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Little Tiger · Mar 31st, 2009, 04:25 PM

I have a 'relatitively' new friend, I met her in 2001 for the first time, she's amazing, but find her very difficult to deal with.

She says she is on medication and frequently cancels on meets, how can I try to understand and help her better? Thanks!

domlee · Mar 31st, 2009, 04:50 PM

www.depressionforums.org is a wonderful resource.
Main focus of that site is depression, however, there is a bipolar disorder section.

Both are related, however, you treat bipolar disorder differently than you do depression.

It is great that you are wanting to help your friend, or at least, have a better understanding of how it affects her. It is pretty fascinating in some ways...when you learn more, and you start spotting the very things you read about.

domlee · Mar 31st, 2009, 04:55 PM

I took the extra step of posting these links for you.

Bipolar Disorder sub-forum
http://www.depressionforums.org/foru...order-f31.html

Basic Bipolar Disorder info link
http://www.depressionforums.org/categories/Bipolar/

Lots of stuff for you to read and understand.

boxermom · Mar 31st, 2009, 05:02 PM

I have a relative who is bi-polar and she is difficult to maintain a relationship with. It's hard work, even knowing she can't help the mood swings and weeks and weeks of no contact, then she's overly affectionate and close. she's under a doctor's care but it's tough to treat.

Learn as much as you can and realize that when things are rough, most likely it's nothing you have said or done; it's the other person's disease acting out.

lmkhlh2006 · Mar 31st, 2009, 05:38 PM

My best friend was diagnosed as Bi-polar at the age of 13 and I had watched him struggle with this disease for many years. He took his own life last week as the bullies in his head were to much for him to take anymore (this is something that one of his sisters said yesterday). The funeral was yesterday and was the hardest thing that I have ever had to sit through. He had 6 brothers and sisters and all of them spoke, as did his parents and they were the most moving speeches I have ever heard. So while I know how difficult it is to deal with someone who has this disease I also know how loving and kind hearted he was. I couldn't imagine not having him in my life and while there would be months on end that he wouldn't speak to me (or anyone else) once he came back to us he would again show what an amazing person he was. I agree with boxermom learn as much as you can about it so that you will have a better understanding of what this person is going through.

Little Tiger · Mar 31st, 2009, 05:46 PM

Thank you all (domlee, I will check out the forums, thanks!), my friend cancels on us frequently (or just doesn't let us know when she's not coming as arranged) and it can be quite frustrating, as well as worrying if we're wondering where she is - I don't want to have a go at her but would like to try to understand where she's coming from.

Thanks! :-)

shanam · Mar 31st, 2009, 06:23 PM

I have a very good friend who is bi-polar. She was diagnosed over 12 years ago. It was and still can be very difficult for her.
Finding the right combination of meds is crucial and in the beginning the meds made her feel so "dull" and depressed. She is still in therapy and on meds and if things get too stressed for her I can immediately see the change. A few months ago it was too much for her and she came over and talked and I really insisted that she call her dr. and see if her meds needed to be changed. They did and she evened out.
This is a very difficult condition to live with. Please try to understand that she really can't control the ups and downs and what she needs from you is understanding. My friend hated the way the meds made her feel until the right combination was determined. I remember in the beginning she was visiting and she just kept saying "when am I ever going to feel like myself again" It was very sad but she put the work in and is a much happier person now.

domlee · Mar 31st, 2009, 06:47 PM

One of my friends is bipolar. Unsure if Type 1 or Type 2. But the basic withdrawal type symptoms come and go (as you described, they can't bring themselves to show up as they promised). She told me about her past mania episodes, and her past mistakes.

It takes a special loved one that has near god-like patience and understanding to deal w/ someone that struggles w/ mental illnesses.

LSnyder · Mar 31st, 2009, 07:02 PM

One of my co-workers is bi-polar and it affects her tremendously. I know her mood swings are not her fault, but it is very difficult for me to help her out as we are both managers in the same company. Her recent meds make her tired and slow, like she doesn't want to be a work, I know it is not her fault and she is confortable enough with me to tell me what is bugging her. I just try to keep her spirits up because she has no family around here.

Bella · Mar 31st, 2009, 07:43 PM

Originally Posted by lmkhlh2006

My best friend was diagnosed as Bi-polar at the age of 13 and I had watched him struggle with this disease for many years. He took his own life last week as the bullies in his head were to much for him to take anymore (this is something that one of his sisters said yesterday). The funeral was yesterday and was the hardest thing that I have ever had to sit through. He had 6 brothers and sisters and all of them spoke, as did his parents and they were the most moving speeches I have ever heard. So while I know how difficult it is to deal with someone who has this disease I also know how loving and kind hearted he was. I couldn't imagine not having him in my life and while there would be months on end that he wouldn't speak to me (or anyone else) once he came back to us he would again show what an amazing person he was. I agree with boxermom learn as much as you can about it so that you will have a better understanding of what this person is going through.

I appreciate you saying what you said above. I wish more people felt this way or could see it this way. People that suffer with depression or mental illness are struggling. Every day is a new day and I just want to put out there that most don't want to feel the way they do and if someone is withdrawn because they are deeply hurting.. it's about them.

I guess what I'm trying to say... if you really care about someone, support them-even if all that means is that you're there when they are.

lmkhlh2006.. I am sorry for the loss of your dear friend. It breaks my heart to know he felt no other option. I do hope you find comfort knowing he is now at peace. May you always keep your memories close.

plumaplomb · Mar 31st, 2009, 10:34 PM

There are so many loving people on this forum. I have a personal issue with bipolar disorder and I am so glad to see that a "random" sampling of people out there are so understanding or open to understanding. Thank you for showing me yet again all the good that is in people.

Jill · Mar 31st, 2009, 10:54 PM

I have someone close to me ......who is bipolar but never stays on meds..so its VERY difficult to tolerate her SWINGS when she wont control them.Its a VERY diificult thing to have,Ive seen some VERY scary behavior from her but I still back her up when she falls,..again and again.u need alot of patience when they r having issues.

lmkhlh2006 · Apr 1st, 2009, 12:33 AM

Originally Posted by Bella

I appreciate you saying what you said above. I wish more people felt this way or could see it this way. People that suffer with depression or mental illness are struggling. Every day is a new day and I just want to put out there that most don't want to feel the way they do and if someone is withdrawn because they are deeply hurting.. it's about them.

I guess what I'm trying to say... if you really care about someone, support them-even if all that means is that you're there when they are.

lmkhlh2006.. I am sorry for the loss of your dear friend. It breaks my heart to know he felt no other option. I do hope you find comfort knowing he is now at peace. May you always keep your memories close.

Thank you for the kind words. I agree with you that most people don't understand that someone who is diagnosed with clinical depression, bi-polar or any other mental illness doesn't want to feel the way they do. I think that one of the problems is that people so often throw the word depressed around that we become desensitized to it and forget that the ones who are diagnosed truly can't help what is going on in their head. My friend had been on so many different medications over the years and took them faithfully but it clearly wasn't enough. When his sister spoke at his funeral yesterday she summed it up well when she said, "He was fighting the bullies in his head and couldn't do it anymore".

Little Tiger · Apr 1st, 2009, 12:40 AM

Originally Posted by plumaplomb

There are so many loving people on this forum. I have a personal issue with bipolar disorder and I am so glad to see that a "random" sampling of people out there are so understanding or open to understanding. Thank you for showing me yet again all the good that is in people.

It is a nice forum, I'm glad you feel that way!

I need to learn more about it as I don't see my friend's 'downside' apart from the cancelling/not showing up when we've arranged to meet, and was wondering if that was a symptom of being bipolar.

lmkhlh2006, really sorry to hear about your friend

Rhose · Apr 1st, 2009, 01:28 AM

Research all you can about the illness and just be there for her. But remember that you can't change her and you can't fix her. You can read all you want but she knows that you can't know what it's like to be inside her head, so... yeah, just be there for her. You have to be able to care about her, yet detach yourself from her actions. Let certain things go. Not showing up to meets are one of those minor things you should try to let go. This is for your own good as well as hers. Bi-polar people can put their loved ones through far, far worse...

If you find her too much to deal with sometimes then take a breather from her. There's nothing wrong with that - you're only human. Sure it takes supreme patience and virtue to deal with a bi-polar person, but what if you're not supremely patient? Do you just abandon them? Of course not. People do the best job they can. Bi-polar people are sick but they don't stop being human - they can discern and appreciate when someone is there for them out of love. Even if they can't express (or even recognise) that appreciation all of the time.

It's really, really nice that you want to understand her rather than ditch her without trying.

Mar 31st, 2009, 04:25 PM	#1
Little Tiger OP Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 208	Is anyone bi-polar? I have a 'relatitively' new friend, I met her in 2001 for the first time, she's amazing, but find her very difficult to deal with. She says she is on medication and frequently cancels on meets, how can I try to understand and help her better? Thanks!
Little Tiger OP Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 208

Mar 31st, 2009, 05:38 PM	#5
lmkhlh2006 L.a.m.b. Lover Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,138	My best friend was diagnosed as Bi-polar at the age of 13 and I had watched him struggle with this disease for many years. He took his own life last week as the bullies in his head were to much for him to take anymore (this is something that one of his sisters said yesterday). The funeral was yesterday and was the hardest thing that I have ever had to sit through. He had 6 brothers and sisters and all of them spoke, as did his parents and they were the most moving speeches I have ever heard. So while I know how difficult it is to deal with someone who has this disease I also know how loving and kind hearted he was. I couldn't imagine not having him in my life and while there would be months on end that he wouldn't speak to me (or anyone else) once he came back to us he would again show what an amazing person he was. I agree with boxermom learn as much as you can about it so that you will have a better understanding of what this person is going through.
lmkhlh2006 L.a.m.b. Lover Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,138	__________________ Click to feed an animal today!!! If you don't help them who will?

Mar 31st, 2009, 05:46 PM	#6
Little Tiger OP Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 208	Thank you all (domlee, I will check out the forums, thanks!), my friend cancels on us frequently (or just doesn't let us know when she's not coming as arranged) and it can be quite frustrating, as well as worrying if we're wondering where she is - I don't want to have a go at her but would like to try to understand where she's coming from. Thanks! :-)
Little Tiger OP Member Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 208

Mar 31st, 2009, 06:23 PM	#7
shanam 60 is the new 40 LOL Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Connecticut Posts: 1,568	I have a very good friend who is bi-polar. She was diagnosed over 12 years ago. It was and still can be very difficult for her. Finding the right combination of meds is crucial and in the beginning the meds made her feel so "dull" and depressed. She is still in therapy and on meds and if things get too stressed for her I can immediately see the change. A few months ago it was too much for her and she came over and talked and I really insisted that she call her dr. and see if her meds needed to be changed. They did and she evened out. This is a very difficult condition to live with. Please try to understand that she really can't control the ups and downs and what she needs from you is understanding. My friend hated the way the meds made her feel until the right combination was determined. I remember in the beginning she was visiting and she just kept saying "when am I ever going to feel like myself again" It was very sad but she put the work in and is a much happier person now.
	__________________ MY VERY BEST GIRL SO VERY DEARLY LOVED. FOREVER MISSING YOU 09 jan 09

Mar 31st, 2009, 07:02 PM	#9
LSnyder LMcPherson Joined: Nov 2008 Location: Wichita Posts: 314	One of my co-workers is bi-polar and it affects her tremendously. I know her mood swings are not her fault, but it is very difficult for me to help her out as we are both managers in the same company. Her recent meds make her tired and slow, like she doesn't want to be a work, I know it is not her fault and she is confortable enough with me to tell me what is bugging her. I just try to keep her spirits up because she has no family around here.
	__________________ My Very Adorable Daphnie being a dork

Mar 31st, 2009, 04:50 PM	#2
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 957	www.depressionforums.org is a wonderful resource. Main focus of that site is depression, however, there is a bipolar disorder section. Both are related, however, you treat bipolar disorder differently than you do depression. It is great that you are wanting to help your friend, or at least, have a better understanding of how it affects her. It is pretty fascinating in some ways...when you learn more, and you start spotting the very things you read about.

Mar 31st, 2009, 04:55 PM	#3
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 957	I took the extra step of posting these links for you. Bipolar Disorder sub-forum http://www.depressionforums.org/foru...order-f31.html Basic Bipolar Disorder info link http://www.depressionforums.org/categories/Bipolar/ Lots of stuff for you to read and understand.

Mar 31st, 2009, 05:02 PM	#4
boxermom Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 13,705	I have a relative who is bi-polar and she is difficult to maintain a relationship with. It's hard work, even knowing she can't help the mood swings and weeks and weeks of no contact, then she's overly affectionate and close. she's under a doctor's care but it's tough to treat. Learn as much as you can and realize that when things are rough, most likely it's nothing you have said or done; it's the other person's disease acting out.

Mar 31st, 2009, 06:47 PM	#8
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 957	One of my friends is bipolar. Unsure if Type 1 or Type 2. But the basic withdrawal type symptoms come and go (as you described, they can't bring themselves to show up as they promised). She told me about her past mania episodes, and her past mistakes. It takes a special loved one that has near god-like patience and understanding to deal w/ someone that struggles w/ mental illnesses.

Mar 31st, 2009, 10:34 PM	#11
plumaplomb Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,934	There are so many loving people on this forum. I have a personal issue with bipolar disorder and I am so glad to see that a "random" sampling of people out there are so understanding or open to understanding. Thank you for showing me yet again all the good that is in people.
plumaplomb Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,934	__________________ http://ebayfashionaddict.blogspot.com

Mar 31st, 2009, 10:54 PM	#12
Jill MOD Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 27,944	I have someone close to me ......who is bipolar but never stays on meds..so its VERY difficult to tolerate her SWINGS when she wont control them.Its a VERY diificult thing to have,Ive seen some VERY scary behavior from her but I still back her up when she falls,..again and again.u need alot of patience when they r having issues.
Jill MOD Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 27,944

Apr 1st, 2009, 01:28 AM	#15
Rhose Member Joined: Sep 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 198	Research all you can about the illness and just be there for her. But remember that you can't change her and you can't fix her. You can read all you want but she knows that you can't know what it's like to be inside her head, so... yeah, just be there for her. You have to be able to care about her, yet detach yourself from her actions. Let certain things go. Not showing up to meets are one of those minor things you should try to let go. This is for your own good as well as hers. Bi-polar people can put their loved ones through far, far worse... If you find her too much to deal with sometimes then take a breather from her. There's nothing wrong with that - you're only human. Sure it takes supreme patience and virtue to deal with a bi-polar person, but what if you're not supremely patient? Do you just abandon them? Of course not. People do the best job they can. Bi-polar people are sick but they don't stop being human - they can discern and appreciate when someone is there for them out of love. Even if they can't express (or even recognise) that appreciation all of the time. It's really, really nice that you want to understand her rather than ditch her without trying.

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