Issue w/ my husband re: spending money

[Charles]

Originally Posted by merika

I think when guys pay attention to you they know what you need to have, more than what you want. Which is why they give gifts like vacuum cleaners, saucepans and a spare set of wrenches.

Uh..yeah. I learned a long time ago that practical gifts are not good gifts....for most women. Although, Kara was mentioning how she'd love for me to buy her a new vacuum.

[alliemia]

oh i want a new vaccum too. i'd love one actually. i hate my old dyson. some of the components are held on with duct tape at this point.

[alliemia]

if you have a store you frequent, say Nordstrom or Saks or whatever, and have an SA there, maybe you can leave a wish list with them of items of varying price, and your husband can then go in on his own and pick whatever gift he is comfortable with. that way you aren't seeing any weird reactions,and it's ultimately him getting it for you. a little more personal than a gift card.

[one fifty]

my DH grew up poor but he's always been a very thoughtful person (big reason why I married him!) but he doesn't particularly like shopping and dislikes the mall.

one thing I've noticed is he gets a little uncomfortable watching me spend $$$ at the mall because he says I have too much stuff. but if it's bought online or without him there he just pays the CC without any questions. So I pretty much buy whatever I want within reason and his gifts to me are more about taking me out someplace, travel, etc.

[kimberf]

Originally Posted by Aslan

I think that I mentioned in my original post that I have downsized (or made attempts to). If I go to a cheaper clothing store than usual, he says, isn't ____ your favorite, let's go there. If I select a mid- priced brand, he'll say, I thought you like _____(insert higher priced brand). Sometimes I feel like he's being completely passive-aggressive and trying to show how much he 'hurts' to please me. But at other times, I feel totally guilty for having such thoughts about him.

If you'd actually be happy with the downsizing and things from the alternate stores, maybe try to push them more. When he says, "Don't you like ___", then say, "I do. But I've seen really cute new xxxx from this store, and I've really been wanting to take a look! See, look how cute that yyy in the window is!" Make it clear that you're actually excited about something there, rather than having it be like you're compromising.

Otherwise, I think HauteMama's idea about the list at various price points is great. He can pick what he feels comfortable with. When I do this, I try not to be too, too specific about it, but give some direction so that he has some choice as well. I'm not a big fan of the giftcard for anyone I know well.

[Sternchen]

Originally Posted by merika

I think when guys pay attention to you they know what you need to have, more than what you want. Which is why they give gifts like vacuum cleaners, saucepans and a spare set of wrenches.

I think I am one of the few women who would be THRILLED if my husband bought me a household appliance!

The bugger still hasn't got me the Kitchenaid mixer I want...does that mean he's not paying attention or does he not think I need one? j/k