[Lanier]

I need someone feedback -- please tell me if I am being too sensitive or if I have a right to feel hurt.

My best friend and I have never had any problems or any fights in the 5+ years we've been friends. We don't hang out or talk every day, but we do usually call each other at least once a week to catch up or make plans to spent time together. But for the past 3 weeks to a month, I feel like she has been ignoring me or brushing me off. I've been calling her at least once a week, and texting a couple of times too, just to see how she has been doing. We talked for a minute 3 weeks ago because I had called to find out how her weekend was ... and that's pretty much it. She hadn't called me or texted me in the past 3 weeks - it's been me making all of the effort.

I always call her on Father's Day because her dad passed away a few years ago & I like to let her know that I am thinking about her. Well, I called her on Father's Day this year as normal - she didn't answer so I left a message just to let her know I knew it wasn't the best day for her and she was in my thoughts. I also invited her over to hang out at my house (we live literally 5 minutes away from each other - she lives with her boyfriend and I have my own place) if she felt like getting out of the house. Plus I hadn't seen her in awhile and missed her! I never heard back from her, so I sent her a quick text before I went to bed, just to see if she had gotten my message. She texted me back, saying she had gotten my message and was sorry she didn't call back but wasn't feeling good. She suffers from Crone's Disease & gets really bad migraines, so when she says she doesn't feel good, I know she is serious! I sent a text back letting her know I DEFINITELY understood and for her to call me back whenever she felt up to it.

Well, a week and a half goes by ... and I never hear back from her. At this point, I am getting kind of worried that she might be in the hospital, or something else bad had happened. I even thought about calling her boyfriend, just to make sure everything was okay. My boyfriend (who knows the situation) said that she was definitely acting funny, and that I should just wait until she calls me back -- that I had already made enough effort to get in touch with her. But I decided to text her anyways, so I sent her a text last night that pretty much said "Hey! :) Long time, no talk ... I miss ya! I hope everything is okay!!"

So she FINALLY calls me back today! I am so glad to hear that everything is okay. I also hear that she got into nursing school, went to orientation already, and went on a 20 hour car trip with one of our other friends.

Is it wrong of me to feel hurt that she had time to go on a 20 hour trip - but couldn't pick up the phone for a minute and call me for the past month? Or that I didnt hear about her nursing school acceptance until just now? She did mention that she was sorry we haven't talked in awhile, and she didn't want me to think that she was mad at me. I don't think she is mad at me ... but is wrong of me to be a little upset at this point?

I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch or dinner tomorrow and catch up on everything ... if/when we meet up, do you think it would be weird of me to bring up that I am a little hurt?

[moi et mes sacs]

Sorry you feel like this. It does hurt. Maybe she left it too long to call and then felt bad for that and kept delaying it. Or maybe she has another problem at home or work and she doesnt want to discuss it. Hopefully you will meet up for dinner and sort it. Try not to judge the situation.
I recently didn t talk to my friend for a while and after 2 weeks I began to worry that i had offended her or something. So I called and she ws working so she said go read email. So i legged it to my computer and she told me she had cancer. Shocking. She couldnt tell me. I am very upset and no way would I have imagined that was why she had been so quiet.

[Lanier]

Originally Posted by moi et mes sacs

Sorry you feel like this. It does hurt. Maybe she left it too long to call and then felt bad for that and kept delaying it. Or maybe she has another problem at home or work and she doesnt want to discuss it. Hopefully you will meet up for dinner and sort it. Try not to judge the situation.
I recently didn t talk to my friend for a while and after 2 weeks I began to worry that i had offended her or something. So I called and she ws working so she said go read email. So i legged it to my computer and she told me she had cancer. Shocking. She couldnt tell me. I am very upset and no way would I have imagined that was why she had been so quiet.

*hugs* Thank you for sharing your story and your advice.

[coachariffic]

This exact thing happened to me a couple of years ago.

I would try to hang out with my friend and call her and keep in touch but she wouldn't return calls or emails for days or weeks and after a year of this I just got fed up with it. She would email me about parties or football games she went to. She called me once from a her trip to the Grand Canyon and I was pissed!

I probably handled it wrong so I'm not go with the advice but trust me I know how you feel and it totally sucks. I would agree with your boyfriend, you tried and if she doesn't want to contact you that's on her. I mean it will suck in the end if she doesn't call.

And you are not wrong for feeling hurt!!! I did too!

[lovinalotofbags]

You sound like such a good friend. If you guys are good friends and live 5 minutes from each other, I do not see why she did not call you and give you the good news. I live almost an hour from my friends but they know what is going on in my life. We text about once every 2 weeks. If she valued your friendship, she would keep in contact with you. Good friends are hard to come by. Oh well, give her some space and see what she does, then you will have your answer.

[Batel]

I can see why you're upset but just from my personal experience (i get sick to the point i can't get up for weeks and just calling someone is really too much for me) if she was not feeling well, the 20 hour drive might have been all she could do, it might have taken everything she could do to get herself up there and back. It might have taken a while for her to recover after the trip too.

I value all my friends but sometimes I just don't have the energy to call people, just talking is too much, i can't even talk to the people I live with (not that I don't want to or that I don't love them). You should definitely tell her how you feel though, let her have a chance to explain =) do it in a nice way though!

[exotikittenx]

Maybe instead of saying you were upset, you could say something like, "Is everything okay? We didn't talk for so long and that is not like us at all. I am just a little worried and want to make sure everything is okay."

Then see what she says and take it from there.

[Lanier]

Thank you so much for the responses & good advice, I really appreciate them!

Originally Posted by exotikittenx

Maybe instead of saying you were upset, you could say something like, "Is everything okay? We didn't talk for so long and that is not like us at all. I am just a little worried and want to make sure everything is okay."

Then see what she says and take it from there.

I will definitely approach the subject in that manner I do want her to understand how hurt I am but don't want her to feel as if I am attacking her or being a non-understanding friend.

[GirlFriday]

Originally Posted by exotikittenx

Maybe instead of saying you were upset, you could say something like, "Is everything okay? We didn't talk for so long and that is not like us at all. I am just a little worried and want to make sure everything is okay."

Then see what she says and take it from there.

I agree. I've had friends that I've been connected at the hip with practically and then it drops off for a month or two with hardly any communication. Then it picks back up and we're just as good of friends as we were before. I wouldn't worry for only a month of no communication because people can get really busy. I would approach the subject like exokittenx suggested, and see what happens.

[amber11]

your such a great friend! she is lucky to have you! and although i would feel the exact same way as you i don't know if i would bring it up just because it could easily come off wrong even tho you obviously don't mean it in any other way then sincere... definitely keep her as a friend but maybe look for another friend who treats you as good as you treat them

[maggie7]

I'd definitely try to get to the bottom of this...you have been friends for years..try to have it out with her..is there something she could possibly have taken the wrong way and is stewing about...(sorry, don't want you to worry and analyze any further, but..)

The fact is, sometimes we move on, old friendships don't feel the same anymore and then it's time to let go..if that's the case, it's nothing you can do..if it's something else, I think you should try to find out..I'd ask her straight out if I'd done or sad anything to upset her..Good luck..

[Couture Dreams]

I definitely know how you are feeling right now. I went through this in highschool with my BFF from the 4th grade, sad to say things went south and we havent been friends since.

It just sounds like shes been busy. You know with orientation and getting ready fo school. its really easy for people to fall into a grind and forget to return calls and text messages. I know during the school semester I barely talk to my current BFF. Maybe a call every two weeks, a visit once a month a myspace comment here and there but once school is out we talk on the phone every days and see each other twice a week. i hope you guys can work it out. just let her know what you missed her.

[helium]

I have a story from the other side, although my friend was not nearly as nice or caring as you are.

My best friend from high school vowed for us to be best friends forever after high school. That never happened. Basically, after high school I went to uni and became very engrossed in my study (uni is pretty much my life) and she went to uni too but dropped out after a semester because she hated it. She started to party a lot and go clubbing, which i'm just not interested in. I've been a few times and I just hate it, I don't like it, so that's one thing we would usually do together off the list. Then, she started telling me about her 'best nights ever' which involved the harassment and flashing of taxi drivers, and that was when I decided that we were definitely far too different for us to be friends. Everything she said made me cringe with embarassment for her. Eventually we just started to drift apart and lose contact. Last I heard, she asked someone where I went and why I wasn't talking to her, so I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings. I never heard from her since.

That's the extreme though. She could be busy. I literally disappear from life the weeks leading up to and during exams. I'm so sorry you're going through this, believe me, I wish my friend was like her high school self and I wish she wasn't so immature as to flash taxi drivers (and i'm not suggesting you do at all!), i'm just saying, have your interests drifted and that? If you find that she's just not responding to you at all, you might need to just let go.

[tmc089]

I know exactly how you feel. I used to have friends, but I had to maintain the relationship. Everytime they talked to me, all they would say is "Do you hate me???? Why don't you talk to me anymore????" Now if this friend really isn't making effort, I would bring it up with her. Nicely though, just like exotikittenx explained. It's a perfect and non-threatening way to go about it.

Helium also made a good point, sometimes things just happen and there's nothing we can do about it. My BFF from elementary school and I BARELY talk anymore...like maybe once every 6 months, we've just become different people, and we both understand that. At the same time, if I feel like I can't talk to anyone, I can always go to her and she'll still be there for me even though we barely talk. That's a true friend in my mind, we can just pick up where we left off.

I wish you the best of luck with her, keep us updated!

[IntlSet]

Lainer, you sound like a GREAT friend that anyone would be LUCKY to have. Friendship is definitely a two-way street: effort must be made on both sides.

If this is the first time she's let her side of the friendship lapse while you still exerted an effort, I'd just let it go. Life is so messy and hurried and so much goes on that we don't always cover every aspect of it we should, like keeping up with friends. I have more than once been guilty of that.

If this becomes repeated behavior, then I would speak up. For this lapse in communication is the first time, then I'd go ahead and pick up where my friend and I left off. I wouldn't recommend saying anything during your next lunch.

Best of luck, keep us updated.