad need to come up here for dinner and drinks!

[scarlett_2005]

I can totally relate. In High School had a group of friends that all but one stabbed me in the back. My one close friend and I aren't able to get together very often because both of us are so busy. Ever since I got stabbed in the back by all my former friends I've become extremely weary and guarded when it comes to other women. I just don't feel 100% comfortable around them. Heck I don't even feel 100% comfortable around my sil. I constantly feel like she's judging me or talking crap about me behind my back.

Honestly I prefer to be around men more. Men are pretty much drama fee. DH is my best friend. I would much rather hang around him than a group of catty women. kwim? When I feel the need to do girly stuff I have my mom to hang out with.

[nooch]

Originally Posted by Cristina

Take today, for instance. Up at 5 a.m., completed a 10 mile run, came home to peacefulness, slept, cleaned my place, watched TV, and now I'm seated on my sofa with a glass of wine, posting on tPF, CNN in the background and the cats are lazing around. It doesn't get any better than that

That is the life! Today I slept in, I'm listening to the Yankee game and have the Cubs game on TV muted while posting tPF... later the fiance and I are gonna go to the mall cause I want to check out shoe sales... then probably hit the gym (my gym is EMPTY saturday evening, love it!), then I plan to make myself a mug of rum and play video games. At some point the cats will walk across my keyboard or knock some stuff off my desk. And that's an awesome Saturday to me... chill, mellow, relaxing

[rainrowan]

During college, I had more friendships with male classmates than female.

I found it easier to converse in a straightforward manner with the opposite sex on topics like philosophy or politics and found I was accepted much more than among my female peers. Maybe it was just my luck all my female friends tried to change me "for the better" that really turned me off to hanging out with women. When I got older, I found myself dragged into "girls time" with my married friends and was told it was my opportunity to bitch about our men... what?

Even in my advanced years, my female relatives seem to have a pityfest over me because of my introverted nature because they think I'm lonely. I just like to be alone, but that doesn't equate loneliness LOL I really enjoy going about my own little ways. I like to read, analyze, ponder, many introverted-type activities like to museums and coffee shops. I even prefer to exercise alone.

To date, I've met a number of "soul" sisters (one-on-one) at different junctures of my life. One ALWAYS knows what the other is saying, totally in sync. There's no arguments or misunderstanding or even the need to make a point. I have what I learned from each of them a deeper mentality. We are like guardian angels for each other, we might not be around for months or years but we always pick up where we left off. Sometimes I wish I could have this in a group like SaTC, but I think the whole dynamics would shift as a result.

Recently, I found myself on a long walk with a neighbor, came home and ended up chatting on the phone for several hours back to back with some acquaintances. I mean, while it was nice, I was mentally pooped afterwards. Imagine, in a group, I'd be out of commission for a week LOL!!!

p.s.: If anyone ever wondered what the letters over my avatar stands for, it's from a personality temperament scale: Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging.

[volleyballgal]

Originally Posted by rainrowan

Even in my advanced years, my female relatives seem to have a pityfest over me because of my introverted nature because they think I'm lonely. I just like to be alone, but that doesn't equate loneliness LOL I really enjoy going about my own little ways. I like to read, analyze, ponder, many introverted-type activities like to museums and coffee shops. I even prefer to exercise alone.

I like to be alone to! I only have one best friend and then a few friends that I dont hang out with so much. All of my friends always ask me why I would rather stay at home reading a book and listening to my music. Its not that I hate them. Im just an introverted person!
I sort of have a social life but Im definitely not known for wanting to go out and party. I just feel like I have to act when Im around everyone so that they think Im happy and excited about whatever is happening. Im just a...mellow person
And I have a hard time making friends because I like a variety of things. Im seriously obsessed with fashion and seriously obsessed with reading. So far, Ive had no luck finding anyone who can name the designer of a bag/shirt and remember the stuff for sale at Neimans or Saks and who can read at Borders for hours

[Pursegrrl]

I'll shamelessly post that I'm eclectic...I want it ALL. I want my time with my girlfriends, family, SO (when I have one, hehehe), as well as my me time to just BE.

I've been going through a lot having turned 40, and now 41 and honestly it's not very pleasant but it's a good and HUGE growth period for me right now. I can't curl up in a ball...I've got my friends to go out with or just kick back with wine and munchies at home with, auctions, charity events, shopping, what have you...my time at home to dig in the garden (so comforting after being on a computer all day) and my family, of which I am in gooey love with my nephews and niece (all under age 5).

I loved Friends and Sex and the City, but real life isn't like that and it's a shame that anyone would feel pressured to be that way if that wasn't their thang, KWIM?

[Oh, and thanks to Google I found out a previous poster's OIABM is...once in a blue moon! Hadn't learned that one yet - cool!]

[rainrowan]

Originally Posted by volleyballgal

So far, Ive had no luck finding anyone who can name the designer of a bag/shirt and remember the stuff for sale at Neimans or Saks and who can read at Borders for hours

I can browse a bookstore for the entire day!

[schadenfreude]

I love this thread too!

Somehow I think we are not that abnormal and we can blame the media (SATC, Friends, Cosmo, etc.) for putting out the message that a tight knit group of girlfriends is normal and wanting to be alone or not craving that female connection is weird. I really don't think it is.

[luckygirl83]

I agree about the fact that men are more drama free. Maybe it's because I am a private person or I am already in a stable relationship that I can't bear to deal with the drama that certain girlfriends must possess.

Hearing about how guy X is sleeping with you but doesn't want to commit or how guy Y is better than guy Z annoys me to no end. Or how your pet is depressed. Or how your boss is treating your colleague nicer than you. I really don't need to know all the details about it. And I really don't need to receive 3 page emails about such discussion. Or the weekly hour long discussions on these topics.

Some are also clingy (until they find some guy to hang out with and don't need you anymore). While I realize that I am fortunate to have a SO, an interesting job, family I can talk to, and activities that occupy my time, I really don't want someone to want me to spend all my waking hours with her. I don't even spend all my waking hours with my SO, family, or work.
And I know you're using me when you ask me to go out with you every weekend when you're single and don't hear from you when you're not.

Ugh... can't a girl find a normal, drama free, and independent friend to hang out with? And can sit next to each other without the need to make "small talk"?

[maddog]

Originally Posted by luckygirl83

I agree about the fact that men are more drama free. Maybe it's because I am a private person or I am already in a stable relationship that I can't bear to deal with the drama that certain girlfriends must possess.

Hearing about how guy X is sleeping with you but doesn't want to commit or how guy Y is better than guy Z annoys me to no end. Or how your pet is depressed. Or how your boss is treating your colleague nicer than you. I really don't need to know all the details about it. And I really don't need to receive 3 page emails about such discussion. Or the weekly hour long discussions on these topics.

Some are also clingy (until they find some guy to hang out with and don't need you anymore). While I realize that I am fortunate to have a SO, an interesting job, family I can talk to, and activities that occupy my time, I really don't want someone to want me to spend all my waking hours with her. I don't even spend all my waking hours with my SO, family, or work.
And I know you're using me when you ask me to go out with you every weekend when you're single and don't hear from you when you're not.

Ugh... can't a girl find a normal, drama free, and independent friend to hang out with? And can sit next to each other without the need to make "small talk"?

Do we have the same friend?! I agree with EVERYTHING you said, right down to the depressed pet! What the hell is that huh? After I experienced all that with my ex closest girl friend, I realized how a guy dating a clingy gf feels, the clinginess was so great that I'd start sweating when I see her on msn (for about 1 second before her window pops up with "what are you doing? Where have you been?".. 2 days after our last chat). With the same friend, every xmas/bday gift I've ever gotten from her is a "friendship" gift. Like, "We are friends" coffee books, friendship picture frames, candle holders with huge ass "friends" cut out, etc. Now, I'm sure I sound like an unappreciative friend, a gift is a gift of course, but this is over 10 years of extremely useless gifts that were all designed to remind me of our friendship. I don't think if you're a true friend that you need to remind someone of your status with one another 2 times a year.

I used to have mainly guy friends for their simplicity too, but sadly I now came to the realization that most guy friends I've had had a thing for me while I thought of them as bros. So I've distanced myself from most or they've gone away after my current bf showed up. I have very few close girl friends, who I appreciate a lot, but they all have their own sisters and other friends they're close to. I personally like a lot of me time, but I'd love to make some new girl friends to widen the circle and get new perspectives and experiences! Talk philosophy and political issues and life and such. It's always much more interesting to me than constant gossips and talks like "remember back in high school when ...", those drive me nuts.