It's really really personal. I've only told my BFF IRL about this.. halfway. It hurts sooo much to tell anyone. I wrote some of this in the beauty bar because my girls there wanted to know. First quote explains some.. second quote is more..
"Thank you for all your concern. My part 3 was nice, but I was in a really sad mood the whole time, and got upset again later over another issue. And we ended the night watching a movie with his family and a friend of his, and then he, his friend, and I went to eat after the movie.
What happened last night is REALLY personal. The issue we argued about is really senstive and personal. I've only half way told my bestfriend IRL before about it like once. It's so personal. I know I've told tPF some personal things, but this is like soooo personal. It's like can show the ugly side of things, and I hate for people to think differently of anything. However, DF was upset that I was sad the whole day, but what happened really upset me and I felt like I was arguing with a wall about the same issue over and over again. And I hate to repeat myself. It's like each time we talk about this ONE issue, he says the same pathetic questions, and I HAVE THE ANSWERS so his argument is stupid. It's like give me a good debate, not this stupid sh*t that we've already spoken about. Ughhh.. It's just a loooong story and makes me sad everytime I think about it... It's like I just want someone to just hold me and be there for me. I hate to even think about it yet alone talk about it. But IRL I have no one. No one that understands, and I dont even want to try to explain it to them because it kills me inside even more to think of it all again. I just felt soooo along after we fought for I cried for hours til I fell asleep.
Okay, now I'm sad again thinking of it. But thanks all for all your words. I guess I have to fight this battle alone."
"i do feel all alone at times. like im trapped in a world, and that no one will EVER understand but me. i feel like people pretend to care just to be nosey and like hear whats happening but after they know, they just give me the cold shoulder and turn their backs on me. after all, they already got the gossip. so to protect myself, all i have in the end IS myself.
ive been hurt online before when my personal business was blown out of proportion and my feelings were hurt. they still are and i havent healed. im scarred both ways, IRL and via internet.
but i do adore you girls.. and i wish i was bold enough as many other have been and posted their deepest darkest ugliest problems ever. but to be truthful, im not that strong (yet). i hope to be... one day. i mean, ive dealt with a lot of bullshit, being molest for 3 years when i was in the 3rd grade and all.. and THAT i can deal with and i understand and people understand how i feel coming from my mind.. but this.. its different."
I hope you all understand and respect my decision. I'd like to keep it at that. When and if I'm ever brave enough, I'll speak. But for now, I'm not ready. Thank you.
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Last edited by oo0ehxtahcee0oo; Jul 3rd, 2008 at 05:56 AM.
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