Living together and then getting married - any different?

LaurelLee123 · Jun 30th, 2008, 03:24 AM

Well, after reading some of the threads about losing passion and romance and the pros and cons of living together - I was wondering:

Those married women that lived with their husbands for a significant amount of time before marriage - is it 'different' now that you guys are married? Did your relationship change after getting married?

I lived with my DH for three years before we got married. I was committed to him in my heart and soul - but we couldn't afford a wedding and I wasn't that into marriage anyways. Well, after a few year and the realization that I wanted to start a family eventually, we decided that we should get married for our future kid's sake. But for us, our relationship really didn't change much from before we were married. It worked before, and it works now.

So did your relationship change after moving from a living together committed couple to a married couple?

Sternchen · Jun 30th, 2008, 03:38 AM

Hmmmm, it's not really that much different. In the beginning I did feel differently, but now things are back to normal and the way they were.

scarlett_2005 · Jun 30th, 2008, 03:41 AM

No big changes in our relationship. DH and I only lived together for about a month before we were married.

valeri · Jun 30th, 2008, 03:41 AM

Well I'm not married to my bf and we've been living together for 6 years and have 2 kids. We're not cause we both want to have a beautiful wedding. I don't see there to be any difference if we were married just a ring on our fingers.

LaurelLee123 · Jun 30th, 2008, 03:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valeri

Well I'm not married to my bf and we've been living together for 6 years and have 2 kids. We're not cause we both want to have a beautiful wedding. I don't see there to be any difference if we were married just a ring on our fingers.

I always sort of saw it that way too. It was a piece of paper and a ring. The first challenge was already passed - moving in together and seeing if we were compatible to live together. Eventually, our families started getting antsy and they were freaking out about us having kids without being officially married, so we did it and had a sweet little wedding and everyone was happy. But after the wedding, things were pretty much the same. no change. I believe the next great change will happen after we start having kids!

valeri · Jun 30th, 2008, 04:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurelLee123

I always sort of saw it that way too. It was a piece of paper and a ring. The first challenge was already passed - moving in together and seeing if we were compatible to live together. Eventually, our families started getting antsy and they were freaking out about us having kids without being officially married, so we did it and had a sweet little wedding and everyone was happy. But after the wedding, things were pretty much the same. no change. I believe the next great change will happen after we start having kids!

Oh believe me it will. EVERYTHING changes.

Junkenpo · Jun 30th, 2008, 04:29 AM

I'm interested in seeing if getting married will change anything.

DF and I dated for 4 year long distance, and have been engaged since Leap Day. We've been living together since late May/early June, and our wedding is next month toward the end of July.

VPT · Jun 30th, 2008, 05:04 AM

With DH we shacked up after we got engaged, on-and-off before engagement. I think married life is pretty much the same as before, good things got better, bad habits worsened, plus we become more alike each other..so I'd say our lifestyle has evolved, rather than changed.

kbell · Jun 30th, 2008, 09:02 AM

We lived together a little over 2 years before getting married.
Pretty much the only thing that changed after was my last name.

IntlSet · Jun 30th, 2008, 09:27 AM

Hmm, I personally can't imagine it *not* being different. After having stood up to make a commitment to one another in the court of the law, validating your commitment legally through an ancient social and legal contract (which is what marriage is), and before God (if you happen to be religious), not to mention any attending family and friends... I'd imagine it would feel drastically different than merely being boyfriend-girlfriend.

It reminds me a little of Sex and the City, the movie... Carrie calls Mr. Big her boyfriend and he says he doesn't feel comfortable with being a 40-something year old boyfriend.

kbell · Jun 30th, 2008, 09:34 AM

^^^ It really didn't feel different. We already owned the house together and had committed to each other - maybe not in front of our friends but we knew it. The
relationship is unchanged. We are still commited & still the same exact people we were before. We're not deeply religious so really in my eyes it's just a legal formaility.
A marriage is your commitment to each other - not a document or a ceremony.

courtneyh · Jun 30th, 2008, 10:19 AM

honestly nothing has changed...... i never understood how people say married life is different.....maybe its just me but nothing has changed....we love each other the same amount we still do the same things....

we lived together almost 3 years before getting married....

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 30th, 2008, 10:32 AM

It didn't feel any different to me, and although we didn't live together first he spent practically all his free time at my place.

LadyLinda · Jun 30th, 2008, 10:44 AM

I'm going to say yes, it is different. Subtle, but different. Both of us recently commented on this. We're both independent and had things arranged so we would be all right in the event of a death. We thought it would be "haha, we have a piece of paper but nothing's changed," but now think what changed was how our families and friends and even we view each other. We had a lovely wedding in front of our families and friends, celebrating our union, and I think that was meaningful to all of them. There's an openness and unencumbered joy that wasn't present before. I am surprised at how happy people are for us, and blown away by how accepted we feel. It wasn't like we weren't accepted before--we were! Everyone was wonderful, we were always treated as a couple. But it's a different feeling now, more complete, if that makes sense.

*spoiled* · Jun 30th, 2008, 11:58 AM

im scared of this... I just wonder how ppl date for years, get married and it doesn't work? That's so scary to me. DBF and I live together.. have a 2 year old and I found out that im expecting another in December. We've been together for about 4 years and talk about marriage alot. I'm really just waiting for him to pop the q.. but im scared!

Jun 30th, 2008, 03:24 AM	#1
LaurelLee123 Member	Living together and then getting married - any different? Well, after reading some of the threads about losing passion and romance and the pros and cons of living together - I was wondering: Those married women that lived with their husbands for a significant amount of time before marriage - is it 'different' now that you guys are married? Did your relationship change after getting married? I lived with my DH for three years before we got married. I was committed to him in my heart and soul - but we couldn't afford a wedding and I wasn't that into marriage anyways. Well, after a few year and the realization that I wanted to start a family eventually, we decided that we should get married for our future kid's sake. But for us, our relationship really didn't change much from before we were married. It worked before, and it works now. So did your relationship change after moving from a living together committed couple to a married couple?

Jun 30th, 2008, 03:38 AM	#2
Sternchen We're having a boy!! Location: Beauty RAOK	Hmmmm, it's not really that much different. In the beginning I did feel differently, but now things are back to normal and the way they were. __________________ My 2 wonderful girls, Nicole (5) and Julia (1) will be big sisters soon! My pregnancy blog

Jun 30th, 2008, 03:41 AM	#3
scarlett_2005 Crazy 4 LV Location: USA	No big changes in our relationship. DH and I only lived together for about a month before we were married. __________________

Jun 30th, 2008, 04:29 AM	#7
Junkenpo Boom, baby! Location: 2500 miles from any continental landmass	I'm interested in seeing if getting married will change anything. DF and I dated for 4 year long distance, and have been engaged since Leap Day. We've been living together since late May/early June, and our wedding is next month toward the end of July. __________________ Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky] PONDERING: Damier Pochette Melville, mini pochette, Naviglio; Ivoire Epi Alma; Amarante cles or keyholder...

Jun 30th, 2008, 05:04 AM	#8
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Location: Singapore / Vancouver	With DH we shacked up after we got engaged, on-and-off before engagement. I think married life is pretty much the same as before, good things got better, bad habits worsened, plus we become more alike each other..so I'd say our lifestyle has evolved, rather than changed. __________________

Jun 30th, 2008, 03:41 AM	#4
valeri Gotta Love it=) Location: California	Well I'm not married to my bf and we've been living together for 6 years and have 2 kids. We're not cause we both want to have a beautiful wedding. I don't see there to be any difference if we were married just a ring on our fingers.

Jun 30th, 2008, 09:02 AM	#9
kbell Member Location: MA	We lived together a little over 2 years before getting married. Pretty much the only thing that changed after was my last name. __________________ Heal quickly & come back soon!

Jun 30th, 2008, 09:27 AM	#10
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	Hmm, I personally can't imagine it not being different. After having stood up to make a commitment to one another in the court of the law, validating your commitment legally through an ancient social and legal contract (which is what marriage is), and before God (if you happen to be religious), not to mention any attending family and friends... I'd imagine it would feel drastically different than merely being boyfriend-girlfriend. It reminds me a little of Sex and the City, the movie... Carrie calls Mr. Big her boyfriend and he says he doesn't feel comfortable with being a 40-something year old boyfriend. __________________ www.drinkmorechampagne.com

Jun 30th, 2008, 09:34 AM	#11
kbell Member Location: MA	^^^ It really didn't feel different. We already owned the house together and had committed to each other - maybe not in front of our friends but we knew it. The relationship is unchanged. We are still commited & still the same exact people we were before. We're not deeply religious so really in my eyes it's just a legal formaility. A marriage is your commitment to each other - not a document or a ceremony. __________________ Heal quickly & come back soon!

Jun 30th, 2008, 10:19 AM	#12
courtneyh Happy Holidays! Location: CHRISTMAS-TOWN!	honestly nothing has changed...... i never understood how people say married life is different.....maybe its just me but nothing has changed....we love each other the same amount we still do the same things.... we lived together almost 3 years before getting married.... __________________ HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ------

Jun 30th, 2008, 10:32 AM	#13
~Fabulousity~ SuperCoolLoveThang	It didn't feel any different to me, and although we didn't live together first he spent practically all his free time at my place. __________________ Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit - Napoleon Hill

Jun 30th, 2008, 10:44 AM	#14
LadyLinda Member Location: Philadelphia	I'm going to say yes, it is different. Subtle, but different. Both of us recently commented on this. We're both independent and had things arranged so we would be all right in the event of a death. We thought it would be "haha, we have a piece of paper but nothing's changed," but now think what changed was how our families and friends and even we view each other. We had a lovely wedding in front of our families and friends, celebrating our union, and I think that was meaningful to all of them. There's an openness and unencumbered joy that wasn't present before. I am surprised at how happy people are for us, and blown away by how accepted we feel. It wasn't like we weren't accepted before--we were! Everyone was wonderful, we were always treated as a couple. But it's a different feeling now, more complete, if that makes sense.

Jun 30th, 2008, 11:58 AM	#15
spoiled Member Location: Maryland	im scared of this... I just wonder how ppl date for years, get married and it doesn't work? That's so scary to me. DBF and I live together.. have a 2 year old and I found out that im expecting another in December. We've been together for about 4 years and talk about marriage alot. I'm really just waiting for him to pop the q.. but im scared! __________________