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minismurf04 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:27 PM

I've been staying away from this subforum because I've been going thru a lot with my marriage since my last post. DH's Picture on Facebook

We've stopped counseling, and I've decided to move on since our counselor has told me she doesn't see him wanting to try and suggested me to move on. double sigh*

Despite going thru the motions of legally separating, I've still held onto that 10% of hope that things will turn around, and things will be actually be fine. I kept giving him chances and options to try again(for the sake of our kids and family) and he doesn't want it. Plain and simple. I set myself up every time to be hurt all over again.

I asked him "love is a choice, do you still love me?" To which he replies he does care but wants to have time apart. At the same time knowing perfectly well that once I walk away from this, I will NEVER take him back. At the same time, he tells my guy friend that he wants to enjoy the single life, yada yada yada. I should be happy that this confirms my long suspicion of him not ready for marriage..(he's 39 and I'm 27)...

Statistic shows that 2nd marriages have a fail rate of 60%...this is his second, and I'm saddened to know that I only had a 40% chance...

Regardless, today is our 4 year wedding anniversary...and I'm hurting every second of every minute of every hour of it.

"True strength is when you hold up when everyone else expects you to break down." However, I just don't think I can hold up TODAY of all days. I'm just so sad and angry inside and that lil voice in the back of mind is telling me "I can't do this" repeatedly.

How do I get thru this ladies/gents? I'm so lost~

PurseAddict79 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:35 PM

Gosh hun, I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Is there something you can do to distract yourself? Go out with friends? Take the kids to the zoo? Go shopping?

I can't imagine how hard this is... wish I had some words of wisdom. But take comfort in knowing you're going to come out of this stronger and wiser.

You're in my thoughts *hugs*

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:54 PM

I love that last quote.

I have no advice but to hang in there and keep moving. Keep busy.

luckygirl83 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:54 PM

I am so sorry to hear what's going on. I don't have any advice but you are in my prayers. I wish you all the best.

ver0nique · Jul 2nd, 2009, 04:02 PM

Take yourself out? Or meet a girl friend for lunch or dinner? Try not to sit there and dwell on it. Do something to distract yourself. I hope you'll feel better at the end of the day. :)

dearmissie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 04:26 PM

Sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard it is, esp. when you are trying to hold things together for the sake of your children. I say go treat yourself out!! Go shopping!! Then at night have a special evening with your kids, a fun cook together meal and movie!! They will always be there for you no matter what.

ilove6kies · Jul 2nd, 2009, 04:36 PM

Sweetie I am so sorry you are going through this right now...I cannot imagine how devastated you much feel!!! It is true, when you are married and have kids, everything becomes so much more complicated.

I wish you all the luck and feel free to PM me if you want to vent!!

Jeneen · Jul 2nd, 2009, 05:17 PM

exotikittenx · Jul 2nd, 2009, 05:23 PM

I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than this. Do something nice for yourself today. Treat yourself in some way and take good care of yourself!

KristyDarling · Jul 2nd, 2009, 06:36 PM

Sigh. Your post made me so sad. But even sadder for your (ex?)DH. It's his 2nd marriage, he's 39, and he STILL says he wants to enjoy the single life? Clearly he doesn't know himself at all....still lost and searching. I'm just sorry that his emptiness has affected *your* life in this way. I'm so glad to hear that you're in the beginning phase of moving forward with your life -- as hard as it might be, it sounds like the absolute right thing to do. I agree with the others -- distract yourself with the positive aspects of your life: friends, time with the kids, family, a hot cup of tea and a chick flick with a friend.

Just remember that even though everything feels awful right now, this time WILL pass and a new chapter is about to open up for you. Hugs!!!

ahertz · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:06 PM

Maybe you will feel some relief once it's truly severed and you know you won't ever take him back. The hoping is what's hurting you, I'm sure, although I know it's not something that you can turn off and on.

Treat yourself well this week and try to do something you truly enjoy doing.

boxermom · Jul 2nd, 2009, 11:30 PM

I'm sorry. This must be such a hard time for you. He sounds kind of immature for his age. I would say don't keep giving him chances--he's told you who he is--someone who wants to live like a bachelor. Hold your head up high and take good care of yourself and your child.

randr21 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 11:36 PM

try to move on to a life where you are all u need to be happy, and if someone new does come along, eventually, great. if not, youve already got yourself and the kids.

vhdos · Jul 2nd, 2009, 11:49 PM

I am sorry you are going through this. It must be such a difficult time. Just know that you did your best to try and make the relationship work. Wishing you happiness.

MidNiteSun · Jul 3rd, 2009, 01:11 AM

I'm so sorry. lots of

please stay strong. You'll get through this. Best of luck sweetie.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:27 PM	#1
minismurf04 OP Member Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,728	It's my 4year Anniversary today and I'm so sad.. I've been staying away from this subforum because I've been going thru a lot with my marriage since my last post. DH's Picture on Facebook We've stopped counseling, and I've decided to move on since our counselor has told me she doesn't see him wanting to try and suggested me to move on. double sigh* Despite going thru the motions of legally separating, I've still held onto that 10% of hope that things will turn around, and things will be actually be fine. I kept giving him chances and options to try again(for the sake of our kids and family) and he doesn't want it. Plain and simple. I set myself up every time to be hurt all over again. I asked him "love is a choice, do you still love me?" To which he replies he does care but wants to have time apart. At the same time knowing perfectly well that once I walk away from this, I will NEVER take him back. At the same time, he tells my guy friend that he wants to enjoy the single life, yada yada yada. I should be happy that this confirms my long suspicion of him not ready for marriage..(he's 39 and I'm 27)... Statistic shows that 2nd marriages have a fail rate of 60%...this is his second, and I'm saddened to know that I only had a 40% chance... Regardless, today is our 4 year wedding anniversary...and I'm hurting every second of every minute of every hour of it. "True strength is when you hold up when everyone else expects you to break down." However, I just don't think I can hold up TODAY of all days. I'm just so sad and angry inside and that lil voice in the back of mind is telling me "I can't do this" repeatedly. How do I get thru this ladies/gents? I'm so lost~
minismurf04 OP Member Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,728	__________________ Wishlist 1. Baltic Large Veneta/Medium Pleated Veneta 2. Ash Scuro Large Veneta/Medium Campana 3. Ferro Pyramid/Sloane 4. Lilac Large Veneta Then off to a nice long Bannnnnnnnn....

Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:54 PM	#3
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 6,986	I love that last quote. I have no advice but to hang in there and keep moving. Keep busy.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 04:02 PM	#5
ver0nique ataraxiz Joined: Feb 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 1,048	Take yourself out? Or meet a girl friend for lunch or dinner? Try not to sit there and dwell on it. Do something to distract yourself. I hope you'll feel better at the end of the day. :)
	__________________ ♥

Jul 2nd, 2009, 04:26 PM	#6
dearmissie formerly oo0ehxtahcee0oo Joined: Aug 2007 Location: After a much needed break, I'M BACK!! Posts: 7,267	Sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard it is, esp. when you are trying to hold things together for the sake of your children. I say go treat yourself out!! Go shopping!! Then at night have a special evening with your kids, a fun cook together meal and movie!! They will always be there for you no matter what.
	__________________ [His shirt says it all!! Click photo to read thread!] www,dearmissie.blogspot.com updated:11/03

Jul 2nd, 2009, 05:17 PM	#8
Jeneen Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: up in the gym workin on my fitness Posts: 2,530
	__________________ *Jeneen* "I knew a girl, her name was Truth, she was a horrible liar... she wore diamonds on the inside." - Ben Harper

Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:35 PM	#2
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,171	Gosh hun, I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Is there something you can do to distract yourself? Go out with friends? Take the kids to the zoo? Go shopping? I can't imagine how hard this is... wish I had some words of wisdom. But take comfort in knowing you're going to come out of this stronger and wiser. You're in my thoughts hugs

Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:54 PM	#4
luckygirl83 Member Joined: May 2008 Location: New York City Posts: 686	I am so sorry to hear what's going on. I don't have any advice but you are in my prayers. I wish you all the best.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 04:36 PM	#7
ilove6kies LF My Next Chanel!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Toronto Posts: 478	Sweetie I am so sorry you are going through this right now...I cannot imagine how devastated you much feel!!! It is true, when you are married and have kids, everything becomes so much more complicated. I wish you all the luck and feel free to PM me if you want to vent!!

Jul 2nd, 2009, 05:23 PM	#9
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 5,967	I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than this. Do something nice for yourself today. Treat yourself in some way and take good care of yourself!
	__________________ Check out my new and UPDATED collection!!!

Jul 2nd, 2009, 06:36 PM	#10
KristyDarling Member Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 4,264	Sigh. Your post made me so sad. But even sadder for your (ex?)DH. It's his 2nd marriage, he's 39, and he STILL says he wants to enjoy the single life? Clearly he doesn't know himself at all....still lost and searching. I'm just sorry that his emptiness has affected your life in this way. I'm so glad to hear that you're in the beginning phase of moving forward with your life -- as hard as it might be, it sounds like the absolute right thing to do. I agree with the others -- distract yourself with the positive aspects of your life: friends, time with the kids, family, a hot cup of tea and a chick flick with a friend. Just remember that even though everything feels awful right now, this time WILL pass and a new chapter is about to open up for you. Hugs!!!
KristyDarling Member Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 4,264

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:06 PM	#11
ahertz Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 4,185	Maybe you will feel some relief once it's truly severed and you know you won't ever take him back. The hoping is what's hurting you, I'm sure, although I know it's not something that you can turn off and on. Treat yourself well this week and try to do something you truly enjoy doing.
	__________________

Jul 2nd, 2009, 11:30 PM	#12
boxermom Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 13,542	I'm sorry. This must be such a hard time for you. He sounds kind of immature for his age. I would say don't keep giving him chances--he's told you who he is--someone who wants to live like a bachelor. Hold your head up high and take good care of yourself and your child.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 11:36 PM	#13
randr21 Anita Blake Fan Joined: May 2006 Location: New York City Posts: 2,382	try to move on to a life where you are all u need to be happy, and if someone new does come along, eventually, great. if not, youve already got yourself and the kids.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 11:49 PM	#14
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 2,920	I am sorry you are going through this. It must be such a difficult time. Just know that you did your best to try and make the relationship work. Wishing you happiness.
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 2,920	__________________ visit Bonanzle.com

Jul 3rd, 2009, 01:11 AM	#15
MidNiteSun Member Joined: Mar 2009 Posts: 359	I'm so sorry. lots of please stay strong. You'll get through this. Best of luck sweetie.
MidNiteSun Member Joined: Mar 2009 Posts: 359	__________________ Pet Adoption ~ Animal Rescue Learn/Educate/Help Make a Difference ~ SAVE LIVES Contact your local shelter/rescue for more info http://www.aspca.com

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