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glamgirl84 · Oct 8th, 2009, 11:53 PM

I wonder if the whole thing boils down to him not enjoying shopping. I honestly can't stand going to the mall with my boyfriend because he just projects this "hurry up i'm bored / are you really going to spend that much / do you really need that" vibe (without even saying or doing much of anything, it's just THERE) that totally ruins my shopping experience. Is it possible that he's not so much worried about the money as he is bored and trying really hard not to show it? Either way, I totally get your frustrations because these are supposed to be fun days and the whole gift part of it is ruining the moment. If I were in your shoes I would just tell my BF that it's the thought that counts and I'll love anything he gets- and that since we've done so many shopping for gift excursions together he should have a good idea of the things I like and it's time for him to spread his wings and buy the gifts himself!

Then send him a list w/ a bunch of different priced gifts that you would like and let him pick from that (or venture away from it if he likes).

Aslan · Oct 9th, 2009, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by Roo

Aslan, if I may ask, isn't your husband a bit older than you? (I thought I remembered you posting about this or maybe I have you confused with another poster?)

He is 27 years my senior.

Originally Posted by Roo

Not sure what his situation is, but if his background was meager, it may very well be that he gets twinges of that when he spends money on anything, not just you. It may be that when that hits him, he feels momentarily weird and/or guilty and scared and then corrects himself subconsciously by reminding himself that he's ok financially.

Interesting. He was brought up comfortably, but his parents are very frugal. It's true that he hates to spend a good deal of money on anything, even for himself. He thought 50 bucks was too expensive for a shirt when I met him.

lulilu · Oct 9th, 2009, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by Charles

I've always said that if a guy is paying attention to you, then he'll know what you want and what you like. I can tell you probably 3 things that Kara wants at this very moment. I just don't understand how you can love someone and not know what their interests are.
Still, let him know what you'd like and then act according to what he says. If he says everything is ok, then go with that. Afterall...you're married. What's he gonna do, divorce you cause you let him buy you things?

Charles, Kara is a very lucky woman. Not all men can do this, and I don't think it has to do with love.

ProfNot · Oct 9th, 2009, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by merika

My method of getting around any gift- buying discomfort is to give my DH a list of stores that I like to buy from, and ask him to buy me a gift card. That way he can give me something that suits his budget, and if I want to get something more expensive, I just add to it and he doesn't know, lol!

Now that I have read the entire thread and know the OP and her DH do not have money problems, I think Merika's idea is terrific - and cute!

Roo · Oct 9th, 2009, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by Aslan

He is 27 years my senior.

Interesting. He was brought up comfortably, but his parents are very frugal. It's true that he hates to spend a good deal of money on anything, even for himself. He thought 50 bucks was too expensive for a shirt when I met him.

I'm sure that's what is happening then. I would not worry too much. Talk to him about it, he may not even realize what is bothering him, you know? I am sure he wants to be very generous because he loves you. There are so many deep seeded things with regard to money for some people, that sometimes you don't even realize it.

Glamfoxx · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:02 PM

If it makes you feel better, any time I spend more than about 200 bucks I break out into a cold sweat, even at the grocery store! The act of spending money is stressful for some people, but that doesn't mean he is upset about the cost of the gift. Some of us just can't help our physical reaction to handing over cash... it's weird.

merika · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by Charles

I've always said that if a guy is paying attention to you, then he'll know what you want and what you like. I can tell you probably 3 things that Kara wants at this very moment. I just don't understand how you can love someone and not know what their interests are.
Still, let him know what you'd like and then act according to what he says. If he says everything is ok, then go with that. Afterall...you're married. What's he gonna do, divorce you cause you let him buy you things?

I think when guys pay attention to you they know what you need to have, more than what you want. Which is why they give gifts like vacuum cleaners, saucepans and a spare set of wrenches.

karmenzsofia · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:39 PM

IDK, money is such a touchy issue for many people. Maybe he won't talk about it because he doesn't want to upset you and he thinks he might if he's honest with you?

I also think it's kinda awkward to pick a "gift" while the giver stands by. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'd rather he give me a card and some fancy chocolate, and I can go get my own gift.

juneping · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by merika

I think when guys pay attention to you they know what you need to have, more than what you want. Which is why they give gifts like vacuum cleaners, saucepans and a spare set of wrenches.

bf's ex told him she only accepted jewelry....he was indeed thinking something more on the practical side...lol

HauteMama · Oct 9th, 2009, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by merika

I think when guys pay attention to you they know what you need to have, more than what you want. Which is why they give gifts like vacuum cleaners, saucepans and a spare set of wrenches.

My dh gave me a set of cast iron cookware for my birthday when we were dating; it was my first birthday with him. Even so, he was worth far more than his taste in gifts, and I married him anyway!

Roo · Oct 9th, 2009, 03:42 PM

^^ My ex gave me an IRON one Christmas as a gift. Needless to say, he's an "ex"

Gimmethebag · Oct 9th, 2009, 04:54 PM

Wow! I'm a lucky girl... my SO will try to think of something I've mentioned or will seek out some designer I haven't heard of...

He went through a phase where he only wanted to give me "experiences", like tickets or a trip. After a couple of years, he's realized what a PITA it is to plan everything so now he's back on the purse/jewelry bandwagon.

JNH14 · Oct 9th, 2009, 06:02 PM

Mine has figured out that I buy what I want-so he always gets me gift certificates to my nail salon and hair salon. It works out perfectly for me!

bagnshoofetish · Oct 9th, 2009, 09:18 PM

at what price level does he begin to "flinch"? I would use that as a barometer and go for things below that price point. He's probably hoping you will pick up on that. You don't have to tell him anything.

ilvoelv · Oct 9th, 2009, 09:28 PM

Just tell him to get you a gift card :)

Oct 8th, 2009, 11:53 PM	#16
glamgirl84 Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,703	I wonder if the whole thing boils down to him not enjoying shopping. I honestly can't stand going to the mall with my boyfriend because he just projects this "hurry up i'm bored / are you really going to spend that much / do you really need that" vibe (without even saying or doing much of anything, it's just THERE) that totally ruins my shopping experience. Is it possible that he's not so much worried about the money as he is bored and trying really hard not to show it? Either way, I totally get your frustrations because these are supposed to be fun days and the whole gift part of it is ruining the moment. If I were in your shoes I would just tell my BF that it's the thought that counts and I'll love anything he gets- and that since we've done so many shopping for gift excursions together he should have a good idea of the things I like and it's time for him to spread his wings and buy the gifts himself! Then send him a list w/ a bunch of different priced gifts that you would like and let him pick from that (or venture away from it if he likes).
glamgirl84 Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,703	__________________

Oct 9th, 2009, 02:02 PM	#21
Glamfoxx Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,394	If it makes you feel better, any time I spend more than about 200 bucks I break out into a cold sweat, even at the grocery store! The act of spending money is stressful for some people, but that doesn't mean he is upset about the cost of the gift. Some of us just can't help our physical reaction to handing over cash... it's weird.
Glamfoxx Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,394

Oct 9th, 2009, 02:39 PM	#23
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,888	IDK, money is such a touchy issue for many people. Maybe he won't talk about it because he doesn't want to upset you and he thinks he might if he's honest with you? I also think it's kinda awkward to pick a "gift" while the giver stands by. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'd rather he give me a card and some fancy chocolate, and I can go get my own gift.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Oct 9th, 2009, 03:42 PM	#26
Roo au courant Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,716	^^ My ex gave me an IRON one Christmas as a gift. Needless to say, he's an "ex"
	__________________ When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. --Willie Nelson

Oct 9th, 2009, 04:54 PM	#27
Gimmethebag Gimme Gimme Gimme Joined: Dec 2008 Location: STL-Nashville-Chicago Posts: 1,109	Wow! I'm a lucky girl... my SO will try to think of something I've mentioned or will seek out some designer I haven't heard of... He went through a phase where he only wanted to give me "experiences", like tickets or a trip. After a couple of years, he's realized what a PITA it is to plan everything so now he's back on the purse/jewelry bandwagon.
	__________________ Add Bubbles To Taste Follow me.

Oct 9th, 2009, 06:02 PM	#28
JNH14 Midlife...no crisis! Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Somewhere South... Posts: 2,429	Mine has figured out that I buy what I want-so he always gets me gift certificates to my nail salon and hair salon. It works out perfectly for me!
	__________________ "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out". John Wooden

Oct 9th, 2009, 09:18 PM	#29
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,383	at what price level does he begin to "flinch"? I would use that as a barometer and go for things below that price point. He's probably hoping you will pick up on that. You don't have to tell him anything.
	__________________

Oct 9th, 2009, 09:28 PM	#30
ilvoelv Has to stop shopping Joined: Jun 2008 Location: In designer heaven.. Posts: 745	Just tell him to get you a gift card :)

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