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nsynchic20 · Sep 20th, 2009, 02:11 PM

So my boyfriend and I were together for only 4 months, but I have to say they were the most amazing 4 months I've ever had. I've had a few long term relationships and none of them compare to this short relationship...

Everything was great...almost perfect. We didn't fight, we were so happy together. I thought that he was it for me. I know what you're gonna say, only 4 months, but I KNEW.

So I am just shocked, confused, that he would just throw all this away! A few weeks ago, out of the blue, he said he wanted to take a break, cuz he needed his space. There was no changing his mind, but suddenly, while we were talking about it, he burst into tears and said he didn't want to take a break. He said nobody has cared for him the way I have and he doesn't want to lose me. So from then on our relationship was fine.

But then last night he wanted to completely end it. No break, nothing. He said he didn't see our relationship going anywhere, he needed his space, he wanted to be single. He said there was no hope for us in the future.

I am completely devastated. I am so confused. I guess I need a guy's perspective. How could he throw this away? I guess I just don't understand mostly why he thinks our relationship isn't going anywhere, and why there isn't hope for us in the future...? I can understand a break, but ending us forever...he wasn't acting weird, he was acting like he normally does, wasn't distant. I just don't get it.

Sternchen · Sep 20th, 2009, 02:15 PM

I'm sorry that you're hurting but it will get better soon

How often did the two of you see eachother in the time you were together? Did you still remain independent from another and still have time for friends? I don't have *that* much experience with men, but I do know that some men get kinda freaked out when things go too fast and they don't really have much time to themselves and for their friends...

nsynchic20 · Sep 20th, 2009, 02:19 PM

Yeah we did take things kinda fast...but I don't understand why we can't just start over in the future

Sternchen · Sep 20th, 2009, 02:23 PM

There really never is a true "starting over"...

nsynchic20 · Sep 20th, 2009, 02:26 PM

Yeah I know...maybe a second change later on? I guess I just don't want to believe that its over for good

olialm1 · Sep 20th, 2009, 02:28 PM

I'm sorry. I say give him the space he needs, it sounds like he has some commitment issues. If you two are meant to be together then this won't be the end, maybe he is just scared right now? Obviously you're really hurting so just take things one day at a time, and try not to dwell on this because it will just make things worse.

Immi · Sep 20th, 2009, 03:03 PM

He probably thought you guys weren't right for eachother (or else he would want to be in a relationship I guess). There's nothing you can do to change his mind if he's made that decision. If he doesn't think you're right together he can't be the one for you. Given what he said I wouldn't get my hopes up about him changing his mind. There is a great guy out there for you somewhere, but this guy isn't him.

I hope you feel better soon. Breaking up sucks, even if you see it coming and know it's for the best, let alone if it's a surprise. I'm sorry... I hope you feel better soon.

karmenzsofia · Sep 20th, 2009, 03:24 PM

Oh...breakups...they suck.

I don't think he's acting weird; he just wants out and he told you why, even though IMO most people aren't 100% honest about their reason for breaking up mostly to spare the other person's feelings and to avoid a drawn-out explanation when the other person tries to persuade them to stay.

Based on your post, he's been thinking about it for a while. Remember that he's a separate human being with his own thoughts and feelings, so in his mind he's not "throwing it away." When we're infatuated or in love with someone it's easy to get wrapped up in the intense emotions and assume that the other person is feeling the same way.

I think that when people want out, they should get out and not drag the other person through the mud for months or years. If you're not right for each other, you're lucky to have found out now instead of a year from now.

I also think that the reason the short, four-month relationship seems so much better to you than your long-term relationships is precisely because it's short. Most relationships are still in a honeymoon-like period at three-four months and seem favorable when compared to longer relationships in which couples already have had their share of fights and disappointments and have had to compromise, which is rarely necessary in the beginning.

I hope you feel better soon.

twin53 · Sep 20th, 2009, 06:50 PM

sorry to hear this. i will tell you what i told my 2 sons - 20 and 23y/o: you can't make someone love you. so move on and keep the good times in your heart. it's not easy but it's life. move on. you will be okay.

LinaFelina · Sep 20th, 2009, 07:45 PM

I do have the guy perspective, but it doesn't make any more sense to me. If he really wants to be with you but can't, he has deeper issues with himself. Be it immaturity or some deeper problem, let him have the space he needs. Take care, things will work out for you, I really believe it will.

bagnshoofetish · Sep 20th, 2009, 09:26 PM

I have no clue what this guy is thinking. If you wanna see this from a glass "half full" perspective:

Be glad he didn't draw this out in a confusing convoluted twist and turns sort of way that could have gone on for weeks or months.
Be glad it did end quickly - just think of it like having a band-aid ripped clean off in one swipe. Painful for a moment but the pain will go away.
Be glad you found out how undecisive he is now rather than 4 years from now. Gives you time to lick your wounds and prepare yourself for the guy who is really meant for you. (and that guy could be going through something just as painful right now too!)

Just trust the process. Eat lots of ice cream and you always have us here to just vent to or to get a laugh from (hopefully).
Take care of yourself.

juneping · Sep 20th, 2009, 09:42 PM

OP,

i know breakups suck. and a lot of posters have provided good advices. you can move on...don't waste any more minutes on someone doesn't want to be with you. i know it's easier said than done but try to think in this direction so you can move on.

JNH14 · Sep 20th, 2009, 09:59 PM

When one door closes another one opens-this is opportunity knocking for you to find someone who deserves the love you have to share with them!

nsynchic20 · Sep 20th, 2009, 10:48 PM

Thanks everyone. I'm trying really really hard to believe and understand what you all are saying...its just so hard to see it right now...all I keep thinking is how I've lost the best thing that's happened to me.

juneping · Sep 20th, 2009, 10:50 PM

^^it's perfectly normal. give yourself sometime for now. usually after the reality sinks in...you'll feel calmer.

Sep 20th, 2009, 02:11 PM	#1
nsynchic20 OP Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 305	Just got dumped :( So my boyfriend and I were together for only 4 months, but I have to say they were the most amazing 4 months I've ever had. I've had a few long term relationships and none of them compare to this short relationship... Everything was great...almost perfect. We didn't fight, we were so happy together. I thought that he was it for me. I know what you're gonna say, only 4 months, but I KNEW. So I am just shocked, confused, that he would just throw all this away! A few weeks ago, out of the blue, he said he wanted to take a break, cuz he needed his space. There was no changing his mind, but suddenly, while we were talking about it, he burst into tears and said he didn't want to take a break. He said nobody has cared for him the way I have and he doesn't want to lose me. So from then on our relationship was fine. But then last night he wanted to completely end it. No break, nothing. He said he didn't see our relationship going anywhere, he needed his space, he wanted to be single. He said there was no hope for us in the future. I am completely devastated. I am so confused. I guess I need a guy's perspective. How could he throw this away? I guess I just don't understand mostly why he thinks our relationship isn't going anywhere, and why there isn't hope for us in the future...? I can understand a break, but ending us forever...he wasn't acting weird, he was acting like he normally does, wasn't distant. I just don't get it.
	__________________ Need to save some $$$ right now, so no purses for me!

Sep 20th, 2009, 02:15 PM	#2
Sternchen Proud mama of 3! Joined: May 2006 Location: Bavaria, Germany Posts: 13,939	I'm sorry that you're hurting but it will get better soon How often did the two of you see eachother in the time you were together? Did you still remain independent from another and still have time for friends? I don't have that much experience with men, but I do know that some men get kinda freaked out when things go too fast and they don't really have much time to themselves and for their friends...
	__________________ Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year and have worked very hard for my family, my school and my job. This year I would like to wish for only one thing: THE CUPCAKE CAR!!! Please and thank you. Love, Melanie

Sep 20th, 2009, 02:19 PM	#3
nsynchic20 OP Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 305	Yeah we did take things kinda fast...but I don't understand why we can't just start over in the future
	__________________ Need to save some $$$ right now, so no purses for me!

Sep 20th, 2009, 02:23 PM	#4
Sternchen Proud mama of 3! Joined: May 2006 Location: Bavaria, Germany Posts: 13,939	There really never is a true "starting over"...
	__________________ Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year and have worked very hard for my family, my school and my job. This year I would like to wish for only one thing: THE CUPCAKE CAR!!! Please and thank you. Love, Melanie

Sep 20th, 2009, 02:26 PM	#5
nsynchic20 OP Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 305	Yeah I know...maybe a second change later on? I guess I just don't want to believe that its over for good
	__________________ Need to save some $$$ right now, so no purses for me!

Sep 20th, 2009, 02:28 PM	#6
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,540	I'm sorry. I say give him the space he needs, it sounds like he has some commitment issues. If you two are meant to be together then this won't be the end, maybe he is just scared right now? Obviously you're really hurting so just take things one day at a time, and try not to dwell on this because it will just make things worse.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

Sep 20th, 2009, 03:03 PM	#7
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271	He probably thought you guys weren't right for eachother (or else he would want to be in a relationship I guess). There's nothing you can do to change his mind if he's made that decision. If he doesn't think you're right together he can't be the one for you. Given what he said I wouldn't get my hopes up about him changing his mind. There is a great guy out there for you somewhere, but this guy isn't him. I hope you feel better soon. Breaking up sucks, even if you see it coming and know it's for the best, let alone if it's a surprise. I'm sorry... I hope you feel better soon.
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271	__________________ The best things in life are free. Apart from OPI, cars, and chocolate brazil nuts...

Sep 20th, 2009, 03:24 PM	#8
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,873	Oh...breakups...they suck. I don't think he's acting weird; he just wants out and he told you why, even though IMO most people aren't 100% honest about their reason for breaking up mostly to spare the other person's feelings and to avoid a drawn-out explanation when the other person tries to persuade them to stay. Based on your post, he's been thinking about it for a while. Remember that he's a separate human being with his own thoughts and feelings, so in his mind he's not "throwing it away." When we're infatuated or in love with someone it's easy to get wrapped up in the intense emotions and assume that the other person is feeling the same way. I think that when people want out, they should get out and not drag the other person through the mud for months or years. If you're not right for each other, you're lucky to have found out now instead of a year from now. I also think that the reason the short, four-month relationship seems so much better to you than your long-term relationships is precisely because it's short. Most relationships are still in a honeymoon-like period at three-four months and seem favorable when compared to longer relationships in which couples already have had their share of fights and disappointments and have had to compromise, which is rarely necessary in the beginning. I hope you feel better soon.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 20th, 2009, 06:50 PM	#9
twin53 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,180	sorry to hear this. i will tell you what i told my 2 sons - 20 and 23y/o: you can't make someone love you. so move on and keep the good times in your heart. it's not easy but it's life. move on. you will be okay.
twin53 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,180

Sep 20th, 2009, 07:45 PM	#10
LinaFelina AKA Paul Joined: Jun 2009 Location: CT Posts: 219	I do have the guy perspective, but it doesn't make any more sense to me. If he really wants to be with you but can't, he has deeper issues with himself. Be it immaturity or some deeper problem, let him have the space he needs. Take care, things will work out for you, I really believe it will.
	__________________ I rubbed a lamp and a genie popped out. She said, "I will grant you three wishes, you may ask for anything but more wishes, and it will be done." I asked for more genies.

Sep 20th, 2009, 09:26 PM	#11
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,358	I have no clue what this guy is thinking. If you wanna see this from a glass "half full" perspective: Be glad he didn't draw this out in a confusing convoluted twist and turns sort of way that could have gone on for weeks or months. Be glad it did end quickly - just think of it like having a band-aid ripped clean off in one swipe. Painful for a moment but the pain will go away. Be glad you found out how undecisive he is now rather than 4 years from now. Gives you time to lick your wounds and prepare yourself for the guy who is really meant for you. (and that guy could be going through something just as painful right now too!) Just trust the process. Eat lots of ice cream and you always have us here to just vent to or to get a laugh from (hopefully). Take care of yourself.
	__________________

Sep 20th, 2009, 09:42 PM	#12
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,311	OP, i know breakups suck. and a lot of posters have provided good advices. you can move on...don't waste any more minutes on someone doesn't want to be with you. i know it's easier said than done but try to think in this direction so you can move on.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 20th, 2009, 09:59 PM	#13
JNH14 Midlife...no crisis! Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Somewhere South... Posts: 2,427	When one door closes another one opens-this is opportunity knocking for you to find someone who deserves the love you have to share with them!
	__________________ "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out". John Wooden

Sep 20th, 2009, 10:48 PM	#14
nsynchic20 OP Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 305	Thanks everyone. I'm trying really really hard to believe and understand what you all are saying...its just so hard to see it right now...all I keep thinking is how I've lost the best thing that's happened to me.
	__________________ Need to save some $$$ right now, so no purses for me!

Sep 20th, 2009, 10:50 PM	#15
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,311	^^it's perfectly normal. give yourself sometime for now. usually after the reality sinks in...you'll feel calmer.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

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