Long engagements?

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Feb 28th, 2008, 01:59 AM

So many people get married about one after the proposal, give or take a few months. I've always wanted a LONG engagement personally. I believe being BF and GF is different from being engaged, and being engaged is different from being husband and wife. Not to jinx the relationship but I always think, better to call off an engagement than to have a divorce. For all you long engaged couples, how long were/are you engaged for? And why did you chose to wait that amount of time?? TIA!

toiletduck · Feb 28th, 2008, 02:07 AM

LOL! I was JUST about to start a thread asking a similar question!! I was going to ask, is there such a thing as being engaged for too long? My mom always says that there's no point in getting engaged if you don't plan on getting married in under 1.5 years! But I just read in the other thread that some people had 5 year engagements and so on....I'm really confused now.

Personally, I see myself being engaged for around 2 years. That will give enough time to wallow in the bliss that follows engagement, time to figure out and plan the wedding without going nuts and like you said, it's a whole different stage!!

madamefifi · Feb 28th, 2008, 02:16 AM

First Marriage: engaged about 6 months before marrigae. BIG mistake IMO.
Second marriage: engaged almost 2 years. We wanted to get married, we just sorta never got around to it! Finally my mother forced the issue, LOL (she loves to plan family get-togethers).

I must say you are very wise to recognise that relationships evolve through different phases, and that marriage is NOT the same as being engaged or being BF and GF. And congrats on your engagement, BTW!

caxe · Feb 28th, 2008, 02:17 AM

I think our engagement is gonna last at least a year.

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Feb 28th, 2008, 02:18 AM

People always ask me when the big date is, and why I want to wait so long. I mean, I do want to be done (or almost) with school, and there are many other reasons, the list can go on forever. Not to knock other others who decide to get married earlier, but I always say... "Well if we're going to be together for life, whats the rush?? I can marry him today, or I can marry him 10 years from today. No matter what, I'm still going to marry him!" We're just doing our thing, taking our time. Everyone's different. We're just enjoying the engaged life!!

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Feb 28th, 2008, 02:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madamefifi

First Marriage: engaged about 6 months before marrigae. BIG mistake IMO.
Second marriage: engaged almost 2 years. We wanted to get married, we just sorta never got around to it! Finally my mother forced the issue, LOL (she loves to plan family get-togethers).

I must say you are very wise to recognise that relationships evolve through different phases, and that marriage is NOT the same as being engaged or being BF and GF. And congrats on your engagement, BTW!

Why thank you!! Yah, a relationship is always growing and changing, and I really want to just soak it in and enjoy it! My great grandmother told my Mom, "Why is she waiting so long?? What if in that time they find someone else their attracted to??!" Haha, grams.. her reasoning is HILARIOUS!! (I think apart of it is wanting to see her great grandchild get married before she passes. She's been ill for about 2-3 years now. And in a way she wants to see a tradition ya know?? Because my cousin got knocked up first, then married because of it. THAT in my grandmother's cultural eyes was a big disappointment. She's hoping to gain some pride back when I do it. She's really trying to live that through me.)

mellecyn · Feb 28th, 2008, 05:27 AM

I am not in that situation so I can only give an outsider perspective....
But basically when a couple announce their engagement, I expect a wedding date to be given max. 6 months after. And since weddings are usually planned between 1-2 years in advance (here at least) that makes around 2 years of engagement ?
My friends have been engaged for more than a year and still no sign of wedding date, I find it weird ?

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Feb 28th, 2008, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mellecyn

I am not in that situation so I can only give an outsider perspective....
But basically when a couple announce their engagement, I expect a wedding date to be given max. 6 months after. And since weddings are usually planned between 1-2 years in advance (here at least) that makes around 2 years of engagement ?
My friends have been engaged for more than a year and still no sign of wedding date, I find it weird ?

Do you and your friend talk a lot about her wedding?? Did she even start planning?? Did she tell you how long their waiting?? Maybe their waiting til they think their ready to put together a wedding. It's a lot of work and takes a lot of time. Or maybe their just enjoying their engagement?? Tell her congrats!

BagsAreMyBabies · Feb 28th, 2008, 05:47 AM

We waited three years. We got engaged but I also wanted to finish school.
I understand your reasoning to want to finish school.

The reason we just went ahead and did it after three years was that we decided to get married in Hawaii or else it would have been an even longer engagement. We were living in one state and our families were living in another state. We couldn't afford and we didn't have the time to plan something in a different state ( I actually tried to do it for about two weeks and then said "screw it" when my family started causing drama about who would be in the wedding and this and that). We figured "heck, lets just go do this on or own and have our honeymoon and celebrate with family when we get back." No regrets whatsoever in how long we waited or how we did it.

If we would have had to plan something, it would have been an even longer engagement.

mellecyn · Feb 28th, 2008, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oo0ehxtahcee0oo

Do you and your friend talk a lot about her wedding?? Did she even start planning?? Did she tell you how long their waiting?? Maybe their waiting til they think their ready to put together a wedding. It's a lot of work and takes a lot of time. Or maybe their just enjoying their engagement?? Tell her congrats!

I know it takes a lot, that´s why people usually plan it 1-2 years in advance.
Now you mention it I will bring the subject, we are quite close friends now but for some reasons, I am always on the fence about some personal things. I don´t want to be judgemental !

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Feb 28th, 2008, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BagsAreMyBabies

We waited three years. We got engaged but I also wanted to finish school.
I understand your reasoning to want to finish school.

The reason we just went ahead and did it after three years was that we decided to get married in Hawaii or else it would have been an even longer engagement. We were living in one state and our families were living in another state. We couldn't afford and we didn't have the time to plan something in a different state ( I actually tried to do it for about two weeks and then said "screw it" when my family started causing drama about who would be in the wedding and this and that). We figured "heck, lets just go do this on or own and have our honeymoon and celebrate with family when we get back." No regrets whatsoever in how long we waited or how we did it.

If we would have had to plan something, it would have been an even longer engagement.

yes, i really want to have the perfect wedding, and i think thats really hard to plan while trying to focus on school! a big thing for DF and i is do we want a small wedding in HI or a bigger one back home in CA?? im glad to hear you did the perfect wedding of your dreams! congrats!!

rubylola · Feb 28th, 2008, 07:55 AM

I really just see being engaged as a stop gap on the way to marriage and don't think it should be too long (2 years is definitely long enough), unless there is a good reason to wait: a degree, or health, a job or age or something. My DH and I got engaged and were married 9 months later, we lived together already, owned our own homes, were approaching 30, and there was no reason to delay, so I would have felt a bit silly having a long engagement.

courtneyh · Feb 28th, 2008, 09:18 AM

i got engaged on x-mas and we were going to have our wedding this october (10 months after engagement) but we werent planning an insane huge wedding and we didnt need to rent a place to have it....we were going to have it in soon to by hubbys back yard....but my soon to be MONSTER in law stepped in and caused us a ton of problems....so we decided to do it in march which is one of our favorite times of the year (before we were going to have about 150 to 175, now were having 15 people).....we've lived together for over 2 1/2 years we've been dating over 4 years....no need for us to have a long engagment...

rubylola · Feb 28th, 2008, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by courtneyh

...but my soon to be MONSTER in law stepped in and caused us a ton of problems....

Congratulations BTW

courtneyh · Feb 28th, 2008, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubylola

Congratulations BTW

thanks!!! i wish we could pick our mother in laws hahah!!!

Feb 28th, 2008, 01:59 AM	#1
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	Long engagements? So many people get married about one after the proposal, give or take a few months. I've always wanted a LONG engagement personally. I believe being BF and GF is different from being engaged, and being engaged is different from being husband and wife. Not to jinx the relationship but I always think, better to call off an engagement than to have a divorce. For all you long engaged couples, how long were/are you engaged for? And why did you chose to wait that amount of time?? TIA! __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Feb 28th, 2008, 02:07 AM	#2
toiletduck SHOES BAGS SHOES	Re: Long engagements? LOL! I was JUST about to start a thread asking a similar question!! I was going to ask, is there such a thing as being engaged for too long? My mom always says that there's no point in getting engaged if you don't plan on getting married in under 1.5 years! But I just read in the other thread that some people had 5 year engagements and so on....I'm really confused now. Personally, I see myself being engaged for around 2 years. That will give enough time to wallow in the bliss that follows engagement, time to figure out and plan the wedding without going nuts and like you said, it's a whole different stage!!

Feb 28th, 2008, 02:16 AM	#3
madamefifi cat hoarder Location: virginia	Re: Long engagements? First Marriage: engaged about 6 months before marrigae. BIG mistake IMO. Second marriage: engaged almost 2 years. We wanted to get married, we just sorta never got around to it! Finally my mother forced the issue, LOL (she loves to plan family get-togethers). I must say you are very wise to recognise that relationships evolve through different phases, and that marriage is NOT the same as being engaged or being BF and GF. And congrats on your engagement, BTW! __________________ Happiness is a home with at least one cat. On a complete EVERYTHING ban until after Christmas!!!! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/c...faces?siteId=3

Feb 28th, 2008, 02:17 AM	#4
caxe I has ur gif. Location: The Southeast, US	Re: Long engagements? I think our engagement is gonna last at least a year. __________________ Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy.

Feb 28th, 2008, 02:18 AM	#5
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	Re: Long engagements? People always ask me when the big date is, and why I want to wait so long. I mean, I do want to be done (or almost) with school, and there are many other reasons, the list can go on forever. Not to knock other others who decide to get married earlier, but I always say... "Well if we're going to be together for life, whats the rush?? I can marry him today, or I can marry him 10 years from today. No matter what, I'm still going to marry him!" We're just doing our thing, taking our time. Everyone's different. We're just enjoying the engaged life!! __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Feb 28th, 2008, 05:27 AM	#7
mellecyn Take me to LV Location: 300 km from LV somewhere in Europe	Re: Long engagements? I am not in that situation so I can only give an outsider perspective.... But basically when a couple announce their engagement, I expect a wedding date to be given max. 6 months after. And since weddings are usually planned between 1-2 years in advance (here at least) that makes around 2 years of engagement ? My friends have been engaged for more than a year and still no sign of wedding date, I find it weird ? __________________ "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete" Buckminster Fuller

Feb 28th, 2008, 05:47 AM	#9
BagsAreMyBabies Member Location: Michigan	Re: Long engagements? We waited three years. We got engaged but I also wanted to finish school. I understand your reasoning to want to finish school. The reason we just went ahead and did it after three years was that we decided to get married in Hawaii or else it would have been an even longer engagement. We were living in one state and our families were living in another state. We couldn't afford and we didn't have the time to plan something in a different state ( I actually tried to do it for about two weeks and then said "screw it" when my family started causing drama about who would be in the wedding and this and that). We figured "heck, lets just go do this on or own and have our honeymoon and celebrate with family when we get back." No regrets whatsoever in how long we waited or how we did it. If we would have had to plan something, it would have been an even longer engagement.

Feb 28th, 2008, 07:55 AM	#12
rubylola Member	Re: Long engagements? I really just see being engaged as a stop gap on the way to marriage and don't think it should be too long (2 years is definitely long enough), unless there is a good reason to wait: a degree, or health, a job or age or something. My DH and I got engaged and were married 9 months later, we lived together already, owned our own homes, were approaching 30, and there was no reason to delay, so I would have felt a bit silly having a long engagement.

Feb 28th, 2008, 09:18 AM	#13
courtneyh Happy Holidays! Location: CHRISTMAS-TOWN!	Re: Long engagements? i got engaged on x-mas and we were going to have our wedding this october (10 months after engagement) but we werent planning an insane huge wedding and we didnt need to rent a place to have it....we were going to have it in soon to by hubbys back yard....but my soon to be MONSTER in law stepped in and caused us a ton of problems....so we decided to do it in march which is one of our favorite times of the year (before we were going to have about 150 to 175, now were having 15 people).....we've lived together for over 2 1/2 years we've been dating over 4 years....no need for us to have a long engagment... __________________ HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ------