Long post, lots of problems..

[PurseNut911]

The best thing about this whole relationship is the fact that you've come to question his rude and insensitive behavior towards you. From reading your posts, it seems to me that you have been the major engine running this relationship and he's sitting back enjoying the ride on his own terms, without thinking of and caring about your feelings. In effect, he's still behaving like a mama's boy since he's quite content to have YOU take care of him and all his needs.

He really is mistreating and abusing you. As hard as it's going to be for you in the short term, you must get away from him as fast as you can. You deserve someone who loves you, cares about you, wants to make you happy, and will go out of his way to make you feel special. In the long run, you will be happier without him!

[Bubble Girl]

ITA with the other posters. I think the relationship is eating away at your self esteem. You should definitely have a break from this relationship and focus on you and making you happy. He is not helping to make you happy at all.

[Speedy]

Honey, tell yourself "Feets, don't fail me now" and get out of this relationship.

[Glamfoxx]

No, all guys do not respond so cuelly to a person who is hurt and crying.

When a guy tells you that you are an unhappy person with issues... You know what? He is refusing to take any responsibility for the sadness he is causing you. He does not want to take the time to work things out because he does not see you as important. He just wants you to think that everything is your fault. It's only your fault if you stay with a person so mean as this!! Please leave him and I am sure you will again be happy! Nobody should be treated with such a lack of care for their feelings!

[michelle.coffee]

i think you already know it's time to walk (or run) away. while it's definitely hard to break it off because you've been together for quite a long time, and because you guys started dating when you were in high school, it may seem like a bigger deal... first serious relationship type of thing. but heck, first serious relationships are always hard to break off but that's not a good reason to hang on to it.

just dream of the baggage-free single life! you will have more time to take care of yourself and forgo those ridiculous bus rides... and eventually find someone that can appreciate you!

[lilflobowl]

Anybody who can be verbally abusive to you, make out with another girl, not appreciate your taking the trouble to visit him when you're so busy, lose confidence in yourself, ignore your feelings & push the blame to you isn't worth it.

Based on what you said about the relationship now, I think he's not putting in any effort cos he's not "in love" with you anymore & he's just in the relationship 'cos he gets pampered & is the center of your world. He doesn't have to do anything to get all the good treatment.

I believe that you can/will find a guy who can be your boyfriend & best friend without being your worst enemy at the same time. You just have to be strong, pull yourself together & be willing to put up with the lonely, sad & tough moments if/when you break up with him because it's only through this that you can go back to being your old, confident self.

Good luck!

[helium]

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

Thank you all so much for replying, and so quickly too.. To answer the above post ^ this is my problem...he's my best friend and my worst enemy.

Your boyfriend should be your best friend, your pillar of strength, your sanctuary... so on so forth. He should not be like this. First off, not all boyfriends are like this.

You will find someone who will be there for you and there will ONLY be good moments... no real bad moments. Trust me, any friend of mine who tells me 'but the happy moments are so good' are lying to themselves because what ends up hurting the most? Do you think of the happy times more than the hurting? Doesn't the pain outweigh the happiness? I have a boyfriend in my eyes is perfect because he listens to me and tries to sort out our problems together and if I do cry he goes out of his way to make me feel better. He even skips uni classes to do that. Guys like that do exist, don't settle for less! What have you ever done to deserve that?! If you are unhappy, that is the biggest sign that you have to leave. There is no 'but' about it.

Please listen to me: There is absolutely nothing to save in this relationship. Nothing to miss. Just leave him, throw everything out, don't go back to him don't contact him don't anything. Just leave.

[D & G rockstar]

When you start see changes in yourself (for the worst) in any relationship or could even be friendship, you need to cut that other person off. I personally think that education comes before a relationship and it seems like he has a totally different life on the side. I think he's just leaving you hanging. If I'm going to be in a relationship feeling alone, I'd rather be alone.

[chipmunk-pnw]

Sorry if I see it differently. He's breaking up with you, that's how some guys do it, by distancing themselves when their girlfriends don't take 'no' for an answer. What I don't understand is why are you still clingy? He's not even Prince William! Don't waste your life over this drama, not worth it.

[fiatflux]

He sounds like he has some of the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder. I think you should end this relationship...you need & deserve much, much better.

[helium]

Originally Posted by chipmunk-pnw

Sorry if I see it differently. He's breaking up with you, that's how some guys do it, by distancing themselves when their girlfriends don't take 'no' for an answer. What I don't understand is why are you still clingy? He's not even Prince William! Don't waste your life over this drama, not worth it.

Hehe maybe he is...

Jokes aside, no that is the worst way to break up with someone regardless of gender. If someone has devoted themselves to them, you must tell them cleanly that you don't want to progress the relationship further. I don't care if some guys do this as a form of 'breaking up', if they don't tell me, how am I supposed to know?

Plus he sounds like my friend's ex, once I finally convinced my friend to make a clean break even though he was a distant jerk, two days later (so he had to time to go around having sex with other women I guess) he started calling and texting all these nice things about how sorry he is and he won't do it again other crap like that. And I had to start again... thank God he was ARRESTED... seriously, it took an ARREST for rape (!) before she realised what a horrible guy he was.

By the way, i'm not saying your guy is a rapist... pleeease don't think that!

[gillianna]

I am sorry to say something that I know you don't want to hear but I think your boyfriend wants his freedom and you need to realize that people grow up and need space. You dated in high school, you say you are madly in love. He has done nothing to make a effort to come and see you. That speaks for itself. He gives you no comfort. He choose to go away to college for a reason, to have freedom and get away from his life. You seem to be hanging on to him with such desperation. You are in pre med-that alone should be your main priority--it only gets harder at med school and from seeing a family member and her friends in med school---that was not a time to have a relationship. The drama is not worth it. You need to step back and realize that just because you dated in high school does not make him the one for you. I mean are you willing to settle with all his crap for 5+++more years. He seems to have had no problem making out with another girl. Now from us who are older and wiser---come on---is any guy going to tell you they cheated on you????? I don't think so unless they are caught. Your self esteem seems to be going down hill. You need to realize you can't judge yourself as a person by how a guy treats you.
I agree with the other posts.....your relationship is not a healthy one. I think you need some time alone to think the truth in what is going on in your life. You have some many opportunites that are coming your way, a wonderful education that will be very hard yet so rewarding and full of such interesting experiences. You will meet people in med school from around the country and it really is a time for you to grow.
I hope you realize that you deserve to love yourself first and not waste your energy on a guy who is not there for you.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

....Once he hit college, he ignored me for weeks at a time without any explanation, and just treated me like dirt. The sad part of this is, even when I question him now as to why he did it, he still has no answer, and told me that he just thought he didn't love me anymore. .

Your entire post is just this ^^^ paragraph rewritten over and over again. Do you see the pattern? Why I ask, you did you even stay with this guy after the first time he disrespected you? So what if you made it through the "rough patches" as you call them. Verbal, mental, emotional abuse is not a rough patch. It is unacceptable behavior. Period. There is no redeeming quality in this guy that I can see from anything you have written. You pretty much answered your own question here - you are insecure and are willing to put up with this treatment because you are afraid of being alone or that no one else will ever want you. And you know thats malarky. Get away from this guy. Love should feel good the majority of the time. If that balance is being tipped the other way - you need to get out and get out now.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

he never formally cheated on me with her......on one occasion making out with her. (Now I know how this sounds..and I'm not being naive but he is very loyal to me, and would never cheat on me.) .

Hello? Dating someone else and making out with someone else is um.....CHEATING!

unless you consider "formal" cheating to only be if he is wearing a tux? I don't get it.

[bagnshoofetish]

Where or where to begin putting this horribly derailed train back on track? Lets start with your questions....

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

Do all guys respond the same way when their girlfriend is bawling and crying her eyes out?? .

NO. Not the ones that care. Unless that is all you do when you are around him. Do you see his every visit (or yours) as simply an opportunity to vent all your frustrations? Thats not what getting together should be about.

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

He usually either ignores it, asks "Are you done yet?", or just tells me that he doesn't want to deal with me and would rather go to sleep...and proceed to hang up the phone. .

Again, if you are just insisting on beating a dead horse with him, he's not going to listen. He is being rude in his response to you. Take the hint. He may care for you, but sounds like he may be done with your dissappointments and unwilling to fix what is wrong.

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

All I want is to feel loved and appreciated for my hard efforts..

okay I want you to really read this carefully. We do not fall in love with someone so we can be appreciated. We fall in love with someone because we want to give something of ourselves without "keeping score". In a healthy relationship, your SO will reciprocate. In an unhealthy relationship, someone is feeling like they are being taken advantage of cause they are doing all the giving. Then resentment kicks in. No one is telling you to make all this effort for this guy. He isn't asking you to do the things you do - you are doing it all on your own. Its like you want to "buy" his affections in a way and thats not good. Don't do things for someone so you'll get something in return even and especially if thats love. Love should be much deeper than that. Try doing nothing. You've done enough. If he casts you aside because of that, then good riddance to him. He was just in it for the things he can get from you. You want a man who just wants to be around you - like a best friend.

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

I've done nothing but support him, worry about him, and stick by him even when he was the biggest a**hole to me. .

WHY? WHY? WHY? To be a martyr? Please realize how irrational this is.

Originally Posted by nycgirl24

He's supposed to be coming to see me tomorrow, and hopefully he will, if he's not too pissed off, because I definitely need to talk to him.

About breaking up I hope. You need to find yourself again. You are still you. You just got derailed by this relationship. Get back on track - find your independence again so some other loser doesn't prey on your "woundedness" and once again, treat you like dirt for being so vulnerable.

p.s. sorry for all the train references.