lunch with an ex?

CTgrl414 · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:17 PM

I broke up with my bf of 3 years in the end of march. We knew each other from high school, were best friends, and dated throughout our first three years of college long distance. That was really hard but generally rewarding. Before the breakup it just seemed like we weren't talking/visiting/etc. as much as usual and I was dealing with some things, as was he, a lot of work, looking for summer jobs, classes, friends, life, and it just seemed like we were too busy for each other. I finally got frustrated with him being unable to find 5 min a day to talk, which I found to be ridiculous, and we had a screaming break-up over the phone.

I miss him like hell three+ months later. I think about him often even though we barely talk and I've been trying to focus on my life without him (running/getting in shape, focusing on friends/courses, etc. everything your friends tell you to do after break ups). I made out/fooled around (nothing really) with another guy but honestly it was just a boredom/maybe this will be fun thing and there was NOTHING there. I haven't found anyone even remotely as interesting as my ex, even though I have been trying to.

Anyway, he goes to school in NYC and is working/living there for the summer. I'm also living there. Finally I got fed up and texted him and asked if he wanted to get lunch. Every time I text him he texts back within 10 minutes, literally. I'm really unsure where he stands because he's told me on the phone before (about 1.5 month after the break up) that he was very happy being with me but that he was also happy now with his life.

So we were supposed to get lunch wednesday, I was sick with some 24 hr bug so I canceled. I told him I was sick and he sent me back just a frowny face. lame. I was somewhat hoping/expecting him to ask me today if I was feeling better. Now I'm kind of nervous. Is this a good idea? I really wouldn't mind trying to get back together but right now I just want to see him and talk to him and not even try to get back together. He said he's free most days for lunch. I do think that we could have a great time together living in the same town/city again but that if we were going out and went back to school for senior year it might be the same way again. Long distance is very hard. So that's where I am. Any advice? Should I just avoid him and let him go and suffer with my feelings for longer? Should I have lunch and see where that takes me? I miss him so much I just want to see his face and get some updates on how he is.

Veelyn · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:22 PM

Yes, I think you should. What can it hurt? It might actually bring you all back together. Good luck and keep us updated.

nataliam1976 · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:25 PM

Maybe he thinks that you just changed your mind and gave him a lame excuse?

tmc089 · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:45 PM

I would say go to lunch. What have you got to lose? If things do go really well, just be careful...think of the reasons you guys separated last time and see if those reasons could be an issue again. Good luck, keep us updated!!

illinirdhd · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:56 PM

Hmmm... I don't have any insight, just want to say good luck with lunch. If you want him back, I hope it works out. And if you don't, I hope you're able to say goodbye. Keep us posted....

guccimamma · Jun 26th, 2008, 02:02 PM

good luck, i love the idea of a lunch...very civilized! no expectaions for an evening.

CTgrl414 · Jun 26th, 2008, 02:29 PM

I sent him a text today saying I felt better and seeing if he could do lunch tomorrow. He said he has a doctor's appointment but can do lunch monday. I guess monday it is? should I try to plan sunday brunch?

illinirdhd · Jun 26th, 2008, 03:06 PM

If you think an hour will be more than enough time with him (if you're not sure you can hold back the tears, etc), then I'd go with lunch on Monday. You'll have an excuse to cut it short - back to work or school, etc. Sunday brunch might get long...

(I was never good at not crying when meeting with an ex that I was still hurting over, so short meetings were better.)

lovinalotofbags · Jun 26th, 2008, 03:11 PM

Go to lunch and see where both of you stand. Do not beat around the bush. Tell him you were upset b/c he could not give you a few minutes on the phone long distance. If he wants to be a couple again, great. If not, then you will know if you need to get on with your life. Good luck.

CTgrl414 · Jun 26th, 2008, 03:11 PM

Thanks illinirdhd, I'm so nervous... I don't think I'll cry but who knows. You're probably right about Monday being best. Now I just need a stellar outfit!

shallow-ish · Jun 26th, 2008, 07:00 PM

Definitely go to lunch on Monday. He probably thought you were just canceling for no good reason when you were actually sick. No tears!

Good luck and keep us updated

Couture Dreams · Jun 27th, 2008, 04:22 AM

I would normally be like HELL NO to anything involving an ex. Like having dinner, donating him blood.. whatever

but it doesnt sound like it was ever a bad relationship, just wasnt the right time and place in your lives. you should definitely have lunch with him! rekindle your love! haha

CTgrl414 · Jun 29th, 2008, 08:53 PM

Update:

So I was doing something bad that I should NOT have been doing: snooping on my ex's facebook. I found some messages between him and this girl who went to high school with us who has also been friends with my ex for a LONG time. Basically, insinuating that they hooked up sometime in the last month. Having seen this, even if he contacts me I think it'll be best if I do NOT go to lunch with him. I just am feeling kind of shitty and think he will be awkward the whole time knowing him. Thanks for the advice anyway though

leaf69erin · Jun 30th, 2008, 04:28 AM

ooo. That sucks I'm sorry to hear! It's better that you found out before rather then later though! :( You said that you shouldnt have been doing it, but really, if he didnt want people to know about it, then it shouldnt have been on facebook!! I know I look at my SO's profile all the time on facebook/myspace, and I dont feel bad for it.. It's better to be in the know then in the dark. :)

Veelyn · Jun 30th, 2008, 09:57 AM

Aww too bad! I agree with Leaf though.. Good thing to find out sooner than later. And don't feel bad about snooping. I do it all the time lmfao.

Jun 26th, 2008, 01:17 PM	#1
CTgrl414 Member Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 994	lunch with an ex? I broke up with my bf of 3 years in the end of march. We knew each other from high school, were best friends, and dated throughout our first three years of college long distance. That was really hard but generally rewarding. Before the breakup it just seemed like we weren't talking/visiting/etc. as much as usual and I was dealing with some things, as was he, a lot of work, looking for summer jobs, classes, friends, life, and it just seemed like we were too busy for each other. I finally got frustrated with him being unable to find 5 min a day to talk, which I found to be ridiculous, and we had a screaming break-up over the phone. I miss him like hell three+ months later. I think about him often even though we barely talk and I've been trying to focus on my life without him (running/getting in shape, focusing on friends/courses, etc. everything your friends tell you to do after break ups). I made out/fooled around (nothing really) with another guy but honestly it was just a boredom/maybe this will be fun thing and there was NOTHING there. I haven't found anyone even remotely as interesting as my ex, even though I have been trying to. Anyway, he goes to school in NYC and is working/living there for the summer. I'm also living there. Finally I got fed up and texted him and asked if he wanted to get lunch. Every time I text him he texts back within 10 minutes, literally. I'm really unsure where he stands because he's told me on the phone before (about 1.5 month after the break up) that he was very happy being with me but that he was also happy now with his life. So we were supposed to get lunch wednesday, I was sick with some 24 hr bug so I canceled. I told him I was sick and he sent me back just a frowny face. lame. I was somewhat hoping/expecting him to ask me today if I was feeling better. Now I'm kind of nervous. Is this a good idea? I really wouldn't mind trying to get back together but right now I just want to see him and talk to him and not even try to get back together. He said he's free most days for lunch. I do think that we could have a great time together living in the same town/city again but that if we were going out and went back to school for senior year it might be the same way again. Long distance is very hard. So that's where I am. Any advice? Should I just avoid him and let him go and suffer with my feelings for longer? Should I have lunch and see where that takes me? I miss him so much I just want to see his face and get some updates on how he is. __________________ "Ask thy purse what thou shouldst spend" - Scottish Proverb Praying for an 04 dark turquoise to come to me...

Jun 26th, 2008, 01:22 PM	#2
Veelyn Its Not That Serious Joined: Oct 2007 Location: You can find me in the CELEB section or in RAOKville! Posts: 5,158	Yes, I think you should. What can it hurt? It might actually bring you all back together. Good luck and keep us updated. __________________ Saving up for Chanel!

Jun 26th, 2008, 01:25 PM	#3
nataliam1976 Hmmmph Joined: Nov 2006 Location: all around Europe Posts: 8,376	Maybe he thinks that you just changed your mind and gave him a lame excuse? __________________ "Buy me, Lady" said the frock, "and I will make you into a BEAUTIFUL and WHOLE and COMPLETE human being". "Do not be SILLY", said the Man, " for a frock alone cannot do that". "TRUE" said the Lady. " I shall have the Shoes and the Bag as well".

Jun 26th, 2008, 01:45 PM	#4
tmc089 Sofa King Awesome. Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Southeastern CT Posts: 1,147	I would say go to lunch. What have you got to lose? If things do go really well, just be careful...think of the reasons you guys separated last time and see if those reasons could be an issue again. Good luck, keep us updated!! __________________ Tricia "Love all, trust few, do wrong to no one."

Jun 26th, 2008, 01:56 PM	#5
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 3,648	Hmmm... I don't have any insight, just want to say good luck with lunch. If you want him back, I hope it works out. And if you don't, I hope you're able to say goodbye. Keep us posted.... __________________

Jun 26th, 2008, 02:02 PM	#6
guccimamma guccimamma Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,673	good luck, i love the idea of a lunch...very civilized! no expectaions for an evening.

Jun 26th, 2008, 02:29 PM	#7
CTgrl414 Member Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 994	I sent him a text today saying I felt better and seeing if he could do lunch tomorrow. He said he has a doctor's appointment but can do lunch monday. I guess monday it is? should I try to plan sunday brunch? __________________ "Ask thy purse what thou shouldst spend" - Scottish Proverb Praying for an 04 dark turquoise to come to me...

Jun 26th, 2008, 03:06 PM	#8
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 3,648	If you think an hour will be more than enough time with him (if you're not sure you can hold back the tears, etc), then I'd go with lunch on Monday. You'll have an excuse to cut it short - back to work or school, etc. Sunday brunch might get long... (I was never good at not crying when meeting with an ex that I was still hurting over, so short meetings were better.) __________________

Jun 26th, 2008, 03:11 PM	#9
lovinalotofbags Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Carolinas Posts: 1,377	Go to lunch and see where both of you stand. Do not beat around the bush. Tell him you were upset b/c he could not give you a few minutes on the phone long distance. If he wants to be a couple again, great. If not, then you will know if you need to get on with your life. Good luck. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 26th, 2008, 07:00 PM	#11
shallow-ish Member Joined: Apr 2008 Location: Sunny SoCal Posts: 377	Definitely go to lunch on Monday. He probably thought you were just canceling for no good reason when you were actually sick. No tears! Good luck and keep us updated

Jun 27th, 2008, 04:22 AM	#12
Couture Dreams spidey kisses Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Lovely CA Posts: 1,128	I would normally be like HELL NO to anything involving an ex. Like having dinner, donating him blood.. whatever but it doesnt sound like it was ever a bad relationship, just wasnt the right time and place in your lives. you should definitely have lunch with him! rekindle your love! haha

Jun 29th, 2008, 08:53 PM	#13
CTgrl414 Member Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 994	Update: So I was doing something bad that I should NOT have been doing: snooping on my ex's facebook. I found some messages between him and this girl who went to high school with us who has also been friends with my ex for a LONG time. Basically, insinuating that they hooked up sometime in the last month. Having seen this, even if he contacts me I think it'll be best if I do NOT go to lunch with him. I just am feeling kind of shitty and think he will be awkward the whole time knowing him. Thanks for the advice anyway though __________________ "Ask thy purse what thou shouldst spend" - Scottish Proverb Praying for an 04 dark turquoise to come to me...

Jun 30th, 2008, 04:28 AM	#14
leaf69erin Member Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 33	ooo. That sucks I'm sorry to hear! It's better that you found out before rather then later though! :( You said that you shouldnt have been doing it, but really, if he didnt want people to know about it, then it shouldnt have been on facebook!! I know I look at my SO's profile all the time on facebook/myspace, and I dont feel bad for it.. It's better to be in the know then in the dark. :)

Jun 30th, 2008, 09:57 AM	#15
Veelyn Its Not That Serious Joined: Oct 2007 Location: You can find me in the CELEB section or in RAOKville! Posts: 5,158	Aww too bad! I agree with Leaf though.. Good thing to find out sooner than later. And don't feel bad about snooping. I do it all the time lmfao. __________________ Saving up for Chanel!