[Fendi84NJ]

I do feel blessed that I do have many true and blue friends, but my main problem is most of them don't live a walk in the park away anymore.

I am living in a town about an hour and a half from my hometown and an hour away from where I lived for college. Many of my close friends live about an hour away, which on a Saturday or Sunday is fine, but it would be nice to find more people outside of work to hang with Monday-Friday that live in the area: same town or about a 20 minute radius.

I am a very fun social person, and it doesn't matter if I am single or in a relationship I still like to have female friends and really value friendship and enjoy fun outings: dinner, bar, shopping etc.

I am only 23 and for some reason it seems many girls living in my new town are very focused on marriage or finding boyfriends.

Has anyone else had this problem? Where is a good place to meet new friends? I met most of my other friends through school (and that's over) or through nightclub promoting (that's over too--I have a real career now plus a side job writing).

It seems easier to meet dates b/c either a) random guys talk to me or b) you could always use a dating site. But it seems hard to meet new friends of the same sex.

All advice welcome.

Thanks!

[atrinioman]

I've moved around ALOT in my life thanks to my prior job (military), so I know that it can be a challenge to make friends outside of work/school.

I met one of my best friends by responding to her ad on Craigslist. I know there are nut jobs out there, but there are some really decent people as well. There is a "strictly platonic" section that allows you to meet other folks who are like-minded.

The other options would be for you to join an interest group or volunteer for Habitat for Humanity or Goodwill, or something like that.

Also have friends of yours hook you (in a platonic way of course) up with friends of theirs. When I first moved to DC last year I knew no one and one of my friends gave me her cousin's phone number. The cousin took me around and helped me settle in and we became friends. My other friend had me hook up with his mom and she and I would do lunch and do girly stuff like go shopping once in a while.

[Pursegrrl]

I agree with atrinioman to get involved in your local community with volunteer work you enjoy.

Oh yes the adjustment after college with friends is SO hard. I was (am) a social butterfly and in university it was so easy to have so many friends around you at the drop of a hat...just down the hall in the sorority or just a short walk to a dorm or apartment.

You mentioned you also do writing on the side...is there a club or community that meets online or IRL in your area? Any readings you could attend to share work?

Hugs and good luck!

[Fendi84NJ]

Thanks ladies!

I never knew about the Craig's list friends thing. I knew some people dated off there, but I never stopped to think people make friends that way.

Pursegrrl- I think there is one writing group of Tuesday nites I can get involved in. I will probably try to do that. What sux about where I am at, is a lot of things are in Philly and I would be SOOOO uncomfortable strutting around Philly alone. I am a total Jesey girl, but more comfortable in the suburbs, so I work twice as hard to find events / groups that are in a suburban area.

I think the winter is just hard too in general when you live in a place with cold winters, people go into hibernation mode, in the summer I always seem to go down to the shore almost every weekend and there are ALWAYS people to socialze with at the beach. But the suburbs in the winter are just BLAH if you don't know people lol.

[Fendi84NJ]

Originally Posted by Pursegrrl

I agree with atrinioman to get involved in your local community with volunteer work you enjoy.

Oh yes the adjustment after college with friends is SO hard. I was (am) a social butterfly and in university it was so easy to have so many friends around you at the drop of a hat...just down the hall in the sorority or just a short walk to a dorm or apartment.

You mentioned you also do writing on the side...is there a club or community that meets online or IRL in your area? Any readings you could attend to share work?

Hugs and good luck!

Yes, I graduated in May 2006 and I still miss the dorm unity!!

I really need to get over it lol. I really enjoyed living and bonding with so many different people.

[ImASadGiraffe]

I graduated in May 2006. I'm married but DH and I live so far away from people. My best friend and sister both live about 55 miles away. Other than that, my friends all live even farther. Even though I'm married, I still like to hang with the girls sometimes, even if its after dinner for a drink or just to catch up. I'm debating joining an adult dance or yoga class just to be able to socialize with people during the week. I love my DH but the same old thing gets boring after a while.

Good luck! I don't have a lot of advice as I am pretty much in the same boat as you.

[Pursegrrl]

Very cool about the writing group! Who knows, maybe there will be someone in the group who lives near you and you could go into Philly together?

You are so right on about the winter time and hiberating behavior some of us do, LOL. Our winters are nowhere near as cold/severe as where you are, but people tend to keep to themselves more and stay in their tighter circles.

Just be patient and give it time but just know I can relate to what you are going through...even nearly 20 years after college I remember the adjustment and wasn't fully prepared what to expect.

The shift from university life to fulltime professional life is, IMO, one of the BIGGEST life changes we make, other than getting married or having children.

[Jahpson]

I can relate. Im 23 and moved out of my hometown [boston, ma] a year ago. I have yet to find a couple of friends to go out with and hang. I do have a significant other, but its not the same like talking with 'the girls' kwim?

I go back to new england when i can to meet my old friends, but time has really taken its course, its just not the same. Some of them are in professional school and barely have time for coffee and others already have families.

I am thinking about joining a yoga class of some sort. but i dont know. lol

[IntlSet]

Fendi84NJ, we're the same age and in the same situation (assuming you were born in 84)!

I moved to a new city where my only friends are one girl who moved here from my hometown (who is never actually in the city but always traveling somewhere) and the people I work with, with whom I'm on very friendly terms but it doesn't extend beyond going out for drinks a couple times a month. Nobody I could just call and chat with.

I DID the volunteer thing and I'm a little miffed as to why it's recommended so often as a method of making friends. I volunteered for a few different organizations, including a huge one called Chicago Cares... and there was nobody within 10 years of my age. It seemed like mostly elderly people (I assume all the young ladies my own age are out working the 80 hours per week I am and cannot really find time to volunteer!). Maybe I was just unlucky in my experience, although it did feel great to help others less fortunate than myself.

I'm still trying to figure out how one makes friends. Throughout high school, I had a group of stable and wonderful girlfriends, then upon entering college I immediately joined a sorority... so this is the first time in my life I haven't really had girlfriends. Very bizarre feeling.

[azhangie]

Is this a quarter life crises kind of situation? I'm 23 turning 24 in a few days and i've been feeling this way for a long time too. I've been out of college for 2 years now and i work for my parents so its hard to meet people on the work scene. I have a few close friends from high school and college but sometimes i wished i had more girl friends to have girls night with. The problem is most of my girl friends are atached at the hip with a significant other and being a third wheel gets old real fast.
I go to the gym, and i've made some friends...but mostly the old people (haha...weird i know), so its not like people i would hang out with. I'd like some advice too!

[berryblondeboys]

Ah, the story of my life. In high school and college it's so easy and then you move away and then its lonely-ville. Dh and I have moved every few years our ENTIRE 14 years of marriage. We lived in Chicago, Philadelphia, near Toronto, Ontario, Des Moines, Iowa and now burbs of Washington DC and we have NEVER made close friends in our local area because we never stuck around long enough to really form them.

I think it's even harder in big cities because the people you work with probably don't live anywhere near you. DH works one block from the Capitol building and I think his closest colleague that he likes is a 45 minute drive from where we live.

We have now lived here for 3.5 years and we are JUST beginning to meet new people. First, we joined a "church". We aren't church, but ours is the Ethical Society (similar to the unitarian church). Then, I joined a MomsClub. Lastly, I am getting to know a couple of my son's friend's parents, but it's SLOW GOING. We have some nice neighbors, but they either don't speak English or are retired couples and we have nothing in common. It TRULY is very difficult today, moreso than ever.

We don't have front porches anymore or local gettogether groups.... it's very difficult, but just keep yourself open to new possibilities and join different things to see what works. As it is, you will find that MOST people who have large groups of friends in the area either 1. grew up in the area 2. went to college in the area or 3. have lived there for a LONG time. Otherwise, they are probably struggling to meet people just like you are.

[elizat]

Oh wow, there are others in the same situation as me! I have lived where I am for about a year and am pretty much in the same boat. It is really hard to meet new people.

I think yoga is a great idea or they sometimes have crafty classes, if that interests you. (Note to self- take own advice!) I was thinking of doing a language class too. Spanish would be really useful for me, maybe that is a good idea for you if you are interested in a language.

[shasha17a]

Here I was thinking I was the only one in this situation. Most of my best friends don't live near me, but we email daily from work. I have one that lives about 20 miles away but shes so flaky and I have to be the one that goes to see her. Luckily I have been able to meet friends through my DBF's roommate. Their guy friend's gfs are nice, but we're not on the level where we could hang out on our own. One thing that I have noticed is that once you start working you meet people that aren't in your age group and become good friends with them. It was wierd for me at first because college and HS you're with people who are experiencing the same things as you, but after that you meet people from all walks of life. Have you been able to meet people at work?

[IntlSet]

For goodness sake, there's so many of us? Any of you girls in Chicago? My boyfriend will buy you a Chanel bag if only you can take me away from him for a few hours, he's damn sick of me!!!

[candace117]

IntlSet, for a Chanel bag I will FLY out to Chicago and take you out!