Is this the right decision to make?

[msJenna]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year.

And I think I want to break up with him.

And it's been a really rough year but I don't want to get into details.
I don't trust him, and I feel almost as if I have been blinded by him.

What I really need is an outsiders opinion.

My boyfriend will hang out with his friends playing video games until 3am. Then he expects me to drive to his house at 3am.
He has messed up my whole sleeping schedule and I haven't done any of my homework for two months, but this is my fault...I'm not blaming him for that.

If I tell him I refuse to stay up late and come see him, he doesn't care and won't make an effort to see me.

If I do stay the night, then in the morning he will wake me up by talking loudly on the phone with his mother about going to lunch. He has to go to lunch with her everyday.
I ask him not to make his loud phone calls in the morning in bed next to me because it will wake me up and he tells me "too bad" and does it anyways.

Last week I asked him if he wanted to go to breakfast with me the following morning. He said yes.
The next morning while we were laying in bed, he made a phone call to his mother and started asking her to eat with him. She said she was busy and he kept bothering her to. He sat infront of me and made plans with his mom infront of me, when we had plans.

After I got a bit angry at him and I told him it was rude to do that. He said I knew that it was his routine to go and eat with a family member every day and that if one of them was busy then he would eat with me.

He does this constantly.

He won't even walk my dog with me. All he does is sit around and make me watch him play video games and he calls me fat all the time when I am 5'4 and 110 pounds and suffered an eating disorder in the past. He only ever jokingly calls me fat but he does it constantly.

I am scared if I break up with him he will hurt me like he did the last time we broke up. After I broke up with him because he wanted to go on a break with me so he could party with his friends for a week, I saw pictures of him making out with a girl who I know for a fact is a crack addict on facebook.

I have never been so disgusted with a person in my life.

Also two weeks ago we had dinner plans and it was in celebration of my new job. He ditched me for dinner plans and went to dinner with his friend. He told me it wasn't his fault something more exciting came up...

He blew me off the next day as well and I spent the whole weekend crying.

Then when Sunday came around he was supposed to take me to breakfast with him so we could talk. I had work that night...and he knew this.

When I woke up I texted him to find out he was already at family brunch...and he hadn't even told me. All he kept saying was "I'll meet up with u when I'm done" but wouldn't give me a time frame.

I sat around. Then after an hour he said he was leaving.
My friend told me she saw him with his cousin heading in the direction of the mall (which is in another city). I asked him where he was and he said he was stuck in traffic but we would go eat.
At this point it was 4 and I had to leave for work at 4:45 and I hadn't eaten yet because I was waiting for him.

He knew I hadn't eaten and was working until 1 am but he lied to me about being stuck in traffic and went to the mall with his cousin knowing I wouldn't eat because I believed him when he said we'd eat.

He drove me to work that night but drove me just on time and I didn't even eat. I have never been so angry in my life.

His cousin also had plans with a girl tonight and my boyfriend called him "gay" for not ditching her to hang out with him. I explained some people like to follow through on plans as it is the right thing to do, and he just mocked everything I said in a high pitched voice...

He also seems to think that Coca Cola cannot grow mold and cannot contain germs. I explained to him this was false and I asked a family member of mine who is one of the best doctors in the country...and confirmed this. My boyfriend started yelling at me telling me that doctors don't know anything and he was right.

He said my family member didn't know anything and if he was such a good doctor why he didn't manage his money better (which is bs my bf has no idea what he's talking about) and went into some extremely rude rant which was extremely insulting.

He calls me ghetto too and makes fun of me for having a bmw. He says it's a "ghetto" car and POS and made me cry at one point because I thought it was really nice of my dad to get it for me...and he made me feel so bad about not having a brand new $100,000 car. He seems to think he's so much better than me because he is super super rich but I don't think it gives him the opportunity to call me "ghetto" for having a bmw.

He also constantly says nasty things about my dog who quite frankly, I think is much smarter than my boyfriend.

My dog is a chihuahua who was abused and my boyfriend doesn't like him because when he is rough with my dog it scares my dog.

My dog was asleep on my bed and I told my boyfriend not to do anything mean to him and my boyfriend grabbed the sheets and yanked them out from underneath my dog and my dog was so scared and my boyfriend started going off about how my dog was such a pansy.

He's going away to asia in two days for two and a half weeks and I am thinking this is my opportunity to get over him and not have to deal with his facebook photographs with crack addicts.

I'm sorry if this is so long I'm just sitting here crying.

Every time I try to break up with him he tells me he loves me and starts crying and has the ability to convince me how much he loves me and he says the sweetest things sometimes but I just really need some support please.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. I really appreciate it.

[triotrio]

Seriously? He's a pr*ck and you come across in that post like a bit of a doormat.

I'm not mean, but it's just the way that he says vile things, calls you names, is downright horrible whenever he feels like venting, and you just seem to sit there and say "don't say that". And then he laughs and you pout.

You are enabling his behaviour a bit in that you have put up with stuff that a lot of woman would have shown him the door for. So you have taught him that he can get away with all this stuff and all you'll do is whine a bit.

This guy is kinda ruining your self-esteem. You may feel a lot stronger in yourself if you were with a nicer guy - more in control of the relationship. But with this type of guy - who blows hot and cold and is constantly the one in control of what's happening on a day to day basis - you feel like you're the meek one in the relationship. And you're starting to feel too weak to be without him.

Needless to say - he's no prize. He's not a keeper. This is the sort of guy you learn from. You learn what you HATE in a guy! And you move on to your next relationship armed with that knowledge and determined not to put up with the same crap.

Cos that's what he's dealing out to you girlie! CRAP!

Trust me, relationships should never have to be this damn hard. It's meant to be easier than this.

And why do you care that he's making out with some crack ho if you two have broken up? LET HIM! If he's single he can make out with whomever he wants. And if you break up with him this time (which you should), you shouldn't care who he makes out with next. You should just be thinking about who YOU'LL make out with next!

[msJenna]

This is the first relationship he's been in.

I obviously get mad at him sometimes and lecture him but I don't know what else to do? Threaten to leave him?

Just walk away.

He is so sweet sometimes but the things I have posted about are him at his WORST moments. A lot of the time he is sweet but I guess now that I've read everything over I realize how horrible he is.

And I know if we are broken up I shouldn't care who he's hooking up with but it's really hard to be numb to the situation when that crap pops up on a facebook notification.

It's just something you don't really want to see...

But yeah you're right. I guess I should just give him the boot and send him on his way.

I think in the long run I will be a happier person without him.

It's just kind of hard because I'm so used to him and I'm just holding onto something I want to be there when it isn't.

[una]

I read the whole thing. DUMP HIM. If he loved you he would act like it and not just bring out the crocodile tears and sweetness when you (quite rightly) threaten to dump him. Dump him and ignore the tears because no whimpering can make up for the way he treats you. Seriously just reading your post makes me want to give him a good slap. Don't let anyone treat you like that, you're worth so much more and there are guys out there who would treat you so much better. You wouldn't believe how good you can be treated after you've been with a guy like this.

It's hard to get rid of him because you're used to him? What you are used to is a BAD situation, you just don't realise because it's been so long. As for those other girls on facebook you see him getting off with, so what? I'd feel sorry for them.

Dump him.

[triotrio]

I understand that it's hard when it pops up on Facebook - I'm of the long opinion that when you break up with somebody you should block them. I don't think they find out or anything - like I don't think they get an email saying "Jenna has blocked you, douchebag!" He may never realise. But it'll stop his updates coming your way, which may give you some breathing space in the immediate post-break-up period.

One of the real red flags in your relationship is that calling you fat thing. And then being all like "It was only a joke, jeez, lighten up!". Y'know, like YOU'RE the humourless one. Like, if you were cooler, you'd be laughing it off. But you're obviously too lame. I can practically see him rolling his eyes at you from here!

That's just downright cruel. And of course it's never, ever, ever going to stop. That guy will be telling women they're fat till he's old and grey. He thinks it's hilarious. And if you stay with him, that woman will be you. And he'll have you convinced that you're lame and no fun. And fat! At 110 pounds!!!

Quote:

I obviously get mad at him sometimes and lecture him but I don't know what else to do? Threaten to leave him?

Well if you're not really enjoying it (and you're not!) then why wouldn't you leave??

I remember when I was about 17 I met a married woman who had been with her husband since she was 13 and I was fascinated. I said to her "Didn't you ever want to try out anyone else?" and she thought for a moment and said "But I enjoy him. I've always enjoyed him. I enjoy him every time I talk to him!".

That really struck a chord with me. That day I started using that as a template. "Do I enjoy this person all the time?"

I've been with my SO for five years and I can honestly say I've enjoyed every single day. He's not just sweet some of the time, he's sweet ALL of the time. Even when life sucks, when people die, when jobs are lost - he's just a really nice guy every day. And I enjoy him, I really do.

That's what you're looking for missy. Stop wasting your time on people who aren't all that enjoyable.

[dallas]

I have a question. If your best friend was in your situation, what advice would you give to her?


Oh, and I have to add, anyone who would scare a poor wee doggie is SCUM.

[nataliam1976]

Lets see: this guy doesnt give a toss about your feelings or you as a person, offends you verbally, abuses you emotionally, is cruel to animals - YES it is the right decision to make.

I dont care if its his first or one hundred and seventy sixth relationship, the amount of relationships does not a decent person make. Nor do a few good moments that you might have together make up enough for the sh*t he is putting you through to stay.

Just love is never enough to make it work if there is no care or respect. Your boyfriend does not care about you or respect you. The sooner you get rid of that jerk, the better.

[nataliam1976]

I think Im gonna make a template, i feel like I typed the words above tens of times here!

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by dallas

Oh, and I have to add, anyone who would scare a poor wee doggie is SCUM.

True dat!

[msJenna]

If my best friend was in this situation I'd steal her and take her far far away from this BS.
And yes he is so mean to my dog. He always calls him fat and ugly.

I happen to think my dog is maybe a bit on the larger side but very handsome.



:(

I'm going to break up with him tonight.

[nataliam1976]

Just look at this beautiful sweet face! my baby looks exactly the same including the bat ears except for she is black


Break up with that loser, hun, and start fresh. Neither you nor the doggie deserve to be around such a waste of space your bf is.

Dont listen to his crying and sweet words, he knows how to manipulate you and he puts on a show to keep you with him. Words dont mean anything, its the actions that count.

We are here for you anytime if you need to vent or get some support..take care of yourself, girlie!

[dallas]

Your doggie is adorable, it's your boyfiend who is ugly.

[msJenna]

Awww!
Thanks ladies!
I want to see the picture of your dog. I want a black one too!

I should buy another dog to replace the boyfriend.
They are better cuddlers anyways :)

[msJenna]

I completely forgot to mention that I went off my birth control because it was making me feel sick. And he hates using condoms, and I explained to him that I didn't want to get pregnant and he told me if I did, just to have an abortion.

I was like excuse me?
I should do that to my body because you want to have sex?

Use your hand you idiot don't bring your ding dong anywhere near me.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by msJenna

Awww! Thanks ladies! I want to see the picture of your dog. I want a black one too! I should buy another dog to replace the boyfriend. They are better cuddlers anyways :)

So true!!!!

here is my pumpkin:-) she is a little bit rounder these days, lazy bugger