living with in-laws = trouble?

[shoefan]

Originally Posted by carvedwords

Thanks everyone for your support. What irks me the most is how my BF does NOT stand up for me. Everything his mom says goes and he thinks it's okay. I've tried to tell him if he sees a future with me, then he should be standing by me and not his mom. I feel like I'm outnumbered and nothing I do will ever change it. I'll never be 'perfect' in her eyes. It frustrates me even though I know it shouldn't when I'm doing everything right. And the thing is she never tells me, but tells him so I'm not even supposed to know.

Post #22 is excellent. I agree with lace 100%, and I think that's why you are not getting support from your BF, as he realizes this.

[gillianna]

If you are spending your financial aid on LV then I would see your MIL being very upset. I mean is this money given to you to pay for rent and food? I don't know. I know people who have kids on financial aid and they are hardly getting by let alone have extra money to buy a $3,000.. purse and wallet. Maybe you need to rethink your priorities.

[Josephine SD]

I think you need to sacrifice and do whatever it takes to move out of the in-laws house. It's just a recipe for disaster imo.

[oogiewoogie]

Originally Posted by QueenOfDa702

I like how some people recommended a "financial stretch" like its just that easy. Sometimes you just dont have the money for it. Period. I was in this same exact situation a few years back. Living with MIL and FIL(and BROTHER IN LAW!) and being an absolute miserable wreck. MIL is a pain in the ass, dirty nasty mess, and I was the only one cleaning the entire house! But, I tried to be gone as often as possible. And keep in mind its not going to be forever, I KNOW thats hard to do-god, trust me! But, eventually you will be out of there. I know how it is to be married to a Mommas boy too. He just lets everything his Mom says go in one ear and out the other, and unfortunately thats not that easy for me! I had to constantly remind myself that, not cussing her ass out was having respect for MYSELF lol! It really sucks when your SO doesnt stick up for you, its really puts a strain on your relationship, BIG TIME! I was ready to leave a few times, I had to pull the "If you dont say something to her, Im LEAVING!" Which, worked-but caused WW3 between him and his Mom at the same time. I have a MIL that has to have it her way, or the highway! And even if my SO comes at her with respect and dignity, she ends up turning the conversation into a heated argument. But anyway lol! Just hang in there, I know it looks like a tunnel with no light at the end, but things get better! Not to mention how much more grateful you will be for the things you will have! I know I am, and it makes me work even harder to make sure I NEVER, EVER have to go back to that hell hole again! Good luck! Hang in there, if you need to talk, PM me!

Well said!!! I'm also using your words of encouragement!! I sooo needed to read that.. Thanks

[bl2k4]

you've got yourself trouble when moved in.

[guccimamma]

And to the poster above who is already "forbidding" her SO from letting his father move in with them...I find that very sad. When you are old, who is going to take care of you? [/quote]
__________________________________________________ ________________
You haven't met my father in law, if 6 wives have left him...don't you think there is a reason? Why would I open my home to a toxic hateful misogynist, so he can spew his ideas of backward politics and hate to my children.

I will care for my parents, I care for my grandmother. I care for my children. I hope that they see I am a loving parent who puts them above all...and hopefully they wil check in on me in my old age....but I hope they never have to support me.

I will have enough money in my old age (It won't have been taken by 5 or 6 divorces...that number is "vague"), and I will have enough to pass onto my children through investments and wise choices.

Don't judge. He is a horrible man. He abandoned his children to chase tail...and now wants us all to be a happy family, now that we are successful and live well.

[IntlSet]

Originally Posted by gillianna

If you are spending your financial aid on LV then I would see your MIL being very upset. I mean is this money given to you to pay for rent and food? I don't know. I know people who have kids on financial aid and they are hardly getting by let alone have extra money to buy a $3,000.. purse and wallet. Maybe you need to rethink your priorities.

This is great advice.

[heartnaspade]

Originally Posted by guccimamma

You haven't met my father in law, if 6 wives have left him...don't you think there is a reason? Why would I open my home to a toxic hateful misogynist, so he can spew his ideas of backward politics and hate to my children. I will care for my parents, I care for my grandmother. I care for my children. I hope that they see I am a loving parent who puts them above all...and hopefully they wil check in on me in my old age....but I hope they never have to support me. I will have enough money in my old age (It won't have been taken by 5 or 6 divorces...that number is "vague"), and I will have enough to pass onto my children through investments and wise choices. Don't judge. He is a horrible man. He abandoned his children to chase tail...and now wants us all to be a happy family, now that we are successful and live well.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to judge you or your situation. Obviously from your post I can tell that if your FIL lived with you it would be a toxic and difficult situation for your entire family. I got the impression from your first post that you didn't want him to live with you because you liked your privacy, etc. If he is a hateful man, as you describe in your post, then I don't blame you for not wanting to open up your home to him.

[guccimamma]

^^thanks heart, just thinking of that man makes my blood pressure go up.

[omgsweet]

I'm not sure what the prices are where you live. But in Scottsdale you could get a 1 bed apartment for $1000 a month. (You could get that for much cheaper in other parts of Az). So that $3000 you spent on bags could have gone towards rent for 3 months. You are ruining your relationship with your boyfriend by living with his parents.

Instead of wasting your money on bags, move out and save your family.

[guccimamma]

yes, having beautiful handbags means absolutely nothing if you are living at home with the inlaws. it is wasteful...buy these items when you are better off financially, no matter how tempting it may be.

[fantastic_3]

OMG, get the hell out as soon as you can. I have too many female friends and family members either divorced or on the way to divorce because of the stinking in laws. These friends of mine don't even live with the outlaws full time, they only stay with them when the are visiting from another country but for several months at a time.

99% of the time, living with the outlaws is just plain BAD NEWS.

[Speedy]

25 years ago, my then bf and I, pregnant with my son, lived with his parents. I could do nothing to please this woman. She didn't like the way I dressed, talked, walked, anything. Even after I assisted one of her Champion Yorkies deliver pups, she was upset with me because one wasn't show-quality! Like it was MY fault!
She told my bf that she wanted me out of her house when the baby was born. I said fine, and after my son was born, I took a job as a live-in babysitter and housekeeper for 30.00 a week and room and board. My bf went into the military and we married. But until he transfered to his first state-side assignment, I kept the job.
Funny thing was, she divorced her husband just before we came back to the states, and when I decided to leave her son, she couldn't do enough for me and my son. Helped me find a place to live and everything.

So yeah, a lot of it IS territorial. As far as your "snide" attitude she complains about, just how to you use it? I mean, if you are being bitchy towards, saw, Lindsy Lohan or Paris Hilton, I can see it. But are you snide and nasty to EVERYONY who doesn't meet your standards? Sometimes, if there is nothing nice to say, then don't say anything. The world won't crumble if you can't get a zinger in on someone.

And I have to agree with the others who mentioned your spending so much on fashion accessories when your emotions are being throwin around as if they were in a blender. Right now, with all the pressures you are under, the last thing you need to do is sooth the hurt with expenisve trinkets and the like. Save AS MUCH as you can, and I think you can do without a new bag r shoes for awhile so you can get your own place.

Good luck honey.

[Speedy]

I echo the others too, about your bf not saying anything to his mother... at least ask him why.

[vivi24]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds like such an unfortunate situation. If I were you I would move out!