[sputnik]

Originally Posted by Jill

^oy...nothin we say or do will ever make everyone happy either...we are merely human. we do our best.sorry.

oh, i know. i can be quite direct (btw, i was joking about the capital letters, maybe that didn't come across as i intended) but my comments weren't in any way directed at the way mods do their jobs, i was merely stating an opinion. i'm a mod on another forum and it's a tough balancing act for sure. i'm just saying from experience it's impossible to have adults discussing relationships without sex being discussed and hey, when that happens and you get this many people in one place things like threesomes, salad tossing and no amount of 'clinical' language can make that kiddy-appropriate.

[Sunshine]

Ok...this is ridiculous. I have said time again if you want to talk about sex issues go to a SEX forum. Why is that a problem?? WHY??? I will continue to close the threads that break the rules and some of you can keep asking why. Bottom line...respect the forum and our wishes.

[amanda]

sputnik and others, you can argue all you want, but this decision is to maintain the integrity of the board.

think about it - the overwhelming and vast majority of us (including myself) found this forum from GOOGLING. vlad and the techs have done a phenomenal job of making this place easy to find from search engines, which increases our traffic and makes this place the wonderful community that it is. if we start a section that fosters graphic sexual discussion, and those words become repeated on the board a lot, then when someone (a dirty old man, pehaps) googles them, tPF is going to appear on their list of choices - and what's more wonderful to a perv than a group of fairly young, attractive women talking graphically about their sex lives? do you guys really want that?

it becomes a HUGE moderation issue, because then those pervs start posting, opening threads with pornography, PMing members soliciting pics or dirty messages, etc. and then we get trolls peddling pornography because we're suddenly a place that might be receptive to it (i think trolls peddling fake bags and cell phones are irritating enough). it would do more harm than it is worth to the board and open up a can of worms that we're not equipped to deal with.

we probably need to take under review whether or not we're allowing those under 13 to register freely (honestly, it's been so long since i registered i'm not sure what it required), but this is not entirely about young members. not only is it a moderation issue, but many of our fully-grown members have complained about going into a section that's meant to talk about romantic and family relationships and being greeted by an ASSLICKING thread. come on, girls, let's use some class and decorum here. when we're honest with ourselves, we're all familiar with where approximately that line of good taste is, and let's stick to it. there's a way to ask a question graphically and a way to make it more tasteful, just like there's a way to respond to something without being totally lewd. if you have graphic sexual things that you want to talk about, this is not the place.

believe me, there are a LOT of places on the internet that foster that. some people have said that they'd rather do it here because those places make them uncomfortable, but if we start doing it here, then we're going to start attracting the sort of people that MAKE those other places uncomfortable, and it's just not worth it to do that so we can talk about asslicking and penis size.

[lordguinny]

^^^ Totally agree Amanda! Look at it this way:

This is Megs/Vlads forum. You are their guests. Imagine if you were invited to a dinner party at their home. We are all fashion lovers so we discuss our love for bags, clothes, etc. We'll even discuss topics on our animals, health (diet, exercise) and a few other conversational topics are brought up such as relationship and money advice. We do this because let's face it ... we want to share our life opinions and experience. Do you think that the person who brings up unpalatable conversations such as penises, crass and inappropriate sexual topics during the party would be someone you'd want to invite back to your classy dinner party? Heck no!

And going to Swanky's post re: people finding us through google - HELLO. Do you really want those people to start lurking around here? Especially since A LOT of us posts photos of ourselves with our bags (some of our PF'ers being really young). I can't even IMAGINE what it would be like if a lurker could read a sex topic that had young teens responding in it!

I'm not a prude and am not advocating for the removal of topics related to health - just topics that are pornographic in nature. There is a HUGE difference between sexual health questions (birth control, etc) and sexual preference threads (Butt licking, penis sizes, etc).

It doesn't matter care if members "think" this is an adult forum - the fact is that it has young members and we should not boot them off just because a few want to talk about sex. Additionally there are lots of us who are over 18 who find these topics really trashy. This is a PURSE forum first and foremost. In my opinion our number 1 priority is to remain true to that. Everything else is secondary.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by wordbox

I just wish we had more clear guidelines on what is and isn't appropriate to discuss.

I think thats one of the problems. That subforum would be so high maintenance that I believe sooner or later the MODS would have to constantly keep the trolls out - there are sooooo many immature people on the internet just looking for sexual topics to exploit. All they would have to do is google say "butthole" and TPF would come up. (sorry guys but that is a reality with a recent thread - I do not mean to be crass - just illustrating a point). While I believe the majority of members here on TPF can keep their heads, filtering out the undesirables would sure be a PITA IMO. And no I would not have to do the filtering cause I am not a MOD but it would be difficult to ignore thats for sure and be a blight on what is otherwise a dignified forum.

Originally Posted by wordbox

And while, yes, this is a purse forum, we all know it is so much more than that.

Yes but the "much more" stays within the realm of good taste and dignity. "A little yeast makes the whole loaf rise" (paraphrasing here) and something as controversial as a sex subforum just seems out of place here. And I think for me at least having kids in here is the major issue. And if we have a "Forbidden Forum" they cannot get into, they're just gonna want to try to get in more and more and the focus of this forum would be off balance IMO. It just seems like more trouble than its worth. Maybe the members in here that want an explicit sex subforum can start an outside forum? You all know who you are and can screen each other to keep the freaks out?

[HubbaWubba]

I don't think talking about sex is a bad thing. I do think that using some slang to describe acts is where the problem is lying. There are a lot of times when I read something and go "Wow, TMI". I just don't type it. I know I make jokes and stuff, but I try to word my posts so they aren't X rated for the most part. A few times my post have went R rated, but I try to catch myself.

Even if you are not a member of the forum, you can still read it. For the most part, anyone can sign up no matter what age you are or gender you are. There is no id check like in a bar. I can tell A LOT by the way someone types if they are male or female and what they are looking for in this forum. I am not pointing fingers, but it's freaky.

[caitlin1214]

I mentioned this in a Feedback Dropbox thread, but I wanted to reiterate:

Originally, I thought, "What's the point of having a relationships forum if we can't discuss sex?" and then later "What's wrong with only using clinical terms?"

I think I figured this out . . . and correct me if I'm wrong . . . but I don't think the problem is with discussing sex. I think the mods and admins have a problem only when specific parts or acts are discussed.

This is why the parts and act threads were closed, but the casual sex, pornography and swingers threads were left open. The open threads are more general, whereas the closed threads were too graphic and specific.

As Swanky mentioned, people could use specific terms in a Google search and this forum would come up.


I'd like to add:

Regarding the recently closed thread bagnshoo mentioned . . . I think it would have gotten a much better reaction from everyone involved if she said something like, "Would you dump your boyfriend if he asked you to do something you weren't comfortable doing?"

[Swanky Mama Of Three]

Caitlin, I was about to post something similar. . .
we didn't say "you MAY NOT discuss sex here, ever!"
We said, "keep it clean folks!"

Why do people need to nit pick?
KEEP IT CLEAN.
period.
Hate that? PM Vlad.

[amanda]

Originally Posted by caitlin1214

I mentioned this in a Feedback Dropbox thread, but I wanted to reiterate:

Originally, I thought, "What's the point of having a relationships forum if we can't discuss sex?" and then later "What's wrong with only using clinical terms?"

I think I figured this out . . . and correct me if I'm wrong . . . but I don't think the problem is with discussing sex. I think the mods and admins have a problem only when specific parts or acts are discussed.

This is why the parts and act threads were closed, but the casual sex, pornography and swingers threads were left open. The open threads are more general, whereas the closed threads were too graphic and specific.

As Swanky mentioned, people could use specific terms in a Google search and this forum would come up.


I'd like to add:

Regarding the recently closed thread bagnshoo mentioned . . . I think it would have gotten a much better reaction from everyone involved if she said something like, "Would you dump your boyfriend if he asked you to do something you weren't comfortable doing?"

caitlin just did a VERY good job summing up my personal feelings on the issue - keep things general and in the context of relationships, and we're cool. when we start getting graphic and specific, imo, we're on the other side of the line. it's a VERY hard line to define - i believe it was Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart who famously said that he couldn't define obscenity, but he knew it when he saw it. it's impossible for us mods to make a hard and fast rule that would make it obvious what is ok and what is not ok - we ask you guys to think before your post and decide if it's a good idea and in good taste. when we see something that seems over the line to us, we'll close or delete it. i think it should be fairly logical to most people, if they're honest with themselves, what's over the line.

[wordbox]

Originally Posted by Swanky Mama Of Three

Caitlin, I was about to post something similar. . .
we didn't say "you MAY NOT discuss sex here, ever!"
We said, "keep it clean folks!"

Why do people need to nit pick?
KEEP IT CLEAN.
period.
Hate that? PM Vlad.

I think this is what confused me:
would you dump a man with a small ....

"In the spirit of keeping this truly PG-13 lets not talk about sex. Feel free to pm amoung yourselves, I do not think it should be an open forum discussion on the PF."

Maybe others read this the same way I did? I know my question isn't about keeping it clean (I agree, crass sex talk doesn't belong here), but rather are we allowed to talk about sex if it's in a mature, respectful manner?

[amanda]

i think us mods might disagree amongst ourselves a little bit about the place that sex had on this board, but for right now, the rule is that if we keep it reasonable and in the context of relationships, it's ok. talking about things like size, specific fetishes or acts, etc. is over the line. if things run smoothly with that rule, we won't change it. if people continue to not be able to determine the line for themselves, we'll have to reevaluate.

[Liz_x3]

Well I just want to say thank you to our mods because even though sex can be very fun and entertaining to talk about and at times hilarious (it's true lol!!), a thread that I saw earlier regarding an action done to a butt was just TOO MUCH! I mean do some people ever look at their web browser??? It says "PURESE FORUM"!!!!! So sometimes I don't understand why people feel the need to share with everyone else here extreme graphic details of their sexual encounters.. I've read a couple threads that creep me out! But once again, thanks to our mods that take care of all this crap for us!!

[HubbaWubba]

^^^ I must of missed THAT one!!! Is is closed now? kidding.

[Sunshine]

Originally Posted by Swanky Mama Of Three

Caitlin, I was about to post something similar. . .
we didn't say "you MAY NOT discuss sex here, ever!"
We said, "keep it clean folks!"

Why do people need to nit pick?
KEEP IT CLEAN.
period.
Hate that? PM Vlad.

I think it has been explained over and over in different words and the fact remains....exactly what you said Swanky

[wordbox]

Originally Posted by amanda

i think us mods might disagree amongst ourselves a little bit about the place that sex had on this board, but for right now, the rule is that if we keep it reasonable and in the context of relationships, it's ok. talking about things like size, specific fetishes or acts, etc. is over the line. if things run smoothly with that rule, we won't change it. if people continue to not be able to determine the line for themselves, we'll have to reevaluate.

Thank you, that helps clarify things for me.