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alliemia · Jul 1st, 2009, 07:27 PM

personally i wouldn't even want gifts from someone who acts like this man acts. i'd hand back the bags..thanks but no thanks.

i think the reason it's so upsetting to many on here, is that it is just a very predictable situation. you defend all his jerky behaviors and are willing to wait for him to change.

someone that loves you would treat you lovingly. they wouldn't need to change. so saying 'IF he loves me he'll change', well really, if he loved you he wouldn't treat you poorly. so i think you already have your answer.

cosmogrl5 · Jul 1st, 2009, 07:45 PM

Just in case, I am going to assume that the OP was being honest. In which case, I just feel the need to offer some pearls of wisdom I have based on a similar situation.

Like you, OP, I was once in a relationship that was unhealthy. I dated this guy from the age of 19 to 25. Despite constant verbal abuse and neglect, I stood by him. When I'd voice my unhappiness, he would tell me to go on Oprah. When he would get angry with me, he would not talk to me for weeks on end. It made me terrified to voice my feelings. I lived in CT solely to be near him when in reality, I wanted to move to NC to be near my family. When I'd ask to spend time with him, he would tell me to make some friends. He never once told me that he loved me in all 6 years of our "relationship" because according to him, he did not say those words in his family. At the end of our relationship, I weighed 90 pounds at 5'4 and was in therapy. The therapy made me realize that I deserved better. Even though my family and friends had told me so all along (even HIS family told me that!), I needed to feel secure with myself.

So...one day he pushed my last button and I broke up with him, quit my very good job, and terminated the lease on my apartment. Two weeks later, I moved down to NC. He begged for me back and finally claimed that he loved me and cried and cried and cried. He pulled every trick in the book to get me to stay. He even threatened suicide, but I stood strong. Although I took him back many times in the past, I finally did something for myself and refused to go back.

I can honestly tell you that it was the best decision I ever made. I am now in a relationship that is full of nothing but love and friendship and happiness. Sometimes it brings me to tears when I think about what I could have missed if I stayed in my past relationship.

Be brave, my dear, and live your life without settling. It may be difficult at first, but in the end, you will be so proud of yourself.

dallas · Jul 1st, 2009, 07:50 PM

Originally Posted by msJenna

I'm not saying everyone is rude. I thanked people for the advice and told the rude people they were being rude. Implying my boyfriend buys me off is rude. And everyone knows finishing a conversation with "I wish you luck...because you're going to need it" is super catty and said almost in a sarcastic manner.

Anyways as I previously said if he can change, good. If he can't he's gone.

Instead of being all offended and calling people rude and catty, why don't you put your energy elsewhere, like being honest with yourself?

You wrote:

"I'm trying to think about things he has done that are nice...
Nothing comes to mind."

Go on, I dare you. Be honest. Why are you really with him?

Ellie Mae · Jul 1st, 2009, 08:15 PM

JENNA... OMG. Reading this as an almost 50-year old mother of 2 daughters, 18 and 21... I just sat here in fear and dismay. Jenna... there is NOTHING happy or healthy about this relationship that you describe.
Not only do I encourage and BEG you to get out of this relationship, I also advise that you MOVE to another city or state and do not tell him where you are going. This is NOT a person who is going to allow you to break up and kindly walk away. His relationship w/ you is all about his CONTROL over you. You need to be AFRAID. And get the hell away from him. Typically men like this are extremely insecure and his control over you and BELITTLEMENT of you (and your dog!) make him feel bigger and better about himself. He does not love you. He is not capable of loving you...OR ANYONE. RUN JENNA... RUN.
And if you truly wish to continue to put yourself in an abusive and dangerous relationship, and decide to stay w/ this jackass... find that poor little dog a new home. And I am not being ugly to you, Jenna... I am dead serious. I am asking you to give the dog a home where there are not people around that he has to be afraid of. He should never have to be afraid of anyone in his home. Nor should you as a loving pet owner allow someone around your dog that is "mean" to him.
Move on, Jen.. this is a BAD, BAD situation.

queenvictoria2 · Jul 1st, 2009, 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

Instead of being all offended and calling people rude and catty, why don't you put your energy elsewhere, like being honest with yourself?

You wrote:

"I'm trying to think about things he has done that are nice...
Nothing comes to mind."

Go on, I dare you. Be honest. Why are you really with him?

Good post dallas. That is what I wondered

Nieners · Jul 1st, 2009, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

Instead of being all offended and calling people rude and catty, why don't you put your energy elsewhere, like being honest with yourself?

You wrote:

"I'm trying to think about things he has done that are nice...
Nothing comes to mind."

Go on, I dare you. Be honest. Why are you really with him?

Nuff said

Miss Socialite · Jul 1st, 2009, 08:56 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

Instead of being all offended and calling people rude and catty, why don't you put your energy elsewhere, like being honest with yourself?

You wrote:

"I'm trying to think about things he has done that are nice...
Nothing comes to mind."

Go on, I dare you. Be honest. Why are you really with him?

Could not have said it better myself! Great post!!

MarneeB · Jul 1st, 2009, 09:00 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

Instead of being all offended and calling people rude and catty, why don't you put your energy elsewhere, like being honest with yourself?

You wrote:

"I'm trying to think about things he has done that are nice...
Nothing comes to mind."

Go on, I dare you. Be honest. Why are you really with him?

I wasn't going to comment anymore, then I read this post. I'd almost like to hear the answer to Dallas' question.

vuittonamour · Jul 1st, 2009, 10:17 PM

wow. it sounded like she might break up with him but this has just turned out to be another excuse thread, another thread with the case of "OP turns around and defends the asshole" -- it's a neverending cycle.

i know because i have been there too, but learned my lesson. he doesn't care about you!!!! as much as it hurts, just face that truth. sometimes it might just be a game to him. i knew someone who once would cheat on girls on purpose just to see if he can get them back. he might not really care if you are his girlfriend or not, he might think he does, but in the end it could just be a game to see if he can get you to come back. and it might bother him that you're not at his beck and call, but that's it. no respect for you. at all.

fieryfashionist · Jul 1st, 2009, 10:40 PM

Aww man, I don't know where to begin. I almost couldn't read past this part:

"I have never been so disgusted with a person in my life."

Based on that one sentence, I can't understand why you are with him. Why, exactly, are you? Based on what you've written, he doesn't have a single redeeming quality. He treats you like his doormat, mentally abuses you, is used to getting his way with everything (as evidenced by his family/friend/etc. interactions) and pretends to give a shit when you say you're dumping his ass, because his ego can't stand the idea of someone leaving him. He is the DEFINITION of a loser, plain and simple.

You deserve to be treated with respect, love and dignity. Can you honestly say that is how you are being treated? Do you not think that you deserve to be treated that way? You do and you should realize it now. You're only 20 and from what I've seen in the CL forum, a gorgeous girl. Why on earth do you need some super rich loser child who has serious issues polluting your life? You don't.

I hope you aren't insulted by my post, but you need to get the hell out of this abusive situation. If you choose to stay, then you are not only accepting his behavior as "normal" but you are also conceding to the fact that you don't deserve to be with someone much better than him. Stop excusing his behavior. Would you excuse a friend who acted that way? I don't think so. This abuse cycle is never going to end unless you end it once and for all, by getting the hell out. It's your life of course, but you should know that you have a choice and can still make (IMHO) the right one - aka cutting this piece of shit guy out of your life for good.

Jeneen · Jul 1st, 2009, 10:46 PM

Every time you think about going back to him, you should read your first post in this thread. All those reasons you wrote should discourage you from giving him another chance.

When I broke up with my ex, I made a long list about the things I didn't like about him or the way he treated me, and anytime I got wistful or wanted to pick up the phone, I read that list... and now I am with a man for 3 years who loves me and forgives me and and treats me with respect. You will have that one day too - you just have to start now...

msJenna · Jul 2nd, 2009, 05:43 AM

I'm not offended don't worry.

Once again I appreciate the support!

kristie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by Ellie Mae

JENNA... OMG. Reading this as an almost 50-year old mother of 2 daughters, 18 and 21... I just sat here in fear and dismay. Jenna... there is NOTHING happy or healthy about this relationship that you describe.
Not only do I encourage and BEG you to get out of this relationship, I also advise that you MOVE to another city or state and do not tell him where you are going. This is NOT a person who is going to allow you to break up and kindly walk away. His relationship w/ you is all about his CONTROL over you. You need to be AFRAID. And get the hell away from him. Typically men like this are extremely insecure and his control over you and BELITTLEMENT of you (and your dog!) make him feel bigger and better about himself. He does not love you. He is not capable of loving you...OR ANYONE. RUN JENNA... RUN.
And if you truly wish to continue to put yourself in an abusive and dangerous relationship, and decide to stay w/ this jackass... find that poor little dog a new home. And I am not being ugly to you, Jenna... I am dead serious. I am asking you to give the dog a home where there are not people around that he has to be afraid of. He should never have to be afraid of anyone in his home. Nor should you as a loving pet owner allow someone around your dog that is "mean" to him.
Move on, Jen.. this is a BAD, BAD situation.

I could not have said this better myself...... +1

ver0nique · Jul 2nd, 2009, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

Instead of being all offended and calling people rude and catty, why don't you put your energy elsewhere, like being honest with yourself?

You wrote:

"I'm trying to think about things he has done that are nice...
Nothing comes to mind."

Go on, I dare you. Be honest. Why are you really with him?

^^ITA.

OP, would you answer Dallas's question? Many of us quoted the post.

ilove6kies · Jul 2nd, 2009, 02:30 PM

That is a year of your life you will never get back.

Ditch him and find another proper human being. You obviously deserveso much better.

Jul 1st, 2009, 07:45 PM	#122
cosmogrl5 Member Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 2,274	Just in case, I am going to assume that the OP was being honest. In which case, I just feel the need to offer some pearls of wisdom I have based on a similar situation. Like you, OP, I was once in a relationship that was unhealthy. I dated this guy from the age of 19 to 25. Despite constant verbal abuse and neglect, I stood by him. When I'd voice my unhappiness, he would tell me to go on Oprah. When he would get angry with me, he would not talk to me for weeks on end. It made me terrified to voice my feelings. I lived in CT solely to be near him when in reality, I wanted to move to NC to be near my family. When I'd ask to spend time with him, he would tell me to make some friends. He never once told me that he loved me in all 6 years of our "relationship" because according to him, he did not say those words in his family. At the end of our relationship, I weighed 90 pounds at 5'4 and was in therapy. The therapy made me realize that I deserved better. Even though my family and friends had told me so all along (even HIS family told me that!), I needed to feel secure with myself. So...one day he pushed my last button and I broke up with him, quit my very good job, and terminated the lease on my apartment. Two weeks later, I moved down to NC. He begged for me back and finally claimed that he loved me and cried and cried and cried. He pulled every trick in the book to get me to stay. He even threatened suicide, but I stood strong. Although I took him back many times in the past, I finally did something for myself and refused to go back. I can honestly tell you that it was the best decision I ever made. I am now in a relationship that is full of nothing but love and friendship and happiness. Sometimes it brings me to tears when I think about what I could have missed if I stayed in my past relationship. Be brave, my dear, and live your life without settling. It may be difficult at first, but in the end, you will be so proud of yourself.
cosmogrl5 Member Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 2,274	__________________ Last edited by cosmogrl5; Jul 1st, 2009 at 07:56 PM.

Jul 1st, 2009, 08:15 PM	#124
Ellie Mae KIABCRS Joined: May 2008 Posts: 8,252	JENNA... OMG. Reading this as an almost 50-year old mother of 2 daughters, 18 and 21... I just sat here in fear and dismay. Jenna... there is NOTHING happy or healthy about this relationship that you describe. Not only do I encourage and BEG you to get out of this relationship, I also advise that you MOVE to another city or state and do not tell him where you are going. This is NOT a person who is going to allow you to break up and kindly walk away. His relationship w/ you is all about his CONTROL over you. You need to be AFRAID. And get the hell away from him. Typically men like this are extremely insecure and his control over you and BELITTLEMENT of you (and your dog!) make him feel bigger and better about himself. He does not love you. He is not capable of loving you...OR ANYONE. RUN JENNA... RUN. And if you truly wish to continue to put yourself in an abusive and dangerous relationship, and decide to stay w/ this jackass... find that poor little dog a new home. And I am not being ugly to you, Jenna... I am dead serious. I am asking you to give the dog a home where there are not people around that he has to be afraid of. He should never have to be afraid of anyone in his home. Nor should you as a loving pet owner allow someone around your dog that is "mean" to him. Move on, Jen.. this is a BAD, BAD situation.
Ellie Mae KIABCRS Joined: May 2008 Posts: 8,252	__________________ *http://scams-n-shams.blogspot.com*

Jul 1st, 2009, 10:17 PM	#129
vuittonamour ooh let me see! Joined: Dec 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 4,934	wow. it sounded like she might break up with him but this has just turned out to be another excuse thread, another thread with the case of "OP turns around and defends the asshole" -- it's a neverending cycle. i know because i have been there too, but learned my lesson. he doesn't care about you!!!! as much as it hurts, just face that truth. sometimes it might just be a game to him. i knew someone who once would cheat on girls on purpose just to see if he can get them back. he might not really care if you are his girlfriend or not, he might think he does, but in the end it could just be a game to see if he can get you to come back. and it might bother him that you're not at his beck and call, but that's it. no respect for you. at all.
	__________________

Jul 1st, 2009, 10:40 PM	#130
fieryfashionist aka Minal :) Joined: Dec 2006 Location: NYC/Poughkeepsie, NY Posts: 9,202	Aww man, I don't know where to begin. I almost couldn't read past this part: "I have never been so disgusted with a person in my life." Based on that one sentence, I can't understand why you are with him. Why, exactly, are you? Based on what you've written, he doesn't have a single redeeming quality. He treats you like his doormat, mentally abuses you, is used to getting his way with everything (as evidenced by his family/friend/etc. interactions) and pretends to give a shit when you say you're dumping his ass, because his ego can't stand the idea of someone leaving him. He is the DEFINITION of a loser, plain and simple. You deserve to be treated with respect, love and dignity. Can you honestly say that is how you are being treated? Do you not think that you deserve to be treated that way? You do and you should realize it now. You're only 20 and from what I've seen in the CL forum, a gorgeous girl. Why on earth do you need some super rich loser child who has serious issues polluting your life? You don't. I hope you aren't insulted by my post, but you need to get the hell out of this abusive situation. If you choose to stay, then you are not only accepting his behavior as "normal" but you are also conceding to the fact that you don't deserve to be with someone much better than him. Stop excusing his behavior. Would you excuse a friend who acted that way? I don't think so. This abuse cycle is never going to end unless you end it once and for all, by getting the hell out. It's your life of course, but you should know that you have a choice and can still make (IMHO) the right one - aka cutting this piece of shit guy out of your life for good.
	__________________ “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” ~Coco Chanel~ Chanel wishlist 1. '10C red caviar Jumbo 2. '10C cobalt blue caviar Jumbo (mine)! 3. '06 Violet Fonce caviar Jumbo! 4. '09A Navy caviar Jumbo with gold h/w (it's here)!! 5. Bronze 2.55 tote - got it! CL wishlist 1. Black patent Bourge boots 2. Black leather new simples/declics Other: Choo Peony boots! YSL black leather Tribtoos Bal 1. Outremer/EB!! 2. Anthra!! Last edited by fieryfashionist; Jul 1st, 2009 at 10:44 PM.

Jul 1st, 2009, 10:46 PM	#131
Jeneen Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: up in the gym workin on my fitness Posts: 2,734	Every time you think about going back to him, you should read your first post in this thread. All those reasons you wrote should discourage you from giving him another chance. When I broke up with my ex, I made a long list about the things I didn't like about him or the way he treated me, and anytime I got wistful or wanted to pick up the phone, I read that list... and now I am with a man for 3 years who loves me and forgives me and and treats me with respect. You will have that one day too - you just have to start now...
	__________________ *Jeneen* Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you. - dbf's fortune cookie

Jul 1st, 2009, 07:27 PM	#121
alliemia love shopping!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: NY Posts: 3,268	personally i wouldn't even want gifts from someone who acts like this man acts. i'd hand back the bags..thanks but no thanks. i think the reason it's so upsetting to many on here, is that it is just a very predictable situation. you defend all his jerky behaviors and are willing to wait for him to change. someone that loves you would treat you lovingly. they wouldn't need to change. so saying 'IF he loves me he'll change', well really, if he loved you he wouldn't treat you poorly. so i think you already have your answer.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 05:43 AM	#132
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	I'm not offended don't worry. Once again I appreciate the support!
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	__________________ I Only Have Eyes For European Cars, European Shoes, And European Handbags

Jul 2nd, 2009, 02:30 PM	#135
ilove6kies LF My Next Chanel!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Toronto Posts: 481	That is a year of your life you will never get back. Ditch him and find another proper human being. You obviously deserveso much better.

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