[pattylauren]

I'm so sorry for your loss... Grandparents are special people! We have very unique bonds with them as grandchildren. Maybe the people you have talked to aren't close to their grandparents or haven't lost one as some have said. Or, maybe they just don't know how to deal. This isn't typical and I hope you will find people who cherish loved ones as much as you do

[sarahloveslouis]

The morning after I found out my dad died back in March (I was awakened by a phone call at 2:00AM from my mom), I went to the zoo and shopping with two good girlfriends. I was a little bit like a zombie, but somehow my gut told me to go. I truly appreciate them for still taking me along, but they weren't insistent upon me going, they left it up to me.

I don't regret going at all, it was nice to have the time to take my mind off of it. The initial "shock" stage of grief is important. It allows you to do the unfun things that just have to get done.

I am so sorry to hear about your grandma

On a side note: Family is important to everyone, not just Asian people.

[nooch]

Oh I'm sorry :(

When my dad died (my dad died at 52 years old on New Year's Eve, a reasonably healthy guy, he went into the basement to read a book, had a heart attack, and died, my 12 year old brother went to call him for dinner and found him dead) my MIL told me that it was time to get on with my life THE DAY I GOT BACK FROM NEW YORK FROM THE FUNERAL. My friends pretty much all avoided me.

It's been six months and I am still bursting into tears randomly and spending money like I have a drug problem. If your friends can't be there for you (like other posters said, they've probably never lost anyone who was so central to their worlds like you have), a counselor will be able to help you unpack your grief. You aren't alone <3

[Sez]

I'm so sorry *hug*

Did you tell your friends how you felt? I had a similar thing happen to me when I was younger. My grandpa, who was very special to me, died when I was at college. A good friend came by the next day and tried to get me to go out. When I said I didn't want to go, she told me it wasn't going to do me any good sitting in my room moping, as if I were being unreasonably indulgent. She then went out without me. I was really angry, so I sent her an email to tell her how I felt. She later came round and apologised, and many years later we are still good friends.

Your friends may just have not known what to say at the crucial moment. Tell them how you feel and give them a chance to make things right.

[guccimamma]

perhaps they have never yet experienced a loss in their family, and don't understand the impact. they don't sound hurtful, if you are truly to upset...just decline the offers.

[Little Tiger]

I'm really sorry for your loss

In my experience, a lot of people don't realise how devastating it can be to lose a grandparent - especially in your situation, where you have an ultra close bond.

It seems like some people think the loss of a grandparent is inevitable due to their age (this part is true in part at least, dependant on their age and life expectancy of their environment), and should therefore be an 'easier' loss, if not a relief, as in respite from suffering etc.

However if you're close to your grandparent and (or) in a way they compensate for other family difficulties, then it can be just as difficult as losing a parent. I had a similar thing when my grandma died.

I'm with Sez on this, you could try to explain how you feel to your friends - perhaps they haven't experienced this sort of loss before, or perhaps they haven't got a similar sort of feeling with your grandma. It's very hard, but it's lovely you had such a wonderful relationship with her..I'm wearing my grandma's wedding ring right now, and feel like she's with me.

[SPOILEDkiwi]

I don't think it's that people are insensitive, I think they just don't understand how close you were and that she raised you. A lot of people aren't close with their grandparents so they wouldn't understand being completely devastated if something happened.

[artich0ke]

Last summer my father died, and the day after I found out all I wanted to do was hang out with my best friend and laugh and just kind of get my mind off it. We hung out for a little while and then she said, "I'm sorry, you have to go home, Matt's taking me out on a date tonight."


... Seriously!? Who says that?!

I guess my response to you is, yes, people are that self-absorbed. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't!

My thoughts go out to you and your family -- losing a loved one is never easy, especially if you can't be with your family when you want to!

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by titania029

Maybe your friends are uncomfortable with death.

this is what I thought too. especially if they have not lost a loved one in their lives yet. they have no experience to draw from and are in no hurry to find out what its like. Its called avoidance. Let them be, do your grieving and I'm sure one of your friends will emerge and be the hero. Till then, take care of yourself.

[orinoco]

Originally Posted by artich0ke

Last summer my father died, and the day after I found out all I wanted to do was hang out with my best friend and laugh and just kind of get my mind off it. We hung out for a little while and then she said, "I'm sorry, you have to go home, Matt's taking me out on a date tonight."


... Seriously!? Who says that?!

I guess my response to you is, yes, people are that self-absorbed. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't!

My thoughts go out to you and your family -- losing a loved one is never easy, especially if you can't be with your family when you want to!

cheee-eee...

aawww...

[orinoco]

Guys... thanks so much for your words of encouragement...!!! it really made me feel so much better!!! really, it's times like this when i feel like there're still some good ppl out there, who would take a lil time out of their day just to say a few words to a stranger who really needs it...! thanks so much guys...

i went out and bought a links london charm for my bracelet, to remind me of my granma. it's a lil silver house with a red heart inside, meant to signify "home is where the heart is", because to me, my grandma was what made my house back in msia my home, so that would make her my heart.

[orinoco]

as for my friends... i dunno, i guess like most of u said, they're probably uncomfortable with death. but then again, i'm 22, and those friends of mine are at least a few years older, so i think they should learn by now how to be more tactful, kwim?

i think for now i'll just let this sleeping dog lie, and in the future just not put myself out there too much for them and in turn won't expect that much from them back either...

[Schmodi]

Originally Posted by orinoco

as for my friends... i dunno, i guess like most of u said, they're probably uncomfortable with death. but then again, i'm 22, and those friends of mine are at least a few years older, so i think they should learn by now how to be more tactful, kwim?

I really believe it's circumstantial. I lost my grandparents from age 14-20 but wasn't close to them. Like I said when my friend died in 2005 it was a whole different feeling, experience because we were close. Then when my SO lost his grandfather that he was close to I understood what he was going through and could truly sympathize.