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missme411 · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:38 AM

To avoid all complications in this story and to prevent turning it into a book, I will just refer to this person as my SO. It is a bit more complicated than that...details upon request.

So...my XBF and I reconnected after a few years. We decided we were going to make it work and emailed several times a day as well as the periodic phone call. Well, communication went downhill. It was days at a time before I would hear from him. I said something, he apologized, promised to do better...said he had been extremely busy at work...blah blah blah....His phone doesn't seem to work when i call him.

Things improved for a week or two and communication hits another speed bump. I emailed frequently, but nothing back. Finally I thought I had all I could take and sent him a sweet good bye email. I told him I understood how time consuming his job could be, and that I was very proud of him for being so successful, but I was the kind of person who needed more interaction and communication from a SO. It was appropriate and very nice.

He emails back (never even bothering to call) and it becomes an argument. I said that I just missed him and needed more of him than I was getting. (Through a series of emails.) It has been three weeks since that day and nothing. No phone calls, no letters, no emails...not even a one liner to say "hey I miss you. I'm on my way to a busy day but i'll try to find more time for you this weekend"...NOTHING.

I am to the point of being really upset. It does not take 30 seconds to send an email, and he works at a computer all day long. Am I being unreasonable? What would you ladies/gents do?

Junkenpo · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:47 AM

If it's been 3 weeks and the dude has been incommunicado... well, i think you have your answer. Especially if you've sent smaller follow up emails or texts. He's had more than enough opportunity to step up and either call or email you and he hasn't.

Cut your losses, you deserve a man who will put in the time.

hugs to you.

missme411 · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:15 AM

I feel like a door mat lately and I think it's time for that to end. If he cares he will step it up...right? If not, no loss...right?

emmakins · Sep 30th, 2009, 06:01 AM

*hugs*

Sorry to hear about that. I've been doing long distance with my BF for almost a year now. We normally Skype/call three times a week.

If there was a 3 day period where he was not contactable, I will be calling the relationship quits.

It takes two to make a relationship. If you are not receiving the attention you deserve, you're better off finding someone will give it to you!

juneping · Sep 30th, 2009, 07:42 AM

OP,

i think what you did was right. sounds like when you wanted to dump him, he responded right away so he's not THAT busy. i wonder what is going on on his end. i say drop him. and don't need to argue with him. tell him that you are done with him. period. no need to argue. it's not a debate, it's a r/s.
sorry for what happened. next one will be better

floridagal23 · Sep 30th, 2009, 07:52 AM

I'm sorry. I had this happen with my ex who I dated for over 2 years in the "same place" before it turned into an ldr. Some people are horrible at long distance! You guys are just not on the same page with things..

PurseAddict79 · Sep 30th, 2009, 11:30 AM

You have more patience than I. My SO and I are in an LDR and we hardly ever email... but we talk on the phone 4-5 times a day. I don't think I could handle a day passing without hearing from him, but 3 weeks? That's just not cool. I'd cut your losses and move on. I'm sorry

ahertz · Sep 30th, 2009, 12:41 PM

OP, I'm sorry to say this, but it already sounds like it's already over. Three weeks is a VERY long time to not communicate with an SO.

lunatwinkle · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:41 PM

Sweetie, sorry to be brutally honest, but he's just not that into you. Stop justifying his not replying to your calls/emails. He doesn't feel motivated to call you or respond to your emails. But he only responds when you tell him that you want to break up?

Seriously, cut your losses and just let him go. You shouldn't waste anymore time on him because he obviously doesn't want the relationship to work as much as you do. The relationship is broken, and you deserve better.

karmenzsofia · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:45 PM

Honestly? I don't think it's a matter or reasonable vs unreasonable, but a matter of compatible vs incompatible.

lovinalotofbags · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:47 PM

Just move on. You are right, people have very busy lives but a quick email, text message, something would be nice.

Allisonfaye · Sep 30th, 2009, 04:09 PM

LDR's are very challenging when you DO communicate but if you don't, it just won't work. He isn't going to change. I think you should just cut your losses and move on.

MarieG · Sep 30th, 2009, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by Allisonfaye

LDR's are very challenging when you DO communicate but if you don't, it just won't work. He isn't going to change. I think you should just cut your losses and move on.

I agree completely. You guys just started dating again so 3 weeks of no phone call/email/sms is just unacceptable. It seriously takes 30 seconds. I say move on before you are in too deep. You will just hurt more and more the longer you stay in this relationship. Once you break it off (also mentally) you can start the recovery process and will eventually be open to meet someone better suited to you! Good luck!

talexs · Sep 30th, 2009, 06:12 PM

I completely agree with MarieG this is gonna hurt no matter what, but get out now and it will be better for you in the long run. I'm really sorry this is happening to you

olialm1 · Sep 30th, 2009, 07:03 PM

Clearly he is not ready to put more effort into the relationship. I would completely break things off with him, and emotionally disconnect myself from him. Do not drain yourself over this. I wouldn't fuss over waiting for a response, he may or may not send one. Since you two don't live in the same area how frequently do you see one another? If you are very against ending things you may want to see how things go when you can physically be together again.

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:38 AM	#1
missme411 OP Fall Fashion! YES! Joined: Jun 2009 Location: Here There and Everywhere. Posts: 117	Long Distance Relationship---horrible communication To avoid all complications in this story and to prevent turning it into a book, I will just refer to this person as my SO. It is a bit more complicated than that...details upon request. So...my XBF and I reconnected after a few years. We decided we were going to make it work and emailed several times a day as well as the periodic phone call. Well, communication went downhill. It was days at a time before I would hear from him. I said something, he apologized, promised to do better...said he had been extremely busy at work...blah blah blah....His phone doesn't seem to work when i call him. Things improved for a week or two and communication hits another speed bump. I emailed frequently, but nothing back. Finally I thought I had all I could take and sent him a sweet good bye email. I told him I understood how time consuming his job could be, and that I was very proud of him for being so successful, but I was the kind of person who needed more interaction and communication from a SO. It was appropriate and very nice. He emails back (never even bothering to call) and it becomes an argument. I said that I just missed him and needed more of him than I was getting. (Through a series of emails.) It has been three weeks since that day and nothing. No phone calls, no letters, no emails...not even a one liner to say "hey I miss you. I'm on my way to a busy day but i'll try to find more time for you this weekend"...NOTHING. I am to the point of being really upset. It does not take 30 seconds to send an email, and he works at a computer all day long. Am I being unreasonable? What would you ladies/gents do?
	__________________ *Just bought my first LV*

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:47 AM	#2
Junkenpo LVoebird! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: 2500 miles from any continental landmass Posts: 3,064	If it's been 3 weeks and the dude has been incommunicado... well, i think you have your answer. Especially if you've sent smaller follow up emails or texts. He's had more than enough opportunity to step up and either call or email you and he hasn't. Cut your losses, you deserve a man who will put in the time. hugs to you.
	__________________

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:15 AM	#3
missme411 OP Fall Fashion! YES! Joined: Jun 2009 Location: Here There and Everywhere. Posts: 117	I feel like a door mat lately and I think it's time for that to end. If he cares he will step it up...right? If not, no loss...right?
	__________________ *Just bought my first LV*

Sep 30th, 2009, 06:01 AM	#4
emmakins Obsessed with Pink! Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 556	hugs Sorry to hear about that. I've been doing long distance with my BF for almost a year now. We normally Skype/call three times a week. If there was a 3 day period where he was not contactable, I will be calling the relationship quits. It takes two to make a relationship. If you are not receiving the attention you deserve, you're better off finding someone will give it to you!
emmakins Obsessed with Pink! Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 556	__________________ http://emmakins888.livejournal.com/ http://missy-em.blogspot.com/

Sep 30th, 2009, 07:42 AM	#5
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	OP, i think what you did was right. sounds like when you wanted to dump him, he responded right away so he's not THAT busy. i wonder what is going on on his end. i say drop him. and don't need to argue with him. tell him that you are done with him. period. no need to argue. it's not a debate, it's a r/s. sorry for what happened. next one will be better
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 30th, 2009, 07:52 AM	#6
floridagal23 Member Joined: Oct 2007 Location: New York, New York Posts: 859	I'm sorry. I had this happen with my ex who I dated for over 2 years in the "same place" before it turned into an ldr. Some people are horrible at long distance! You guys are just not on the same page with things..

Sep 30th, 2009, 11:30 AM	#7
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,235	You have more patience than I. My SO and I are in an LDR and we hardly ever email... but we talk on the phone 4-5 times a day. I don't think I could handle a day passing without hearing from him, but 3 weeks? That's just not cool. I'd cut your losses and move on. I'm sorry

Sep 30th, 2009, 12:41 PM	#8
ahertz Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 4,259	OP, I'm sorry to say this, but it already sounds like it's already over. Three weeks is a VERY long time to not communicate with an SO.
	__________________

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:41 PM	#9
lunatwinkle SOOO banned! Joined: Nov 2006 Location: SF Bay Area, CA Posts: 4,180	Sweetie, sorry to be brutally honest, but he's just not that into you. Stop justifying his not replying to your calls/emails. He doesn't feel motivated to call you or respond to your emails. But he only responds when you tell him that you want to break up? Seriously, cut your losses and just let him go. You shouldn't waste anymore time on him because he obviously doesn't want the relationship to work as much as you do. The relationship is broken, and you deserve better.
	__________________ ♥♥♥ My three weaknesses: handbags, shoes, and makeup. ♥♥♥

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:45 PM	#10
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,891	Honestly? I don't think it's a matter or reasonable vs unreasonable, but a matter of compatible vs incompatible.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:47 PM	#11
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Joined: Mar 2008 Location: South Carolina Posts: 2,553	Just move on. You are right, people have very busy lives but a quick email, text message, something would be nice.
	__________________ Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well. -Mahatma Gandhi

Sep 30th, 2009, 04:09 PM	#12
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,629	LDR's are very challenging when you DO communicate but if you don't, it just won't work. He isn't going to change. I think you should just cut your losses and move on.
Allisonfaye Member Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,629	__________________ If you can afford it, for God's sake, BUY SOMETHING!

Sep 30th, 2009, 06:12 PM	#14
talexs I Love It!!!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: always in the office :( Posts: 1,499	I completely agree with MarieG this is gonna hurt no matter what, but get out now and it will be better for you in the long run. I'm really sorry this is happening to you

Sep 30th, 2009, 07:03 PM	#15
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,553	Clearly he is not ready to put more effort into the relationship. I would completely break things off with him, and emotionally disconnect myself from him. Do not drain yourself over this. I wouldn't fuss over waiting for a response, he may or may not send one. Since you two don't live in the same area how frequently do you see one another? If you are very against ending things you may want to see how things go when you can physically be together again.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

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