[Lululovebags]

My bf is having some problems at home and it has been going on for a while now. He has recently expresses his intentions to stay with me (gasp!) and even though I'm on the fence about it, I assured him that I will give careful thought about this.

See, I'm currently still crashing in with my dearest dad and it's only the 2 of us in the house, so having my bf shouldn't be a problem. However, 7 years together with him, I'm guessing there goes my freedom and privacy and space if I do allow him to move in with us.

On one hand, I am really happy that we will be together more but on the other hand, I'm not sure if i'm ready for this..

What do you guys think of the pros and cons in staying together as a couple?

[risingsun]

If you are not 100% sure you are ready to live with your BF, I would wait to make this move. After 7 years together, have you talked about where you both are in this relationship? Better to be sure than having to ask him to move out if/when you discover it's not right for you.

[QueenOfDa702]

If you arent sure, then you probably arent ready. But, if you;ve been together for 7 years already, when will you be ready? That seems like an awful long time to be together and not be living together JMHO!

[oo0ehxtahcee0oo]

I think moving in together is a real slap in the face with reality (good and bad). It will show you the beautiful and the ugly of your partner. BIL and his gf just moved out with his sister and him and his GF are sharing a room. (did I lose you there??) Before when he had lived with the family, she would sleep over and practically live there as well. But now they are in the same room, she's finally forking over some rent money (first time in 3 years she's ever helped with any financial stuff) and she brought all of her junky furniture and a crap load of clothes. BIL said this was going to either break it or make it for them. He's already complaining (and they've only lived together for a week!!) about how she's messy and doesnt clean. How she's lazy and just lies in bed. How she doesnt ever cook and well has no house manners for him and his sister that live there!

But you can see the good in living together too. For instances, when I get home late from work DF already has dinner for me. Which is sweet!! At times he also sometimes has my clothes laid out for me after I come out the shower! And what I really love, is when he takes out the trash and does the dishes even if it's all my crap! I see all these little things that he does for me that I really appreciate.

Seriously, living together you cannot hide anything. I do not know how serious you two are so I cannot say a whole lot. But for me, at the stage I am personally in my life, if I cannot live with you I do not want to waste my time being with you so if moving in makes it or breaks it for me, so be it! I don't want to waste my time! But many others are different. They are not looking for serious relationships and feel maybe a move in together is too serious and they prefer not to have it so they can just enjoy their casual relationship. My friend is like that, she does not want anything too serious so refuses to move in with her BF.

DF and I bounce from his family's house and my family's house. We used to stay together, but family issues came up and this was the situation that came from it and I had to be there for my family and he had to be there for his. But it works for us. It's like a traveling house for us. Haha. We sleep 4 days at one house, and 3 days at another. We have two of everything!! Which when we move again ourselves, we can use as a guest bedroom! I love living with him and being by his side at every moment. He completes me so even though it's a pain in the butt at times to not just have a place to ourselves, at the moment with our circumstances I wouldn't have it any other way! But I'm thrilled for us to finally buy our house next year!!

[Lululovebags]

Originally Posted by risingsun

If you are not 100% sure you are ready to live with your BF, I would wait to make this move. After 7 years together, have you talked about where you both are in this relationship? Better to be sure than having to ask him to move out if/when you discover it's not right for you.

we had that kinda talk a few times now, but nothing serious yet because we wanna sorta of like move up with our career before officially settling down.. i love him and all but staying together is a totally different ball game altogether, so yeah, it's best to really weigh the negatives and positives before taking the plunge!

[Lululovebags]

Originally Posted by QueenOfDa702

If you arent sure, then you probably arent ready. But, if you;ve been together for 7 years already, when will you be ready? That seems like an awful long time to be together and not be living together JMHO!

awww shucks!! *guilty*
procrastinating is bad eh?

[Lululovebags]

Originally Posted by oo0ehxtahcee0oo

I think moving in together is a real slap in the face with reality (good and bad). It will show you the beautiful and the ugly of your partner. BIL and his gf just moved out with his sister and him and his GF are sharing a room. (did I lose you there??) Before when he had lived with the family, she would sleep over and practically live there as well. But now they are in the same room, she's finally forking over some rent money (first time in 3 years she's ever helped with any financial stuff) and she brought all of her junky furniture and a crap load of clothes. BIL said this was going to either break it or make it for them. He's already complaining (and they've only lived together for a week!!) about how she's messy and doesnt clean. How she's lazy and just lies in bed. How she doesnt ever cook and well has no house manners for him and his sister that live there!

But you can see the good in living together too. For instances, when I get home late from work DF already has dinner for me. Which is sweet!! At times he also sometimes has my clothes laid out for me after I come out the shower! And what I really love, is when he takes out the trash and does the dishes even if it's all my crap! I see all these little things that he does for me that I really appreciate.

Seriously, living together you cannot hide anything. I do not know how serious you two are so I cannot say a whole lot. But for me, at the stage I am personally in my life, if I cannot live with you I do not want to waste my time being with you so if moving in makes it or breaks it for me, so be it! I don't want to waste my time! But many others are different. They are not looking for serious relationships and feel maybe a move in together is too serious and they prefer not to have it so they can just enjoy their casual relationship. My friend is like that, she does not want anything too serious so refuses to move in with her BF.

DF and I bounce from his family's house and my family's house. We used to stay together, but family issues came up and this was the situation that came from it and I had to be there for my family and he had to be there for his. But it works for us. It's like a traveling house for us. Haha. We sleep 4 days at one house, and 3 days at another. We have two of everything!! Which when we move again ourselves, we can use as a guest bedroom! I love living with him and being by his side at every moment. He completes me so even though it's a pain in the butt at times to not just have a place to ourselves, at the moment with our circumstances I wouldn't have it any other way! But I'm thrilled for us to finally buy our house next year!!

hey..wow, those are some issues that i see myself facing if we were to move in together! the good and the bad...i also think moving in will be the make it or break it kinda thing, and that gives me the jitters!

and as for you, yay for getting a house next year! i wish i could do that but i think not, given the circumstances that we are facing right now..just too much complicated things to think about..yucks, i hate this!

[sailornep5]

I asked a similar question last year for a friend of mine (who ultimately decided not to move in, and a couple months later her bf popped the question...now they are living together as a married couple) and got a lot of pros/cons for TPFers:

Living together before marriage?

BUT...in your situation, it doesn't sound like both of you discussed and decided to do this together as a couple - he's in a stressful situation and wants out, so he wants to move in. That can possibly lead to resentment down the road. You both should decide if this is the best idea for the both of you - just because you've been dating for seven years does not mean you should feel obligated to take him in. Perhaps he needs to make the big decision and move out of his place into his OWN pad. I am leary of people moving in together without knowing how it is to live on your own...because then you may prolong a relationship simply because you don't know how to fend for yourself. That's just my opinion though....but if you do move in, I'd strongly suggest you guys keep your finances completely separate (and make him pay some rent, not be a freeloader!).

[harleyNemma]

^Sailor, very well said.

[shamsi]

Originally Posted by Lululovebags

My bf is having some problems at home and it has been going on for a while now. He has recently expresses his intentions to stay with me (gasp!) and even though I'm on the fence about it, I assured him that I will give careful thought about this.

See, I'm currently still crashing in with my dearest dad and it's only the 2 of us in the house, so having my bf shouldn't be a problem. However, 7 years together with him, I'm guessing there goes my freedom and privacy and space if I do allow him to move in with us.

On one hand, I am really happy that we will be together more but on the other hand, I'm not sure if i'm ready for this..

What do you guys think of the pros and cons in staying together as a couple?

Really? This might just be me & my family, but what reason makes you assume your dad will be totally fine with him moving in with you, you say you're crashing there.

If you want this to be serious, and if after 7years you can't live together (unless you're like 18 & started dating at 11 or have never lived in the same city) I would re-evaluate the whole relationship. IMHO, it seems as though your BF is using you to escape his family, but I don't know you guys so maybe the timing is just a little off and he is sincere.

Living together is a hard adjustment, and I wasn't ready for it after 2years, but if you are serious about giving it a shot, I think living together for the first time with family, no matter how cool, hip, awesome, whatever you think your dad is, is going to make the transition much more difficult.

[lovinalotofbags]

If after careful consideration, you and your dad decide to let him move in you need to set down some ground rules before he moves in such has utilities, rent, cleaning, etc. Also if things do not work out, that he has such and such time to move out. Since it is your dad's house, have your dad or you (he does not need to know it came from you) type something up and have him sign it.

[VPT]

Originally Posted by Lululovebags

My bf is having some problems at home and it has been going on for a while now. He has recently expresses his intentions to stay with me (gasp!) and even though I'm on the fence about it, I assured him that I will give careful thought about this.

See, I'm currently still crashing in with my dearest dad and it's only the 2 of us in the house, so having my bf shouldn't be a problem.

What? Do you not respect your dad?! Couples move in for a reason, certainly not when one party has a problem with living with his own family he needs to run away, sorry! I'm starting to pity your dad, there will absolutely be no family privacy. You can always change boyfriends but never your blood related dad, so I guess you have to give your dad priority. If your bf wants to move in with you, you should make him propose or marry you.

Like others have put it, living together exposes your shortcomings. You'll see the ugly side of him and he will see yours. Hopefully you will still be together by then.

[compulsivepurse]

Personal question and you don't have to answer it. How old are you?

Honestly, if you're over 25 and you've been together 7 years it's either time to be serious or to break up. If you're not ready after 7 years, you probably never will be, and it's nice to let him go now than to break his heart as more years go by.

[Couture Dreams]

Things really do change when you begin living together. Like everyones saying. Theres really nothing you can hide. And Im not talking about big things like another lover or anything, but little things.

I know when my boyfriend moved in with me, it was really rocky for like the first 6 months. He hates how much time I spend on my laptop and the internet, he hated how much time I spend on the phone with friends, or that I slept late. All the little things became REALLY HUGE things.. It was really bad for a while. But everything has gotten much better.

But like if you are already not 100% sure then you should definitely think about it carefully. Will it just be temporary or will this be a permanent thing? You should also talk to your dad about it. I mean even if you decided that you do want your boyfriend to stay with you, what if your dad isnt ok with it? at the end of the day you arent the final decision cause its your dads place, not really yours.

[Lululovebags]

Originally Posted by sailornep5

I asked a similar question last year for a friend of mine (who ultimately decided not to move in, and a couple months later her bf popped the question...now they are living together as a married couple) and got a lot of pros/cons for TPFers:

Living together before marriage?

BUT...in your situation, it doesn't sound like both of you discussed and decided to do this together as a couple - he's in a stressful situation and wants out, so he wants to move in. That can possibly lead to resentment down the road. You both should decide if this is the best idea for the both of you - just because you've been dating for seven years does not mean you should feel obligated to take him in. Perhaps he needs to make the big decision and move out of his place into his OWN pad. I am leary of people moving in together without knowing how it is to live on your own...because then you may prolong a relationship simply because you don't know how to fend for yourself. That's just my opinion though....but if you do move in, I'd strongly suggest you guys keep your finances completely separate (and make him pay some rent, not be a freeloader!).

i agree there is a lot of discussion to be done about this and i'm not about to do something that I might hate later on.. and yes, if he does move in, he gotta pay for something at least! thanks for the link, btw..