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dallas · Jun 30th, 2009, 11:37 PM

^ It doesn't make any bloody sense.

msJenna · Jul 1st, 2009, 12:06 AM

Yeah I don't think he even knows how an abortion works honestly.

And okay think this is a joke. I looked for advice and I got it. I've made my decision.

If he can change, fine. If he can't, it's over between us.

I don't know why everyone is getting so mad at me? It's my decision and my decision is that if he wants to treat me how he used to I am not going to be involved with him.

I think that is a good decision.

If you guys just want to pick fights, go argue with someone else because I'm not interested in having to defend myself.

It's really simple. Everyone is saying I should leave him. And unless he changes I am going to.

So what is the problem?

Maybe this is why I didn't want to respond to you guys.

I asked for advice and I got it.
So thanks for those who have given it to me but I really don't need people being rude to me.

It's my life and I feel that I am making the right decision by leaving him if he cannot treat me right.

Thanks

dallas · Jul 1st, 2009, 12:18 AM

Huh? Wait a minute. You start a thread saying you think you want to break up with your BF, and list many things about him that are quite revolting and you say you are "going to break up with him tonight", then you come back and defend him, make excuses for him. We express how we feel, to try to help you And then you call us rude. No one is mad at you, we are concerned.
It's your life, your decision and I wish you good luck ... cos you're going to need it.

_kate_ · Jul 1st, 2009, 01:11 AM

I agree with dallas, the things you have said about him show he is a disgusting person.

I dont understand why you would give him a second chance.

p.s. if he doesnt know how an abortion works he should not be having sex in my opinion, he clearly is not capable of dealing with the consequences and being aware of their impact and importance. also a 19 year old should know this, he must be pretty dim.

msJenna · Jul 1st, 2009, 02:32 AM

Originally Posted by dallas

Huh? Wait a minute. You start a thread saying you think you want to break up with your BF, and list many things about him that are quite revolting and you say you are "going to break up with him tonight", then you come back and defend him, make excuses for him. We express how we feel, to try to help you And then you call us rude. No one is mad at you, we are concerned.
It's your life, your decision and I wish you good luck ... cos you're going to need it.

Yes. I said I thought I wanted to and I said I was going to break up with him.

I know that you are expressing how you feel but I thought the rude comments were A)When someone said I was lying, and B) when someone else made a comment about how I'm staying in a bad relationship for gifts or something which I found very rude.

I made a post saying I think I want to break up with my boyfriend and with advice I decided that unless he changes I am going to.

I asked for advice, I got it. No need to make rude comments towards me.

So in my opinion, problem solved. Why are you saying rude things like

"Wow. I wish you luck. You're going to need it"?

It just sounds so catty to me.

It's not like I came back and said oh I am staying with him and excusing his behavior because of blah blah blah.

I explained why he does the things he does and why he is like that, but I also said that doesn't make anything excusable and he needs to change or he's gone.

coachmommyofmin · Jul 1st, 2009, 02:51 AM

Girl you are in serious trouble with this guy, and you're surpressing it subconciously! How much more rudeness does it take for you to pull the strings? Do you want to wait till he throws your dog on the ground, bruises your face and throws dirt at you? If his mother is more important than you, that should tell you BIG TIME!!! If his video game buddy is more important than you, THAT SHOULD TELL YOU!!! If he thinks you should have an abortion so he can have all he wants- WHY DO YOU TAKE HIS CRAPPP????

Seriously- from reading the past 8 pages all i see is how you defend him after all that he has done. Enough is Enough! Some ladies have given you fabulous advise- once you'll find the guy who treats you right, you'll kick yourself in the head why you stayed with this moron for so long!!!

He's abusing you mentally and you let him. Why do you even care who he makes out with after you break up? Let him be with a crackhead- maybe it's good for him, bkz I think even that crackhead won't take up his *&~!@$%* for long!

Seriously- we all mean it good and are concerned for your safety, no hard feelings, but you need to be tough and make the right decision here! You're better off alone than with someone who behaves this way! Your dog will thank you!

msJenna · Jul 1st, 2009, 03:44 AM

^

I agree.

alliemia · Jul 1st, 2009, 04:02 AM

you need to just end it. no more chances. i'm sorry, but you are just wasting your time. even if he changed and was all of a sudden wonderful, you've been abused. and no one that is able to abuse someone randomly just changes permanently. he'll be nicer to you now to 'win you back' and then it'll start up again.

and really, no one doesn't know that it's rude to randomly cancel plans last minute. who cares what a family member told him on that. any grown adult with half a brain knows that is not acceptable.

not to mention, any guy i ever dated while i was single, would 100% chose spending time with me over playing games with their friends. it was never something i had to wait for them to finish so i could go be with them.

this guy is living like a child, and not even taking responsibility for his actions. it's really sad you are going to keep up with this. as it's just abuse plain and simple.

good luck!

dallas · Jul 1st, 2009, 05:24 AM

Originally Posted by msJenna

Yes. I said I thought I wanted to and I said I was going to break up with him.

I know that you are expressing how you feel but I thought the rude comments were A)When someone said I was lying, and B) when someone else made a comment about how I'm staying in a bad relationship for gifts or something which I found very rude.

I made a post saying I think I want to break up with my boyfriend and with advice I decided that unless he changes I am going to.

I asked for advice, I got it. No need to make rude comments towards me.

So in my opinion, problem solved. Why are you saying rude things like

"Wow. I wish you luck. You're going to need it"?

It just sounds so catty to me.

It's not like I came back and said oh I am staying with him and excusing his behavior because of blah blah blah.

I explained why he does the things he does and why he is like that, but I also said that doesn't make anything excusable and he needs to change or he's gone.

First of all, I did not say "Wow. I wish you luck. You're going to need it" What I said was "It's your life, your decision and I wish you good luck ... cos you're going to need it". If you are going to quote me, quote me correctly. I had no idea that wishing someone luck could be considered rude and catty. And you are going to need it if you decide to stay with your BF, cos I guarantee you, he will not change just because you want him to.
And, at the risk of being labelled rude and catty again, I do wish you good luck.

materialgurl · Jul 1st, 2009, 05:43 AM

OP, I don't think people are mad at you for "giving him another chance" I think maybe people are annoyed.

First off.. in your first post you stated that you "would not go into details" about what your BF has done.. a couple lines later.. you actually gave us quite a detailed list about the things he has done.. how he has mistreated you, and disrespected you. Which by the way is fine with me. Now we know why you want to leave him, and now we are on your side.

Secondly, I didn't read the whole thread, but it seems like you are giving him a second chance.. now I emphasize this, this is YOUR life, so you live it the way you want to. What I am getting from you is... you've burnt myself on the stove top in the past.. it hurts like hell. But you want to touch the stove again in hopes that it won't burn this time. We are all telling you not to do it because it's just not a logical thing to do period. I guess there are just a lot of inconsistencies in your postings.. I think you are confused, and maybe even insecure. And it's not a criticsim, it's an opinion. Good luck with everything.

Jeneen · Jul 1st, 2009, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by alliemia

you need to just end it. no more chances. i'm sorry, but you are just wasting your time. even if he changed and was all of a sudden wonderful, you've been abused. and no one that is able to abuse someone randomly just changes permanently. he'll be nicer to you now to 'win you back' and then it'll start up again.

good luck!

I agree with this bolded point - you are going to give him a chance to change- and he will "change" temporarily because he will be fearing the relationship is over, then he will go back to his old habits. Change takes time. He probably can change down the road - but you don't need to be there to take the abuse while he is in the process. Don't make happiness around him anymore - it's about you now.

I wrote two other longish replies in this thread - please go read them again. Though there are CAPPED phrases (because I wanted you to understand the gravity of his actions), I was being sincere and concerned with everything I said. I know yelling at someone who is going through this situation does not help. You shouldn't have to go through life thinking this kind of relationship is acceptable. Some of the other replies mention better, new guys in your future ... while I agree that there will be, once you learn to only accept kind/loving/honest behavior from a man, I think you should leave this relationship and be guy-less for awhile. Enjoy your freedom from being hurt and build yourself back up.

xoxo -

Nieners · Jul 1st, 2009, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by msJenna

That was rude and uncalled for.

I am being rude? I think you're telling that to the wrong person. You seem to be able to tell everyone on a forum how catty they are and rude, but the person you should say it to is your BF. The ladies here try to help, so do I... But you only seem to get everything negative instead of the good advice people give.

Everytime the boy comes with shoes, bags or false promisses, anything you seem to rethink the whole thing. This came first to mind in the other thread of you in the CL subforum. When people commented on that, I defended you but now is everything falling together like a puzzle.

If you want to live your life that way and play a victim, it's fine with me. I will not lose any sleep over it at all. But I think you know this is not a healthy relationship. The boy knows about your ED and still makes ''jokes'' about it, making you feel like you're nothing to him? I mean, seriously.. what has to be next before you see that this is not good for you?

Good luck with it, because like someone said: you'll need it.
And that is not meant to be catty.

PurseAddict79 · Jul 1st, 2009, 05:41 PM

OP... you keep saying if he loves you he'll change...

Keep in mind (and you may not even realize this because you're SO young...)

1. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE unless they want to... and if he DOES change rest assured it will only be temporary because he did it for you, not himself. And then you're throwing resentment into this lovely relationship

2. He has no reason to change if you're going to stay with him.

Leave the asshat... if he truly loves you and feels he needs to change, he will... and then you can reconsider. but hopefully by then you'll have met someone worthy of your attention and affection and your jackass bf can just learn the hard way that you don't treat people like that.

msJenna · Jul 1st, 2009, 06:40 PM

I'm not saying everyone is rude. I thanked people for the advice and told the rude people they were being rude. Implying my boyfriend buys me off is rude. And everyone knows finishing a conversation with "I wish you luck...because you're going to need it" is super catty and said almost in a sarcastic manner.

Anyways as I previously said if he can change, good. If he can't he's gone.

scarlett_2005 · Jul 1st, 2009, 06:52 PM

OP, I hate to burst your bubble but this guy is NOT going to change. People do not change just because their SO wants them to. They have to want to change. From everything I've read about him in this thread, he will not change. Honestly, why would he? He gets away with treating you like garbage. Things may be good right now but soon he's going to revert back to his assey ways. Jmo...

Jun 30th, 2009, 11:37 PM	#106
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	^ It doesn't make any bloody sense.
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Jul 1st, 2009, 12:06 AM	#107
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	Yeah I don't think he even knows how an abortion works honestly. And okay think this is a joke. I looked for advice and I got it. I've made my decision. If he can change, fine. If he can't, it's over between us. I don't know why everyone is getting so mad at me? It's my decision and my decision is that if he wants to treat me how he used to I am not going to be involved with him. I think that is a good decision. If you guys just want to pick fights, go argue with someone else because I'm not interested in having to defend myself. It's really simple. Everyone is saying I should leave him. And unless he changes I am going to. So what is the problem? Maybe this is why I didn't want to respond to you guys. I asked for advice and I got it. So thanks for those who have given it to me but I really don't need people being rude to me. It's my life and I feel that I am making the right decision by leaving him if he cannot treat me right. Thanks
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	__________________ I Only Have Eyes For European Cars, European Shoes, And European Handbags Last edited by msJenna; Jul 1st, 2009 at 12:09 AM.

Jul 1st, 2009, 12:18 AM	#108
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	Huh? Wait a minute. You start a thread saying you think you want to break up with your BF, and list many things about him that are quite revolting and you say you are "going to break up with him tonight", then you come back and defend him, make excuses for him. We express how we feel, to try to help you And then you call us rude. No one is mad at you, we are concerned. It's your life, your decision and I wish you good luck ... cos you're going to need it.
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Jul 1st, 2009, 02:51 AM	#111
coachmommyofmin Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 2,315	Girl you are in serious trouble with this guy, and you're surpressing it subconciously! How much more rudeness does it take for you to pull the strings? Do you want to wait till he throws your dog on the ground, bruises your face and throws dirt at you? If his mother is more important than you, that should tell you BIG TIME!!! If his video game buddy is more important than you, THAT SHOULD TELL YOU!!! If he thinks you should have an abortion so he can have all he wants- WHY DO YOU TAKE HIS CRAPPP???? Seriously- from reading the past 8 pages all i see is how you defend him after all that he has done. Enough is Enough! Some ladies have given you fabulous advise- once you'll find the guy who treats you right, you'll kick yourself in the head why you stayed with this moron for so long!!! He's abusing you mentally and you let him. Why do you even care who he makes out with after you break up? Let him be with a crackhead- maybe it's good for him, bkz I think even that crackhead won't take up his &~!@$% for long! Seriously- we all mean it good and are concerned for your safety, no hard feelings, but you need to be tough and make the right decision here! You're better off alone than with someone who behaves this way! Your dog will thank you!
coachmommyofmin Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 2,315

Jul 1st, 2009, 03:44 AM	#112
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	^ I agree.
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	__________________ I Only Have Eyes For European Cars, European Shoes, And European Handbags

Jul 1st, 2009, 01:11 AM	#109
_kate_ Member Joined: Oct 2008 Location: Melbourne Posts: 286	I agree with dallas, the things you have said about him show he is a disgusting person. I dont understand why you would give him a second chance. p.s. if he doesnt know how an abortion works he should not be having sex in my opinion, he clearly is not capable of dealing with the consequences and being aware of their impact and importance. also a 19 year old should know this, he must be pretty dim.

Jul 1st, 2009, 04:02 AM	#113
alliemia love shopping!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: NY Posts: 3,268	you need to just end it. no more chances. i'm sorry, but you are just wasting your time. even if he changed and was all of a sudden wonderful, you've been abused. and no one that is able to abuse someone randomly just changes permanently. he'll be nicer to you now to 'win you back' and then it'll start up again. and really, no one doesn't know that it's rude to randomly cancel plans last minute. who cares what a family member told him on that. any grown adult with half a brain knows that is not acceptable. not to mention, any guy i ever dated while i was single, would 100% chose spending time with me over playing games with their friends. it was never something i had to wait for them to finish so i could go be with them. this guy is living like a child, and not even taking responsibility for his actions. it's really sad you are going to keep up with this. as it's just abuse plain and simple. good luck!

Jul 1st, 2009, 05:43 AM	#115
materialgurl in a material world Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 458	OP, I don't think people are mad at you for "giving him another chance" I think maybe people are annoyed. First off.. in your first post you stated that you "would not go into details" about what your BF has done.. a couple lines later.. you actually gave us quite a detailed list about the things he has done.. how he has mistreated you, and disrespected you. Which by the way is fine with me. Now we know why you want to leave him, and now we are on your side. Secondly, I didn't read the whole thread, but it seems like you are giving him a second chance.. now I emphasize this, this is YOUR life, so you live it the way you want to. What I am getting from you is... you've burnt myself on the stove top in the past.. it hurts like hell. But you want to touch the stove again in hopes that it won't burn this time. We are all telling you not to do it because it's just not a logical thing to do period. I guess there are just a lot of inconsistencies in your postings.. I think you are confused, and maybe even insecure. And it's not a criticsim, it's an opinion. Good luck with everything.
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Jul 1st, 2009, 05:41 PM	#118
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,226	OP... you keep saying if he loves you he'll change... Keep in mind (and you may not even realize this because you're SO young...) 1. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE unless they want to... and if he DOES change rest assured it will only be temporary because he did it for you, not himself. And then you're throwing resentment into this lovely relationship 2. He has no reason to change if you're going to stay with him. Leave the asshat... if he truly loves you and feels he needs to change, he will... and then you can reconsider. but hopefully by then you'll have met someone worthy of your attention and affection and your jackass bf can just learn the hard way that you don't treat people like that.

Jul 1st, 2009, 06:40 PM	#119
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	I'm not saying everyone is rude. I thanked people for the advice and told the rude people they were being rude. Implying my boyfriend buys me off is rude. And everyone knows finishing a conversation with "I wish you luck...because you're going to need it" is super catty and said almost in a sarcastic manner. Anyways as I previously said if he can change, good. If he can't he's gone.
msJenna OP Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 737	__________________ I Only Have Eyes For European Cars, European Shoes, And European Handbags

Jul 1st, 2009, 06:52 PM	#120
scarlett_2005 Member Joined: Dec 2005 Location: USA Posts: 8,000	OP, I hate to burst your bubble but this guy is NOT going to change. People do not change just because their SO wants them to. They have to want to change. From everything I've read about him in this thread, he will not change. Honestly, why would he? He gets away with treating you like garbage. Things may be good right now but soon he's going to revert back to his assey ways. Jmo...
	__________________

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