Major Shock and Heartache- Just wanted to Share...

MarieG · Oct 4th, 2008, 06:28 AM

The past 6 weeks have been absolute hell for me. My fiancé, who I have been with and living with since 5 years, out of the blue, without a warning or fight during the wedding planning process, looked at me one morning and said: "You're the love of my life and I love you over anything but I just want to be alone. That’s it". I cried for 3 days straight, then packed my stuff, moved to a friend, found a new place and am settling in now.

I am so upset and in complete shock because we were so incredibly happy and there was just no reason apart from him 'wanting to be alone'. When we first met he was a plasterer and had never left the country and was super shy and quiet. He pursued me for 9 months and when we got together I encouraged him to go to uni, travelled the world with him, encouraged him to apply to a huge accounting firm, he got the job, things were going great, he proposed to me on his knees 2 years ago and everything was seriously really good. And now this. I just started my job with a really good, international company 7 weeks ago and was terrified of loosing it because I just could go to work on Monday (he broke it off on Saturday) but my boss and team were just absolutely great and I went straight back to work on Tuesday and have been back ever since.

It's honestly really hard to be 'stuck' in Australia now though because I changed my entire career path (I worked for the UN in NYC before I came back here for him and did my Master of Business here) and I am Austrian and in general very European so I feel very alone and upset but just don't let anyone know at my job how I really feel cuz I just started. I wish I had my family here who are also currently in Germany and Austria so it is quite hard. Worst of all: we work in the same office building and constantly bump into each other on the way to work/lunch/coffee/home.

The only 'good' thing is that I really don't want him back anymore. I mean, what if we sit there in five years with kids and things are great and then he'll just look at me again and say the same thing? No thanks- seriously. I've asked him numerous times what I have done and he always said that I am nothing but perfect- very smart, nice, gorgeous, caring etc etc and there is supposedly NOTHING he'd ever change about me so I def don't want him back and have to experience that again.

I sometimes feel like this is really nearly breaking me. I am usually such an optimistic, happy person but I am finding it incredibly hard to still be as optimistic about relationships and trust again. I am so hurt and just don't understand what happened. I feel like I am in the wrong film.

Anyway, Thanks so much for letting me share

i_wona · Oct 4th, 2008, 07:10 AM

Awwww.... ((big hugs))

That is quite some adventure you've had. And believe me, you will be stronger for it, even if it feels like total crap at the moment. It's only been 6 weeks and despite the hurt, you seem to have gotten it together really well. Things like this can take years to get out of your system, so just go easy on yourself and don't be afriad to have a nice big breakdown.

Try and talk to someone - sometimes someone you don't know so well is a great shoulder. But if you don't feel comfortable with that, try Lifeline - they offer great counselling free of charge over the phone and are always there. The hardest part is calling them in the first place.

Sternchen · Oct 4th, 2008, 07:32 AM

Oh Marie

I'm so so sorry that he did this to you

BagLadie · Oct 4th, 2008, 08:36 AM

While I don't know you and shouldn't judge after reading just one post from you, it sounds a little like you are controlling and "took over" his life. Changed his vision so to speak. Made him switch schools, careers, travel etc. It seems to me like maybe you molded him a bit into what you wanted him to be? Maybe now he is getting scared and realizing he doesn't know who he is anymore. Like he said, YOU are perfect in everyway. Maybe being perfect isn't the most important thing.
Please don't take offense to my thoughts. I am only going by what ran through my head as I read your post. I do agree though that it doesn't seem very fair to end things the way he did. You need a bit more closure than that. I wish you luck and hope this has a happy ending for you. It could simply be cold feet!

firstclass1 · Oct 4th, 2008, 10:17 AM

Oh my dearest friend Marie

I'm so terrible sorry this happened to you of all people

I'm so sad and I wish I could comfort you

, but how!? Sometimes things happens and we don't understand 'why' - but later ... we see, that this had to happen for getting something(someone) very special and makes us much more happier

! Take your time and enjoy your life, Marie, you still are young and I'm pretty sure that the 'right one' is already waiting out there for YOU

!

candypants1100 · Oct 4th, 2008, 10:20 AM

oh my goodness!! hugs to you!!
i can't imagine how devastated you must have been.... the 'good' news is that sometimes these things are a blessing in disguise...

EmmaLee83 · Oct 4th, 2008, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BagLadie

While I don't know you and shouldn't judge after reading just one post from you, it sounds a little like you are controlling and "took over" his life. Changed his vision so to speak. Made him switch schools, careers, travel etc. It seems to me like maybe you molded him a bit into what you wanted him to be? Maybe now he is getting scared and realizing he doesn't know who he is anymore. Like he said, YOU are perfect in everyway. Maybe being perfect isn't the most important thing.
Please don't take offense to my thoughts. I am only going by what ran through my head as I read your post. I do agree though that it doesn't seem very fair to end things the way he did. You need a bit more closure than that. I wish you luck and hope this has a happy ending for you. It could simply be cold feet!

Hmm, well I sort of have a similar situation. I dated a guy for 4 years, it was very serious but he did not care at all about education and in my family that is just not acceptable. So I admit I tried to force him to go (he did a manual labor type job) but it didn't work, he just had no interest (which looking back now I can say is fine--who the heck am I to try and change him?). But anyway, I don't think if Marie's boyfriend didn't have interest in going that he would have. That is a heck load of work (going to uni, applying for jobs after...) if he was just trying to impress or appease his girlfriend. Maybe he just needed someone to push him to try and further himself and Marie was able to. If he didn't want to go to uni, he could have easily just said no. It sounds like if anything, Marie broke him out of his shell.

Anyway, Marie I am very sorry for what you are going thru. Maybe he just has cold feet, maybe there is someone else, who knows right now. But I must say you seem like a very strong person and I'm sure you are going to be just fine.

envyme · Oct 4th, 2008, 11:14 AM

I'm sorry Marie!

The same thing happened to my BFF one week before her wedding. All I can say is that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

lolitakali · Oct 4th, 2008, 11:33 AM

I think if it did not involve a girl, you should still give him another chance should he come back... its a case of wedding cold feet like someone else mentioned.

BUT... if involves another girl... well... "better now than later" & never take him back!

Oh, and do keep the diamond ring.... I had a Taiwanese GF who got 2 proposal within a month from 2 separate guys, never married either of them yet kept the rings as brag items.

illinirdhd · Oct 4th, 2008, 12:29 PM

I'm so sorry this happened.

juicy couture jen · Oct 4th, 2008, 02:26 PM

I'm so sorry MarieG!!!! Big hugs to you!!

Lvbabydoll · Oct 4th, 2008, 02:31 PM

Oh goodness, I'm so sorry! There has been a LOT of this going around lately and to people who I really never thought it would happen to (me included). I'm really sorry to hear this and I hope things get better for you very soon.

ShelleyBaby · Oct 4th, 2008, 02:58 PM

That's heartbreaking.

I'm very cynical when it comes to other people now. I honestly would rather be alone than face anything like that, plus my past experiences have been pretty horrific for me anyway. I don't think the heartache is worth it, I know others may disagree, but why put yourself through the pain. No thank you. Men are not to be trusted IMO, they'll break you at any given chance.
it sucks to feel like you're alone, thank god for you friend. You and her should have some fun to take your mind off it all.

karmenzsofia · Oct 4th, 2008, 03:33 PM

Oh, man, that hurts. It sucks, but it happens. One thing that jumped at me was the "we were so incredibly happy"--apparently you were, but he wasn't. Some people hide their unhappiness, mostly because they have always been unhappy, or they think they should be happy under the circumstances, or because they're torn in some way. Not noticing that he was unhappy could indicate that either he's an Oscar-worthy actor or perhaps you were a bit self-absorbed and in control of the relationship, so you didn't notice him. In any case, he's choosing not to share why he's did this. Maybe he found someone else and does not want to have confrontation with you about it. Who know? I wish you luck healing from this loss and moving on.

--KZ

windycityaj · Oct 4th, 2008, 05:12 PM

Hi there,

Wish I had som words of wisdom, but I'm just incredibly sorry that someone you love and trusted did that to you. Time heals everything even though right now it's impossible to even fathom that. Thanks for sharing something so very personal. Take time for yourself.

Anne

Oct 4th, 2008, 06:28 AM	#1
MarieG ..loves Balenciaga:) Location: Australia	Major Shock and Heartache- Just wanted to Share... The past 6 weeks have been absolute hell for me. My fiancé, who I have been with and living with since 5 years, out of the blue, without a warning or fight during the wedding planning process, looked at me one morning and said: "You're the love of my life and I love you over anything but I just want to be alone. That’s it". I cried for 3 days straight, then packed my stuff, moved to a friend, found a new place and am settling in now. I am so upset and in complete shock because we were so incredibly happy and there was just no reason apart from him 'wanting to be alone'. When we first met he was a plasterer and had never left the country and was super shy and quiet. He pursued me for 9 months and when we got together I encouraged him to go to uni, travelled the world with him, encouraged him to apply to a huge accounting firm, he got the job, things were going great, he proposed to me on his knees 2 years ago and everything was seriously really good. And now this. I just started my job with a really good, international company 7 weeks ago and was terrified of loosing it because I just could go to work on Monday (he broke it off on Saturday) but my boss and team were just absolutely great and I went straight back to work on Tuesday and have been back ever since. It's honestly really hard to be 'stuck' in Australia now though because I changed my entire career path (I worked for the UN in NYC before I came back here for him and did my Master of Business here) and I am Austrian and in general very European so I feel very alone and upset but just don't let anyone know at my job how I really feel cuz I just started. I wish I had my family here who are also currently in Germany and Austria so it is quite hard. Worst of all: we work in the same office building and constantly bump into each other on the way to work/lunch/coffee/home. The only 'good' thing is that I really don't want him back anymore. I mean, what if we sit there in five years with kids and things are great and then he'll just look at me again and say the same thing? No thanks- seriously. I've asked him numerous times what I have done and he always said that I am nothing but perfect- very smart, nice, gorgeous, caring etc etc and there is supposedly NOTHING he'd ever change about me so I def don't want him back and have to experience that again. I sometimes feel like this is really nearly breaking me. I am usually such an optimistic, happy person but I am finding it incredibly hard to still be as optimistic about relationships and trust again. I am so hurt and just don't understand what happened. I feel like I am in the wrong film. Anyway, Thanks so much for letting me share __________________ "A girl should be two things: Classy and Fabulous." ~Coco Chanel My Bal Collection Come and Visit My Blog: http://littleslicesofheaven.blogspot.com/

Oct 4th, 2008, 07:10 AM	#2
i_wona bah humbug Location: Australia	Awwww.... ((big hugs)) That is quite some adventure you've had. And believe me, you will be stronger for it, even if it feels like total crap at the moment. It's only been 6 weeks and despite the hurt, you seem to have gotten it together really well. Things like this can take years to get out of your system, so just go easy on yourself and don't be afriad to have a nice big breakdown. Try and talk to someone - sometimes someone you don't know so well is a great shoulder. But if you don't feel comfortable with that, try Lifeline - they offer great counselling free of charge over the phone and are always there. The hardest part is calling them in the first place. __________________ wishlist chanel timeless accordian chanel SH matte black reissue 227 balenciaga SGH brief jaune/rubisse/violet miu miu nappa satchel rosso

Oct 4th, 2008, 07:32 AM	#3
Sternchen We're having a boy!! Location: Beauty RAOK	Oh Marie I'm so so sorry that he did this to you __________________ My 2 wonderful girls, Nicole (5) and Julia (1) will be big sisters soon! My pregnancy blog

Oct 4th, 2008, 08:36 AM	#4
BagLadie Got a handle on it Location: Red Sox Nation	While I don't know you and shouldn't judge after reading just one post from you, it sounds a little like you are controlling and "took over" his life. Changed his vision so to speak. Made him switch schools, careers, travel etc. It seems to me like maybe you molded him a bit into what you wanted him to be? Maybe now he is getting scared and realizing he doesn't know who he is anymore. Like he said, YOU are perfect in everyway. Maybe being perfect isn't the most important thing. Please don't take offense to my thoughts. I am only going by what ran through my head as I read your post. I do agree though that it doesn't seem very fair to end things the way he did. You need a bit more closure than that. I wish you luck and hope this has a happy ending for you. It could simply be cold feet! __________________ One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

Oct 4th, 2008, 10:17 AM	#5
firstclass1 dreams come true :-)	Oh my dearest friend Marie I'm so terrible sorry this happened to you of all people I'm so sad and I wish I could comfort you , but how!? Sometimes things happens and we don't understand 'why' - but later ... we see, that this had to happen for getting something(someone) very special and makes us much more happier ! Take your time and enjoy your life, Marie, you still are young and I'm pretty sure that the 'right one' is already waiting out there for YOU ! __________________ my taste is simple: i'm content with just the best

Oct 4th, 2008, 10:20 AM	#6
candypants1100 Member Location: candyland	oh my goodness!! hugs to you!! i can't imagine how devastated you must have been.... the 'good' news is that sometimes these things are a blessing in disguise...

Oct 4th, 2008, 11:14 AM	#8
envyme God's Creation Location: I'm A Brain In A Jar	I'm sorry Marie!The same thing happened to my BFF one week before her wedding. All I can say is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. __________________ Quotes From Yoda: *- Anger, fear, aggression... the dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.* *- Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.* I am on a SERIOUS

Oct 4th, 2008, 11:33 AM	#9
lolitakali Mira Location: Maryland	I think if it did not involve a girl, you should still give him another chance should he come back... its a case of wedding cold feet like someone else mentioned. BUT... if involves another girl... well... "better now than later" & never take him back! Oh, and do keep the diamond ring.... I had a Taiwanese GF who got 2 proposal within a month from 2 separate guys, never married either of them yet kept the rings as brag items. __________________ *Best way to diet is to eat what you hate, not eat what you love.* *$$$$$ / GOLD = "my precious".* -ME to be a dragon hoarding gold-

Oct 4th, 2008, 12:29 PM	#10
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	I'm so sorry this happened. __________________

Oct 4th, 2008, 02:26 PM	#11
juicy couture jen Sale Hunter Location: Massachusetts, USA	I'm so sorry MarieG!!!! Big hugs to you!! __________________

Oct 4th, 2008, 02:31 PM	#12
Lvbabydoll ♥'s Cupcakes Location: California	Oh goodness, I'm so sorry! There has been a LOT of this going around lately and to people who I really never thought it would happen to (me included). I'm really sorry to hear this and I hope things get better for you very soon. __________________ My Collection!(slideshows on p. 95). My other addiction-Juicy Couture charms! (posts 1779, 1780) Please visit my Etsy site, www.RitzeeRebel.etsy.com (or here for more pics) for my felt pins!

Oct 4th, 2008, 02:58 PM	#13
ShelleyBaby Member Location: Scotland	That's heartbreaking. I'm very cynical when it comes to other people now. I honestly would rather be alone than face anything like that, plus my past experiences have been pretty horrific for me anyway. I don't think the heartache is worth it, I know others may disagree, but why put yourself through the pain. No thank you. Men are not to be trusted IMO, they'll break you at any given chance. it sucks to feel like you're alone, thank god for you friend. You and her should have some fun to take your mind off it all.

Oct 4th, 2008, 03:33 PM	#14
karmenzsofia Incurable Gypsy Location: alwayZ on the moVe kuZ I'm sUpa kOoL	Oh, man, that hurts. It sucks, but it happens. One thing that jumped at me was the "we were so incredibly happy"--apparently you were, but he wasn't. Some people hide their unhappiness, mostly because they have always been unhappy, or they think they should be happy under the circumstances, or because they're torn in some way. Not noticing that he was unhappy could indicate that either he's an Oscar-worthy actor or perhaps you were a bit self-absorbed and in control of the relationship, so you didn't notice him. In any case, he's choosing not to share why he's did this. Maybe he found someone else and does not want to have confrontation with you about it. Who know? I wish you luck healing from this loss and moving on. --KZ __________________ ~ KZ's ~ Wishful Thinking List: Miu Miu Coffer in Anthracite Marc Jacobs Sofia in Maroon Hayden-Harnett Lorca in Violet Tod's New D-Bag Media Tote in Clay Belen Echandia Hug Me in Glossy Black

Oct 4th, 2008, 05:12 PM	#15
windycityaj Member Location: Chicago, IL	Hi there, Wish I had som words of wisdom, but I'm just incredibly sorry that someone you love and trusted did that to you. Time heals everything even though right now it's impossible to even fathom that. Thanks for sharing something so very personal. Take time for yourself. Anne __________________ Purse ban is officially over!!! My wishlist..... Black Blondie flap......It's here!!!! 4/8/2008 Chanel Cambon Tote w/accessories YSL black Mombasa (snagged a Vincennes bag)...it's here!! 6/16/08 Black Coach "Mandy" So many bags...so little time (and money)!!!