[IntlSet]

I'm also in marketing, PR... maybe we're f-ing sick of dealing with people all day long!!!!!!!

[Cristina]

Originally Posted by IntlSet

Cristina, I know exactly how you feel. If I don't immediately "click" with other girls (has happened a few times, but they ended up moving out of Chicago!), I really don't bother exerting further effort in order to force a friendship to happen. I realize some people naturally fall into friendships -- I am not one of them.

I'm an only child and have always been independent... yet throughout high school and college, I had a large group of girlfriends. I was even in a sorority! But I've also always had steady boyfriends... like one after another since I was 15. I think that put a damper on my girlfriend-life.

Now that I live on my own in a new place, I keep very much to myself. One of my good friends from home now lives here and I don't feel nearly as close to her as I did when we were both in California. I have my boyfriend and that feels so complete to me. Probably unhealthy, I know.

I just have a lot of inner resources to entertain myself. I'm never bored, I don't mind doing things alone like shopping, and I don't especially enjoy urban nightlife... when I do participate in nightlife, I find "girl's night" practically unbearable. I have to go with a group of guys or a mixed group.

Annie, you could have described me to a "T". If I don't immediately click with someone, I don't push a potential friendship any further. I'm also an only child and grew up doing things alone and entertaining myself, so that may have something to do with the fact that I feel more comfortable being alone. Family is the only exception. And I love to shop by myself! When my cousin and I were in college and lived together, we did girls' nights often. I loved it because it was just the two of us, with a bottle of wine at the house or we'd go out for Mexican food and a pitcher of sangria. I can't handle the "large gaggle of girls" thing.

PetiteChaton - Thank you

heartnaspade - Good suggestion My area has a running group, the Palm Beach Roadrunners. I usually run alone, but I have been thinking about joining one of their weekend runs. When race season starts again in South Florida (basically when it's cooler outside), I plan on doing more 5-Ks, 10-Ks and half marathons, so I hope to meet more people by joining races. You bring up a good point that I'm probably not hanging out with people that have the same interests as me.


** ETA: LOL Annie! **

[Jahpson]

I don't mind having a few friends, but to have a full social life, not really my cup of tea. I like being by myself sometimes.

If you don't know me, you could call me a bad friend, because I don't call folks often or itch to go out or anything. I was when I was younger.

I remeber the last time I was in a little "group" but then it split because of one fight between two of the girls. So it was like be on Team A or team b.

I can do without the grudges, bickering, expectations and drama. I would much rather have a girlfriend who I can talk to about anything and vent to. Like my best friend. When we talk or get together, we vent out current frustrations and the like. Since I dont have any sisters, she is like one.

[juneping]

maybe it's my age lates 30s...it is harder and harder to make guy friends and girl friends as well. most women just ditch their girl frineds after they find a man. (not all women but unfortunately my girl friends) it's pathetic but it's ture. and sometimes dealing w/ friendship is bit difficult..diff ppl diff personalites. sometimes i just have no wish to talk to any of my friends. i can entertain myself w/ TV and a glass of wine.

i found women are very hard to please..myself included.

[guccimamma]

i love being by myself or with my husband/children...i don't really like to step outside of my orbit socially, i have always been this way.

even in my 20's, i enjoyed being with my husband (boyfriend at the time) and would skip the "girls night out"

now my friends are all approaching 40, and want to party like rockstars....i sit in the corner and drink my martini...i usually end up speaking to some old man about mortgages or roses or something.

nothing is worse than a table full of women looking you up and down...it feels like middle school all over again!

[dusty paws]

I just think its hard to make friends outside of the workplace in general. The only people that I really hang out with are my BF, sister and her bf's family, and coworkers. My closest girlfriend is not really so close anymore - ever since she got married and is now expecting she doesn't come around or call much at all, in fact never.

My coworkers are fabulous - albeit they are mostly guys - and I have to admit that sometimes I feel as if I need to step it up a bit when I'm with them. I don't mind, but sometimes I'd really like to just be me.

I don't mind being alone either - me and my computer, or my chinchillas, my cat and a book is fabulous.

[nooch]

I always wonder that about myself... I wondered it in college, too. Is there something wrong with me because I don't like going to clubs, drinking til I throw up, and bragging about it the next day? Because it seems that (especially where I currently live) that's the only kind of "fun" available.

What makes it even harder for me is that there might even be people like me somewhere... but I work for an online store in a home office. I spend my day with my inventory and my MIL and my cats. And I don't call people, and on the off chance I take a call I feel like I have nothing to say... today I worked, tomorrow I'm going to work? Like, no one wants to hear that.

I'm fun in my own way but sometimes I wonder if I'm defective because I can't make friends.

[bagnshoofetish]

I have a small group of friends from HS but we only see each other a handful of times a year for girls weekends or when there is a landmark event going on in one of our lives. I have one best friend in that group and I wish I could see her more than I do but our schedules just conflict. I have always been very independent so I do enjoy small groups of friends but not very often. I am blessed with friends who are the same way - not co-dependent on each other - and can pick up where we left off even if months and months go by with no contact at all! I prefer hanging out with DH or with one friend at a time. Otherwise, I'm quite comfortable in my own skin and love my "me" time and even enjoy going shopping, to restaurants or the spa by myself without having to constantly engage in conversation with anyone. I enjoy reading by myself or painting. Come to think of it, the best friends I do have that I hang out with individually can sit quietly next to me by a pool and read. Thats why they are my friends I guess! I know. Bah humbug. But what can I say? I'm basically a loner who loves company once in a looooong while.

[Finn'sGirl]

Originally Posted by Cristina

I should preface this by saying that I work in public relations, so I have no idea why I should feel this way. I'm to the point now where I can talk to a brick wall if need be

But this is more about making friends than having the ability to socialize, which I do quite well. Growing up, and especially now in my life, I always see girls who have tons of girlfriends, whether it be a small or large circle of close friends. They go out together, do things together, etc. I don't know what it is, but I've never, ever had that in my life. To be blunt, I don't get along well with other women. It seems as if I don't have anything in common with them? Sure, shopping is a fun thing to do, but it's not my end all and be all.

Take last night for example. I went downtown with a co-worker. She was meeting her girlfriends for drinks and dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and invited me to come along. She assured me that it would be great if I accompanied her, after I made sure that I wasn't intruding. I have met these girls before - we went to an outdoor festival a few months ago. From the minute they arrived to the restaurant, I felt out of place. These are women who are at least my age (26) and older, and it felt as if they were staring me down and judging me. I ended up feeling socially awkward, downing a beer and a couple of tacos, and quickly leaving.

I just feel like I don't have anything in common with women around here. Everyone is so focused on "going out" and looking good, meeting men or gossiping about other women (something I cannot stand). I'm not interested in doing any of that! Honestly, I'd rather be outdoors - running, hiking or going for a long walk in a park or the beach, fishing or whatnot. Or, I'd rather be curled up at home with a glass of wine and a good book, CNN in the background, alone with the cats. Or going to a concert and seeing live music, etc.

I honestly have one girlfriend I can count on, and that's my cousin. She lives in Austin, and we talk a couple of times a week. She and her younger sister are the only two women in my life with whom I feel comfortable and can be myself around. Other than that, I feel like I have to put on an act or something

It seems that at my age, girls should have that whole "Sex and the City" group of girlfriends and this hot and heavy social life. LOL, I'm far from it, and I don't even want that type of life. Is that normal?

Someone else has to identify with me

I identify with you!!
I spend most of my time with my family. When I go shopping or to the salon, I like to go by myself. I am okay with this. I had a lot of friends and a busy social life, but there was just so much drama and backstabbing (And I am talking women in their 30's, not teenagers) I would just rather not deal with it.
I like my solitude.

[caitlin1214]

If there's something wrong with you then there's something wrong with me, too.


I watch shows like How I Met Your Mother and Friends and sometimes wish I had a group of friends like that. But that's not me.

I don't need to be around people all the time.


I'm great with the relative get-togethers, I was polite to my parents' dinner party guests and I have fun with the people I work with.

I do stuff with my cousin when he's back from school.

But I'm like the others: after a certain amount of time in a social situation, I just want to go home.

[Megs]

Cristina, umm, can we be friends?? I totally feel the same since moving back down here. South Florida is very, um, different than Ohio. I miss so many parts of Columbus (never thought I would say that). I just had an easier time 'clicking' with people. Most of my friends from high school have moved away or we just do not talk and I now find myself getting on facebook trying to FIND old friends to see if many we could meet up and actually enjoy one another again...

I also struggle because I like being with Vlad. I have a hard time finding people similar to me, and I am a hard critic (I guess too many shabby friends and sick of the BS), so I just get bored and move on from many people. I am not thinking to join the swim team down here to make some friends, because I am totally lacking.

So let's hang out again!

[KristyDarling]

I think a lot of it is just how introverted or extroverted you are. I'm an introvert, and although I come off as friendly and sociable, at the end of the day I'm just a shy person. It takes A LOT of effort for me to "put myself out there" and get to know a person -- whether it's a man or woman. So, if I do put forth that effort (which is pretty rare), it's usually because I have a hunch that I'd get along with that person.

Of all the people I know, it's the extroverted girls who have the big circle of girlfriends. The introverted girls have only two or three really close girlfriends, or thereabouts. I, personally, have 2 VERY close girlfriends, and about 6 semi-close girlfriends who I see once a month for brunch. I do see about a dozen other women on an infrequent but friendly basis beyond that, but I wouldn't consider us to be that close.

It just seems that extroverted girls have a much easier time of attracting and bonding with a large number of females. Maybe it's their natural vivaciousness, or ease in communicating. Whatever it is, I don't have it! I'm still happy though. There's something comforting about knowing that my secrets are safe with only 2 women in my life. Hehe.

[caitlin1214]

That's the thing. I'm not shy. I used to be, but not anymore.


I'm just naturally an introvert. My dad's the same way.

[caitlin1214]

Cristina, you, me and Megs (and anyone else) should just hang out and be loners together!

[Bitten]

I feel much the same way. I used to question it, thinking is there something wrong with me because I don't want to hang out with people I don't really know, doing stuff I don't really want to do?

Now I've decided that as long as the way I live my life makes me happy and causes no harm to others then it's just fine and nobody's business. There is a limit to how useful it is to examine yourself in terms of 'social normality'. I have a very small group of friends who I am reasonably close to, but we aren't in each other's pockets. I'm incredibly close to my mother and my sister and it works for us and there is no need for me to go out and get a great big group of random 'friends' because lots of other people do that.

Is it perhaps better to have one true friend than one thousand acquaintances?